From The Confessional: Moms Being Honest About Being Moms Is So Validating

by Karen Johnson
Originally Published: 
Mom Guilt is the Worst
JGI/Jamie Grill/Getty

It’s one of the hardest parts about motherhood, or womanhood, or just being an emotional person in general. Guilt. Mom guilt particularly. Because the super fun thing about mom guilt is that it transcends all parts of our lives—not just how we feel about our kids. Mom guilt includes guilt we feel about our partners, parents, in-laws, co-workers, careers, friendships… it’s all part of the giant guilt parade the comes marching by every damn day.

Sometimes, if we work really hard at it, we can kick some of that mom guilt to the curb, and that’s the best feeling in the world. But then we have to work even harder to not let a new, fresh batch of guilt creep into its place.

If you’re plagued with regular mom guilt—whether it’s because you’d rather stick needles in your eyes than play “pretend” with your three-year-old, or because you love your career but it takes you away from your kids, or because your children’s grandparents are begging to come over during the pandemic and you aren’t ready to say yes…

We feel you. Mom guilt sucks. It weighs us down, affects our mental health, and makes us feel like we aren’t doing a good job when we are actually doing our best. So let’s all join up and fight it together, okay?

Now that I am working from home, I easily get annoyed because THE KIDS WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE. I would do Zoom meetings and they will keep on bothering me to the point that I can't work properly anymore. And I feel guilty for feeling annoyed. :(

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I feel so guilty for how short I am with DS at this time.

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I feel guilty when I read posts of people who are so happy staying home all the time with their kids.It's not that I don't want to be with my kids. I just need a break but there is nowhere to go besides the grocery store.

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So thankful we are both working, and FH at that. But both of us WFH AND trying to homeschool 2 DS and feed, entertain day after day is about to drive me in the ground. So much guilt bc I can’t be 8 people.

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Quarantine mom guilt is the newest one! Super fun, since we’re literally tasked with the impossible right now, yet we feel guilty that we can’t do it all.

So sick of my mom’s guilt trips!! She wants to see the grandkids so bad but hello! Global pandemic. I don’t care if your friends aren’t following the rules, we are! Fuck off about it

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My mom guilts me about not seeing the grandkids every time we talk. So I just think we’re going to not talk for a while. I don’t need that in my life.

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Listen Grams, we know you’re sad, but quit the guilt right now, okay? We’re all trying to survive.

I'm drowning under the weight of PMDD and mom guilt...Too much tv is better than being yelled at all day, right?

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My little boy tells me all the time I'm his best friend, and it's just too much pressure for me because I have Asperger's and struggle with personal connections even with people I love. I feel so guilty & worry that he'll struggle with friendships.

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The guilt is so. damn. heavy.

I absolutely loath planning birthday parties. The mom guilt keeps me doing it, though, so at least my kids are happy.

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Mom guilt makes us do shit we hate doing.

My son just wants me to play with him. That's it. I'm just so tired of a terrible mom. I feel guilty. I can't get this time back with him, I'm just so bad at playing and he cant entertain himself....

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Yet we still feel guilty because it’s never enough.

I hate feeling guilty for not wanting sex w/H but he hasn't given me an O in 4 years. I was faking for 6+ years before that. But why do I feel guilty for telling him no? Doesn't make sense but I still feel guilty. I don't love him.

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We feel guilty even when we know it doesn’t make sense to feel guilty.

I can't stand my dogs and I feel so guilty. They're so fucking annoying.

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Ugh, even our damn dogs make us feel guilty.

Love DS19 unconditionally. But the house has been so peaceful since he moved out. Feel so guilty saying that.

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We feel guilty for finally having peace.

So sick of damn dishes. The sink is NEVER empty! Thinking of going to paper plates and cups for the Rest of the duration Of quarantine. I live in a super green city though and feel guilty for just having the thought. All that waste

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We feel guilty when we do something that makes our lives easier.

If I do not get laid off permanently... I may not be able to chase my dream and attend nursing school. I feel guilty wishing for it, but I’m 37 and not getting any younger! PLEASE UNIVERSE! I am begging you to work this out for me!

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We feel guilty for wanting things for ourselves.

I had a degree as a registered radiologic technologist. I’ve been a stay at home mom for 12 years. I feel useless, unseen, horrible for not using this degree, but guilty because I also need to stay home with my kids.

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We feel guilty if we don’t use our degrees, and guilty if we do.

38 weeks pregnant. Want this baby out of me asap, but don't actually want what comes next. ( The responsability and caring part) I feel so guilty. Just want my body back

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Even when our bodies are literally giving life to another living thing, we somehow find a way to feel guilty.

Had to cancel ds’ birthday party this weekend. The venue is not allowed to be open, but still I have mom guilt.

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We will feel guilty about things that are 100% beyond our control.

Feel guilty for saying this because I know most aren’t feeling this way but this is kind of like a staycation for our family. Kind of loving the excuse to just stay home, relax, and love on eachother.

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I'm feeling really guilty right now because I'm juggling multiple job offers while my friends who work in hospitality & as flight attendants are facing job loss. I'm a virologist & I've never been more in demand professionally in my life.

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We feel guilty for saying we’re happy or that things are going well in our lives.

I just gave myself permission to let dd have unlimited screen time today. Ignore the guilt. Whatever. It's Friday.

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I am allowing myself to nap everyday. This is a bigger deal than I realized. We all have so much useless guilt.

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I think 90% of pregnancy “rules are bullshit, it’s just another way to try to make women feel guilty if something out of our control goes wrong. If I have an occasional headache I’m taking Advil and if I want a club sandwich I’m having one.”

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Sometimes we can ignore the guilt bullshit, and it’s the greatest gift we can give ourselves.

I went sleep so upset at my son and my mom,I woke up hard sobbing2x.think it’s guilt for being angry at my kid and realizing just how disappointing and inconsiderate my mom and blood family is. Not my kid tho he’s amazing and will break this Cycle!

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Because if we can break the cycle of guilt we were raised in, our kids are better off.

Think of it this way—we don’t want our kids living lives plagued with guilt, do we? So we have to break the cycle. We have to stop beating ourselves up for things that are out of our control. We have to give ourselves a break when we truly are doing our best. We have to remember that motherhood is always hard, and now we are living through a pandemic that has added a million unforeseen stresses to our lives.

The constant guilt is too heavy and too damaging our psyche. We deserve better, and so do our kids. So let’s really kick it. For good.

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