The Funniest Parents Of Twitter Talk Decorating For The Holidays

by Valerie Williams
Originally Published: 

Thanksgiving is finally over and the Elf on the Shelf has come out of hiding. Now, we turn to decorating our homes for the holidays. And while this yearly tradition will always be a fun and exciting one, having kids around can mean it’s a little more…complicated.

Gone are the days when you could leave a giant box of fragile ornaments out for a few hours, hanging them at your leisure while sipping wine and listening to Christmas music. Now, it’s a race to the finish with the kids climbing over each other to claim their favorites and you shrieking like a crazy person not to drop and break them. They crowd everything on one tree branch as you silently grit your teeth and try not to lose your shit. They do just about everything possible to remove all fun from the equation, but we press on — we’re parents, it’s what we do. And no one understands your holiday hell like the funny moms and dads of Twitter.

1. Leave a big tip.

Because they won’t just be ruining your tree this holiday season.

2. Is it that obvious?

You can follow them around and obsessively direct their ornament placement or you can accept that everything will be at the 3-foot level this year.

3. Oh look, Mommy’s eye is twitching.

‘Tis the season to try and one-up your friends on Instagram decorating all the things and exhausting yourself into several glasses of wine and absolutely no joy whatsoever!

4. Whoops.

They’ve crushed a bunch of your hopes and dreams already — why stop there?

5. You thought the toddler years were bad.

They’re finally old enough to actually be helpful and now they’re too cool to help? Glad we spent five years wiping your asses, kids. Time to change the WiFi password.

6. Precious moments.

Creating such special memories for your child. Put that video on Instagram.

7. That’s convenient.

Maybe also hand them a roll of toilet paper to twirl around the banister. Go nuts.

8. The struggle is real.

After watching them hang every ornament on only one side of the tree, the urge to balance it out can be strong. If they notice? Blame it on the little red asshole.

9. Them little lights…they aren’t twinkling.

The fucking lights are the scourge of dads all over the country this time of year. Sorry, bros.

10. Desperate times.

Even Baby Jesus won’t judge you for invoking His name for the sake of your perfectly decorated Christmas tree.

11. If only.

Dads be retreating to the garage with a giant ball of tangled bubs like, “See you in January.”

12. There’s no forgiving glitter.

A wise man once said, “glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.” I rest my case.

13. Good luck.

Speaking of reasons to end a marriage. Have your lawyer on speed dial!

14. The absolute worst.

Enjoy it while it lasts. January will be here before we know it. Happy decorating!

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