Blogger Constance Hall Shares Struggle Of Baby And Marriage

Mom Gets Real About Imbalance Of Power Between Moms and Dads In Viral Post

December 30, 2018 Updated January 2, 2019

constance hall
Image via Facebook/Constance Hall

Hall perfectly sums up why motherhood is so damn hard

There’s no shortage of articles out there explaining the mental load of motherhood and how it feels impossible to share this with a partner. And it is impossible, because there are just some things that women (not always women, but usually) take on that their partners do not. Add this to the unequal workload so many new moms face, and the combination can leave you feeling frustrated and alone, as Australian author and blogger Constance Hall recently pointed out.

In her post, Hall begins by calling out all the people who tell her that she and her husband are “couple goals” and how lucky she is that he’s so hands-on after welcoming their new baby. “The truth is that having a baby has pushed my relationship to the absolute edge,” she admits.

I get so many messages on Instagram about how “hands on” my husband is. And even people telling me that we are “couple…

Posted by Constance Hall on Friday, December 28, 2018

The mother of five says she’s used to upping her workload when a new baby arrives, but that having a baby with someone is vastly different than sharing the monumental responsibility.

“I’m not man bashing or airing my dirty laundry or doing any of the other ridiculous things that people say when someone speaks out in their truth against a system that greatly benefits one gender while driving another insane.”

She also explains the shift in her relationship, feeling more like “a ball and chain” than someone her husband enjoys spending time around. And because so much of the care and feeding is left to the mothers, Hall also perfectly nails just how lonely it can be.

“I wake up with my baby at 6 am and I’m in bed exhausted by 8 pm. That’s the thing about babies, they take away all of your alone time and somehow leave you feeling incredibly lonely,” she wrote.

That loneliness eventually gives way to anger and resentment, a familiar pattern for many new moms. “I’m fucking exhausted, so many night feeds, remembering to buy school stuff for next year, to bath all my kids, wash all the clothes, dishes, supermarket, take them out to tire them out, answer 5 thousand questions a day with a smile and keep this house looking relatively clean because someone walked into it the other day and laughed and said ‘don’t clean up for us.’ But the truth is I fucking had, for hours.”

For Hall, the fantasy of “couple goals” is just that — a fantasy. Because no matter how hard you try or how much your partner contributes, a mother gives up so much more.

And it’s ok to be pissed about that sometimes. “In the spirit of honesty,” Hall continues, “having a baby is one thing, sharing that baby is a completely different story.”

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Some bloke messaged me on instagram the other day. It’s always interesting when blokes message me.. occasionally it’s to tell me that their wife loves me and that they think what I’m doing is awesome.. but usually it’s a) to have a crack or b) to have a go. This guy was the latter… “Constance why do you have to get your tits out on camera to feed your baby… have some respect for your kids and your husband….” So to answer his question, I have to have my tits out to feed my baby because he does this thing called Breast Feeding- so fucking weird, the baby literally feeds off my breast!! It’s so hard to do through clothes… Babies love it, I love it, It’s proven to be nutritionally very beneficial.. I’m raising my children in a world that will hopefully finally desexualise breasts so that mums and babies are free to feed in public with out the scrutiny of someone like yourself feeling awkward because its giving him a stiffy.. 🤷🏽‍♀️ You know, free to do it anywhere we want, like ya know… every other mammal on Earth…. Which is why in fact I have a lot of respect for my children. And as for my husband.. What the fuck has any of this got to do with him? 😘

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She also points out that there is a lot of love in her marriage and the two will continue to create a path together. “Because as my recently divorced male friend told me, ‘you think having a baby and wife is depressing.. until they leave you. And then you learn the meaning of depressing.’”