Americans Are Having Less Sex, Especially Married Ones


Do you ever wonder how much sex other people are having? More specifically, your married friends because you’re just wondering if you are “normal”? If you have, you aren’t the only one. We are all curious about the subject, even if we don’t admit it. And just because you wonder if you and your partner out-sex Janice and Robbie down the street, it doesn’t mean you are contemplating hosting a swinger-soirée (unless that is what you’re contemplating, and if so, no judgment).

It’s more likely to mean you are wondering if they are as fucking tired as you are, and if they are frolicking around like bunny rabbits, where the hell do they get their energy? Please pass the libido elixir — this mama is worn out.

Sex is important in a marriage and partnership. The less we are having it, the more we wonder if there is something wrong with us or our relationship, and apparently, Americans are having less sex now than they were a few decades ago.

The Archives of Sexual Behavior published a survey based on the sexual habits of Americans between the years of 1989 and 2014. And guess what? We aren’t having as much fun doing the feather-bed jig as our mom and dad did. Nope, turns out Americans these days — especially married ones — aren’t getting it on as much as those of earlier generations.

Sexual frequency has dropped among everyone regardless of gender, race, or religion. And the study revealed there was a drastic decline for married couples especially.

The study stated in 1990, married couples had relations about 73 times a year. In 2014, those numbers slipped down to 55 times a year. No, the end of the world is not coming —people are just tired. Call me crazy, but I would like to point out that we are still finding the time to get it on about once a week, which isn’t too shabby for our overly chaotic (often overscheduled) lives.

Two-income households are more prevalent than they were on the 1980s and ’90s. Women and men work their asses off, keep up with their kids’ busy lives, and are more involved than ever, so if there are times when you prefer binge-watching Netflix instead of playing the horizontal hula, rest assured, you are not alone.

Lying together eating chips on the sofa as you sob while watching This Is Us can be great foreplay that leads to some fun mattress-dancing later in the week.

It’s fine if you don’t have it in you to get busy on the regular, we aren’t machines. (But keep yours handy in case your partner isn’t in the mood, and you need a fix).

While some think these results are sad, I think they fall more in the area of normal. Americans have their reasons for not getting it on as frequently as they used to, and lots of fingers point toward “I am too damn tired.”

We have all been there and had nights where we feel like we should be reconnecting with our partner, but we let each other off the hook because we are mind-numbingly exhausted. We are aware of the madness known as life with kids and are depleted from running around all day like a chicken with its head cut off, so we promise each other we will put more effort in later in the week — or month. You know, whenever.

On the other hand, your lower sex drive might be a good excuse to stop saying “yes” so much in other areas of your life in order to have some energy left over for your partner. Go ahead and use it as an excuse to tell Carol you just can’t bake for the cake sale this month. Don’t be afraid to say no to hosting an over-the-top birthday party for your friend or taking on extra hours at work. What’s important is that you and your partner are happy with how many times the two of you enjoy a good lust and thrust.

No one needs to agree to (or feel pressured for) sex that they are not in the mood for, but maybe we just need to put down our phones, drink a Red Bull, crack the whip (if you’re into that sort of thing), and bring our sexy back?

I mean, it does all sounds pretty enticing — saying “no” to the busy and “yes” to more sex. “Sorry Samantha, I can’t host a party for that new lipstick that lasts through the apocalypse because I need to have SEX with my hot husband tonight!” I think I’ll give it a shot. Soon. Not tonight though. Too tired!