An Apology to My Friends And Family

I’m sorry.

To the man I fell in love with in the days when I had no worries, to my two beautiful darlings who make everything brighter, to my family who keep everything going with their endless support, and to my friends who I’ve been rubbish to for too long: I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for shouting.

I’m sorry for snapping.

I’m sorry for being grumpy.

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I’m sorry for not being much fun these days.

I’m sorry for crying.

I’m sorry for not seeing the brighter side.

I’m sorry for rarely laughing.

Sometimes, after changing that millionth diaper and being up all night worried sick about a child; sometimes, after running out of Tylenol and forgetting a doctor’s appointment; sometimes, after not being able to convince your toddler to eat anything or your baby to stop crying, sometimes, after answering the why question 1700 times in a day while you still have a headache – sometimes it’s hard to see the funny side and it’s hard to see things rationally.

I don’t want to make excuses for all of this. Milin is two, Jasmin is nine months today – I’m probably not even a ‘new mum’ anymore. But I am a mum of two very young children who still has no idea what she is doing. I’m still learning this thing that is motherhood. I’m still navigating the maze of parenting. I’m still getting it really wrong, all the time.

I don’t want to make excuses. But along with my apology, I want you to know that this sleep-deprived, distracted, forgetful, impatient and snappy woman you now see before you isn’t the woman I thought I would be.

I wish I was still that woman who made you smile because she tried to be entertaining. I wish I was still that woman who didn’t care about the consequences – fun came first. I wish I was still that woman who you laughed with like nothing else in the world mattered but your silly joke. I wish I was still that woman who had the confidence to believe in herself and simply accept that everything would work out. I wish I was still that woman who had the energy and patience and creativity to make life more fun.

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Maybe, one day, I’ll find her again.

But right now, she’s lost. She’s lost to the mum who is tired and worried. She is lost to the mum who just wants a break some days. She is lost to the mum who is still messing stuff up when it matters.

Please, bear with me, smile at me, still try to make me laugh. I don’t know if I deserve that, but just stay with me a while.

That other woman will be back.

Related post: Lost in The Parking Lot of Parenting

About the writer

Kiran Chug is a mother of two and freelance writer. She blogs about parenthood and women's issues at Mummy Says and lives in London.

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heather 10 months ago

Be cause we all need to apologize to the ones we love when they are hurting because of our actions. Be understanding and encourage them to talk about how they are feeling. It will heal you all

heather 10 months ago

First I want to say I love your honesty. The key to loving your child faithfully and honestly is being honest with her from day one. Your body is yours your mind is yours your heart is yours and your soul is yours go find it out in this great big world but please don’t forget about what we have taught each other and learned from each otherbecause you will always be in in my heart and on my mind and I will always be with you in spirit wherever you are. I love you

Stacey Autin 10 months ago

Don’t ever apologize for being this way- you will be back!

lej 12 months ago

A simple AMEN to that!! I need to make that a poster and hang it at my dad’s house! :-)

Amanda 12 months ago

Ah Sista it’s easy to beat yourself up. But I know you’re doing a kickarse job of this mummy madness… Know why I know? Coz you wrote this. If you didn’t care it wouldn’t bother you so much. Please let me reassure you- I’ve 4 who are close together at the teen end and the small fry end- some days are diamonds and some days are coal. You go girl, I’m proud of ya and you ARE doing a great job

Lee 1 year ago

Agreed. Never apologize.

Lee 1 year ago

It is a ridiculous American construct that would make someone apologize for being a mother. I hope this writer can find some perspective and, subsequently, some confidence.

Ali 1 year ago

<3 Love this makes me feel not alone? I guess? with a 2 and half year old and 14 month old twins I so am relating

Ed Beeler 1 year ago

Just to balance out this bullshit one sided sexist diatribe posted on “scarymommy.com” … … I just copied their posted text and changed a few things.
———-
I’m sorry.
To the woman I fell in love with in the days when I had no worries, to my three beautiful darlings who make everything brighter, to my family who keep everything going with their endless support, and to my friends, to whom I probably have been less than a good friend, for far too long: I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for shouting.
I’m sorry for snapping.
I’m sorry for being grumpy.
I’m sorry for not being much fun these days.
I’m sorry for not seeing the brighter side.
I’m sorry to worry so much about the future.
I’m sorry for rarely laughing.
Sometimes, after fighting with the electric company about overcharging, fighting with the gas company about actual vs. estimated reading, fighting with the bank about service charges, sitting is traffic for 4 hours a day; sometimes, after working for a week on tax returns and balancing a checkbook for a family, worrying about where our next paycheck will come from in this troubled economy; sometimes, after having to clean up garbage that the raccoons got into, having to take vehicles to the shop when they fall apart, having to move large pieces of equipment with a sore neck back and shoulder, having to secure our home from intruders, worrying about child predators, sweating balls cutting the grass and cutting down trees that might fall on the house, fixing the dryer and the pipes on the laundry tub, filling the water softener, dealing with an insurance company for the dope that just t-boned our car, having to worry about someone stealing one of your good customers with a bag of money, or worrying about your customers going out of business and revenue drying up, trying to figure out a new angle so the kids can go to college somehow, generally working 60 + hours a week to bring home bacon and biscuits; all this bullshit in one day while you still have a headache – sometimes it’s hard to see the funny side and it’s hard to see things rationally.
I don’t want to make excuses for all of this. Like my partner, I’m still learning this thing of parenthood. I’m still navigating the maze of parenting. I guess I’m still getting it wrong, all the time.
I don’t want to make excuses. But along with my apology, I want you to know that this sleep-deprived, distracted, forgetful, physically beat up, impatient, often without a shower, and snappy man you now see before you isn’t the man I thought I would be.
I wish I was still that man who made you smile because he tried to be entertaining. I wish I was still that man who didn’t care about the consequences – fun came first. I wish I was still that man who you laughed with like nothing else in the world mattered but your silly joke. I wish I was still that man who had the confidence to believe in himself and simply accept that everything would work out. I wish I was still that man who had the energy and patience and creativity to make life more fun.
I’m sure, one day, I’ll find him again.
But right now, he’s lost. He’s lost to the dad who is tired and worried. She is lost to the dad who just wants a break some days. He is lost to the dad who is still messing stuff up when it matters.
Please, bear with me, smile at me, still try to make me laugh. I don’t know if I deserve that, but just stay with me a while.
That other man will be back. It would be nice if the partner would agree that both sides work hard to make it work and all are appreciated.

Melissa Amaral O’Meara 1 year ago

Yup.

Noel 1 year ago

Be thankful if your kids and you are not incapacitated in some form or that your not living in Gazza and your family getting bombed and killed. Your worries are small in comparison.

Jo Blackwell 1 year ago

It will get better, I promise. And the people that matter will understand. Be kind to yourself – and remember to breathe! x

jane rivers 1 year ago

this is my worst fear about having children. my life is so deliriously happy with just me and my husband – traveling, volunteer work, etc. – I’m so scared that having children will rob my life of joy and make me into a caregiver zombie…why does society insist upon women that they have children to have self worth?????

Merie 1 year ago

I understand. It’s so tough. I felt just like this all of the time up until about a year ago (and there are still some bad days). My kids are 3 and 5 now. I didn’t realize how depressed I was until I started coming out of it. I wish I had been able to enjoy their younger years more – instead I was “crazy mom” But things have been improving. I pray for The Lord’s peace on you and your family. He really does make a big difference. Hugs :)

Nicole Bieger 1 year ago

Im crying..

tete 1 year ago

Great apologies. I feel exactly The same way..I am pulling myself out of it a little before I end up hating my life but I truly enjoy my kid.. so it is hard to balance it.

Cari Parker 1 year ago

yes, she will

Susie 1 year ago

Oh, dear. Please forgive yourself and know that you are in one of the most difficult seasons in life. It does get easier. I promise. Let non essential things go and focus on what must be done and loving on those babies. Period. Ask for help. Seek wise counsel. Breathe.

Amy 1 year ago

I wish I could give you a great BIG HUG!!! Being a mom is hard but so rewarding! Even when they want to go to the store with noting but superhero undies on!!! Smile God has you in his hands!

Mommy Of All Boys 1 year ago

Thanks for sharing! So many moms go through these same feelings and we think we are bad moms for being grumpy, irritable, etc. It definitely helps to hear someone else knows how you feel.

Katy Oliver 1 year ago

Shes being WAY hard on herself. Um a 2yr old and a 9 mo old???!!!! Yeah hun you poor thing YOURE EXHAUSTED!!!!!!! Don’t apologize to ANYONE! You are AMAZING! Take it easy on yourself! Don’t bully yourself!!! Be KIND TO YOU!!! HUGS

mishelle 1 year ago

Wow! Even though my “BABIES” are young teenagers now. … the worrying doesn’t end. I needed this one. Thank you!

Dana 1 year ago

Thank you for this.

I have three girls 3 & 4 1/2 & 8 1/2 (the oldest has ADHD and APD) and I feel like this constantly. What’s worse is that my husband argues with me and gets mad asking where that woman he knew went. He gets mad when I don’t take career risks like I used to because I want to keep the safety net that I have. He thinks I suck as a parent because I go through the same things as this story and that I should go back to work full time because I do that better.

So Thank You for putting it out there. Thank you for re-assuring me that I am not the only one

Amy 1 year ago

You sound like you need more help than you are getting. Yes, parenthood is full of stress and worry. No, it should not be the way it is being for you. I hope you get help.

Cara Aileen 1 year ago

I am 52 years old. My eldest is 33, my youngest is 11, I have 9 children and 7 Grandchildren with another on the way. I was never again the idealistic young woman I once was. She had wonderful goals and dreams of being a kinder gentler mother who would never yell at her kids or ever be “like my mother” I would venture to say she was even a little arrogant in her absolute determination she would get it right.

There has been a lot of yelling, numerous breakdowns, and untold tantrums since then, not all mine. Now that young women is a bit older none the wiser but I think ore compassionate with a bit more patient, less judgmental. I pretty much got it all wrong except one thing, I love my children with all my heart and made sure they knew it.

We all have some pretty terrible days some of us have more of them than others, there are time in our lives that seem predisposed to more bad days. Here is where I am supposed to say the joys will outweigh the difficulties and it is all worth it in the end, well maybe but not always.

Life just doesn’t deal fairly, you do the best you can, love without reserve, and every day you dust yourself off keep your heart open and hope for a better tomorrow while working to make this day better than the last. Then one day maybe you hear from one of the kids and they say “we knew you weren’t perfect but we always knew you loved us and would fight to the and for us. You kept us together and that is what saved us.” Or something else that lets you know you did at least get that much right. Isn’t love the most important thing we have to give?

Let the idealistic and rather delusional mom go and learn to love the mom that you are. You are growing and learning too. You have too much good going for you now to become her again, the new you is in many ways better. Let yesterday go, accept you own humanity, work on a better day for today and hope for a wonderful future loving your kids with all year heart and making sure they know it.

helen brown 1 year ago

As I read this memories came flooding back. One thing did make me stop though and that is the remark That says “I’m still getting it really wrong, all the time.” and I noticed that many comments agreed. Guess what ladies and particularly mothers, YOU ARE NOT GETTING IT WRONG ALL THE TIME LET ALONE GETTING IT REALLY WRONG. Your children are alive, they know who you are and regardless of their health status they are learning to live with their limits. YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT.

For many years I listened to society, supermums and advertising hype that told me that I was getting it wrong. WELL GUESS WHAT – I DIDN’T. Yes I made mistakes that my kids have to live with, but they are adults now and they are intelligent enough to work through their issues and deal with them. They can teach themselves to unlearn the bad habits that they learnt because I was a working mum and took some sort cuts and you know what when your kids are adults most of them will be able to do the same.

Please DO NOT listen to all those voices that tell you that you are getting it all wrong. Mothers have raise children for centuries and humans are not extinct yet. If all the mothers in our past had got it as wrong as you feel that you are getting it, we would not be here. Yes you will make mistakes but for the most part you will get it RIGHT.

RELAX AND SMILE AND KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS VERY RIGHT.

liz 1 year ago

I just burst out into tears reading this! Literally the other day I made a comment on fb about being tired and wishing there was a break. I know you will have comments agreeing with you but I have to say you literally took the thoughts from my head!

Kate 1 year ago

I never planned to be ‘beige’ and I am so beige right now. I used to be a vibrant red or yellow. Now my life is beige, but I’m really trying to celebrate the red and yellow streaks that happen aometimes.

Erika Little 1 year ago

I love the article, but I don’t think everyone listed in it deserves an apology. Yes I agree with the state of mind of the mumma and yes I wonder where my before child self has disappeared to(being fun and spontaneous) . But then I also wonder about some of these people who said they would be part of my inner support group who didn’t even bother to support me past the birth of my son. But then again I don’t really think I want to go back to that person. I have everything now that I was searching for then. Onwards and upwards I say.

Nikki 1 year ago

So honest. This brought tears to my eyes as I completely relate to this. Thank you x

Rebecca Ross 1 year ago

Or get a babysitter and go to a spa for a weekend. Better yet, if your man is home alone for the weekend with the baby and you are at the spa, there will be relaxation and appreciation!

Samantha 1 year ago

Mine are 21 &16. And I honestly think there is a reason why it is called the “old” you.. That time has come and gone and we are constantly evolving. Embrace these changes good and bad for I think they are making your beautiful future self. Lovely article!

Carol Doiron 1 year ago

You may think you are making mistakes and doing it all wrong but as they say-Being a parent is one job we take on with no training, no experience and for at least 21 years, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. No pay but many rewards. Would we do that for any other position we contemplated applying for? Never in a million years. But we do this anyway without a whole lot of thought of the consequences and learn as we go just as our parents did and their parents did—and as all parents have been doing for 1000’s of years. The endless desire to be the perfect parent will also go on–but there is no such thing! You are probably close to being that, all you have to do is remember to take care of you too. If you aren’t taking care of you, you are sending your children the message that they don’t have to take care of themselves either. I know you don’t want to do that. It is a huge mistake we all make and usually don’t realize until our own children are adults and not looking after themselves very well either!! Take care Mommy. They love you just a you are.

Brian Gomes 1 year ago

Awh thats ok

Gwen Clark Umphrey 1 year ago

I think we have to make time for self care no matter what is going on. Take one hour or even ten minutes for self care and you will be rewarded – plus laugh a lot at the chaos confusion and overwhelm that come with children. Enjoy the roller coaster ride of life – I had twins plus a 18 mo at the same time and it was crazy at times. They all turned out to be these beautiful adults with the amazing grand kids that I get to enjoy know and love. Blessed be all my relations

Kerri 1 year ago

There will be better days! But, then there may be even harder days :(. My kids are now, 24, 22, 20, 17, 14, 14, (id twins TTTS) & 10. I did home day-care for kids the same age as #2, #3 & #4 for a few years. Then for one younger than my own at the time. I went on to provide foster care for 16 + children over 10 years. Some were the same age as my own so at times I had more than one set of “twins” & for a time had my own twins & a foster sibling the same age, my youngest & a foster sib almost the same age & a set of foster twins. Plus I provided occasional child-care for others. I home-schooled my kids for several years & also some of the children I fostered. My foster children were “special needs”. But looking back now, I still would have chosen to have a crazy busy life. For all of the time that I also sometimes felt “lost” it was worth it for the moments of joy. To have see your child walk for the first time after getting out of a body cast for hip-dysplasia (that is another story), to watch your child read to their younger sibs after being told that child would never be able to learn to read, to hear the foster child that was supposed to never talk have a conversation with you, is priceless. I am so proud of the people my kids (bio & foster) have become. I cannot take all the credit as they have had to make their own choices, but the time & effort I put in everyday at all hours of the day was worth every second!

Marni Taylor 1 year ago

No apologies here, I’ve done it ALL alone! Wouldn’t change a thing :)

Allison Drake 1 year ago

You should never apologize for being the woman you are now and you will never be the woman you were before you had children. You have two healthy, beautiful children who has a mother that is tired because you are giving your all to be the best mother she can be to them. All mothers have been there at one or many times in their lives and there is no need for apologies. You will be better for this, you may not think so now because you are so tired – but your kids will remember that you are there for them and when they get into school and see the parents that are not there for their children, they will understand when you had your down days, but most importantly – you are there. One day your kids will come up and just say Thank you Mommy for being you – and you will know that all that you are feeling now will be worth it. Your wish list will come true, you will just be entertaining and having fun with a smaller group of people. I worked midnights for years and up all day with my daughter and even though exhausted, had the most fun getting to experience her firsts and learning from her everyday. You will never stop learning to be a good Mom. I feel it is a life long process, and thank God that I have been given that chance to be teacher and student. Give yourself a break and the ones that are really true to you, will be there for you no matter what and don’t need apologies because they understand. God Bless to you and all the other mothers who are exhausted because you are doing your best!!!

Kim 1 year ago

I understand your comment exactly, Kimberly. It was like someone flipped a switch when my daughter was born, and I turned into someone else. That was almost 22 years ago, and I haven’t been the same person since. All I know is that I miss her, and wish she would come back. I can’t explain it either :(

Kim 1 year ago

I have a 21 year old, and an 18 year old. Unfortunately, the ‘old’ me has never returned :(

Amy Johnson 1 year ago

I feel that way a lot of the time and I have a 15 & 11 year old. It isn’t always fabulous. There’s no manual, I forget hinges or burn super or run late. Whatever the case may be I try to do the best. Yes I can be a grouch and loose patience. I try not to loose focus. Some days are good and some days I just wanna go home and go to bed and start the day over. Good luck to all the moms. Stay safe and enjoy your kiddos, for they grow up way too quick:-)

Crystal 1 year ago

What a heart felt letter. When my third came along I had a 2 & 5 y/o. I felt that way everyday for years! But now at 21, 19 & almost 17, I have found that fun person again. She’s happy and enjoys life! Yes, I still worry about my kids, but I know that I have done my best for them, even though it was a shaky start. Have faith, and love the people who are putting up with you right now!

Lou Lange 1 year ago

From the “dad” side of the equation, I saw my wife in your eyes when we had two young children. It just takes patience, determination, compassion etc. to raise children. My wife did feel sometimes that when I went off to work that the world was coming down on her. But when I came home from work and on weekends (full time), I was the “go to” parent to give her time to be herself and have some “me” time.

You have no reason to feel bad, mad etc. What you are feeling is perfectly normal.

And to response to the first line of your blog – there is no reason to apologize, but at the same time, apology graciously accepted.

Keep doing what you are doing.

gail 1 year ago

She is not sorry about being a mom…she is sorry about being grumpy and a list of other negative qualities. Of course she should be sorry because we can’t allow our feelings and energy levels dictate treating others badly. I have many days like her, but it does not mean it is ok for to be unkind. So I am also sorry for being that way with others….

Briana N Edelman 1 year ago

I will never apologize. I am a single mum (single from pregnancy on) who has been ruined financially and professionally by having my little guy. I have no time to have fun, go out, or do for myself for a single moment. I may go out every three months or so. Yet my old friends tell me “people have lives after children” when trying to convince me I should be like the old me. I haven’t slept much in 3+ years. Lol. I have no family that is willing to help even for a moment and my friends all have grown children with spouses and just don’t get it. I get that they don’t get it, that’s fine. But even though I paint a smile on my very weary and sometimes hopeless face doesn’t mean I don’t need a kind word. No matter how my life ends up I would never change a thing because I have my son and he keeps me going.

I am doing the best that I can and have given up any plans I made to take care of him and I will not apologize for not being the old me. I am the old me, I am just an extremely sleep deprived and completely isolated version of myself. Common sense would tell them that this extreme situation would affect anyone.

Tina McBride 1 year ago

The old you doesn’t ever really come back. You just learn to embrace who you become.

Laura Mcintyre 1 year ago

Truth, but I don’t need to apologize. Maybe to myself for not focusing in myself for 5 seconds!

jen 1 year ago

Sorry!!!!! This reply was meant for “gen”… stupid tablet….

jen 1 year ago

Wow. What an incredibly bitchy thing to say. Maybe you should call and offer support for someone who desperately needs it.

Tara Schaller 1 year ago

My son asked me why the moon was in the sky after about 200 other questions. I said ‘so that there was a place to send all the naughty boys who do t clean their room!’

Sandra Marcello 1 year ago

Robin , so sorry about what happened. It will be ok. Children are resistant. They will be happy again if you keep a smile on your face. Life gets better if you let it. Let go. Let LOVE come in.

Robin Coffey 1 year ago

Yes I do. I sorry to my kids for picking their dad to make them with. I didn’t know life was going to be like this. Didn’t know he would be an alcoholic. I tried to stand by him but you can’t force someone to be sober. For choosing him to have kids with, I have caused them to suffer in many ways. No violence, but huge stress. I had to let go. So we lost our family unit. But he didn’t stop. Now he is going to jail and my kids have to deal with that. It’s not something I can fix.

Amy 1 year ago

oh my, you’re too hard on yourself. we all feel that way – and you know, our parents did too. and do take a break – you deserve it! plan a mani-pedi and leave the kids with a sitter. sometimes, when my son is with his grandma for the day – I realize it’s the first time i’ve had time to think in weeks! hang in there; you’re doing great.. being a mom is the toughest job in the world. my mom made it look easy (how’s that?), and i’m not the mom i thought i’d be either so i can totally relate…

Lili McLean 1 year ago

She eventually comes back

Rhian Welham 1 year ago

That was how I felt. Not being a terrible mum, it’s reality. Any true friend wouldn’t accuse you of that

Kristina M Kay 1 year ago

Zoloft. Really.

Krysta Zacharkiw Lafferty 1 year ago

Indeed!!!!!

Jen Noyb 1 year ago

She does come back… Sort of. But I find that I’m stronger and when the laughter comes back it’s even more liberating than it EVER was.

It took me at least 2 years after my second to finally see glimpses of the new me.

It’s good now but at times those little fuckers still piss me off!! :)

Jennifer Sironen Brown 1 year ago

This sums it up so well

Nicole Fast 1 year ago

Fuck that. Maybe a hand up would allow us to be that rested up put together person again or on the other hand…maybe we have grown and become something better. Stop living in the past, get with the program and help that spouse/friend/sister out.

Rita Gutierrez Kares 1 year ago

I think all mothers have been here.

Jessica Mihalj 1 year ago

Oh man, this sums it all up! I constantly feel this way

Vicky Rakush Garbula 1 year ago

I stopped reading because loved ones/friends don’t need an apology. Just pour yourself a glass of wine and revel in your awesomeness Mom

Kristy Thresher 1 year ago

Well said, although my apologies would be full of sarcasm because she (and I ) have nothing to apologize for

Jenske Huisman 1 year ago

Yes, I think I do…

Fiona Hepple 1 year ago

Self patronising

Brandi 1 year ago

I always read your posts and laugh because that’s me! Not tonight. I cried and cried. I’ve felt this way for so long and felt I was the only one who felt this way. Thank you for putting my feelings into words.

Chrissy LaRaia 1 year ago

Feeling this way tonight.

Kathy Herning Boebel 1 year ago

Totally

Giovanna Capane Holden 1 year ago

I won’t apologize. I’m GLAD I’m not the woman I was before. I’m pretty sure I was still bitchy & short-tempered before I had kids, too.

Megan 1 year ago

One of the biggest sighs I’ve let out in a long while. Maybe silly but hearing other moms say exactly how I feel is like a “warm hug”…very comforting to know you aren’t alone.

Cristina Chavez 1 year ago

F that!! Help us out and don’t judge being a mom is the hardest and most rewarding job in the world. She should give herself more credit!

Sarah Wilson 1 year ago

Take care, it is really hard work having little ones. It’s not just ‘new moms’ that need support, when your baby is 6 months or a year is when mothers also require support. You are not alone, many people feel like they are in survival mode when they have really little kids, I know that I did. Now that my youngest are two and four, it is getting a little easier.

Margaret Abdullah 1 year ago

Step back and remember how much they love and need you. You can do this and there will be so much of it that you treasure as they and you grow older. I’ve been where you are now. God bless you and yours.

Melissa Morrissey Cortale 1 year ago

Nothing wrong with an heartfelt apology. I think a little forgiveness for yourself could be included, though. Say “i’m not perfect. Nobody is perfect. I’m doing fine and that’s good enough”. If you’re not fine then seek help.

Karen Richards 1 year ago

You are truly wonderful. You make me feel like I’m not alone. You are giving me a voice and that I Thankyou.

Ashley Michel 1 year ago

Oh hon, we’re all there too. (Hugs from here in the colonies)

Marissa Smith 1 year ago

sounds like the writer of this article needs to apologize/forgive HERSELF for beating up on herself rather than apologizing to other people!!!!!!

Teeny 1 year ago

This is so powerful. I have been there. I still go there, in fact. But you’re wrong— you ARE still “that woman”. She’s there, inside you. And you know what? You’re doing your freakin best. You love those kids more than anything. You sacrifice your LIFE, your sanity, for them. To be a better mom; to love like you wish to love. Trust me when I say this: you are enlightened bc you are aware and you will find your way back from this. The storm will clear and the dust will settle and you will take a deep breath…and smile. Be strong. Have faith. You know in your heart you are a damn good mom.

I randomly stumbled upon your post via friends Facebook share. Your writing is amazing. Keep going.

Cindy Hudson Murphy 1 year ago

This. Is. Me.

Donna 1 year ago

That other woman will be back.. Good you know she’s still there. A little lost behind the world she’s also got to navigate cos of two darlings that need her to be there for them..

It’s ok that you don’t know everything and what’s best. Pls know that all mummies are with you on this. We just try and sometimes we get it wrong, other times it miraculously works.

Press on, one day at a time. Sometimes one activity at a time.

But know that the other you.. The you who is not just mummy, not wife, daughter, sister, friend… the other you, will find you again.

I know this for sure cos after 10 years I found myself again.. I’m still mum, wife, daughter, sister, friend, etc.. And it hasn’t been easy, I’m still finding that balance but I’m thankful that the old me wasn’t completely lost.

So have faith and continue on..

Hugs and much love from me to you, even if w

Scarlet Begonia 1 year ago

Yep! One day at a time.

Shayla Aretz 1 year ago

Don’t worry you are not alone, and not crazy!

Stacie Birk 1 year ago

Being a full time working momma is double hard.

Jennifer Osso 1 year ago

Fuck that! I’m not sorry, not one bit. Why do we As women and mothers burden ourselves with ALL the responsibilities? It takes a village, not just one. If your hubby isn’t making you smile, not helping with the daily responsibilities and burdens. Fucking demand it! You are deserving of love, appreciation, gratitude, and a partner to help carry the daily shit. You are DESERVING of the very best and should never apologize for expecting it. I expect nothing less from my hubby and he from me. We have grown and changed TOGETHER sometimes albeit with some bumps but we are in this parenthood journey together. Just wish I saw more of my fellow mamas expect and receive the same.

Mary Thompson 1 year ago

AMEN!

Loreina Piccinin Keddie 1 year ago

My kids are older all school aged and I don’t think we ever get better. Kids are demanding at every age and shit happens! You just learn to cope and whoever said that when they get older you have more freedom ummmmm no you don’t! Your too busy with life, work, house work, getting after them, staying organized is still a nightmare too! I live for them everyday but still I’m okay and pretty sure that this is what my life was meant to be!!

Katie Gibson 1 year ago

I felt exactly like this last year. Phew, glad things are getting better.

Deena Coker 1 year ago

So, in addition to the postpartum depression, exhaustion from cleaning, shopping, cooking, teaching, nurturing, laundry, sleep deprivation… I now need to apologize for not being the energetic, happy-go-lucky person I was prior to being a mother???? Um… that would be a NO. There’s a reason we celebrate Mother’s Day — so others can thank US for doing the best we can –not so we can apologize for our shortcomings.

Dawn Kaufman 1 year ago

Recently, I was told by a male friend in the military that I suffer from the exact same level of stress that a combat soldier on the front lines suffers from. I never heard that before, and certainly I would never compare what I do to what a combat soldier does. But upon hearing him say that (in referencing a similar “CHRONIC traumatic stress syndrome”, sometimes physically demanding, sometimes emotionally heartbreaking) I had to sit back and think about the clarity he was giving me. I seem to spend more time thinking about how grateful I am, how rewarding and rewarded I am in raising my son by myself, and how much purpose in my life I have because of my opportunity as a parent. I do apologize when an apology is warranted, but in general, I apologize for very little.

Wendy Katherine 1 year ago

I think that we never know that we are doing it right. What matters is that we do the very best that we can. Putting the needs of others before ourselves is the most self sacrificing thing we do as a parent, a lover, a friend. Yet we also need to be kind to ourselves. And there is no need to apologize for not being “there” for everyone, in a way we think they expect. We just do the best we can. :)

Theresa Pollard 1 year ago

Oh wow! This really made me cry! So well said. It really hurts in your heart when you feel you don’t meet your own expectations as a mother

Patricia Sibr Kuchy 1 year ago

That strong woman is holding it together deep inside…gaining more strength from the love that has taken over your life. When you rediscover her be nice.

christina 1 year ago

Totally hit the nail on the head. I can’t wait til the woman I used to be comes back full time. In the mind time I thank my husband everyday for putting up with the crazy, hormonal woman I am now.

denise Moody 1 year ago

I nearly cried reading this it’s so true. Sometimes (rarely) when I get out I let my hair down and I feel like the old me is back and then I wake in the morning and wish I had that feeling all the time. I’d love to feel this everyday in the life I have now

Heather Sayce Lewko 1 year ago

i think i actually wrote this…..

Cassee 1 year ago

You’ll find her again, I promise! I was once you and some days still am. Mine is six now and an only child, but there were months after she hit 3 that I thought I would never make it. Where I was sure I was the worst mother, wife, and friend on the planet and should just get in my car and drive away and never return. I made it though, my daughter made it, my husband and I made it. I can smile and be calm and patient and silly again, and you will too. My advice to any mom after looking back at my six years as a mom is just breathe, take each minute as it comes and enjoy it as much as possible for what it is, don’t beat yourself up when you can’t and don’t try to live up to any expectations, really, any. Do what you can that get’s you and your family through each day and not a bit more. In a few years you’ll be ok and it will still be hard, but in an easier way, and a small part of you will miss these years.

Cheryl Lorraine Kulaga 1 year ago

This is me at the moment. Its not a nice feeling

Momto3 1 year ago

And now I am crying. Oh my gosh…this is me. Every single day. And I hate it. I absolutely hate it. It’s caused so much strife around here. We’re working on it, but it’s a struggle. I’ll do well for a few days, then something happens and WHAMMO. I’m right back in the rabbit hole. I just want to feel like myself again. My kids are 6, 4, 17 mths and it is hard. 2 of them are pretty hard to deal with….at least one of them is a breeze! I know this too shall pass. I just hope I don’t miss out on the good stuff while it does….

Deb 1 year ago

This remains true, even when the kids get older.

As I read, I was reminded *why* I named my business Mommy (But Still) Me.
We are still in there. We just need to remember that even with growth, we are still in there!

Rachel Fucci Siderine 1 year ago

I dont think I could have written this any better. It sums up how I feel exactly. So much so that it made me cry.

New Mom 1 year ago

Thank you for this… So much

Kate 1 year ago

Exactly!! I have a 4 year old and a 8 month old and I feel like I’m no fun anymore. My husband was just complaining the other day that I never find anything funny anymore. I just shrugged. Hoping maybe it’s just the stay at home mom thing and that when I get back to work it will be better…

Dana 1 year ago

I have 5 – my oldest is 7. Thank you for your honesty, and letting me know my feelings aren’t as isolated as I feel sometimes.

Morgan Ausbrook Giddings 1 year ago

Pretty much summed it up

Autumn Huddleston Murray 1 year ago

Love this!! So me right now!

Maggie Sacco 1 year ago

Try it when you’re a single mama. No wonder I can’t string two sentences together some days.

LaraLLT 1 year ago

This sounds like me, especially after my 2nd child. A short fuse, tired and lifeless. After #3 I felt like I was barely keeping my head above water. Sadly, it wasn’t until I was prego with #4 that I actually found the help I didn’t realize I needed. I was diagnosed with Post Partum Depression. I went on meds, and still have to vigilant about keeping my life balanced. Sleeping, eating better and daily exercise. Journaling and meditation help too. Please seek help, the woman you were before may not be that far away.

Nancy Berley 1 year ago

Oh no! She sounds depressed

Brandy 1 year ago

This was me to! Sitting at work trying to hide the tears. Hit the nail on the head for sure!

Samantha Hurd 1 year ago

Awesome

Nicole Armour 1 year ago

Right in the feels

Bonnie Nicoll Ciesluk 1 year ago

Yes!

shannon 1 year ago

so so true…i have 9, 6 and 3 year old twin boys. I am a divorced and working mom…i always feel like im not fun, grumpy and tired…

Denise Loomis Westerberg 1 year ago

Yup!

Rachel Chen 1 year ago

I couldn’t agree more. It sounds like someone probably owes her an apology for not supporting her when she needed it.

Connie Fors 1 year ago

absolutely true…

Jennifer Miller Drayton 1 year ago

I felt this way, too.
My kids are now 6 and 10. I feel like I’m just starting to get back to the old me.

Beth Arsenault 1 year ago

oh I can sooooooooo relate!!!

Jacob Swift 1 year ago

Reading this inspired me to call home and tell her I love her and thank her for all she does that I don’t do.

Melissa Munkers 1 year ago

The last line should be “I hope.”

Heather Marie 1 year ago

I feel like this is me with my children. I’m going threw a divorce and I’m beyond stressed and I feel like I’m not the mom or women I used to be.

Roxanne 1 year ago

It gets better, hang in there. I felt like this a lot while my kids were little too. Thankfully you’re putting into words what so many of us feel. And that’s a huge help! It’s easy to find someone else who feels the same, but rare to find one who will voice the same feelings. That friend you have that says she never feels like this, well she’s a liar.

Laura Agnello Campbell 1 year ago

I understand where this woman is coming from and I agree with a lot of the statements pertaining to feeling guilt and inadequacy as a mother, but I DO NOT feel the need to apologize. If those around me feel the need to be mad at me for trying to be a great mom, then there’s the door. Don’t let it hit your ass on the way out. If those around me want to see me more, then they will have to involve themselves more and be present as I was present when they needed me. The struggle is real, we can’t do this alone, so pull up your sleeves and jump in.

Vicky Staudinger-Duwve 1 year ago

Nope…I’m not apologizing. Ask me what’s wrong…Ask me if I need help…Tell me it’s OK the house is a mess or if dinner isn’t done on time. Don’t ask me to feel unworthy because it’s not going to happen. I am worthy and doing the best I can. Tell me I’m beautiful and that you love me and support me. Be brave and don’t take any shit from anyone!

Cheryl 1 year ago

Thank you for this, it was much needed. The dark cloud descended on me a couple of days ago when after being on my own with kids (11 and 3) for most of holidays, trying to sell house, trying to keep house tidy for viewings, trying to sort DS for going to secondary school and get uniform whilst handling his ‘attitude’ all became too much and my head felt constantly in a vice.
My inner dialogue about how I should be doing stuff better and reprimanding me for being short with kids, not being fun enough, wanting to go to bed earlyish turned its volume up and in truth I felt alone like no one understood. This post helped. There are times when there are bumps in the road, where you feel grumpy and lost and at those times it’s good know you’re not alone. Thank u xxxx

Catherine Harris Brown 1 year ago

This struck so close to home I’m tearing up.

Emily Lukingbeal Stepp 1 year ago

So. Why don’t Scandinavian women share this anxiety? Oh yes. Because they have a society and culture that supports families.

S M 1 year ago

I feel the same about laughing. I used to laugh constantly. Now, it’s forced.

Kat Penrod 1 year ago

Why do women apologize for everything? Why do we guilt ourselves so much? I’m not sorry for real hormones, real changes, real hardship. This puts our gender back.

kat 1 year ago

Seriously? Please don’t apologize. Noone can be the mom from 1950’s TV all the time. You are not doing everything wrong, you are doing the best you can for your family. That is enough. Don’t be sorry! If you did something today that you wish you didn’t do (like yelling) the ONLY productive thing is to work harder on not yelling tomorrow. Kiss them tenderly as they sleep, and try to do better tomorrow. Regret is a total waste of your energy, and will bring nothing good to your family. Move on to a better tomorrow.

Lauren Leigh Dement King 1 year ago

Girl, you are NOT alone there!! I do that with my boys on occasion too. I think we’ll all be alright!! :)

Christy Simeon 1 year ago

I’m no new mom either – he’s 9 – but this is SO me

Courtney Ann Housley 1 year ago

Good read.

Michel Becker 1 year ago

No one should be sorry for being them self…we all (or most of us try to) do what we think is best at the time with what we have and the given circumstances.

Vicki Marcoux 1 year ago

Exactly, me too!

Amanda Piereman Bosley-Smith 1 year ago

More like… sorry not sorry!

Christina Potito Rogers 1 year ago

So true!!!

Christina Potito Rogers 1 year ago

I was the same way when my boys were babies. 3 kids in 4 years was not the smartest thing I’ve ever done. I feel for this author. Most days were a blur for me back then. My sons are now 9, 10 & 12 and I’m getting the old me back somewhat. This parenting thing changes us for sure. For me, now that some of the dust has settled from the infant/toddler days, I’ve changed for the better. My boys have taught me so much. And although many days I still want to pull my hair out, I wouldn’t trade being a mom for the world. :)

Kathryn Coster 1 year ago

Oh gosh. I actually just cried a little at that, and mine are 7 & 3!

Sara 1 year ago

I could have written this. I have a 2 year old and an 8 month old and I have felt how you do at times. The reply saying there is something more wrong was reading into this too far. This isn’t an all the time feeling! Sometimes, sometimes you get the the end of your rope….it’ totally normal and to be expected with two young children.

What you have to do is accept that it is temporary. Of course we laugh, we smile, we play and we have those % 100 blissfull moments but I admire that the other side is being recognized here! Thank you.

Katrina Osbourn 1 year ago

It’s great that you have an awareness of how badly you’re struggling with this. It is the type of thing that many of us have dealt with, so we can all relate to what you’re going through. Some people struggle more than others for a variety of reasons. If it is hitting you this hard though, maybe seeing someone professional for advice might not be a bad idea… Many couples need counselling after extended absences, many people suffer post-partum depression…
Hope you don’t take any of that as a criticism, cuz it certainly isn’t. But it’s sounding to me like you guys are having more of a struggle dealing with it all than most, and maybe external professional help might just help you over the next few months.

Brianne Crooks 1 year ago

My husband and I just had this discussion. He was telling me that I worry to much, that I’m not fun anymore. That I don’t have fun anymore. I told him to do my job. I am a mom of two 16 yr olds, a 10, 7, 6 and 2 yr old. Getting kids up and ready for school. Getting the 2 yr old to keep clothes on long enough to take the older kids to school. Getting to daycare on time so I can get to work on time. Making sure two of the kids get to football, the other two to hockey practice. Picking the baby up from daycare. Making supper doing laundry. The list goes on and on. I told my husband everything that I did in a day and I asked him to do it all. He did half a day and told me that it was ok for me to be crabby and that he was going to start helping more. So far he has. But we will see how long it will last :-) I enjoy doing most of everything for my family but it’s nice to get help also.

Kim Jong 1 year ago

As an apology?

Jaza Rose-Aminifu 1 year ago

Yep I can relate. Sigh…

Cristine Ann 1 year ago

Exactly!!!

Kim Jong 1 year ago

“I’m sorry I grew up and take care of responsabilities, instead of staying carefree young happy pink smiling. “

Cristine Ann 1 year ago

This was why feeling too!

Shannon James 1 year ago

Well said Becky!

Lisa Da Silva Pieterse 1 year ago

I think EVERY mom of 2 or more has gone through this!

Karla Garris Meeker 1 year ago

Yup……

Cristine Ann 1 year ago

Yes none of this “I’m sorry I’m sleep deprived ” haha! It is what it is ! :)

Kim Jong 1 year ago

You shouldnt.

Carly Conner Krohn 1 year ago

Oh I feel like I could’ve written this

Becky Maltsbarger 1 year ago

I don’t like this for a different reason. I am never going to be the person I used to be and I’ll be damned if I’ll apologize for it. To me it isn’t about asking forgiveness for putting family first, it’s like the author is apologizing for that family changing her. It really bothers me when people say that they won’t let having a baby change them. That’s just selfish, and it’s also closed minded. Your kid will show you new experiences that will overshadow anything you did in college. And, alternately, leave you with bigger bags under your eyes.

I want to say to this author to just stop thinking this way. The guilt you are likely self inflicting isn’t doing anyone any good. Try a date night or a girls night out to try to figure out who the new and improved you is. But Do Not APOLOGIZE for who you are. You’re doing the best you can, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. Instead of mommy bashing others, it’s like we mommy bash ourselves. Guess what? You’ll never be able to meet your own expectations. Accept it and move on.

Kerrie Hayden Zimmerman 1 year ago

Thank you Kim Jong. I have seen your response to this article, let’s just say, I am a fan of your way of thinking.

brandy 1 year ago

You know, sometimes you can feel like this and there isn’t anything really wrong. You aren’t depressed,maybe overwhelmed, but not depressed.Just because you have feelings of inadequacy sometimes does not mean you are inadequate, but human and that you had ideas, visions of how things would be when you had children that maybe aren’t reality.It’s ok. Let the guilt go, no of us are perfect and we spend a lot of time beating ourselves up. Our kids love us, and we love them.

Kim Jong 1 year ago

I don’t think so.

Lishelle 1 year ago

This was me! I have health issues that I’m finally getting under control too. I just couldn’t do everything. One day I thought “When was the last time I laughed?”, and I couldn’t remember. It was so hard to even get out of bed everyday. Somehow I’ve seen a light at the end of the tunnel, and I find things to be grateful for even on bad days. I look back 6 months ago and can’t relate to the place I was. I’ve stopped feeling guilty, because everyone has low periods. I’m not super mom(human). It’s a myth. You can burn yourself out, lose faith in life, lose faith in yourself, blame everyone around you. I started digging myself out of the hole little by little. By forgiving myself, and not holding on to unreal expectations for me or others. I know I will have low points again, but I’m going to try and forgive myself. Move forward. Keep fighting. The people in my life deserve that, and so do I.

Kim Jong 1 year ago

No,
No appologizing.

Kim Jong 1 year ago

No wonderfull person, you just grew up. You just long for the carefree child you once were.
Melancholy.
Do not appologize for growimg up.

Dodi Christensen Jensen 1 year ago

Been there….

Sharon Reitsma 1 year ago

No. I don’t owe anyone an apology.

Ashley Pawley-Krywko 1 year ago

I feel like this alot

Sarah Khd 1 year ago

Oh my god this was writen for me!!!!

Kim Jong 1 year ago

Don’t be silly. You do not need to appologize at all. You are wonderfull .

Adrienne Ross Manninen 1 year ago

I agree Amy. Why should I apologize? Maybe I’m the one who needs an apology from them…I like how Claire put it.

Kim Jong 1 year ago

Just stop that. You are wonderfull.

steffani 1 year ago

I have 3 kids 17, 16 and 13. I dont think that woman ever really comes back. I cant imagine a day that I wont worry about what my children are doing, who they are with, how they are feeling. They are responsible, trustworthy and independent. But I will never be the girl who was without care again. I’ve found snipits of her at times. But motherhood changes us so greatly.

Suzie Savage 1 year ago

This is really sad.

Kim Jong 1 year ago

Of course you are you. Just grown up now. With worries and responsabilities. Things that make nobody cheery.
You are wonderfull, whatever mood you are in.

Mary 1 year ago

Have you talked to your doctor? Sometimes, moms are so overwhelmed with, well, life, that they don’t realize that they are dealing with anxiety/depression. Far be it for me to diagnose anyone from one post, but I have dealt with both, and know how much difference medication and therapy can make.

Jennifer Kitchen Morante 1 year ago

Women do the work and then have to apologize for it?

Adrianne David Turbok 1 year ago

Thank you for writing this post today. You were reading my mind.

Kim Jong 1 year ago

You are wonderfull.

Aleida Diaz 1 year ago

*food

Michelle DeReche 1 year ago

Have felt that way at times, but I seem to scream it

Aleida Diaz 1 year ago

Too right! And pizza has all good groups!

Chianna Jones 1 year ago

I needed this today! Exhaustion from being 8 months pregnant with an 18 month old makes for a not so pleasant mama at times. I try my hardest but… you know. Today has been a “bonus day” for my daughter. All bubble guppies all day. Before I get scolded for setting my kid in front of the tv…no, this is not a usual thing but today is all about survival and making it to bedtime.

Breanna Marie 1 year ago

I love you scary mommy….

Elissa Reider 1 year ago

She may need treatment for depression…

Jamie Robertson 1 year ago

Sometimes…..

Jana Lawton Kraich 1 year ago

Oh man…..if I ever needed to read this, today is the day.

Keri Taylor 1 year ago

I teared up a little because this hit me on a personal level. I think you forget that part of yourself when you have too much on your plate for too long. Don’t worry sorry mom she’s still there and you will see her again.

Amanda Knippshild 1 year ago

Ugh. We as women and as moms say sorry way too often for things we don’t need to…including most things in this list. Why not just tell your SO or whomever the kind of day you had….perhaps THEY will say I’m sorry and give you a hug.

Dolly 1 year ago

Sorry- I got carried about. I really do not mean to attack this woman. It is not her I am frustrated with- it is the prevalent attitude in our society that creates such an unhealthy atmosphere for mothers. I really do apologize if it came across as a personal attack in any way.

Tiffany Hampton 1 year ago

Im with you today. My two year olds lunch consisted of a caramel apple & wheat thins. Tis fruit & whole grain I think….

Renee Abe 1 year ago

I feel like I could have written this myself…. No truer words have been spoken for me since mommyhood!

Laurie 1 year ago

I truly hope this was written on a “worst” day. It’s been many years, but I do remember those really bad days, when I thought I was doing it all wrong and I’d never figure it out. My kids were born three in less than five years, then I remarried and took on two more the same age as my oldest two. Yes, that meant five under five. My mama was the mother of all mothers (in my mind) and I thought I had to live up to her example. When I didn’t, I was such a failure in my own mind. It took me years to realize I was doing pretty da*& good, considering. They are all five grown, three married, with babies of their own. I watch them struggle, with days like you’ve written about. I try to reassure them, validate them, and give them “days off” when I can. Raising children has never been an easy task, in fact, it’s the most difficult job anyone will ever take on, yet the most rewarding. If you find yourself drowning, ask a family member or neighbor to give you a break. Step back and take a breath. You are allowed to take time for yourself. After all, what good are you if you can’t be there for your kids. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF so you can take care of them!

Dolly 1 year ago

AMEN.

Dolly 1 year ago

I know I will be in the minority, but this post really frustrates me. There is absolutely no reason for this woman to feel like she needs to apologize for simply being a MOM. I am so tired of the guilt that is piled on to mothers (mostly by ourselves) that results in this feeling of needing to apologize or second guess every single parenting decision ever. I was distraught when I couldn’t breastfeed my baby and had to “resort to” formula, until my aunts told me that my grandmother fed them and my mother all Carnation instant milk from a CAN. Oh the horror, right? And they are *completely* fine and healthy adults. This is just one example.Fifty years ago, I do not think mothers were self-doubting to the extent that we do today. It’s becoming increasingly emotionally unhealthy to reproduce. Suddenly every single decision you make is scrutinized by everyone you know and millions you don’t online. What happened to women having CONFIDENCE in themselves? What happened to feeling empowered to make your own (educated) decisions. I HATE when mothers are constantly saying “I’m doing it all wrong all the time.” Says WHO??? (Ad why are you listening to them anyway?!) What is wrong with saying, “You know what- my kids are happy and healthy. I’m doing a pretty good job!” Oh, shame the woman who would dare feel confidence in her parenting and not apologize for her choices! Stop relying on other people to affirm and support you and figure out how to love yourself- as a single woman, as a wife, AND as a mother.

Kerrie Hayden Zimmerman 1 year ago

I am FOREVER apologizing… Always.

Jaime Green 1 year ago

This really hit home for me. Thank you……..

Tiffany Hampton 1 year ago

I can completely relate. But I also want to strangle my parents who have forgotten this point in their life. Its like they expect me to be superwoman cause I’m 24 I feel older than them!! Yes I may be young but 6 hours of sleep in a week drives anyone bonkers! & also my fiance when I’m on the verge of tears because a whole bag of cough drops hits my newly cleaned floor & he sees the tears in my eyes & all he can say is “you need a good rough fucking to make you happy” yes most days lets go, but the mention of it today makes me want to castrate you. I’m also 35 weeks pregnant with my third. That may be some of it. Can someone apologize to me once??? & mean it? Please? My poor hubby cannot take much more lol

Jenna Williams 1 year ago

Love this a million times.

Carol A McCullough 1 year ago

This post makes me sad because although there have definitely days I’ve felt the same, I don’t feel you should apologize to anyone for becoming a parent! Yes, we may not be the same people we were before kids…in fact, we are better versions of ourselves. We understand what it’s like to put someone else’s needs before our own, to figure things out as they unfold, to go without sleep for days, we learn how to be resourceful with less money. You see, being a mom has been the hardest job I’ve ever had, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything! If the friends you had before you became a parent were “true friends” they would understand and they’ll be there when you return to a less hectic adult life.

shawn 1 year ago

That’s the thing though… You will always be perfect and loved in their eyes. No matter what you say or do.

Holly S. Martinez 1 year ago

NO!… im will not apologize!
Im not wonder woman… im not going to be who I was before kids… people change… im sorry TO MYSELF for not being happy…
Cuz u have to keep it together and guess what when I do get upset they see it, yes but they dont feel or see what I go through before it gets to that point!
I deal with a lot and so can they… its not everyday, it just is what it is… maybe sometimes I go to far and I apologize about that but we are in this together, deal with it… I am.. the best I can.
Would I love the old me back… no.. cuz then I might not be as great of a mother as I am today… myself comes last and I dont apologize about that.. I dont mind… im a mon its what I do.
If anything I’m gonna thank my husband and family for being right there with me… because they understand.

Holly Fzd 1 year ago

2yrs & 9mo?? You are in the thick of it right now – go easy on yourself. It gets easier as they get older and more self-sufficient but for now, enlist help from others (true friends & standup family members will understand and not hold you to unrealistic standards). If the guilt / anxiety over perfection becomes too much…please reach out to your OB – could be PPD.

shawn 1 year ago

Ugh it’s hard enough for a mother deal with her own guilt, let alone the guilt from her mom/mil. Way to be supportive.

Amber Nicole 1 year ago

I just had my 4th and I am exhausted! I for sure have my moments every now and then when I snap and have to apologize. I have a great husband though that gets it and helps out a lot.

Lyndsay 1 year ago

No, you know what? I’m not sorry. This is life. If I’m not good enough for you….well fuck you then. I’m so incredibly sick and tired of having to please EVERYONE around me. I’m just trying to raise three small children with my sanity intact. I don’t get three seconds to myself EVER. I already put my kids and husband before myself, I’m sure as shit not putting my friends and other family there too. I will absolutely NOT be made to feel guilty for being who I am and doing the best I can. And you can bet your ass my husband deserves every snap and attitude he gets.

Rachel Varvouletos 1 year ago

This just made me feel so much better, thanks!

Heidi Batten Chase 1 year ago

hm. yes. just yes.

Amy King 1 year ago

I don’t think I need to apologize to anyone , but to our before mom selves for losing ourselves.. That’s what I got out of it.

Heather 1 year ago

I was you less than a year ago. I promise there is a light at the end of your seemingly dark dark tunnel xx

Amy King 1 year ago

Me too..:'(

Tania Mitchell 1 year ago

Me too. This article made me cry :(

Lydia Lettrick 1 year ago

Me to a ‘T’

Sasha Sorvelli 1 year ago

I feel I should apologize to anyone in my life!

Diana Ratliff 1 year ago

God this is me everyday. I am pregnant with my second and have an 18 mo old daughter. Everyone keeps asking if we are having a third. I tell them we will see how 2 goes. I am not even the greatest mom to one. That’s why I love Scary Mommy.

Tania Mitchell 1 year ago

So true!!

Amy King 1 year ago

This hit me like a ton of bricks.. So me at the moment.

Sarah 1 year ago

Mine are 14 and 17. Last year, I felt like I was doing things more wrong than right. We may have turned a corner but I have found that each age has it’s challenges and triumphs. Hang in there. Having young ones is extremely tiring and frustrating at times.

Elvira Arce 1 year ago

No apologies needed..

Ashley Brianne Campeau 1 year ago

Marc. This is how I feel actually. But I still have fun.. for now lmao. I teared up a bit reading this one.

Ella Louise Dorsett 1 year ago

Amanda Klumpe you are doing an amazing job and I think that you probably need to get a babysitter and take him out and show him exactly how fun loving you can be!! Then the next morning let him get up at the crack of dawn and look after your little girl for the day by himself.. I’m sure he would understand how difficult it was too be happy all the time then!! xxx

Julie Hakel 1 year ago

Love this

Dee Knight 1 year ago

You will find her again, as the kids grow and your life becomes yours again.

Ellen Fields 1 year ago

Michael, this is what I was trying to say a while back. I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way! Although it sounds mean to say that… I don’t want any mother to feel this way because it sucks. Real bad. One day I will be the woman you married!

Veronica Kędzierski González 1 year ago

That’s depressing.

Becki Hahnen 1 year ago

Me every day with our middle son. (Just 4)

Sharon Smith 1 year ago

I remember! God BLESS mothers.

Barb Hart 1 year ago

At some point, you will stop seeing this as a test or as something to be figured out with answers to be found. What if your purpose in life is simply to love the ones you love the best you can?

Andria Campbell 1 year ago

I Can’t tell you how much I adore you, your humor and your experience. My chap is 10 months next week and I love that I can relate with you. How easily I read your blogs and how I can’t wait to share. This one made me sad, not sad for you but sad that you’ve let yourself lose your light, your sense of humor and your ability to see these few and short sleepless nights will be gone in a blink of an eye. Your love for your children and husband allow that love to be your strength to smile. You’re doing an amazing job momma. Lift that chin and never apologize for not having it together. Because together you have it all♡♡ sincerely a lost but hopeful momma who looks up to you♡♡

Keciah MJ Galusha 1 year ago

NO lol not at all. No apologies.

Amanda McLean 1 year ago

I just posted this on my personal wall- in hopes that other moms on my public page would take comfort in the fact that I DID post it so publicly and said in my post that IT IS OK to FEEL LIKE THIS!

Amanda Klumpe 1 year ago

My husband deployed days after our daughter was born. Before he even came home, he volunteered to deploy again. Our daughter is now almost two and my husband is finally home. I get so frustrated because he expects me to be the same outgoing, fun woman I was back before I was a mom. He left me alone for almost TWO years to raise our daughter but now that he is home, he gets all frustrated that I’m not the same person. Well, excuse me :( I tried my best. I’m sorry that I’m not skinny anymore, don’t wear makeup, I’m tired, dark circles under my eyes, stretch marks, etc.

Audrey Howick Young 1 year ago

Mine are 15 and 11. I still feel that way.

Claire Marie 1 year ago

My littlest one starts full time school next week and far from ‘mourning’ some sort of loss like so many of my friend with children also starting school I just feel an enormous sense of relief that for at least a few hours a day I will be child free for the first time in 7 years – I’ve been accused of being a terrible mum for this, but I love my children dearly but I need time to learn to love me too.

Jennifer Rewcastle Conklin 1 year ago

Hell to the no.

Jenneca Reeves-Yarbrough 1 year ago

I fucking agree!!!

Therese Hunt Bawa 1 year ago

So true

Janina 1 year ago

Mine are 6 and 8 and I still have no idea what i’m doing….and I’m still getting it wrong…..every single day. I keep hoping I’ll figure it out.

Jen Chabot 1 year ago

Are u watching Dr.Oz?

Kim Jong 1 year ago

Thank you.

Jennifer Engelmann 1 year ago

Amen. I feel like a shadow. A mean, tired shadow of the woman I was.

Sandra Hurdis Finigan 1 year ago

Exactly Claire. So glad I’m also not the only one.

Shannon James 1 year ago

Am I the only one who doesn’t like this?? I feel like as mom’s we all have these tough days but c’ mon I have two kids 26 months apart and I don’t feel like I am lost at all. This is where I am meant to be for now. I just wish friends and family could be more understanding that you don’t have as much free time as you once had but I am not sorry for creating my beautiful family and putting them first.

Sharon Smith 1 year ago

Charming!!

Melisa Gingrich Ronallo 1 year ago

Sort of wish my kids had known the fun me.

Darcie Turner 1 year ago

I agree why should the mom apologize. As a mom I do not feel I have to apologize, mine are 19 & 17 & there are days that are very worrisome!

Sarah Thomas 1 year ago

Funny this post should come up, about to go apologise to my five year old if she is still awake as told her off today because people in pub were being grumpy arses with my kids laughing loudly, she loves making the 9 month old laugh – and so she should!

carrie z 1 year ago

It must be fate as every time I open up one of your blogs it hits me like a ton of bricks. Thank you for your brutal honesty, humor in expressing the truths of motherhood and being that tiny little voice 5 hat confirms to all of us that what we are feeling is genuine and quite common amongst other mothers. I so look forward to reading your blog and am thankful more than you know for the validation it brings me as a mother…. :-)

Aleida Diaz 1 year ago

Your way too hard on yourself. Be kind to yourself. Excuse yourself. We’ve all been there. Remember that it doesn’t matter if your toddler isn’t eating right now. When they ask why? think of a fun answer like Because I am God and I made it that way! Or the Easter bunny pooped it out. They love anything to do with poop. It doesn’t matter. Kids need a bath? Make them run through the sprinklers. IT DOESNT MATTER. Everything will be ok. Fuck the perfect mother bc she doesn’t exist. 😉

Claire Marie 1 year ago

Absolutely spot on xxx

Amy Miser 1 year ago

Oh man did I need this today!

Lisa 1 year ago

This makes me sad. It sounds to me like there are some other issues going on here and this is a call for help. I know we all feel like this from time to time. But to be always yelling (from the above comment)? Always grumpy? Always frustrated? This is a mama that needs help. I strongly believe you should never have to wish away a period of your life. So whether it’s finding different approaches to things (personally I love aha parenting), getting involved with moms groups or even doing daycare for a day a week to keep your sanity. At any age, any stage, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to be that “other” woman. I pray that you find her soon :)

Ella Louise Dorsett 1 year ago

Claire Marie you took the words right out of my mouth! it’s almost as if we should be able to change our persona to suit the person/ situation..I think it’s more about acceptance that things will be foggy for a while but at certain points in the fog you will have fleeting moments of what the old you feels like and one day the new you will emerge with so much more wisdom to offer and ready to enjoy life head on!! I’m waiting for that day.. It’s what makes the hardest days more bearable!! (mother of 4 children aged 17.15.7 and 4) xx

Carrie 1 year ago

We shouldn’t have to apologize … But guilt sticks to mothers like Glue.
I’ll share my mantra that is now “built-in” to me…
I am okay, even if they are not.
I’m ok, even if they are not.
I am OK!! Even if they or anyone is not.
Instant calm, and patience washes over me. Well wishes to all the moms!❤️

Ginger Meren Willard 1 year ago

Mine are 11 and 7 and I still feel this way. Thanks for sharing.

Sara Fisher 1 year ago

Oh man. Thanks for the tear-jerker. That is me to a ‘T’.

Naomi Reuven 1 year ago

No, I won’t apologize ever for becoming who I need to be for my children. Take me or leave me! : )

Yasmin Udugba 1 year ago

Love this! X

Emily Wade 1 year ago

Yes!!!!!!!!!!

Candy Openshaw 1 year ago

spot on!

Karina Lynch 1 year ago

To all new mums out there: I have been and it does get better:) And I know: been there myself. Now-a happy mum of a 5 y.o. and a 7 y.o. boys.

Sandra Hurdis Finigan 1 year ago

Maybe I am wrong but perhaps her friends/family could also apologize for not taking some of the burden from her. The worry will still be there but at least she wouldn’t feel so alone.

Libby Kemkaran-Thompson 1 year ago

Claire Marie I couldn’t agree more. Quite how on earth we are expected to be all things all the time, working and mothering and house-ing and wife-ing … I give up, and just eat more cake.

Sara Tate 1 year ago

This is the most amazing post! I have a 14 yr old girl ad twin boys that are 9. And I still am trying to mast the motherhood thing! Thank you!

Jennifer Clobes 1 year ago

Spot on. Tearing up…

Rachel Austin 1 year ago

And it doesn’t end even as they approach the teen years. The questions just get more difficult and the worries are worse.

Ashley Kish 1 year ago

All of this AND we need not apologize for our shifting needs and selves.

Heather Jones 1 year ago

Everyone should read this. Most people (family included) just bailed on me…

Vicky McNicoll 1 year ago

So glad I am not the only one to feel this

Kerry Kilmurray 1 year ago

I.LOVE.THIS.

Kimberly Schwan 1 year ago

I knew I wasn’t the same woman :( just didn’t know how to explain it! Thanks

Claire Marie 1 year ago

I often feel this way BUT I also think sometimes our loved ones owe us an apology for expecting us to be the same happy go lucky woman we were before kids, sometimes they need to understand that we just don’t have the energy to be smart, sexy and entertaining sometimes we just about have enough energy to get by :-(

Heather Gammill Adams 1 year ago

Truth.

Kami Rundel Alford 1 year ago

Well said

Julia Byrne Anthony 1 year ago

Took the words from my own thoughts. I have lost friends along my journey of being a mom, and it’s heartbreaking. You have to have kids to truly understand this struggle of ‘the mom YOU’ and the ‘old WOOHOO Fun’ you.

Kim Jong 1 year ago

Fuck sorry.

Leslie Schneider Boen 1 year ago

Yes, but he owes me an apology too.

Dianne Marie Leland 1 year ago

True…

Sara Byrne 1 year ago

Uh I feel like this!

Jessica Sundquist 1 year ago

Aw

Jenny Kruschke 1 year ago

Oh my. So accurate to my life. I have a 20 month old and an 8 month old. Try as I might, I am not “me” most of the time.

Sarah Miller 1 year ago

love this.

Nancy Johnsrude-Perron 1 year ago

Almost cried when I read this then shared and tagged my husband.

Lori Sanzari Titner 1 year ago

Wow….your good! In crying because I feel the same exact way!

Jennifer Crooker Williams 1 year ago

Exactly! My 3 kids are 10, 8, and 4 1/2 and I still feel all of this!

Amanda Blum Pick 1 year ago

Well that pretty much sums it up…

Jennifer Jackson 1 year ago

I have been feeling the same way lately. I work full-time too. My daughter is almost 3 and my boy is almost 10 months and walking.

Nicole Hall 1 year ago

Made me teary. Having a 7, 5, 3, 2 and 8 week old has put me in this fog for a long time.

Cristine Ann 1 year ago

I remember this … It gets better. But why should I apologize?!

Rachel Yocum 1 year ago

Love this

Samantha Hamburger 1 year ago

So perfect.

Michele Miller Baron 1 year ago

My daughter is 10 and I still feel this way. Thanks for sharing.

Penny Power 1 year ago

what an honest (am dealing with same 2 ages) read x

Erin Zartmann LaMaster 1 year ago

Love this

Jill Christensen 1 year ago

Mine are 17 and 10 and I still feel this way..the worry and the diaper changes just morph into other things..

Michelle Crago 1 year ago

Made me teary, hit the nail on the head

Gen 1 year ago

So true! But you forgot to add “I’m sorry that the only reason you get a call from me is when the babysitter busy and I need someone to watch the kids next week.”

coco 1 year ago

I felt the same way at about the same time in my kids ages. Now at almost 2 and almost 4, I feel like I’m getting that me back. I have days where I don’t even shout at all – they are still in the minority but each time it happens I feel a little more relieved. I have days where we all get to bed on time after a healthy dinner and baths for both kids. And most importantly, I feel like I can leave both girls with grandparents now at the same time; so I even have some days to myself. :) It certainly helps with the hard days. Hang in there, mamma! It gets better.

Brandy 1 year ago

I love this! I have been feeling this way lately myself.