You Can Watch 'Jaws' While Floating On Open Water This Summer And LOL Nope

by Valerie Williams
Originally Published: 
Image via Instagram/Alamo Drafthouse

This water park offers viewings of “Jaws” on open water

As a person who panics at the thought of seaweed touching me, the premise of Jaws is enough to make me shudder. That movie taught me things. If something touches you in the water, in all likelihood, it’s a shark. Well ok, it probably is seaweed, but logic wouldn’t stop me from freaking out every 14 seconds if I had to watch the ultimate scary shark film while floating in an inner tube over open water.

But at Beachside Billy’s, a water park in Leander, Texas, this is a thing you can do and sure, it’s not actually in the ocean, but have you seen some of the shit that can be found in lakes? It’s still a no for me, dawg.

LOL look at those teeth and please understand that it’s dusk and your toes are dangling in dark water and you have no idea what’s underneath while watching a shark on screen that has a taste for human flesh. Having fun yet?

Fine, it does look kind of fun. But according to this adorable promotional video, there are scuba divers trolling the water during the screening pinching viewers and using red lights to “freak you out.”

Oh boy.

Sounds like a fun way to have Mommy’s First Heart Attack! Or just a nice dose of public embarrassment when I burst into tears and kick some poor scuba diver right in the nads.

It’s happening every weekend this summer and for the $55 admission, you get a Jaws-themed inner tube and an illustrated Jaws pint glass along with viewing the movie. Is that worth the possibility of bloody water death? (Yes I know it’s a lake, but open water is open water, sometimes alligators get into people’s swimming pools, LEAVE ME ALONE.)

Obviously some people would find this a blast, but I’m definitely not one of them. Please don’t let this be a nationwide thing because my husband will definitely force me to go.

H/T: Delish

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