End of the world, Armageddon, Doomsday — call it what you want, humanity’s been anticipating and thinking about the end of life as we know it since its very beginning. And where our thoughts go, culture follows. Nostradamus, the Mayans, Y2K, and Morgan Freeman in Deep Impact all somehow contributed to the fear. Although to be fair, Armageddon is a superior end-times movie from 1998 and fully deserves all the credit it gets. But we digress.
Though it might truly feel like the end of the world as the frightening realities of the coronavirus pandemic send the entire global community into quarantine, this too shall pass. Perhaps it’s people’s fear they don’t actually have as much control as they’d like, or that we really are just a collection of cells on a tiny blue dot in space, there’s not much you can do but read the thoughtful, and often quippy, words of others to come to peace with our time on earth.
So, with that in mind, we’ve collected a sampling of the funniest and most introspective end of the world quotes and jokes to get you to tomorrow.
1. People are making end of the world jokes, like there’s no tomorrow.
2. If a zombie apocalypse were to happen in Vegas would it stay in Vegas?
3. What if once everyone was a zombie and there was a human apocalypse?
4. It’s the end of the world? Nope, just Monday.
5. “What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly.” — Richard Bach
6. “The end of the world is on people’s minds. We have the power to destroy or save ourselves, but the question is what do you do with that responsibility.” — Nicolas Cage
7. “Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed! ” ― Hergé
8. “Everyone, deep in their hearts, is waiting for the end of the world to come.”― Haruki Murakami
9. “Don’t wake me for the end of the world unless it has very good special effects.”― Roger Zelazny
10. “The End is Nigh!” the man shouted.
“Is there still time for hot chocolate?” Riley asked. The-End-is-Nigh guy blinked. “Ah, maybe, I don’t know.” ― Jana Oliver, Forbidden
11. “They say the captain goes down with the ship, so when the world ends, will God go down with it?”
― Fall Out Boy
12. “Funny story, Kent. It’s the end of the world!” — Homer Simpson
13. “It’s the end of the world every day, for someone.”― Margaret Atwood
14. “How baffling it is that we imagined cities incinerated by alien bombs and death rays when all they really needed was Mother Nature and time.”― Rick Yancey
15. “End of the human race is just part of an endless life cycle.”― Toba Beta
16. “This is the way the world ends/ Not with a bang but a whimper.” ― T.S. Eliot
17. “To be Irish is to know that in the end the world will break your heart.” ― Daniel Patrick Moynihan
18. “I sat in the dark and thought: There’s no big apocalypse. Just an endless procession of little ones.”
― Neil Gaiman
19. “My Zombie apocalypse plan is simple but effective; I fully intend to die in the very first wave. Seems more logical than undergoing all kinds of hardships only to die eventually anyway (through bites/malnutrition/or terminally chapped lips)” ― Graham Parke
20. “I have heard the languages of apocalypse, and now I shall embrace the silence.”― Neil Gaiman
21. “What if nobody showed up at Armageddon?”― C R Strahan
22. “I love my virginity to the apocalypse.”― Scott Westerfeld
23. “One of the illusions of life is that the present hour is not the critical, decisive one.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
24. “What’s the news?/
None, my lord, but that the world’s grown honest, Then is doomsday near.” — William Shakespeare
25. “In 5-billion years the Sun will expand & engulf our orbit as the charred ember that was once Earth vaporizes. Have a nice day.”― Neil Degrasse Tyson
26. “God knows when the end of time will come, not some fanatic… The world will end someday, but the end of the world and the end of time are two different things.” — Dolly Parton
27. “The probability of apocalypse soon cannot be realistically estimated, but it is surely too high for any sane person to contemplate with equanimity.” — Noam Chomsky
28. “I’m not the apocalypse nor the promised land.” — Jose Mujica
29. “As far as love is concerned, possession, power, fusion and disenchantment are the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” — Zygmunt Bauman
30. “Once we start believing that the apocalypse is coming, the amygdala goes on high alert, filtering out most anything that says otherwise.” — Peter Diamandis
31. “The species will continue, whatever apocalypse we manage to unleash. It just won’t be much fun to live through.” — Naomi Alderman
32. “I do not know with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.” – Albert Einstein.
33. “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It” by R.E.M.
“That’s great, it starts with an earthquake Birds and snakes, and aeroplanes And Lenny Bruce is not afraid Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn World serves its own needs Don’t mis-serve your own needs Speed it up a notch, speed, grunt, no, strength The ladder starts to clatter With a fear of height, down, height Wire in a fire, represent the seven games And a government for hire and a combat site Left her, wasn’t coming in a hurry With the Furies breathing down your neck Team by team, reporters baffled, trumped, tethered, cropped Look at that low plane, fine, then Uh oh, overflow, population, common group But it’ll do, save yourself, serve yourself World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed Tell me with the Rapture and the reverent in the right, right You vitriolic, patriotic, slam fight, bright light Feeling pretty psyched It’s the end of the world as we know it It’s the end of the world as we know it It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine” 34. “Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. No man has learned anything rightly, until he knows that every day is Doomsday.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson35.” Thank God for imminent doomsday.” — Jim Butcher36. “The apocalypse is not something which is coming. The apocalypse has arrived in major portions of the planet and it’s only because we live within a bubble of incredible privilege and social insulation that we still have the luxury of anticipating the apocalypse.” — Terence McKenna37. “Apocalypse does not point to a fiery Armageddon, but to our ignorance and complacency coming to an end.” — Joseph Campbell38. In hindsight it’s easy to see that 2012 wouldn’t be the end of the world. The end of the world had 2020 vision.39. I heard llamas are going to bring about the end of the world. It’s going to be Alpaca-lyptic.40. I got spit on by a farm animal and thought it was the end of the world. It was just the alpaca lips.
41. “The only thing that is the end of the world is the end of the world.” — Barack Obama
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