10 Tweets About Homework That Will Make You Reach For The Wine

by Valerie Williams
Originally Published: 

Once you survive the endless diapers, sleepless nights and bullshit tantrums, you’d think parenting would be smooth-sailing. Or at least get a little easier.


That’s because there’s this terrible thing called homework. More homework than you could ever imagine, and it’s making parents miserable. You see, elementary school isn’t what it was when we were little. While our first-grade year mostly consisted of watching little Brian stick a green crayon up his nose, kids today are a little more…advanced. They have actual homework that requires help from both you and Google because, what the hell Common Core math? As with all awful things parenting, it’s best to have a laugh and luckily, the funny parents of Twitter have your back.

1. So romantic.

If you knew about the horrors of Common Core math before having kids, would you still have had kids? Now there’s a word problem we’d like to see.

2. No.

It’s best to aim for the hat trick — mom, dad and kid in tears. Bonus points for working a marital argument or two in there.

3. Hard pass.

We’d rather do an extra 17 loads of laundry a week, because we already went to school. It’s your turn, kid. You can still do the lunches and laundry though.

4. Way to go, team.

Thrilled for these lucky parents but very jealous, as my fourth-grader definitely still has math homework. Are you reading this, Mrs. Hill? HELP ME.

5. Cherish that shit.

As you wade through the parenting challenges of early childhood, know that it gets worse. Oh, so much worse.

6. The holy grail.

Glad I’m not the only one living in a house with 5,000 pencils and only one that has an eraser on it. Why does that happen?

7. Eye on the prize.

Put in the work for just a few years, and you’ll soon know sweet, sweet freedom for almost half an hour once a week. Worth it.


If Morgan has 10 pancakes and Hannah has six puppies how long until Daddy loses his shit and downs three shots of bourbon in quick succession? Show your work!

9. Ugh.

The fact that homework always happens in the evening is the ultimate parental kick in the crotch. At the time of day where everyone’s had enough, you still have to summon up a whole bunch of patience. And that’s where liquor comes in.

10. Seriously, WHO?

They’ve only barely mastered wiping their own asses and now they’re responsible for homework? Is this life?

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