The Real Golden Rule Of Life? Don't Be A D*ck


I’ve had it with dicks (I mean this figuratively), and the other day I wanted to scream it from my rooftop. It was a lovely sunny morning, and I was in my car with my three kids who were literally trying to push me over the edge, as they often do.

We were at a stop light and I looked over to the mom next to me who was desperately trying to poke a straw into a damn juice packet before the light turned green — probably because her toddler was trying to kill her softly from the backseat and all she wanted was to get where she was going without losing her shit. I gave her a nod of solidarity.

We’ve all been there, right?

I bet she was trying to keep a smile on her face. I bet she was already exhausted even though it was 10 a.m. And I bet she didn’t need the asshat behind her to lay on his horn at the exact second the light turned green. But that’s what he did because he was more concerned about himself and his needs than anything else. Dickhead.

It scared us both, and I’m sure it added to her stress. Now, this wasn’t a case of someone texting and ignoring the light, or taking her sweet old time, she just took a second to put her foot on the damn gas pedal.

Yeah, I get it, you are in a hurry, we all fucking are, but if the light turns green and the person in front of you doesn’t start zipping forward at the same second, maybe give them at least two more seconds before you honk your horn so hard and loud people lose their hearing and are visibly rattled. Also, I doubt those few seconds got him to his location any faster.

Sometimes the person in front of you is picking something off the floor. Maybe they have a wedgie that has needed to be pulled out of their ass crack for the last 20 minutes and they finally get to relieve themselves. Just don’t be a dick. Give people at least two seconds before you slam your hand on the steering wheel and honk at them like you are some kind of rotten rage monster.

And nothing hurts my soul more than walking into a restaurant and seeing the wait staff get treated poorly and people trashing the place. They work damn hard. And yes, they are paid to clean up to a point, but it is your job to clean up after yourself too. You shouldn’t go out of your way to make as large of a mess as possible and then leave it all behind because that means you’re also the type of person to leave no tip. Total dick move.

There have been times I’ve felt like we forget people who wait on us are just that — people. That’s somebody’s daughter working hard to save for college. That’s somebody mother working two jobs to put food on the table for her kids. That’s somebody’s grandfather who can’t afford to retire. That’s somebody’s aunt who loves being around people and the social aspect of getting out of the house because her husband died 10 years ago. Think about that, and treat them accordingly.

We all know they don’t get paid enough to put up with half the shit they do. And a smile, a kind word, and just generally not being a dick, especially when they are slammed busy, really goes a long way.

I know there are bigger things to worry about in our country right now, but isn’t this where it all starts? Treating each other in a civilized manner. Being respectful. Having some decency. We look around and see so many people who are way more concerned about how something is affecting them and not how it might be affecting someone else, and our kids are watching this.

No one can be perfect or bend over backward for others all the time. Yeah, we all have shit days and get grouchy, but what message are we sending when we take it out on the mother in the car in front of us or the server at a restaurant? It’s not a good one, folks.

We can show a little more grace, hold open doors, and be compassionate for people. We can. It doesn’t cost a thing, and it takes virtually no effort.

Seriously, if you are a dick, your kid is going to see you act like a dick, and guess what? The world is going to consist of even more dicks. And that should scare the shit out of us because we have more than enough of them already.

So check yourself the next time you want to act foolish and mean. Set a better example. Don’t be a dick.