The Internet Has Given Conspiracy Theories New Life

From The Confessional: Miss Us With That QAnon Bullsh*t

Tired-Of-Your-Conspiracy-Theories-confessional
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Conspiracy theories aren’t new—we know that. People have been covering their windows and bracing for a zombie apocalypse or alien invasion for years. But before, conspiracy theorists had a harder time spreading their misinformation. They had to rely on paper literature like books, magazines, and newspapers, or word of mouth. Today’s believers, unfortunately, have the internet at their disposal. They can spread lies quicker than you can say “Trump lost, you MAGA-hat wearing Covidiot” with just the click of a button. And it’s terrifying how many people whom we previously respected have fallen into the conspiracy theory abyss, with little hope of ever getting out.

Our in-laws are hooked. So are our neighbors and former friends. Even some of our spouses are now believing asinine stories some Youtube expert is spewing, rather than listening to real, reputable scientific evidence.

They believe the election was stolen. They believe celebrities eat babies. They believe COVID-19 isn’t real. And they definitely don’t want any part of this “dangerous” vaccine going around.

We want to save them, but oftentimes, we can’t, and we have to simply cut them out of our lives instead.

Whether you’re mourning the end of a friendship because your old BFF has gone down the Qanon rabbit hole, or you’re dancing in the streets because your MIL’s “the election was stolen!” beliefs finally gave you the excuse you needed to un-invite her from all holidays from now on, we’ve all been impacted by these bizarre tales in one way or another.

All we can hope for is that these Qanon/Trump-loving “sheeple” will “wake up!” like they always tell us to do. Or else the human race might really be doomed after all.

Confessional #25826981

“I was so looking forward to talking with my long distance friend tonight. What I got instead of a nice conversation was a 2 hour earful of conspiracy theory BS. So upsetting.”

Confessional #25826281

“Older brother & I used to talk almost daily & were like best friends. Last year he went off the deep end with covid conspiracy shit & I haven't spoken to him in 6 months. He keeps texting me mean nasty stuff because "I'm a sheep". Breaks my heart.”

Confessional #25824638

“My brother used to be my best friend, we were so close. The past year he's gone completely over the deep end with crazy conspiracy shit and I had to cut all contact. It's so sad how this insane shit can destroy people and tear families apart.”

Confessional #25820457

“H and I are not on the same page about anything. He has gone crazy with conspiracy theories and has become the most political person I have ever met - and he NEVER cared before. I hate this new person I'm meeting after 12 YEARS.”

As much as we might crack a joke about or shake our heads at these tin-foil hat wearing Trumpets, the truth is, the lies they believe are harmful. And their choice to fall into these traps means our relationships with them are forever changed—a reality that can be truly heartbreaking.

Confessional #25826720

“I secretly enjoy it when adult DS puts his dad in his place. H started in with the conspiracy shit again last night & DS looked at him and said "shut up dad, seriously you sound like an idiot". Love that boy!”

Confessional #25819353

“My friend posts conspiracy YouTube videos all the time then demands my opinion. My opinion is you're fn dumb.”

Confessional #25817643

“This afternoon I innocently went into a bakery to buy a treat, and was ambushed by two antimask covidiot workers who tried to convince me it was all a giant conspiracy. I was yelled at for 20 minutes, never did get to buy anything. Fucking nutcases.”

Confessional #25818546

“DH just revealed he's a conspiracy theorist.We haven't gotten along since. He believes school shootings are actors & fake. HTF people can think this way is beyond me. I tried to understand,but its asinine.They don't want to be "confused with the facts".”

It’s hard to be in the same room as some of these people. Their mouths are moving, and you can tell they actually believe what they’re saying, but all we hear is gibberish. And we just want to be like, “Bruh. Stop talking. You sound like an absolute idiot and no one is taking you seriously.”

Confessional #25826709

“My in-laws have been vaccinated... we’re coming up on shot 2... the anti-Vaxx aunt is emailing asking why no one has set up Easter plans. Umm... we did it not exposing our kids to your risky choices or your conspiracy theories. Bye!!!”

Confessional #25826572

“My in-laws are turning into conspiracy theorists and refuse to get the vaccination, even though they are both high-risk. Like, ‘all vaccines are dangerous, government control, microchips, etc’. I feel for DH, but I’m so over their view-points.”

Confessional #25825191

“DH aunt believes covid is fake & won’t get vaccinated. My MIL has told her only vaccinated adults will be invited to family events. The aunt is now sending conspiracy theories to husband; wish I could see her face when she learns he already got a shot.”

Confessional #25810929

“I’m getting tired of my anti-vax,anti-mask, pro conspiracy, negligent ass friend. Wake the fuck up ! So tired of hearing about all this non sense, I think she might be fucking crazy.”

2020 brought out the worst of the worst because it combined conspiracy theorists with a pandemic. And that meant a wave of anti-maskers and anti-vaxxers took a hold of our country. While we social distanced and masked up and signed up for our vaccines, Aunt Carol spewed dumb falsehoods about COVID that got her officially uninvited from Christmas dinner for life. Bye, Aunt Carol.

Confessional #25819312

“We had to cut off my husbands Aunt... her belief in conspiracy theories around Covid and Trump have gone too far... I don’t need that crazy near my kids.”

Confessional #25819257

“Can’t look at a few friends the same after their ridiculous conspiracy theory posts on FB. Trump LOST! Give it up already. Now they are saying Biden had dementia and Harris was a call girl. STFU already.”

Confessional #25822523

“I'm really enjoying watching my hateful ex-friend trying to pretend that she really wasn't a lunatic conspiracy theorist all over social media for the last year and a half.”

Confessional #25794007

“H became a conspiracy theorist and went extreme politically. I’m a progressive. 20+ yrs of marriage and two kids, now separated. He refuses to wear a mask & posts all on fb, always out and about. Can’t keep my kids or myself safe. Why can’t he get it?”

This pandemic changed everything—including breaking up friendships, marriages, and relationships forever. We simply cannot look at our spouse or sibling or best friend the same way again after they believe Qanon bullshit or support the man-baby who is still crying about losing, months later after the election.

For better or worse, the past four years, plus the pandemic, have brought out some bizarre conspiracy theories that we cannot believe anyone with an actual working brain would believe, but they do. And alas, we must then say goodbye as they slither farther and farther down into the Marjorie Taylor Greene loving—Dr. Fauci hating—science is bad but guns are good—the election was stolen but only because Trump lost—rabbit hole.

Buh-bye, Uncle Pete. We will not be saving a seat for you at Thanksgiving this year.