I’ve been married for almost eight years and I have two beautiful children, so it’s safe to say I’m a fan of sex. I like to have a quickie before the kids are awake and my husband leaves for work, and I like to take my time when the kids are staying the night with their grandparents. Sex is good for the soul, good for couples, good for stress relief. It’s a good thing.
But it’s not the only option for physical affection.
Even though I’m in a long-term committed relationship, sometimes I just wanna make out a little without any strings attached. Not every kiss is, or should be considered, foreplay to getting down in mattress town.
There are moments when I catch a glimpse of my husband in the other room playing with our kids. I think about how lucky I am to have him in my life and how lucky they are to have him in theirs, and I scoot on over to plant a kiss of gratitude on him. It’s as simple as that, and it doesn’t mean I have to “give him” sex later on in the day. A kiss can just be a kiss and nothing more.
Sometimes it’s fun to have what’s been referred to as “non-goal oriented touching.” There’s a simplicity to just kissing for the sake of kissing or cuddling for the sake of cuddling. Those moments of physical affection make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside in a way that sex doesn’t always match. Sex is so much about intimacy and baring it all, and there are days when I don’t want to bare it all, but I do want a little something-something to keep the spark going.
I believe relationships need both sexy time and non-sexy time. A kiss can say so much, from “I’m sorry” to “I missed you” to “Damn you look hot in that shirt.” It leaves the body wanting more, and everyone knows that absence makes the heart grow fonder.
A tender touch can make someone feel loved and secure. A long hug can let someone know they are cared about. And a couple who flirts and makes out in the kitchen while making dinner much to the chagrin of their teenagers who tell them to “get a room” can teach their kids what it looks like when two people are still deeply and madly in love so many years after saying their vows.
If you’re someone who wants the freedom to kiss your partner without the guilt of not taking it all the way, I’m here encouraging you to talk about it with them. It’s an awkward conversation for sure: “Hey honey, can I kiss you without the pressure of it having to lead to sex every time?“ It’s a talk I had to have with my husband, though, and things are so much better now that we both understand sometimes the moment will begin and end with a kiss. That affection doesn’t need to have the obligation of intercourse.
And if you’re on the receiving end of the conversation, believe me when I say that your sex life will only get better once your partner feels that extra level of emotional attachment and acknowledgement. Trust me.