50+ Funny And Sweet Dog Quotes And Jokes Worthy Of Man's Best Friend

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
dog quotes and jokes
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President Harry Truman once famously said, “You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.” In fact, that sentiment applies to dogs everywhere. Our trusty, loving, and loyal companions, there’s a reason dogs are known as man’s best friend. Whether your very good doggo is a pet, a therapy dog, or a service animal, the bond between dogs and their humans has inspired countless literary giants and their works of art. From Groucho Marx to George Carlin, they’ve inspired unforgettable quotes and jokes about dogs.

So whether you’re inspired by a family dog or just looking for some jokes for kids, here are our favorite dog quotes, sayings, and jokes that’ll leave you howling.


Sweet Dog Quotes

1. “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx

2. “If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.” – Mark Twain

3. “No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.” – Christopher Morley

4. “When the dog looks at you, the dog is not thinking what kind of a person you are. The dog is not judging you.” – Eckhart Tolle

5. “There is no faith which has never yet been broken, except that of a truly faithful dog” – Konrad Lorenz

6. “You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.” – Harry S Truman

7. “Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.” – Moby

8. “What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.” – George Carlin

9. “Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.” – Franklin P. Jones

10. “Dog is God spelled backward.” – Duane Chapman

11. “If you don’t own a dog, at least one, there is not necessarily anything wrong with you, but there may be something wrong with your life.” – Roger A. Caras

12. “I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts.” – John Steinbeck

13. “A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.” – Josh Billings

14. “No matter how you’re feeling, a little dog gonna love you.” – Waka Flocka Flame

15. “All his life he tried to be a good person. Many times, however, he failed. For after all, he was only human. He wasn’t a dog.” – Charles M Schulz

16. “A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.” – Robert Benchley

17. “Animals have come to mean so much in our lives. We live in a fragmented and disconnected culture. Politics are ugly, religion is struggling, technology is stressful, and the economy is unfortunate. What’s one thing that we have in our lives that we can depend on? A dog or a cat loving us unconditionally, every day, very faithfully.” – Jon Katz

18. “My fashion philosophy is, if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.” – Elayne Boosler

19. “The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.” – Samuel Butler

20. “Dogs have given us their absolute all. We are the center of their universe. We are the focus of their love and faith and trust. They serve us in return for scraps. It is without a doubt the best deal man has ever made. ” – Roger A. Caras

21. “The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.” – Charles de Gaulle

22. “It is amazing how much love and laughter they bring into our lives and even how much closer we become with each other because of them.” – John Grogan

23. “The world would be a nicer place if everyone had the ability to love as unconditionally as a dog.” – M.K. Clinton

24. “If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.” – Will Rogers


The Funniest Dog Jokes and Puns

25. What did the hungry Dalmation say when he had some kibble? That hit the spot!

26. What did the dog say to the sandpaper? Ruff!

27. What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You can step in a poodle.

28. What is a dog’s favorite city? New Yorkie!

29. Why did the poor dog chase his tail? He was trying to make both ends meet.

30. What do you call a dog in the winter? A chili dog!

31. What kind of dog does Dracula have? A bloodhound!

32. What did the skeleton say to the puppy? Bone Appétit!

33. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the barking lot.

34. Where should a dog never go shopping? A flea market

35. What does a scientist’s dog do with bones? Barium.

36. What is the dog’s favorite button on a remote? Paws.

37. What kind of construction are dogs best at? Roofin’.

38. Anything is paw-sible when you have a dog.

39. The dog is so popular that the pup-arazzi took its photo.

40. My dog never stands up for herself. She just rolls over.

41. My dog hates the rain. He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.

42. What’s your dog’s favorite Pink Floyd album? Bark Side of the Moon.

43. Don’t stop retrieving. Hold on to that feline.

44. It’s raining cats and dogs. That’s fine, as long as it doesn’t reindeer.

45. Have you heard about the new dog movie? It’s called Jurassic Bark.

46. I’m all about the pug life.

47. Why are dogs like phones? Because they have collar IDs!

48. Why do dogs run in circles? Because it’s hard to run in squares!

49. Why did the snowman name his dog “Frost”? Because “Frost” bites!

Pawsome Dog Poems

“The Dog” by OGDEN NASH

The truth I do not stretch or shove

When I state that the dog is full of love. I’ve also found, by actual test, A wet dog is the lovingest.

“Bereavement” by Kevin Young

Behind his house, my father’s dogs

sleep in kennels, beautiful, he built just for them.

They do not bark.

Do they know he is dead? They wag their tails

& head. They beg

& are fed. Their grief is colossal

& forgetful.

Each day they wake seeking his voice,

their names.

By dusk they seem to unremember everything—

to them even hunger

is a game. For that, I envy. For that, I cannot bear to watch them

pacing their cage. I try to remember

they love best confined space to feel safe. Each day

a saint comes by to feed the pair

& I draw closer the shades.

I’ve begun to think of them

as my father’s other sons, as kin. Brothers-in-paw.

My eyes each day thaw.

One day the water cuts off. Then back on.

They are outside dogs—

which is to say, healthy & victorious, purposeful

& one giant muscle

like the heart. Dad taught them not to bark, to point

out their prey. To stay.

Were they there that day? They call me

like witnesses & will not say.

I ask for their care & their carelessness—

wish of them forgiveness.

I must give them away. I must find for them homes,

sleep restless in his.

All night I expect they pace as I do, each dog like an eye

roaming with the dead

beneath an unlocked lid.

“Epitaph To A Dog” by Lord Byron

Near this Spot

are deposited the Remains of one who possessed Beauty without Vanity, Strength without Insolence, Courage without Ferosity, and all the virtues of Man without his Vices. This praise, which would be unmeaning Flattery if inscribed over human Ashes, is but a just tribute to the Memory of Boatswain, a Dog who was born in Newfoundland May 1803 and died at Newstead November 18th 1808.

When some proud Son of Man returns to Earth,

Unknown to Glory but upheld by Birth, The sculptor’s art exhausts the pomp of woe, And storied urns record who rests below. When all is done, upon the Tomb is seen Not what he was, but what he should have been. But the poor Dog, in life the firmest friend, The first to welcome, foremost to defend, Whose honest heart is still his Masters own, Who labors, fights, lives, breathes for him alone, Unhonour’d falls, unnotic’d all his worth, Deny’d in heaven the Soul he held on earth. While man, vain insect! hopes to be forgiven, And claims himself a sole exclusive heaven. Oh man! thou feeble tenant of an hour, Debas’d by slavery, or corrupt by power, Who knows thee well, must quit thee with disgust, Degraded mass of animated dust! Thy love is lust, thy friendship all a cheat, Thy tongue hypocrisy, thy words deceit, By nature vile, ennobled but by name, Each kindred brute might bid thee blush for shame. Ye! who behold perchance this simple urn, Pass on, it honours none you wish to mourn. To mark a friend’s remains these stones arise, I never knew but one — and here he lies.

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