I'm A Grown A** Woman, And I Love Harry Styles

by Sa'iyda Shabazz
Scary Mommy and Theo Wargo/Getty

There are few things that bring me true joy. My kiddo, a few friends… and that’s about it. Okay, there’s one other thing. I’m a 33-year-old woman and I am obsessed with Harry Styles. And honestly, I don’t care if other people approve or not. I’m a grown ass woman who loves Harry Styles and no one can stop me.

I tried to resist falling into the hole of One Direction, I really did. I was in my mid-20s, and as my friends tried to remind me, my boy band loving days were long behind me. But once a fangirl, always a fangirl.

By the summer of 2013, I unapologetically loved One Direction. At the time I was heavily pregnant, and watching their videos had become my solace. When I saw the music video for “Best Song Ever,” holy cow. Suddenly, Harry Styles had become the super hottie.

Courtesy of Sa’iyda Shabazz

By the end of 2015, I was a hardcore stan — just as the band announced their hiatus. Thank god for YouTube and the amazing people who share their concert videos online.

It was during that first year of the hiatus that I found myself falling head first into the 1D fandom. One of my friends showed me that there were plenty of other grown ass women just like me. Let me tell you, learning that there is an entire community of women in their 30s (and older) who love Harry Styles was amazing. Finally, I could talk to people who knew exactly how I was feeling.

As much as I love Harry, I almost love the friends I’ve made because of him more. While the fandom can get a bit out of hand sometimes, the women I know are amazing. We have a Slack workspace where we talk all things Harry Styles whenever we want. And it’s become a cherished space for me. We’re all grown-ass women with full-time jobs, families, you name it. But we also have this beautiful common bond. This singular person who brought us together. Swoon

When you’re an adult who likes an artist who is seen as nothing more than a “teen idol,” it can be awkward sometimes — mainly because there’s this idea that music has an age limit. But that’s the thing: being a fan of Harry Styles has no age limit.

Many people seem confused as to why a group of adult women would go bonkers over a 25-year-old pop star. And let me say, there isn’t just one reason.

First of all, Harry Styles is insanely talented. It seems to be the thing that most surprises people actually. Because he was in a boy band, no one is expecting much. But then when you hear his music, you’re amazed. After his first solo performance on Saturday Night Live back in 2017, I remember my mom telling me that several of her friends were talking about how good he is. Of course he is. I know that, but it was nice to see my mom’s friends saying it too — and they’re in their 60s.

He was recently on SNL again, this time doing double duty as host and musical guest. And he killed it. One of the sketches basically went viral.

Also, Harry Styles is stylish as fuck. There aren’t too many 25-year-olds out there rocking a high waisted palazzo pant. He’s the darling of Gucci creative director Alessandro Michele, so he’s done several Gucci fashion campaigns, and he was one of the co-chairs of this year’s Met Gala. He’s even the face of Gucci’s first unisex fragrance, which smells insanely good.

Courtesy of Sa’iyda Shabazz

The thing that Harry Styles does so well is straddle the lines between masculine, androgynous, and feminine really well. Over the last couple years, there have been outfits of his that I covet. He’s not afraid to rock a suit completely covered in pastel glitter, or a sheer top with a ruffled neck (his Met Gala outfit.) He paints his nails colors like pink and mint green in addition to your typical black. It’s this gender and sexual ambiguity that draws you into him.

For the past couple years, I have asserted that I am far more attracted to women than men. But it’s no secret that I’m still enthusiastically attracted to Harry Styles. I say all the time that he’s the only cis-gender male that I’d ever have sex with, because my god he is gorgeous. We can’t help it, he’s got an absolutely magnetic personality.

It’s that magnetic personality and huge heart that draw so many of his fans in. When their motto is “treat people with kindness,” you know what you’re getting yourself into. All last year on his tour, Harry explicitly made sure his fans knew his concerts were a safe space. During his nightly performance of the 1D song “What Makes You Beautiful,” Harry held up a variety of flags. The most common one is the rainbow flag, but sometimes he’d use the trans flag, bisexual flag, and most importantly to me, the black lives matter flag.

Courtesy of Sa’iyda Shabazz

Feeling seen by your favorite popstar is rare. And for him to create such a space where people feel comfortable coming out (one girl came out to her mom during one of Styles’s concerts) is really special.

Harry Styles may be in his mid-20s (he’s almost the age I was when I first discovered One Direction), but his appeal goes far beyond age. He finds a way to worm himself into your heart and set up camp there. One minute you’re casually like, “oh, yeah, he’s cool,” and the next you’re dropping hundreds of dollars to see his concert tour. And somehow, even though other people may tell you it’s wrong, in your heart, you know it’s not.

Because I’m a grown-ass woman, and I can do whatever I want, thank you very much.