Oh, Google Analytics...

by Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 

People are weird. So weird. A surefire way to discover just how very weird they are is to check out search results from Google Analytics. I present you with some bizarre searches which have led people to this site over the last few months. Fortunately, none of them stayed more than a few seconds. Unfortunately? These are the people we share the planet with…

“Where did I leave my car charger?” Is Google suddenly psychic?! (P.S. Check under the passenger seat. Just a hunch.)

“Is a bunk bed safe for my one year old?” Um, no. Wouldn’t say that’s a wise idea.

“girls, dogs and peanut butter” I really can’t imagine how these things go together. And, I don’t really want to.

“Dead Vagina Walking” Thanks, Erin!

“Is having 5 kids tougher on a woman’s body than 1?” Um, yes. Can’t speak from personal experience, but I would most definitely say yes.

“My finger is turning green and gushing goo, but I don’t feel like seeing a doc” I’d really like you to see that doctor. Badly.

“How do I win at hide and seek with a three year old?” That must be one smart three year old you’ve got there.

“What was that Strawberry salad that Jennifer brought to the baby shower?” Again, how the hell would Google know this?! (But, perhaps it was this?)

“fuck. I’m a parent what the hell do I do now” Good question.

“Who is really the tooth fairy?” If you’re searching on Google for this, I’m pretty sure you should know the answer.

“Would anyone know if I hid in Marshall’s and shopped at night?” I don’t know the answer to that, but it sounds like a blast. Can I come?

“I know I was Abraham Lincoln in a past life, but nobody believes me.” Imagine that!

“I love eating taffy, but feel my teeth starting to fall out” May I suggest another kind of sweet? I mean, I love taffy too, but…

“I’m 64 and think I’m pregnant” Um, congrats?

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