From The Confessional: Our Deepest, Darkest Fantasies Are Not What You Think

by Team Scary Mommy
Our Deepest, Darkest Fantasies

Fantasies are normal, and even healthy. Because the truth is, we sometimes need to escape our realities for our mental and physical well-being. But that’s not always possible. For example, when we’re quarantined… or stuck in the house with babies and toddlers… or stuck in a miserable job that we need for the money… or love our SO but hate our in-laws… we fantasize that the doors trapping us in fly open and we’re free. We can escape in our minds and let our fantasies take us to far away lands and unrealistic scenarios—scenarios that represent everything our real lives are not.

Some of us fantasize about lovers—people we know, like a coworker or a neighbor, or someone we will never meet in real life like JLo or Idris Elba. Some of us fantasize about divorce, and some of us just fantasize about having a SO who does the damn dishes.

And, some of us fantasize about being alone. (Actually a lot of us fantasize about being alone.) What does that tell you, fam?! We. need. a. fucking. break. That’s the ultimate fantasy, amiright?

I would really like to fuck my boss. He is everything my H is not. He is articulate, smart, caring, and communicates properly. And so fucking hot. I don't want to get into any trouble, but damn.

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I fantasize about my neighbor and I getting high and fucking. He’s fine as hell.

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A common fantasy is ripping the clothes off some hot thing you stare at on the regular. No harm in dreaming!

Classical musical need here. I fantasize about Joshua Bell.

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I am secretly in love with a music celebrity. I constantly fantasize that we are together and that he treats me like a queen. I swear I would leave my So for him if I ever met him.

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I love Klaus from vampire diaries and the originals. I fantasize that he’s mine.

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I fantasize about having sex with Tom Hardy every night. I get off to that more than I do my husband.

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And then there’s that unattainable person you’ll never meet but vow to run away with if you ever did.

I fantasize about being divorced. 100% serious.

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I fantasize about divorcing my husband just to get away from his family.

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I fantasize about the relief and freedom I will feel when my mother-in-law dies. But in all likelihood, I'll have to deal with 20+ more years of her controlling and condescending BS. Uuuuuuugggghhhh.

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You might feel guilty about your “never-see-your-in-laws-again” fantasies, but you’ll get no judgment from us.

I often fantasize about what this self-isolation would be like without kids. Sex, baking, walks, tv, movies, cooking, reading, clean house...God, it would be nice

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I fantasize a lot about how I would spend my time if I was single and childless during this stay in the house order. So many naps, so much reading, so much non-cartoon TV. Easy to find groceries and supplies for only one person. Tidy house. Mmmmm.

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Sometimes, when I’m stuck dealing with two selfish adolescent step-children or the work bully with 1992 Wynona Judd hair, I fantasize about sitting alone in Target with a slushy. Not asking for much just shut tfu & let me have my Target moment.

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I love my kids with all my heart, but sometimes I fantasize about just....leaving. Sometimes, the idea of being responsible for only myself, instead of 5 kids and a husband, is scarily overwhelming.

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I fantasize about living alone ALL THE TIME..

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If you’re a mom and never fantasize about escaping your kids and being alone in a quiet place, well, we think you’re lying.

I fantasize about what it would be like to have this time at home with a husband who could actually contribute to our relationship. I'm going to just start hanging out with my imaginary husband who doesn't think he is a hero for doing the minimum.

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My husband is more of a hindrance than a help at home. I don't fantasize about hot guys, I fantasize about a guy being useful with the kids or taking care of things around the house. That kind of guy would get more action from me than he could handle!

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And then there are those fantasies about having a SO who just does their part without being asked. FFS, fold a towel and wash a fucking dish, Ken.

I fantasize about being in different time periods having hot sex, like a romance novel. It’s the only way I can fall asleep.

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I fantasize abt being blindfolded and having my husband bringing me a sexy, safe, female prostitute to do with me as he wants. Could never tell him IRL. Makes me hot thinking abt it!

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Sometimes I fantasize about women...but when H and I only have oral, I totally miss the D, and getting pounded. Fantasies are strange sometimes.

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When I have sex with my husband I fantasize about being with a woman. Turns me on!!

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Sexual fantasies are common, and they don’t mean you’re not in love with your partner. Let your imagination go—you might enjoy where it takes you. *wink*

I fantasize about being rich and famous.

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I like to look through expensive home decor magazines & fantasize about living in a home that's big, clean, beautiful, & elegantly furnished & decorated. Then I come back to reality & look around my actual home that's the total opposite & get depressed.

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It’s pretty standard to fantasize about being a bajillionaire and having fancy shit. Especially when everything in your house is actual shit, covered in sticky shit that smells like shit.

When a person posts on social media about her exercise routine, I fantasize that I will one day reply with: “Shut the fuck up!”

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And then there are fantasies like this, that just make us happy.

So if you find your mind wandering to situations that you make you blush and get the tingles, explore further! And if fantasizing about throat-punching that racist, pretentious Karen at the gym is your current top fantasy, well, we get that too. Fantasies are fun and harmless and can actually be good for your stress level. I mean, if the thought of a threesome with Beyonce and Solange does it for you, then rock out that fantasy as often as you want. Bring in Jay-Z, or don’t. Your fantasy. Your rules.