Mom’s post nails why we shouldn’t have to ask for help
If you’ve ever lived with another person, you’ve inevitably fought about who’s pulling their weight more around the house. If you have kids, chances are higher (read: 100%) you’ve had this argument with your partner because there is so much more to do. One blogger perfectly captures what it feels like when you are the one who feels as if they are doing, well, everything.
Blogger and Australian mom of four (soon to be five), Constance Hall, posted an emotional (and rightly so) rant on her Facebook page about what it feels like to do everything around the house. It’s a sentiment felt by many moms who feel like they’re carrying the load, both mentally and physically, for everyone.
Hall said she was bitching to friends about the fact that she does absolutely everything and one of them told her if she wanted help to, “‘be specific… ask for it. People need lists, they aren’t mind readers.'”
So she did.
“‘Can you take the bin out? Can you get up with the kids? I’m just a little tired after doing it on my own for 329 years. Can you go to woolies? I’ve done 3 loads of washing and made breaky, lunch, picked up all the kids school books, dealt with the floating shit in the pond,'” she writes.
She said shit did get done but that it was exhausting to trying to keep up with it all, constantly reminding her partner what needed to be done, so she stopped. And it doesn’t take a crystal ball to figure out what happened next.
“NOTHING,” she writes. “Again.”
Frustrated, Hall continues, “And so I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not your job to ask for help, it’s not my job to write fucking lists.. We have enough god dam jobs and teaching someone how to consider me and my ridiculous work load is not one of them.”
How do you speak about person you love? I never realised how important it is.. But I once worked with a man, an older Italian man. He told me constantly how amazing his wife was, how lucky he was, how she was 60 and could pass as 30, how many men were jealous of him for being the one that got her. He said she could have been a movie star but she married him instead. I'd listen captivated by how his face lit up when he spoke about her. And one day in she came. About 4 foot 5, in eher high heels, with the worlds biggest blow dry and bright pink lipstick. We became friends and she told me she is a size 20, a grandma and still turns most of the heads she walks past. On that first day I met her she walked past everyone, straight up to me and planted a kiss on my cheek and told me how she had been excited to meet me. I looked back at her husband, pride beamed from his face as he said to me "see?" And kissed his fingers. "Bella" And he was right, she was beautiful. Not just because of her obvious beauty but because she lived in a world of love and adoration. So often we see the worst in our partners due for to stress and resentment. But it's never too late focus on what you love about them and start speaking about them with love and adoration. 💗💗💗
This is not an uncommon occurrence. I have many friends who do it all after years of asking for help. They’ve tried just not doing things, leaving laundry to pile up or not emptying the dishwasher, and guess what? The laundry continues to pile up and the dishes don’t get done.
Hall goes on to say, “Just think about each other, what it takes to run the god dam house. Is one of you carrying the weight? Because when the nagging stops, when the asking dies down, when there are no more lists. All your [sic] left with is silent resentment. And that my friends is relationship cancer.”
“It’s not up to anyone else to teach you consideration. That’s your job,” she concludes. And it really isn’t. If you see someone busting their ass, get up off yours and do something. Help out. It’s not that tough. “Just do the fucking dishes without being asked once in a while mother fuckers,” Hall writes.
Amen to that.