Oh, You Want To Share These Gardening Puns And Jokes? Please Pro-seed

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
Gardening Puns
Betsie Van der Meer/Getty Images

Are you trying to cultivate your green thumb? Perhaps you’ve spent so much time at home recently that you decided to put your spare time to good use and create a container garden. Or it could be that gardening with your kids is one of your favorite hobbies. No matter what brought you here, you clearly have enough of an affinity for gardening that you want to plant the seeds of a little horticulture humor in your life. Well, herb your enthusiasm, ’cause we’ve got a whole crop of clever gardening puns and gardening jokes for you to share.

These would make great Instagram captions for those pictures you know you will post of all your precious plant babies. And, naturally, they make fantastic comedic fodder for around the water cooler at work. If you need even more outdoor-inspired funnies, we recommend our collections of flower jokes, nature jokes, farm jokes, and weather jokes. But for now, enjoy the following gardening puns and jokes.

Best Gardening Puns

  1. All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
  2. Herb your enthusiasm.
  3. Your good seed for the day.
  4. Eat, drink, and be rosemary.
  5. You parsley the test.
  6. Seed between the lines.
  7. Don’t moss around.
  8. Never a dill moment.
  9. A day in the leaf.
  10. That’s a bit mulch.
  11. In the eyes of the lawn.
  12. All clover the world.
  13. Just one of rose things.
  14. Soil of the century.
  15. Turf the net.
  16. One-trick peony.
  17. In on the ground flora.
  18. I beg your garden?
  19. One more thyme.
  20. By the seat of your plants.
  21. Get the creative juices growing.
  22. If bush comes to shove.
  23. Wine and vine.
  24. Join the shrub.
  25. All you seed is love.
  26. Please pro-seed.
  27. You’ve ex-seeded my expectations.
  28. Beyond beleaf.
  29. Fruit for thought.
  30. Down bud not out.

Best Gardening Jokes

  1. I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds…

And it grew on me.

  1. Why couldn’t the budding gardener grow anything?

They hadn’t botany plants.

  1. What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song?

“Lettuce Be.”

  1. What did the gardener say when someone asked how they found the time for their garden?

“It’s next to the sage.”

  1. What’s small, red, and whispers?

A hoarse radish.

  1. Why doesn’t Elton John like lettuce?

He’s more of a Rocket Man.

  1. What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers?

Ones with turnips.

  1. Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening. Watson asked what he was planting.

He replied, “A lemon tree, my dear Watson.”

  1. What runs around a garden but never moves?

A fence.

  1. One gardener to another: “Spring is almost here!”

The other gardener: “I’m so excited I could wet my plants!”

  1. Why didn’t the woman accept the job as a gardener?

Because the celery was too low.

  1. What is The Hulk such a good gardener?

He’s got green fingers.

  1. What is a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film?

Raiders of the Lost Bark.

  1. Why did the gardener make lots of money clearing leaves?

He was really raking it in.

  1. Why do gardeners plant bulbs?

So the worms can see where they’re going.

  1. Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place to buy ferns?

Asking for a frond.

  1. What did the woman get when she asked the garden center what to grow?

Sage advice.

  1. Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment…

The plot thickens.

  1. What do you call a stolen yam?

A hot potato.

  1. What kind of socks does a gardener wear?

Garden hose.

  1. How do you know you are a Master Gardener?

There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.

  1. Knock, knock!

Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it’s cold out here.

  1. What vegetable does a gardener use in lieu of brushing their teeth?

Bristle sprouts.

  1. What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?

A SnapDragon.

  1. Did you hear about the gardener who went crazy?

He was hearing voices in his shed.

  1. I stood in my garden early yesterday morning wondering where the sun had gone…

Then it dawned on me.

  1. I started growing some fungi in my garden, but it failed miserably.

I guess there is mushroom for improvement.

  1. How did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?

He was running a huge pansy scheme.

  1. How did the gardener perfect their flower beds?

Through a process of trowel and error.

  1. What is a gardener’s favorite novel?

War and Peas.

  1. A friend dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water…

I think he meant well.

  1. What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?

A rash of good luck.

  1. Why shouldn’t you tell a secret in a garden?

Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!

  1. What do you call a garden that is chicken-proof?


  1. What do you call a cheerleading herb?

An encourage mint!

  1. What do you call someone who buys up the garden store’s entire stock of shrubbery?

A hedgehog!

  1. Just saw two birds stuck together in the garden.

I think they are velcrows.

  1. What rock would you find inside a garden shed?


  1. I hired a landscape gardener today.

He couldn’t help me — my garden is portrait.

  1. I hope I can save my herb garden from this infestation.

I’m running out of thyme!

  1. How does a gardener lead a horse to water?

With lots of carrots.

  1. What does everyone have their face, whether they garden or not?


  1. What vegetable can tie your stomach in knots?

String beans.

  1. What are the four seasons?

Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.

  1. Why did God make rainy days?

So gardeners could get housework done.

  1. What do you call two young spiders that just got married and moved to a garden?

Newly webs.

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