How I Found My Tribe On Facebook

by Alison Chrun
Originally Published: 
facebook group
Halfpoint / iStock

I have a handful of close mom friends in my real life, and I use the term “close” loosely. I might speak to them a few times a month, but that doesn’t quite feel like I’m meeting the social quota. So I tried to find a label that would define me and my odd repulsive feelings toward being social all the time. I came to the conclusion that I’m a bit of an introvert.

I brought this notion to a few of my friends, but they weren’t buying it. They said I’m too social to be an introvert. But what they don’t know is that sometimes that social exterior is really, really hard for me to display. Sometimes it’s forced, because I feel rude otherwise. Sometimes I just want to shut down. Sometimes I do shutdown.

So if introverted isn’t the correct term then I’m sure people in my real life will be just as surprised to hear me say that I also define myself as shy. It’s true. I’m generally guarded with women and don’t always trust easily. I’m damaged and carry around a few unprocessed bags, but who doesn’t? It takes me a while to feel safe, and so I am a bit quiet in the beginning of friendship.

But interestingly enough, I have a very active online presence. I am a blogger with a public page and following. I interact daily, sometimes hourly, with my followers and share parts of my life with them that I don’t even share as frequently with people in my real life. But in my journey of blogging, I’ve come to find out that there are many people like me, in fact, hundreds, thousands even.

There are also thousands of Facebook groups. You can practically do anything from the comfort of your own couch and computer. You can rent movies, watch movies, start businesses, conduct business, shop till you drop, and even get into a relationship if you fancy. And you can also make friends. There’s a closed group for that. Well, for me there was anyway.

You see, bloggers such as myself create closed groups—much of the time for a specific cause. Maybe we all write for the same blog. Maybe we all plan to attend the same conference. Maybe we all meet a need for each other somehow. But there’s always a shared interest; that’s how a closed group works.

In my journey, I was invited into a closed group, a tribe if you will, that focused much of its discussion on blogging, writing, and supporting each other in how to pitch or write for different sites. But it became more than that and was created to be more than that. It was an invitation to join a group of women, and a few men, who believed in nothing more than supporting each other through this crazy experience of blogging. Because, let me tell you, it is crazy.

We have a shared interest, we write. But we are also parents, or at least trying to be. It’s a place we come to commiserate, communicate, and celebrate. We build each other up and cheer each other on through the struggles of everyday life as well as through wild successes. We often tell each other things before we tell our own family and friends—not because we can’t tell them, but because we feel safe in our tribe. We don’t feel judged or misunderstood.

Let’s be honest, we don’t always feel safe with the people in our real life. We don’t always feel understood. How many of you would understand if I came to you with an intense frustration regarding a link from my blog malfunctioning? Or a large site that ripped off one of my memes? Would this sound important to you? Probably not. But my people get it.

There are all kinds of groups. Groups for breastfeeding, parents of children with special needs, mental health, fitness, cars, fishing, farming, and popular television series among others. There are countless groups for people to connect with each other. And you don’t have to belong to just one—you can belong to as many as you want. It’s awesome!

As bad of a reputation that the internet, specifically social media, has gotten recently, it’s an unbelievably easy way for people to connect in a healthy, appropriate, and supportive way. I can go to my tribe and vent about the fact that I can’t get my toddler to eat anything besides goldfish for breakfast and not feel like the worst mother in the world. Even my friends in real life might have something hurtful or judgmental to say about that, but not anyone in my tribe.

I can go to my tribe and ask for advice on how to tell my husband that I’m pregnant with surprise baby No. 3 (I’m not by the way) to aid in bringing me and my husband out of shock and panic.

I can go to my tribe and announce that I just received a promotion that I’ve waited my whole life for, and feel encouraged, supported, and celebrated.

I realize that not all groups function this way, but many can and many do—as long as they are run with integrity and good intentions. Our community is constantly checking in with the group and each other in order to ensure that the values of the group are being upheld. Our amazing friend who started the group makes sure to do this every few months.

So when you hear about a closed Facebook group, it’s not always about Jamberry or lash extensions. Sometimes it’s where true friendships are born and nonjudgmental support is offered. It’s another place for us to make friendships, maintain friendships, and enjoy friendships.

And before you begin thinking that this is some kind of cult, I assure you it’s not. It’s my safe place, and my friends’ safe place that has literally saved our sanity on numerous occasions.

They get me! I get them! And it just feels so damn good to be got!

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