50+ Funny Poems That Will Brighten Your Day – Scary Mommy

These 50+ Funny Poems Are Guaranteed To Brighten Your Day

November 13, 2019 Updated September 17, 2020

funny poems
Pexels

When you’re feeling down, sometimes all it takes is reading a funny limerick or rhyme to lift your spirits. Funny poems are famous for inspiring good vibes and keeping readers on their toes with clever witticisms, irony, and plain old silliness. We rounded up a number of funny poems that are sure to keep you laughing and will brighten the rest of your day.

  1. She fell into the bath tub.
    she fell into the sink.
    she fell into the raspberry jam.
    and came out pink! — Unknown
  2. I’ve hunted near, I’ve hunted far
    I even looked inside my car.
    I’ve lost my glasses, I’m in need,
    To have them now so I can read.
    I loudly swear and I curse
    Did I leave them in my purse?
    Are they behind the sofa, under the bed?
    Oh there they are – on my head! — Anne Scott
  3. Roses are red.
    Violets are blue.
    God made me pretty.
    What happened to you! — Unknown
  4. There was a young lady of Kent.
    Whose nose was most awfully bent.
    She followed her nose,
    One day, I suppose,
    And no one knows which way she went. — Unknown
  5. My friend has a baby
    and owns a boutique
    I just bought a cactus
    It died in a week. — Samantha Jayne
  6. My turn signal wasn’t working,
    So I asked for help from a friend.
    “Stand behind the car,” I said.
    “Let’s get this problem to end.”
    “When I turn the signal on,
    If it’s working, let me know.”
    I hit the blinker and then I heard:
    “Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! No!” — Joanna Fuchs
  7. Four be the things I am wiser to know:
    Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
    Four be the things I’d been better without:
    Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
    Three be the things I shall never attain:
    Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
    Three be the things I shall have till I die:
    Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye. — Dorothy Parker
  8. My dog is quite hip.
    Except when he takes a dip.
    He looks like a fool,
    when he jumps in the pool,
    and reminds me of a sinking ship. — Unknown
  9. The people upstairs all practice ballet
    Their living room is a bowling alley
    Their bedroom is full of conducted tours.
    Their radio is louder than yours,
    They celebrate week-ends all the week.
    When they take a shower, your ceilings leak.
    They try to get their parties to mix
    By supplying their guests with Pogo sticks,
    And when their fun at last abates,
    They go to the bathroom on roller skates.
    I might love the people upstairs more
    If only they lived on another floor. — Ogden Nash
  10. Chalk-white faces, spangled gowns,
    Airs and graces, capering clowns!
    Noses painted (reds and browns);
    Look! they’ve fainted; foolish clowns!
    East and west, cities, towns, clap with zest circus clowns.
    Speak no word – verbs or nouns.
    Quite absurd, much-loved clowns.
    What a fall! Smiles, no frowns.
    Best of all- these agile clowns.
    Daddy roars, so does mother.
    That clown scores, smacks his brother.
    Life must bring ups and downs.
    In life’s ring let’s be clowns!
    Learn their way to make folk smile;
    Dullest day, hardest mile.
    In life’s ring let’s be clowns;
    Laugh and sing at ups and downs! — Wilhelmina Stitch
  11. All doggies go to heaven (or so I’ve been told).
    They run and play along the streets of Gold.
    Why is heaven such a doggie-delight?
    Why, because there’s not a single cat in sight! — Larry Huggins
  12. I once knew a man who lived in a jar.
    For a stranger sight you’d have to go far.
    I asked him once why he lived in a jar.
    He grimaced and said, how bizarre you are.
    My jar’s so cozy, warm and bright,
    Even in the full moonlight.
    The only drawback is, you see,
    Getting out quickly when I have to pee. — Irwin Mercer
  13. There’s been a murder, a woman was killed,
    found in a bathtub, partially filled.
    A pair of policemen went into the house
    and questioned the poor woman’s spouse.
    He’d just come home from working all night
    and found her like that, a terrible sight.
    The younger policeman looked on with dismay.
    He’d never forget that terrible day.
    He saw the young woman from behind the door
    and empty milk cartons all over the floor,
    Scattered strawberries, slices of fruit,
    and spoonfuls of sugar and honey to boot.
    ”Who could have done this terrible thing?”
    His voice had a horrified, pitiful ring.
    ”Just look at the clues,” replied Sargeant Miller.
    ”It looks like the work of a cereal killer.” — Albert Van Hoogmoed
  14. If you are on the Gloomy Line, get a transfer.
    If you’re inclined to fret and pine, get a transfer.
    Get off the track of doubt and gloom,
    Get on the Sunshine Track -there’s room- Get a transfer.
    If you’re on the Worry Train, get a transfer.
    You must not stay there and complain, get a transfer.
    The Cheerful Cars are passing through, and there’s lots of room for you-
    Get a transfer.
    If you’re on the Grouchy Track, get a transfer.
    Just take a Happy Special back, get a transfer.
    Jump on the train and pull the rope,
    That lands you at the station of Hope –
    Get a transfer. — Unknown
  15. I am a dog.
    And you are a flower.
    I lift my leg up.
    And give you a shower! — Unknown
  16. Whosever room this is should be ashamed!
    His underwear is hanging on the lamp.
    His raincoat is there in the overstuffed chair,
    And the chair is becoming quite mucky and damp.
    His workbook is wedged in the window,
    His sweater’s been thrown on the floor.
    His scarf and one ski are beneath the TV,
    And his pants have been carelessly hung on the door.
    His books are all jammed in the closet,
    His vest has been left in the hall.
    A lizard named Ed is asleep in his bed,
    And his smelly old sock has been stuck to the wall.
    Whosever room this is should be ashamed!
    Donald or Robert or Willie or–
    Huh? You say it’s mine? Oh, dear,
    I knew it looked familiar! — Shel Silverstein
  17. Tinkle, Tinkle little car
    How I wonder what you are.
    Leaking oil every day
    Having it your own way.
    Going up hills real slow
    I don’t want you any mo’.
    Tinkle, Tinkle little car
    Boy, what a lemon you are. — Cecilia L. Goodbody
  18. Browsing my feed
    I’m delighted to see
    your new girlfriend is
    the ugly version of me. – -Samantha Jayne
  19. I eat my peas with honey.
    I’ve done it all my life.
    It makes the peas taste funny.
    But it keeps them on the knife! — Unknown
  20. Funny — to be a Century —
    And see the People — going by —
    I — should die of the Oddity
    But then — I’m not so staid — as He
    He keeps His Secrets safely — very
    Were He to tell — extremely sorry
    This Bashful Globe of Ours would be
    So dainty of Publicity — Emily Dickinson
  21. Oh my beloved belly button.
    The squidgy ring in my midriff mutton.
    Your mystery is such tricky stuff:
    Why are you so full of fluff? — Richard Leavesley
  22. Last night at dinner we had some fish,
    and though I tried, I did not finish.
    My mother told me while I chewed,
    brains loved fish over all other food. — Unknown
  23. Oh, dear,
    Oh, my gosh,
    I hope that no one saw,
    I wish that I could laugh,
    But maybe someone saw,
    Maybe I should hide,
    But, ah, whatever,
    I’ll just pull my trousers up. — Diana Laura
  24. Raindrops on this page
    Wind blows my paper away
    Oh crap! I need that! — Trevor West
  25. Mother doesn’t want a dog.
    Mother says they smell,
    And never sit when you say sit,
    Or even when you yell.
    When you come home late at night
    And there is ice and snow,
    You have to go back ou because
    The dumb dog has to go.
    Mother doesn’t wat a dog.
    Mother says they shed,
    And always let the strangers in
    And bark at friends instead
    They do disgraceful things on rugs,
    And track mud on the floor,
    And flop upon your bed at night
    And snore their doggy snore.
    Mother doesn’t want a dog.
    She’s making a mistake.
    Because, more than a dog, I think
    She will not want this snake. — Judith Viorst
  26. A fruit is fated to be sliced.
    It sings before the blade,
    In joyful hope that now at last
    It’s future has been made.
    The slice is swift.
    The foodie’s fast!
    The rind is cut and saved.
    The pulp is squooshed and
    Squished and smashed! –
    I’ve heard that it’s been said
    No braver lemon gave it’s life.
    The memory never fades
    For citrus that resigns itself
    To become lemonade. — Fawn Power
  27. They do it without realizing,
    They don’t really have a clue,
    Reading between the lines,
    Is something they just can’t do.
    When there is an argument,
    They think they’re always right,
    No matter what we say or do,
    They didn’t start the fight.
    They blame it on our hormones,
    And never take the rap,
    If they call us moody bitches,
    Then they get a slap. — Jessica Miles
  28. There was a very cautious man
    Who never laughed or played
    He never risked, he never tried,
    He never sang or prayed.
    And when he on day passed away,
    His insurance was denied,
    For since he never really lived,
    They claimed he never really died. — Unknown
  29. Our school trip was a special occasion.
    But we never reached our destination.
    Instead of the zoo.
    I was locked in the loo.
    of the toilet at the service station! — Unknown
  30. Youth thinks not of the future
    For it’s so brash and gay
    And that time of life when it is gone
    All seems so far away.
    Well, I was you, would you believe
    The same as most of you,
    And I was out to whip the world
    Just like you want to do.
    Then quick as a wink I met a man
    Who made me change my mind,
    He had a sort of beaten look
    And his face was thin and lined.
    His head was balding on the top
    His shoulders slightly bent;
    I dared inquire of his name
    And how his life was spent.
    He fixed me with a tired stare.
    Then he smiled ironically
    While he gazed back from the looking-glass –
    For the man I met was me. — Donald King
  31. Creating Haiku
    Is harder than it appears
    This may take a while. — E.Gutierrez
  32. Three baby frogs grandma said not to bother
    but we were only eight, and we couldn’t wait to teach them tricks
    so we dipped them in some paint.
    We followed the little white dots into the garden
    where we found them resting by the squash and leaning on the broccoli
    and belly-up under the turnips with remnants of our Picasso’s on their tiny backs
    and scared to death they’d peed on us and grandma would see
    and know somehow we were murderers, Jeannie and me. — Gwendolyn Poliszczuk
  33. We are often greatly bothered
    By two fussy little men,
    Who sometimes block our pathway –
    Their names are How and When.
    If we have a task or duty
    Which we can put off a while,
    And we do not go and do it –
    You should see those two rogues smile!
    But there is a way to beat them,
    And I will tell you how:
    If you have a task or duty,
    Do it well, and do it now. — Unknown
  34. Two frogs fell into a bucket of cream
    And must paddle to keep afloat;
    But one soon tired and sank to rest
    With a gurgling sigh in his throat.
    The other paddled away all night,
    And not a croak did he utter,
    And with the coming of morning light
    He rode on an island of butter.
    The flies came thick to his island home
    And made him a breakfast snappy.
    The milkmaid shrieked and upset the pail,
    And froggy hopped away happy.
    We can all find a moral in this rhyme,
    And should hasten at once to apply:
    Success will come in the most difficult time
    If we paddle and never say die! — Unknown
  35. To keep your marriage brimming
    With love in the loving cup,
    Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
    Whenever you’re right, shut up. — Ogden Nash
  36. Twinkle twinkle
    Little Star
    point me to the nearest bar. — Unknown
  37. The lobster and the crab one day
    Proposed a friendly race.
    Agreed upon the time were they,
    Agreed upon the place.
    The start and finish lines were where
    The two thought they should be.
    The crayfish with a clock was there
    To act as referee.
    And though the rule-book then was read,
    Not all was clarified;
    For as the lobster forward sped
    The crab went to the side. –Jeffrey Krise
  38. A funny old bird is a pelican.
    His beak can hold more than his belican.
    Food for a week
    He can hold in his beak,
    But I don’t know how the helican. — Dixon Lanier Merritt
  39. An elderly man called Keith.
    Mislaid his set of false teeth.
    They’d been laid on a chair.
    He’d forgot they were there.
    Sat down, and was bitten beneath. — Unknown
  40. I’ve fallen in love- I don’t know why
    I’ve fallen in love with a girl with one eye.
    I knew from the start. It was plain to see
    That this wonderful girl had an eye out for me
    She’s charming and witty and jolly and jocular
    Not what you’d expect from a girl who’s monocular.
    Of eyes – at the moment – she hasn’t full quota
    But that doesn’t change things for me one iota.
    It must be quite difficult if you’re bereft.
    If your left eye is gone and your right eye is left.
    But she’s made up her mind. She’s made her decision.
    She can see it quite clearly in 10/20 vision.
    She’ll not leave me waiting, not left in the lurch
    If she looks slightly sideways she’ll see me in church.
    I’ll marry my true love who’s gentle and kind.
    And thus prove to everyone that loves not quite blind. — Andrew Jefferson
  41. That’s not my age; it’s just not true.
    My heart is young; the time just flew.
    I’m staring at this strange old face,
    And someone else is in my place!– Unknown
  42. I don’t have a controller,
    And I don’t have a screen,
    I don’t need to be plugged in,
    I’m not grey and green.
    I can’t make sound effects,
    Or visuals that are fantastic,
    You can’t put me on a shelf,
    Because I’m not made of plastic.
    However, I do have curves,
    Will keep you entertained all the same,
    You can’t insert a disc,
    But we can make our own little game. — Sarah Allen
  43. Can I give you a handful of laughter
    A smidgen of giggles to boot,
    A cupful of tease and a comical sneeze
    Followed by a hilarious hoot.
    Can I offer an hourful of happy
    Throw in an odd chuckle or two
    The time spent is worth while
    If the mirth brings a smile
    To the friend I am writing this to. – John McLeod
  44. BEAUTIFUL Soup, so rich and green,
    Waiting in a hot tureen!
    Who for such dainties would not stoop?
    Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
    Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
    Beau–ootiful Soo-oop!
    Beau–ootiful Soo-oop!
    Soo–oop of the e–e–evening,
    Beautiful, beautiful Soup!
    Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish,
    Game, or any other dish?
    Who would not give all else for two
    Pennyworth only of Beautiful Soup?
    Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
    Beau–ootiful Soo-oop!
    Beau–ootiful Soo-oop!
    Soo–oop of the e–e–evening,
    Beautiful, beauti–FUL SOUP! — Lewis Carroll
  45. Laughter is a gift
    It doesn’t mean your fit
    But it will soften any tension
    It could be consider stress prevention.
    Find a reason to laugh
    Just look at funny giraffes
    Watch a funny show
    A transformation you will go.
    Read a silly book
    And laugh so others will look
    Or watch some children play
    They always find a yea!
    The most wasted of all days
    Is one where laughter is delayed.
    When life gets you down
    Please don’t frown.
    So take this wonderful gift
    And don’t ever be miffed
    Laughter makes living
    For us to be giving — Catherine Pulsifer
  46. My computer has a language
    That is foreign to me
    It speaks of RAM and Gigabytes
    And what could ROM be!
    I don’t understand the Windows
    My computer says are there
    Nor the Gem Clip at the side of my page
    Wth eyes that blink and stare!
    I don’t unerstand the cures
    That maintenance wizards do
    It’s called defragmenter, span disk,
    And virus cleaning too!
    Yet, computer and I work hand and eye
    With a mouse to translate
    The tasks that I want it to do
    While it points out my mistakes! — Burmah M. Teague
  47. There once was a man from Peru.
    Who dreamed he was eating his shoe.
    He woke up at night.
    With a terrible fright.
    To find out his dream had come true! — Unknown
  48. They put me in the oven to bake.
    Me, a deprived and miserable cake.
    Feeling the heat, I started to bubble.
    Watching the others, I knew I was in trouble.
    They opened the door and I started my life.
    Frosting me with a silver knife,
    Decorating me with candy jewels.
    The rest of my batch looked like fools.
    Lifting me up, she took off my wrapper.
    Feeling the breeze, I wanted to slap her.
    Opening her mouth with shiny teeth inside,
    This was the day this cupcake died. — Shelby Greer
  49. At the hospital on the day of my birth
    I’m told I looked strange for what it’s worth
    Doc didn’t whack my rump like he did to others
    Nope, I looked so funny he slapped my mother
    So yeah, I wasn’t a handsome guy
    Mom said my face could make onions cry
    Dad took me to the zoo, and a girl made a crack
    “How nice of that man to bring the monkey back”
    Once I got sick with the Asian flu
    I needed some medicine like other kids do
    The doctor was hardly a humanitarian
    When he suggested I visit a veterinarian
    Being quite truthful; indeed brutally frank
    They turn off the camera when I go to a bank
    The first time I visited a psychiatrist—Ouch!
    She insisted I lie face down on the couch
    But, I made it to college and earned a bachelor’s degree
    Then completed a Master’s and Ph.D
    I’m the owner and president of a large company
    Where lots of good looking people work for me
    So if you don’t like the image you see in your mirror
    Here’s a message that couldn’t be any clearer
    Don’t worry young people; just hit the books
    ‘Cause what you know gets you further than how you look. — Alan Balter
  50. The fear of missing out
    is a real concern of mine
    I fear if I go out tonight
    I’ll miss out on bed at 9. — Samantha Jayne
  51. My eyes are fine; they are just printing words small.
    I just use a walking stick to seem stately and tall.
    Nothing is wrong with my sense of smell.
    My ears are fine if you don’t whisper but yell.
    The wrinkles are just laugh lines; they will go away.
    It is fashion that has turned my hair from black to grey.
    It’s the cold, not age that is stiffening my knees.
    I like to hum as I walk; it’s not a wheeze.
    What extra kilos? My scale is broken down.
    If I try, I can still fit into my wedding gown.
    My bones don’t creak; my shoes are new.
    My memory is sharp. Oh, do I know you? — Nandita Shailesh Shanbhag

Related: These Funny Comebacks And Insults Are What Our Minds Are Really Made Of