From The Confessional: There Are Some Racist-A** People Out There, And We're Related To Them

by Team Scary Mommy

If we can thank Trumpelstiltskin for one thing (and this is like literally the ONE thing), it’s this: he exposed the ugly underbelly of America that we all wanted to believe was gone. We’d evolved, right? Equal rights! All that horrific racism and bigotry was in the past, or at least it was dying with our old, crotchety neighbors who had like five years left on Earth. Right?

Sadly, no. We now know how real and prevalent racism still is, today, and that our fight for equality for BIPOC in the U.S. is far from over. And perhaps most heartbreaking is when our loved ones—our own flesh and blood, our spouses, and our close friends—are the ones saying hateful things.

But that is the devastating reality for so many who learned, unexpectedly, during the rise of toxic American Trumpism, that those they hold the most dear are actually racist assholes. And then they had to decide whether to cut them out or try to co-exist and maintain a relationship with people who don’t have the same moral code. (Or any moral code, really.)

My brother-in-law joined an online hate group whose target is people with my political beliefs. I'm still expected to spend time around him and be civil. Would you expect a Jew to be civil to a Nazi? A BIPOC to be civil to an avowed racist? Then why me?

Confessional #25827804

DH not believing his mom is racist doesn’t make her any less racist.

Confessional #25826777

my husbands mother is a racist. I can't stand that horrible lady. Her kids let her get away with saying whatever she wants no matter who it offends. I let her know she is wrong and offensive .. turns out .. im the bad guy for defending my personal views

Confessional #25817455

I admit it, I loved the stay-at-home order. I love the restrictions. I hate my in-laws on both sides. Not having to spend time with them has been such a blessing. Not having their uneducated, racist, influence around my kids is like heaven.

Confessional #25808614

It’s easy to say “If your MIL is a racist, cut her out of your life!” but we all know it’s not quite that simple. However, if you need a reason to tell your toxic in-laws that you’re done with them, there’s no better excuse than “I won’t expose my children to your bigotry. Byeeeee.”

Dad...please stop with the racist outbursts! I can't control what you think, but please keep it to yourself or we can't have a relationship. And I'd hate it if that happened.

Confessional #25826117

I wish I could go back 20 years to when I didn’t know my parents were racist, immigrant-hating, homophobic republicans

Confessional #25816695

Thankful for sweet aunt. 72, born/raised in South (like me), but a true progressive who volunteers, helps others, and voted blue. My racist bitch mom (her sister) has cut her off and is so hateful. Guess what, mom? I don't need you. My aunt's my mom now.

Confessional #25815964

Had to move in with my parents for awhile. Grateful for a roof over our heads, but I could do without the racist things they say in front of DCs.

Confessional #25828165

I grew up in a racist and homophobic, yet extremely religious, household. Making it my goal to break this generational cycle with my kids. Hoping they'll show acceptance, kindness, and respect to people of all shapes and sizes and colors.

Confessional #25822688

When it’s your own parents, it can truly break your heart to see who they truly are. How can these people who raised us be saying these things? Believing these things? And how can we let our kids continue to see their grandparents when Pop-Pop is clearly a racist?

My husband is racist. It makes me want a divorce.

Confessional #25826516

dh mocked me for voting democrat in front of the neighbors. they seemed shocked that i voted joe and backed away. one made a racist comment of china then said she needed to leave now. i stayed cool, but it hurt. i would never shame anyone for their vote.

Confessional #25816411

dh just screamed over me about politics. he is a trumpist and was too ill to go to the riot. he is a bigoted homophobic racist ever since trump came on the scene. i'd leave if i was not so damn financially dependent. scared. know i need to change this.

Confessional #25816200

Some of us realized over the past few years that we’re married to a Trumpeteer, and we had to make some huge decisions. It’s not easy to get up and walk away from a marriage, for a million reasons. But how do we still love someone who supports the guy inciting Asian American hate and violence?

I ghosted you because you're an idiot. An entitled, dumbass, racist Karen, who thinks that following trends is a sign of intelligence and superiority. Happy now?

Confessional #25825634

Dropped my Trump supporting friends because I couldn't get them to understand supporting a racist is just as bad as being one. You are okay with POC suffering because "the economy". Looking at the BLM, Puerto Rico, etc. I just couldn't stomach them.

Confessional #25818293

I want to scream in my friend's face. Yoga is not a personality. Also, you're a racist and a bad person and all the downward dogs in the world isn't going to hide it.

Confessional #25823996

White friends agreed Trump was racist but supported him anyway. I pointed out supporting a racist is in fact racist and a form of white privilege. Guess they didn't like the truth because they are now all mad at me. Oh well. Racist Fuckers.

Confessional #25812064

And there are the friends we sadly see have been sucked into the rabbit hole of racist ideologies. You’d think it would be easier to cut out those we aren’t related to, but sometimes losing a friend, or realizing they aren’t who we thought they were, cuts deepest of all.

So thanks, Donnie, for showing us that America has real work to do. For unearthing the truth about just how racist our country still is, in 2021. We appreciate you ripping off the bandaid. Now please go the fuck away forever so we can get to work.

As for our family and friends, we each have to decide what’s best for us. Can we try to change their minds? Can we have a conversation about their toxic statements and beliefs? Or do we need to say goodbye forever? There are no easy answers here, but just know that if your close relationships have been permanently fractured by the hate spreading across our nation, you’re not alone.