From The Confessional: It's Man Cold Season And We Are Pre-Annoyed

by Team Scary Mommy
Tetra Images/Getty

It’s our favorite time of the year — man cold season! (*blows celebratory horn while rolling eyes.) However, we’re also living through a pandemic, so if your whiny man-husband has COVID, we say let him whine, baby him, and have all the sympathy because that shit is scary. But if he’s suffering from the dreaded man cold (you know, the sniffles and maybe a cough—the type of sickness we still endure through pregnancy, breastfeeding, helping with homework, cooking dinner, doing laundry, and wiping tiny butts … yeah, that kind of “sick”…) we get it. We know you’re annoyed. We know you never get a “day off” or the option to “call in sick” because hahaha motherhood.

We also know that women are generally tougher and know that they still have to get their shit done. The world doesn’t stop turning when we’re under the weather, so we plow through. Which is why it’s called the “man cold”—because, conveniently, it’s typically an “illness” reserved for the male species.

Yet lots of them still view us as the weaker sex. Hmmm.

Seriously?!?! I CAN’T with the man cold! I have to be on my death bed to get a 30 minute nap as he lets the kids crawl all over me and he gets a freaking cold and lays there all day in bed while the kids make him get well pictures?! WTAF!!

Confessional #25769376

All my kids are sick and coughing. The husband has a killer man cold. I also feel gross, but there's nobody to take care of me. When is it my turn?!

Confessional #25767375

The man cold is a thing. I don't get it. DH has basically been sleeping for five days bc of a sinus infection. When I get one, I go to work, take care of both kids, get everything done. I'm ready to scream.

Confessional #20316984

Me sick: Takes 2 hour nap while baby nap w/older kids on ipads, still makes dinner, does laundry, cleans kitchen, puts kids to bed DH sick: sleeps entire weekend, becomes 4th child with childish demands Seriously? How do men run anything?

Confessional #21364718

Dh sick, he lays in bed for 2 days straight, I get sick on my day off sill take care of kids. And you still have the nerve to ask what's for super? FUCK YOU!! FUCK YOU!!

Confessional #1449575

It’s different when we get sick, isn’t it? Somehow we endure the exhaustion and body aches and sinus headaches without being waited on or even getting a nap. Because our entire household falls apart if we disappear, so we’re not really allowed to do that.

I love my DH more than anything. He’s an amazing father and great partner. BUT I SWEAR TO GOD, if he has one more effing man cold this winter, I’ll put him out of his sniffley misery.

Confessional #11144979

Husband has a man cold. Instead of letting phlegm come up naturally, he has spent two days now trying to force it up. He sounds like a cat with a perpetual hairball. It's driving me up the wall. I may have to stay st a cheap hotel till this is over.

Confessional #25750679

Df came home sick from work. But he feels fine enough to lay in bed eating potato chips and drinking a soda while watching football.... man colds must really be hell!

Confessional #1509376

So yeah, when our husbands get the man cold, it can be hard to have sympathy. Mostly because our annoyance is too strong to allow for any soft feelings in our heart.

Gave birth 2 days ago, DH had a man cold this morning and I was up taking care of two toddlers and a newborn.

Confessional #18245076

I had surgery 2 days ago. Was supposed to be recovering and taking it easy for a couple weeks. DH came down with a man cold. He’s laid up in bed and I’m cooking and doing laundry. WTF!!! I’m so irritated!

Confessional #14456540

Some of us have even had to watch our spouses endure the man cold while we also recover—FROM CHILDBIRTH OR SURGERY. It’s fine, Steve, don’t worry about it. Let me get you your cough drops while I pop a stitch from wrestling our hangry toddler. You rest now.

I am positive the man cold was named after someone witnessed my husband's behavior when he is sick. Pathetic!

Confessional #21735403

H's "man cold" will be the death of him (because I'll smother him). He writhes around, whining & croaking, "DW...DW!! Medicine isn't wuurkingg! It doesn't wuurkk!! Why am I being punished! What did I do?!" DD5 says "Mommy, I hope I don't do that to you!"

Confessional #21429633

Why is it the same cold virus that I’ve fully recovered from in 48 hours is suddenly killing my husband? Fucking man colds. Save me from the whining.

Confessional #19949086

When DH is sick, he acts like he's got one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. I'd like to arrange for him to be put into a medically induced coma for the duration of his man cold rather than deal with his mantrums.

Confessional #14162934

Ugh, the whining. Like we don’t get enough of that from our kids. Also, mantrums is officially our new favorite word.

I am a woman and have a man cold. I stayed in bed most of the day and wallowed in my snuffy nose and scratchy throat. Had about five mins of guilt.

Confessional #25753409

I got a little sick yesterday and decided to milk it. Y'all. It was the best day ever. I slept til 11 (DH got up with the kids and did all the morning parenting) then I had lunch and went back to sleep til 4! Basically I had a man cold. It was glorious.

Confessional #2642156

I have a cold, yesterday I pretended to have a "man cold" and DH cleaned, swept, and mopped for me! I may get the "man cold" more often!

Confessional #1666944

So you know what? Here’s an idea, girlfriends. We need to get the man cold more often. If they can veg on the couch for two days because they have the sniffles, so can we.

Bad - hubby down with man cold. Good - at least he won't be pestering me for sex

Confessional #1584451

My giant baby of a DH stayed home all day by himself with a man cold while I went to work and kids went to daycare. So guess who bought herself a smokin hot new pair of shoes?

Confessional #1601063

However, there’s a silver lining to the annoyance of the man cold. New shoes and no one bugs us for sex? We’ll take it.

Again, this is the year to take illness seriously, so if your man is whining but really seems sick, get him checked out. But if it’s not COVID and really just is a tickle in his throat and an occasional sneeze, send him to your mother-in-law’s house and let her take care of that shit while you do all the other 8,000 things you still need to get done. She can dote over her sweet cherub and you don’t have to spoon-feed him vitamin C as we watches football all day. Everyone wins.