Happily Ever After

by Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 

Are you exhausted? Pulled in a million directions? Stressed to the max? Drained, overwhelmed and just plain spent?

Have I got a solution for you! It promises to leave you renewed and rejuvenated and grateful for your life, as you now know it.


Get a puppy.

Yes, a puppy. An eight week old precious little creature who is filled with an abundance of energy and enthusiasm. Be careful to pick one that is completely un-housebroken and has accidents at least 10 times a day. Choose one who barks constantly at every little noise and demands to be walked every half hour. One who is drawn to mud, especially after a bath. One who cries when you crate him and eats shoes, homework and toys.

If you think you are drained, exhausted and stressed out now, just you wait: A sweet little fur-ball will make these days look like a walk in the park. A walk in the park complete with rainbows and cotton candy and impromptu musical performances.

Live with this puppy at at least two months until you just can’t can’t take it anymore.

And, then, when you are one step away from a month-long stay at a mental institution and you haven’t spoken to your husband in weeks, say when. Find a loving home for the puppy. Preferably, a close friend so your kids can still see the dog every now and then and not be totally traumatized.

Then, take a deep breath and relish in the peacefulness of your life.

On second thought, just skip the whole dog part and appreciate your puppy-free life now. Unless you already have a puppy. In which case you have my deepest sympathies.

{A little update on Lucky… He’s happily living with our friends and his dog-sister and BFF, Maggie. He is still cuddly and sweet and still pees in the house. Here he is during a visit last week…}

This article was originally published on