Let’s be honest here, not all forms of sex are created equal and we all know it.
Most people seem to be the most comfortable discussing genital to genital sexual intercourse.
Talking about oral sex can be a bit harder to swallow (I had to).
Then there’s the big one; the one we are all curious about, but are often too shy to admit it; the one that created quite an uproar when Teen Vogue came out with a story to educate younger generations about it; the one we are afraid to discuss with our gynecologist:
I’m talking about anal sex.
As soon as you mention anal sex, you can practically see the stigma floating in the air. And that needs to go away. Now.
You know why? It’s totally normal, people are having it, people are loving it, and it’s been a form of sex since 100AD, that’s why.
When anal sex is done right — grab the lube, go slow, talk to each other to make sure everyone is comfortable, and realize it might not happen the first time you set out to try — it can be a fun, amazing, satisfying form of sex for consensual couples to share with each other.
Having anal sex (with the right person) has had a huge role in helping me ask for what I want in bed, owning my sexuality, and feeling empowered. It has taught me that different forms of sex can be incredibly satisfying — something I used to shy away from because the lack of dialogue around the subject made me feel ashamed — and your orgasms can go from, meh, to explosive, trust me.
I’ve found this type of sex to be so stimulating and erotic, and now I just wonder why I waited so long to have a voice when it came to this matter. It’s also opened my partner up to talking about how he likes to be stimulated in his anal area, too, which is hot as hell.
I recommend to start small with a finger (nails trimmed, please), or toy. See how you like it and if you want more — it’s always important to test the waters before you dive in, especially in this situation.
Having anal sex should not be taboo.
More importantly, if you choose not to engage and like to only partake in other kinds of sexual acts (or no sex acts at all), that’s great. But what we need to remember is saying anal sex is “gross,” or “disgusting,” can be shameful and offensive to the LGBTQ community, and anyone else who enjoys it.
I’m not saying you have to talk about how you enjoy having your back end stimulated, and you don’t have to show the neighbors your stash of butt plugs should you decide to try it out. You don’t need to divulge details about your sex life you are uncomfortable discussing.
But there is absolutely no need to make judgments about people who enjoy anal sex, or feel it defines people in some sort of negative way — it doesn’t. It’s a type of sex. A very fun, pleasing form of sex to a lot of people, regardless of sexual their orientation, so get over it.
Personally, I believe there’s a reason why the anus is extra sensitive and surrounded by nerve endings. Because, hello, when they are stimulated, it feels fucking amazing.
And it’s a safe, normal, and highly effective way to get some sexual pleasure.
We need to educate our younger generations about all forms of sex, including anal, as uncomfortable as it may be for some of us. Not talking about it, or saying “it’s so wrong,” will make them feel ashamed, or that something is wrong with them for being curious about it, because believe me (I have three teenagers), they are curious about it and if we shut them down, they will look for their answers elsewhere.
No one is wrong here when they are having consensual sex, are we clear?
Whether you are a person with a vagina or a person with a penis, people like anal play. And it means nothing accept that they like anal play.
And if you think it’s wrong, keep it to yourself. You aren’t the boss of anyone’s sex life besides your own.