It could be that you have a kid who cannot (seriously, will they ever stop?!) talking about tugboats. Or, hey, maybe you’re the one who has a slight obsession with ships. You might even be the kind of person who considers boat coloring pages a therapeutic pastime. Whatever brought you here, welcome — you’re in for some ferry good boat puns and jokes, so full steam ahead for serious fun of the boat-themed variety.
Before we cruise right into the punchlines, though, let’s take a minute to appreciate some interesting facts about boats. For example, did you know that whistling is considered bad luck when you’re aboard a boat? It’s said to bring about strong winds. How about the fact that restrooms on a boat are often called the “head”? This is because, historically, sailors relieved themselves at the ship’s front (also known as the head or bow). Sounds gross, we know, but in their defense, the waves that routinely crashed down on the front of the boat probably washed away most of the pee (share this with your preschooler because you know they think anything potty-related is hilarious!).
So, now you know. And with that newfound knowledge, you can go full-speed ahead into the following boat-themed jokes.
Best Boat Puns and Jokes
- What did the captain name the extremely fast ship?
- What did one friend say to the other who showed up super-late for their cruise?
“It’s a-boat time.”
- Why did the motorboat sink when it was moored against the pontoon?
It gave in to pier pressure.
- Why are all of the baby boats scared of the boat teacher?
She’s very stern.
- Where did Bugs Bunny decide to park his boat?
At the “What’s up, dock!”
- What do captains use to clean their noses when they have a cold?
- How do boats say goodbye to each other?
“Sea ya later!”
- What is an admiral’s motto?
“Do it schooner rather than later.”
- What movie do sailors like to watch the most?
- What was the name of the pirate that did not fear the ties?
- How were the goods transported through the boat?
With the help of car-go.
- Why is the boat so good at telling stories?
They always have a ferry-tail ending.
- What do you call a person specialized in boat chemistry?
- Why did the sea captain fall ill after looking at his boating test score?
He got C-sick.
- What was the name of the optometrist who came on the boat?
A see captain.
- What happened when the brother and sister disagreed about oars in a boat?
They had a row.
- What kind of vegetable isn’t allowed on ships?
- How do you make luxury yacht charters look younger?
- What happened to the first mate who went around the back of the ship?
The captain gave him a stern look.
- Why did everyone think the ship was so polite?
It always had a bow for everyone.
- What happened when the boat carrying red paint crashed against the boat carrying blue paint?
The crew got marooned.
- What did one dinghy say to the other?
“Yeah, buoy, let’s sail!”
- Where did the flying boat land?
- Why did the sea captain fall asleep?
He went snore-kling.
- What did the captain of the slow ship say?
“We’ll get there schooner or later.”
- What does Captain Jack Sparrow use to cook?
Pyrex of the Caribbean.
- Two cruise ships were in the harbor. “I’m empty. Where is everyone?” said one.
“I haven’t got a crew,” said the second.
- What kind of music do fishermen love to listen to on their boat?
- What do you call a dentist’s office on a boat?
The tooth ferry.
- This ship keeps banging into rocks…
It’s cruising for a bruising.
- What did the ferry say when the exercise trainer tried to get him to sign up for workouts?
“I don’t need this. I’m already shipshape!”
- What was the discount rate at the boat store?
A two-for-one sail.
- What is the most crowded and caring boat called?
- How many boaters does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because the right size bulb isn’t on board, the local marine-supply store doesn’t carry that brand, and the mail-order house has them on back-order.
- Who always gets free movie ticket passes on the cruise ship?
- What do you call a boat with AI?
- What did one canoe say to the other as they passed?
“Oh, hey… water you doing here?”
- Where do sick boats go for check-ups?
To the dock.
- Why did the students go on the boat?
To get their scholar-ship.
- Why was the rower so upset when their paddle fell over the side?
Getting it back would be an oar-deal.
- Why did the dolphin chase the boat?
To find its porpoise!
- What do zombies like to do on a cruise ship?
- A canoe asked a tug whether he’d been to the Atlantic.
“Oh, no,” he replied. “I wouldn’t go there. I have very Pacific tastes.”
- A rock band’s yacht moored and then fell over sideways…
It liked to dock and roll.
- What does BOAT stand for?
Break out another thousand.
- Where do zombies like to go on cruises?
The Dead Sea.
- How do you make a boat feel healthy?
You give it some vitamin sea.
- What do you call a yacht that likes to spoil puns?
- Why didn’t other boats like the canal boat?
They thought it was pushy — it kept barging through them.
- What do you call a boat that ruins all the other boats’ plans?
- A barge and a speedboat left on a trip. The barge arrived, but the speedboat wasn’t there.
“I guess she took the sea-nic route,” he said.
- Why was everyone worried about the canal boat after the storm?
He looked like a wreck.
- What was the name of the boat filled with football players?
- What music band is not allowed to perform on a navy boat?
- What kind of laundry detergent do sea captains use the most?
- Why was Pirates of the Caribbean not allowed to play on the cruise?
Because of censor-ship!
- How do captains greet each other on a cruise?
They start waving.
- What did one boat say to the other?
“Can I get a free pass on row-mance?”
- Why are pirates so bad at learning alphabets?
Because they always get stuck at C.
- What ship is most liked by all vampires?
A blood vessel.
- Skipper: “Where are you going with your blinking ship?”
The other: “This isn’t a blinking ship. It’s a lighthouse!”
- What’s the world’s most efficient bilge pump?
A scared man with a bucket.
- A very nervous first-time crew member says to the skipper, “Do boats like this sink often?”
“Not too often,” replied the skipper. “Usually it’s only the once.”
- Have you heard about the Bluetooth iceberg?
Any ship that goes near it will sync.
- Why does the Norwegian Navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So that when the ships come back into port, they can Scandinavian!
- A catamaran in the frostbite series race lost its mast and was nearly overturned by a large wave.
The headline in the club newsletter the next day was “Cata-frostic Dismaster.”
- “My wife just took a boat trip to the Caribbean.”
“Jamaica?” “No, she wanted to!”
- Why did the pirate give his boat a coat of paint?
Its timbers were shivering.
- Why are portholes on boats round?
So the water doesn’t hit the sailors square in the face.
- The cast of Friends got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.
Because Lisa Kudrow, and David was a good Schwimmer.
- Before my operation, the anesthesiologist asked if I wanted to be knocked out via gas or boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
- What is the name of the captain of a boat made of cork?
- What do you call it when one boat follows another boat too closely?
- I recently started a boat shop in my attic…
The sails have been going through the roof.
- Anybody need a boat?
I Noah guy.
- Why were the ship owners so sad about buying the new ship?
Because it coasta plenty to them!
- Why are boats not weirded out by another boat and their activities?
Because they respect whatever floats each other’s boats.
- Why did the laughter-ship sink very often?
Because the anchor took a break!
- What was the devout sailor getting ready to do?
- My anchor rope started talking to me, so I asked if it was a person now.
“I’m a frayed knot,” it replied.
- Buoy, that big thing floating in the water sure is red.
- A rope asked if it was getting a Christmas present.
“Depends if you’re knotty or nice,” the sailor replied.
- “Why is the anchor on that scale?” shouted the captain.
“You told me to weigh anchor,” said the sailor.
- My parents made a decent living as fishermen, even though they could only afford a boat made of balsa wood.
They didn’t have real hardship.
- What do you call a boat that comes in second place?
The rudder up.
- What did King Tut say when he fell out of his boat?
“I’m in denial.”
- What was the blindfolded man doing on a boat?
Waiting for a cab.
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