At Least These $168 ‘Extreme Cut Out’ Jeans Have Pockets

by Valerie Williams
Image via Carmar

These “jeans” are $168 and are basically just seams and pockets

While squeezing your muffin top into your mom jeans do you ever think, “maybe I should just chop the shit out of these bad boys and go around practically naked?” Well if that’s your jam, you’re in luck. A designer has created a pair of the most ridiculous “jeans” of all time. Yes, more ridiculous than “muddy” jeans. Yes, (somehow) more ridiculous than these plastic peephole knee numbers. We literally can’t even.

In case jeans are just too pants-y for some of you, here they are: Carmar’s “extreme cut out” jeans.

Image via Carmar

Honest to Beyoncé, not only are these a thing for sale that you can actually buy, they’re 168 fucking dollars. No kidding. In case you felt snowed last Christmas after buying your kid that stupid Lol Surprise Ball that was literally full of garbage, rest-assured, there’s now a far dumber way to blow almost 200 smackers — and look like a total asshole in the process.

“Extreme Cut Out Pant is a high rise pant with large statement cutouts on front and back,” the description of these seams with a waistband reads. They actually call them “relaxed” fit and like, they’re not wrong. There’s absolutely nothing uptight about letting your entire booty hang out of your “pants.”

Image via Carmar

You could tell the world you’re a laid-back and chill sort of mom, or you could wear denim scraps and walk around pretty much nude. It’s all on you, such freedom.

And I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out the most solid feature on these pantaloons — they have pockets. We gals all know how hard it can be finding pants with places to store our lady items. Now, we can show our ass but at least our tampons and lip gloss remain concealed. They thought of everything.

Image via Carmar

I mean. What more do you want? Actual pant legs? So passé. These jeans are so 3008 and you’re so 2000 and late, sis.

Image via Carmar

In case you’re wondering, yes, the designer provides some handy visuals on where these jeans would make the most sense.

While appreciating nature.

Or on a day at the beach.

But I think almost showing your entire crotch at a carnival where kids hang out is probably the best bet of all.

Whatever your lifestyle, these denim strips and pockets will WERK. Skip groceries this week and blow your whole wad. Because you’re worth it.