If there’s one thing kids know how to do (and do well) it’s whine and cry. They come into this world shrieking and all that changes over the years are the reasons and the pitch. Your child whining is like nails on a chalkboard and their cries can be enough to set your teeth on edge. And after a while, they know it.
Whether it’s serving their breakfast on the “wrong” color plate (blasphemous), not letting them press the buttons on the elevator (how dare you!) or making them wear socks (surely there is no God!) kids have whining and crying on lock. Thankfully, the funny parents of Twitter have an endless supply of hilarious tweets about it so we can laugh. While our kids whine and cry.
1. Kids, please explain this.
The colors of the plates and cups and utensils matter so intensely to a child. I would ask why, but I threw a days-long fit when I couldn’t get the rose gold iPhone. So I’ll just shut up now, kids. Or maybe move over and make some room on the floor for Auntie Val to tantrum with you.
Make the whining stop and still manage to have the upper hand? Parenting stealth at its finest.
Reasons? They don’t need reasons. Hell, they don’t even need to be upset! I’ve seen toddlers go from happy happy joy joy to sobbing like the world is about to end in the blink of an eye. They’re super stable.
4. Just put them on, for the love of God.
Wrong color. Wrong style. They have a wet spot. There’s a lumpy thing near the toes. Bet you had no idea how controversial socks could be until you had kids.
5. It is immutable fact.
An experienced parent can even predict the exact timing and cadence of the laughing and the crying. After a while, you just know.
6. How dare you.
You made him go outside? And put down his iPad? And actually move? Gross. There has to be an app for that.
It’s definitely frowned upon to try to make your kid shop around for a new mom. But after enough whining? Never say never, that’s all I’m saying.
8. And sometimes, it’s totally your fault.
Next time, let them ask Siri. She can be the villain who crushes all their hopes and dreams.
9. Someone start a GoFundMe.
The syrup is too sticky and the water is probably too wet. Honestly, can parents get anything right?
There is absolutely no differentiation. Either you’re spending the night in the emergency room or finding them a Shopkins sticker where Sneaky Sally’s face isn’t torn off. It’s anyone’s guess.
11. The worst brand of whining of all.
There’s something beyond satisfying about that mental picture.
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