From The Confessional: Putting The Karens Of The World On Blast

by Karen Johnson
Francesco Carta fotografo/Getty

Everyone knows a Karen. They’re loud, they think their opinion is more important than anyone else’s, they embarrass their kids, and they are often times ignorant and racist. Sorry if your actual name is Karen (I get it—mine is too) but if you don’t act like an entitled grownup version of Regina George, we aren’t talking about you.

You can, however, be a “Karen” even if your name is Sue, Tammy, Kathy, or anything really. Here’s how you’ll know: If you call the cops on kids having a lemonade stand because an eight-year-old doesn’t have a “permit,” you’re a Karen. If you report your exhausted neighbor who’s recovering from COVID and has a gaggle of little kids to the HOA board because their lawn hasn’t been mowed in a couple weeks, you’re a Karen. If you lie about shit so your kid can jump ahead and get on the cheerleading squad before other kids who are trying out and following the rules, you’re a Karen.

And if you call the cops on a Black person for literally existing in the same space as you (hanging out at the park, walking to their car, walking into their home, standing on the sidewalk…) then you’re the worst of the worst—you’re a racist Karen.

The truth is, you probably have a Karen in your life—whether it’s a distant cousin you only have to see at family reunions, or it’s your next door neighbor who complains when your kids play too loud in the street. We all have to deal with them, but we can at least make sure we never turn into them ourselves.

I ghosted you because you're an idiot. An entitled, dumbass, racist Karen, who thinks that following trends is a sign of intelligence and superiority. Happy now?

Confessional #25825634

Every time I hear someone say younger generations are so entitled and spoiled it makes me laugh. I work in customer service and BY FAR (like 90%) of the rudest, meanest, most entitled, and aggressive customers are 55+. Fuck you Carol/Karen/Barbara ect.

Confessional #19888450

Moved to the country to avoid asshole neighbours, then some city yuppie moves in next door & complains non stop that the farms surrounding her have *gasp* ANIMALS! Fuck off back to the city Karen, your not head of the HOA in your gated community anymore!

Confessional #25788115

Karens are often racist, ignorant, and just plain rude. They disrespect service workers, act like they are entitled to special treatment, and complain the minute something in their immediate surrounding isn’t to their specific liking.

Several times when I told people we’re adopting, they asked why we didn’t just try it the old fashioned way. Well, Karen, it’s because they all died. Don’t be that person. Just say “congrats! if someone tells you they’re adopting.”

Confessional #25825430

I've worked at an office, WFH, and SAHM. WFH is best for me. SAHM or an office job is easier/better for others. Why do you care what someone else does? Get a life that works for you, Karen.

Confessional #20534143

I would love to stop getting hate for my plans to send my child to 3k in the fall- she is ready for school and when both parents work she would either be in daycare or school. Sorry Stay at home Karen- not all of us can just stop life and homeschool.

Confessional #25786281

Karens also butt their noses in where they don’t belong. Shit that is in no way their business suddenly becomes their business if a Karen doesn’t like it, causing unnecessary drama. No one ever taught them to “say something nice or say nothing at all,” and it shows.

After months of virtual learning the kids go back to in person today and im so happy i literally cried!!! Please please people, stay safe and dont fuck this up again! Wear your damn mask Karen! Im way past my breaking point and NEED this break.

Confessional #25813388

It’s only a matter of time before there’s a video of my mom being a “Karen and refusing to wear a mask in a store”

Confessional #25787795

Lady screamed at me for wearing a mask at the store. Am I bothering you by trying to keep my distance and wear my mask? No. Then shut up Karen. I'd break social distance to fight a bitch like that.

Confessional #25784835

When COVID hit, a new crop of Karens arose—the anti-mask Karens. This Karen will yell at people wearing masks, throw a tantrum in a public place about a mask rule, and go viral on social media because her “rights” are being infringed upon. No one cares if you don’t want to wear a mask to buy your case of wine at Costco, lady. You’re just embarrassing yourself.

I fucking HATE spending time with BIL & SIL! I feel bad because they're basically all the family H has left & he loves his brother. But they're the most self absorbed assholes on the planet! SIL is a Karen on steroids. I can't even fake nice anymore.

Confessional #25822829

My SIL is the most miserable bitch I've ever met. The most Karen-est of all the Karen's. Praying BIL comes to his senses and finally divorces her bitch ass out of the family so I don't have to pretend to like her anymore.

Confessional #25818271

Made the mistake of mentioning a trip H and I are planning (after covid) to SIL. Of course she shit all over the idea like she does about EVERY.FUCKING.THING. She's literally never shown an ounce of enthusiasm for anyone else. She's queen of the Karens.

Confessional #25806950

For many of us, our in-laws are the Karen-est of all. We dread holidays and birthday parties because inevitably our “Karen” MIL or SIL will make it about them and suck all the joy out of everything. Ugggghhhh.

My BFF turned into one of those awful Karen's who took away the kids, demands excess amounts of child support and talks shit about their stepmother. I kind of hate her now.

Confessional #25793847

I deleted every single Karen from my social media. It felt so good. #nomoreKarens

Confessional #25789073

I've just realized that one of my closest friends is a textbook Karen- rude to restaurant and retail workers, control freak, judgemental and hyper critical. HOW did I not see it before?!? And now that I know this I can't fucking STAND her! Bye bye Karen!

Confessional #25760983

And it really sucks when we realize our friends have turned into Karens. Were they always this bitchy and we didn’t see it? Or has growing older just made their happiness cup dry up and all that’s left is a crotchety old soul made of prunes? It’s sad, but when you see that your friend is a real Karen, it’s time to cut her out.

I only realized a decade later that I was taught by a bunch of "Karens." I am 100% sure of it now that I know what a "Karen" is.

Confessional #25788980

Growing up my mom always acted like a "Karen." I was mortified as a child and refuse to go out with her as an adult.

Confessional #25787487

Last week DH witnessed a Karen in the wild and he was so shocked. He thought all the videos I showed him were fake because "I didn't think women would act so dumb". My mom was a Karen and I took this to mean he thinks I'm nothing like her. Hallelujah!

Confessional #25826015

My mother is such a fucking 'Karen' .... Seriously woman. No one owes you shit. And everyone isn't trying to trick you

Confessional #25763025

And finally, another heartbreaking epiphany is when you realize you were raised by a Karen. We had moms who were Karens, aunts and grandmas who were Karens, and teachers who were Karens. And now it’s on us to undo the damage they did and raise our kids to be kind, helpful to others, and remember that the world is a big place and it definitely doesn’t revolve around any one of us.

The Karens of the world, unfortunately, aren’t going anywhere. There have always been catty, self-centered people who feel that they are entitled to more than others. But now we have social media, and we can put their asses on blast when they insult coffee baristas who ask them to wear masks or call the police on anyone they simply don’t want to look at.

We may not be able to get rid of you, Karens, but we’re gonna make you famous.