Excuse me while I go vomit

by Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 

I threw Jeff a 30th birthday party a few years back. It was an intimate affair, filled with our closest friends and some family. Around 3o people. I worked for months coming up with the decor and the drinks and the menu. (Gold color tones and pomegranate martinis and appetisers galore. In case you wondered.) The one thing that never dawned on me? Actually having to give some sort of toast. At one point in the evening, Jeff turned to me and asked if I was going to say anything. Say anything? Um, okay…

I stood in my living room and nervously stammered, “thanks everyone for coming… Happy Birthday, Jeff!” I don’t think it was quite what he had in mind.

I was surrounded by people I knew– some of whom for a decade or more and I simply couldn’t pull together an intelligent string of words. It was a pretty lame moment to be me.

So, when I found out that I was selected to be a keynote speaker at BlogHer in two weeks, my immediate response was excitement. Holy shit- this is really cool! A room filled with the most influential people in this business, along with so many people I consider friends. What an opportunity!

Until it hit me: A couple thousand people. Plus me. On a stage. Speaking. And, so I fainted.

Okay, maybe not really, but I felt like it.

So, any tips on public speaking? Other than the whole picturing them naked thing? Because all that’s going to do is make me want a tummy tuck and a boob job.

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