The Funny Parents Of Twitter On Why Sleep Is A Thing Of The Past

by Valerie Williams
Originally Published: 

Parenting means losing sleep. Period. Whether it’s the horrific baby months or the terrible toddler years, kids of all ages have a way of making bedtime and the night hours a total nightmare.

Whether it’s fighting going to sleep, not staying asleep or waking with bad dreams, wet sheets and requests for a drink of water, our kids make it hard for us to sleep. And the funny parents of Twitter completely get it. Check out these hilarious tweets that illustrate perfectly why sleep is merely a pipe-dream once you have children.

1. Early birds are basically the worst.

Oh, you hadn’t planned on starting your day at 5:03 am crashed out on the couch while your toddler bangs a sippy cup against your skull and the sounds of Paw Patrol blare in the background? TOO BAD.

2. Nope. Definitely gonna worry.

Well, that’s one way to wake up.

3. We have nothing left.

You had big plans involving wine and your DVR, but guess what? Kids literally don’t give a shit. Better luck tomorrow night. And the night after that. And then again after that. Basically, abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

4. Great question.

My laundry pile is often higher than the rock-climbing wall at an indoor play place, but I do usually get my wine/TV time in. No shame in that game, moms.

5. Like that’s even a thing.

Your kids actually sleep at some point? Pics and video or it didn’t happen. Like a Yeti sighting.

6. A journey for the ages.

Even Robert Frost’s kids were probably little assholes refusing to put on pajamas and brush their teeth. Not giving a single shit about his Pulitzer prize-winning bedtime poems.

7. Someone please get on this.

The technology doesn’t exist yet but we remain ever hopeful. And exhausted as fuck.

8. Stick that landing.

Silence. No kids. Wine. You’re suddenly filled with enough strength to perform Simone Biles’ gold-medal-winning floor routine. No need for a medal though. Trader Joe’s boxed cabernet will do just fine.

9. Yeah, no.

The sooner you accept that not only are you never sleeping again, but your to-do list is all lies, the sooner you can sit with us and drink wine and stop caring. Come to the dark side. It’s better over here.

10. Too early? Too bad.

When the kids are older and dying to sleep late after years of early-morning torture, it’s your time to shine. Turn on the super loud blender, blast old-school hip-hop and revel in the glory of sweet, sweet revenge. You’ve earned it.

11. Savage.

You’ve gotta hand it to kids. They really commit to a role.

12. A failure to communicate.

You say it’s bedtime, they hear it’s “leap from the bed to the toy box to the train table over and over” time. Sigh. Not enough wine in the world.

This article was originally published on