Eating According To Kids

by Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
picky eaters

Presented by Mini Babybel®

As a parent of a picky eater, I have finally come to terms with the fact that when it comes to eating, kids have their own plan. All my mealtime pleading, coaxing, bargaining—um okay, bribing—is no match for kid food logic. Finicky eaters have a clearly established set of rules. Resistance is futile. Knowledge is power. Learn to embrace these rules because they are not going anywhere:

1. Avoid bright colors.

Beige is usually code for things that will taste good: rice, pasta, cereal, bagels. It’s like a blank canvas to put a dab of color on, like the teeniest bit of tomato sauce or a dollop of cream cheese. Voila, suckers!

2. Ketchup is king.

Don’t ever travel without it. This red miracle sauce has the power to make even strange food edible.

3. Crusts are the enemy.

Don’t you dare even let us see them.

4. Respect your flavor of the month.

Just because you tried something new and asked for seconds last week does not obligate you to eat it again next month.

5. Chicken fingers are the only possible exception to No. 3.

But only if you eat 100 percent of the crunchy outside coating and 25 percent of the actual chicken. This is the time to impress them with your math skills.

6. Fruit leathers, fruit gummies and yogurt raisins are exactly the same as a fresh piece of fruit.


7. Always look for the specks of green.

Green means evil has infiltrated the plate, and it must be avoided at all costs. Throw your plate on the floor and scream in horror to really drive the point home. Adults love scrubbing red sauce off of the curtains.

8. Foods must never touch or comingle on the plate.


9. Food tastes better in triangles.

No, just kidding, circles! Nope, it’s diamonds today, please! Why can’t they keep up?!

10. Mealtimes are dumb.

It’s always best to express hunger approximately 45 minutes before a meal, an hour after a meal, or 5 minutes after being tucked in.

Since I consider red wine to be a full serving of fruit, I guess I can see where the kids get it from. I suppose as long as they are growing and thriving and occasionally abandoning this list, we’ll be OK. Not great, but OK. And most days? That’s enough.

Brought to you by Mini Babybel®, a delicious cheese that plays by kids’ rules, and the entire family will love. Visit

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