‘It Looks Like Postpartum’: Mom Shares What It’s Really Like To Have A Miscarriage

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Allison Kimmey/Instagram

This is Kimmey’s second miscarriage this year

If you’ve experienced a miscarriage before, you know it can feel frightening, lonely, and life-shattering. It’s also not something women talk about as it’s often difficult to share that level of grief with loved ones at the same time you are dealing with the shock of the situation. One woman did just that, offering a glimpse into how it feels and what it looks like to lose a pregnancy.

Allison Kimmey is an author, self-love and lifestyle expert, and mom-of-two who is used to sharing her life with the world. She is doing her part to make those who’ve suffered through a miscarriage know they are not alone.

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This is miscarriage. It still baffles me that this is something 1 in 4 women experience, and yet it’s not something many of us know anything about. Including myself. Let’s add it to the list of things nobody tells you about until after you experience it. Yes, there’s grief and loss and devastation. But it’s also painful and messy. To me, this looks a lot like postpartum. Adult diapers, heating pads, exhaustion, releasing, healing, mourning. Because it is postpartum. And although we don’t get to experience the benefit of having a little one to bring home, our bodies have still done miraculous and very hard things. I know this is a sensitive subject, and that’s why I want to talk about it. I’ll be sharing a very candid retelling of my experience this week, because I want more women to be seen through this process. And I want women to have access to REAL LIFE stories, not just vague medical definitions saying you might be a little uncomfortable and wear a pad. This is natural. It is not your fault. And you don’t need to feel ashamed. I hope this helps someone find comfort that they are not alone. Just do you babes Xoxo Allie

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“This is miscarriage,” Kimmey wrote next to a photo of herself on Instagram. “It still baffles me that this is something 1 in 4 women experience, and yet it’s not something many of us know anything about. Including myself.”

Kimmey goes on to compare a miscarriage to the symptoms of postpartum — because it is very much the same as what your body goes through after having a live birth. “Let’s add it to the list of things nobody tells you about until after you experience it. Yes, there’s grief and loss and devastation,” she said. “But it’s also painful and messy. To me, this looks a lot like postpartum.”

Kimmey continued: “Adult diapers, heating pads, exhaustion, releasing, healing, mourning. Because it is postpartum. And although we don’t get to experience the benefit of having a little one to bring home, our bodies have still done miraculous and very hard things.”

According to the March of Dimes, a miscarriage is defined as a death in the womb before 20 weeks of pregnancy. “It can take a few weeks to a month or more for your body to recover from a miscarriage. It may take longer to recover emotionally,” they said.

Kimmey told her followers she plans to share more details about her experience because she wants “more women to be seen through this process. And I want women to have access to REAL LIFE stories, not just vague medical definitions saying you might be a little uncomfortable and wear a pad,” she wrote.

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It is with a very heavy heart to share with you the devastating and unexpected news we received yesterday. In light of our most recent announcement that we were expecting a new baby, I am deeply saddened to say that after an ultrasound yesterday, we found that the baby had stopped growing and there was no longer a heartbeat. [These videos are immediately after I made it to my car after finding out, and I’ve never felt more vulnerable in my entire life.] We are all experiencing a mixture of immense sadness, confusion, disbelief, anger, embarrassment, while still trying to stand firm on our faith that God has a plan for all of this. We’ve been through no shortage of hardships together, but this is one thing we didn’t see coming, nor were we prepared for the grief that we feel, and the compassion that we have for those who have also gone through this. The miscarriage I experienced in January was so brief that I had only enough time to get a positive and then a negative test. This time, however, after 11 weeks of visualizing a life with this baby in it, I can’t really explain the loss that I feel in this moment. We are at home, loving on each other, and taking time to process what has happened. Physically my body has a lot of work ahead of it to complete the process, and emotionally we will be giving ourselves time to find the gifts of this life, and time to feel the hurts. We appreciate, as always, the outpouring of love and support and to anyone who has been praying for us. Ted and I took a few minutes to talk through our experience and if you’re interested the link is in my profile.

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Kimmey isn’t one to shy away from sharing herself with the world. “At the core of it all is my belief that you must fully accept yourself, flaws and all, if you want to Just Do You. That includes your past trauma, drama and regrets, your body, your personality, your actions, your spirit, your fears, your core desires, your career path and your relationships,” Kimmey wrote on her website.

Kimmey tells Scary Mommy, “Honestly, the only thing I want women to know during their own time of loss is that they are not alone and it is not their fault. I hope by being vulnerable myself that someone else can heal their own wounds.”