Don't Be So Uptight. It's Just Anal Sex.

by Christine Burke
Originally Published: 
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It’s no surprise that women like to share secrets.

We gossip at Girls’ Night Outs and in the carpool lines. We complain to our besties about how annoying our husbands are and about how much we hate it when our kids act like assholes. We are often more truthful with the women in our lives than we are with our spouse.

But, there’s one topic that is (almost) always taboo, even for the closest of friends.

One subject that, when it comes up, women whisper amongst themselves in hushed tones and stare at the ceiling and pray the conversation will die quickly.

A topic so shocking that women nervously giggle and immediately busy themselves with refilling their wine glasses when their slightly drunk friend brings it up “as a joke.”

In fact, when Teen Vogue published an article on this topic last spring, the brouhaha was epic.

It’s time to be brave and take the plunge, ladies.

We need to pull the curtain back and have an open, honest conversation between just us girls.

Let’s talk about anal sex, shall we?

Because, recent statistics from a study done by the Centers for Disease Control show that 36% of women ages 18-44 are playing nudge the fudge in their bedrooms.

That’s right. This means, in a room full of 10 PTA moms, 3.6 moms have had anal sex. Let’s just round up and say 4 of those 10 women have cruised down the Hershey highway.

If you are one of the 4 out of 10 women engaging in anal sex, let’s be clear here: there’s nothing weird or gross about what makes you feel good when you are intimate with your partner. There’s nothing wrong with using sex toys to stimulate your anal area and if you enjoy anal as a part of your healthy sex life, more power to you. It’s normal.

Seriously, slow clap for being open to sexual experimentation and for being in tune with what your body enjoys.

Now, listen. Don’t panic. If anal isn’t your thing, I get it. Trust me.

In fact, for 60% of women, anal sex isn’t part of our sexual repertoire. And that’s okay too. Really. But, the fact is, women are having anal sex (or want to have anal sex) and they probably have questions.

Lots of them.

And, really, where does a woman go for information? Certainly not her friends, right?

Because most of us would drop dead if our besties asked us about lubing up to do the chocolate cha cha, if we are being honest.

So, what’s a woman who is curious about anal sex to do? Where is she supposed to get her questions answered about the mechanics and the dos and don’ts of anal sex?

Say no more, ladies. I have researched the answers to the most frequently asked questions about anal sex. Because, clearly I’ve got some burning questions and curiosity myself. Ahem.

And I now know more than I ever thought I would about lube. So, here we go:

For some, anal sex feels awesome.

The reason is because the anus and surrounding tissues are loaded with nerve endings that create a pleasurable feeling when stimulated. Think about it: taking a dump can be pretty damned satisfying, amiright? Same concept, only now something is going in, rather than out.

Use ALL. THE. LUBE. All of it. Every last bit. So much lube.

Because, unlike the vagina, the anus is incapable of self-lubrication. So that means you’ll need to find a lube that works for your body before you put anything in your starfish. Lubes come in a variety of types and flavors and are a vital part of anal play. Do not forget the lube, folks.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, so start small.

No joke: no one is telling you to cram a cucumber-sized dildo up your backside on your first try. Nope. The anus and surrounding tissues are super delicate and can tear, so you’ll want to start small. Start with a finger and work your way up to a small-sized sex toy and go (or grow?) from there.

Slow and steady wins the anal race.

Niiiiice and slow, that is. In addition to lubrication, you’ll want your partner to put the skin car in a low gear as he slowly eases into the Hershey highway. There’s no need to rush. Go at your own pace. No one’s timing you.

Talk to me, Goose.

Perhaps the most important thing to remember if you are going to experiment with anal sex is that communication is key. Any new sexual experience requires honesty and one-on-one discussion. Talk about anal before you are in the bedroom. Discuss your feelings and work together to make it a pleasurable experience for both parties.

Shit happens, but not during anal.

Let’s face it: your arsehole contains shit, plain and simple. And, when you put something up in there, whether it’s a finger, penis, or sex toy, the fact is, there’s gonna be a tiny bit of shit. But you won’t actually take a shit when engaging in anal sex. Your body won’t let you shit the bed, so just relax.

Anal sex isn’t for everyone, that’s true.

But, for many women, anal sex is just one aspect of an enjoyable sex life and, frankly, we all look a little silly when we giggle like schoolgirls every time someone brings the topic up. There’s no need to judge a woman or make her feel shame because she’s found that anal sex makes her feel good. It’s time we stop treating anal sex like it’s a taboo or dirty. Because no one wants to be judged for the way they express love and affection with their partner, right?

In the immortal words of George Michael, sex is natural, sex is fun, sex is best when it’s one-on-one. And if that one-on-one time includes anal play, no judgment here.

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