Having A Baby, After Giving One Up

Dear baby:

I haven’t told many people this, but there was another baby before you.

I was young and I wasn’t in a place in life where I could take care of him, so I gave him to some people who were in a place in life to take care of him, and they wanted him more than anything.

It broke my heart to grow this person inside of me knowing that he would never be mine. I told myself that he belonged more to me than the people who would raise him, but I knew that wasn’t true. He would be theirs, too. They would be his parents, and I would be his birth mother. He wouldn’t recognize my face in a crowd or ask me to sing him lullabies at night even though I can’t sing well. He would be my baby, but never my son.

I saw him for a passing minute in the frenzy of hospital chaos and my heart fell in love with his. This human who had spent so much time in me, who had seen me from the inside was here. He had been with me for so long, and now he was here, looking at me with his eyes – his eyes that had grown inside of me.

He was my best friend. He was the only one during all of those months who was there when I was sad and crying.

He was leaving to go spend his whole life with a different woman, and I had to let him. She would get to be the one to kiss his boo-boos and cuddle him close and roll her eyes in exasperation when he was being a handful and smile knowingly and sentimentally when he fell asleep in the car after a long day. I was insanely jealous of her, this lucky woman who got to spend the rest of her life worrying about my child when he was out late and teaching him how to be a gentleman.

What if he thought that the only part I played in his life was a physical one, the birth part, and then didn’t care enough to stay? What if he thought I had spent those months waiting for him to get out and go somewhere else? What if he thought that I didn’t love him enough to keep him in my life?

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The opposite was true: I loved him so much that I let him be someone else’s son, so that he could be his happiest. Every single day since, no matter how busy or distracted or happy I have been with my now much better and fuller life, I have thought about him. Where is he? What is he doing today? Will I ever see him again?

But now, in this moment, six years later, I am looking at you. You just came out of me. I am looking at your eyes, which grew inside me. You came to me through a series of good decisions (or luck, whatever you want to call it), whereas he came to me as a result of a series of ill-advised, juvenile, emotional-but-not-logical decisions.

I loved him with a heart-wrenching, desperate love. When I looked at him, I could not be at peace because my heart was being slowly torn in two–in the most painful way possible. But now, I can look at you, and my heart is resting. You are mine to have, to hold, to roll eyes at, to send to your room when you are bad, to snuggle when you are scared, to read stories to, to mother. Both of you are mine, but you are mine to keep. Maybe one day you will get to meet him.

You have both changed my life forever. You lived in me for months, and now you will live with me and I will be your mommy. I will spend every day until I die worrying about you and hoping you are wearing a jacket, not running with scissors, drinking your milk, and making good decisions. And I will get to raise you to make sure that you do. You have redeemed me as a mother.

Related post: 12 Myths About Birth Mothers

About the writer

Laura is a loving caregiver and believes that there is always truth in fiction.

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Dan 4 months ago

Thank you for this!! I am adopted and actually found this article because my birth mother posted it on Facebook. I am blessed to even know her a little bit, and as I read this article I cried the whole time. I struggled with the demons of thinking I was unwanted and have come to experience the whole other side of it. Thank you.

Rebel 6 months ago

Thank you for sharing this. I am a birth mother as well and now have a three year old and another baby on the way and know exactly the feelings you describe.

Karen 6 months ago

I am sure that he knows this too. My parents told me from a young age (as long as I can remember) that I was adopted. When I was old enough to understand I started having dreams about my birth mother and at that point asked to see her (I was only 3 and I vaguely remember this) because I wanted to make sure she was ok. I was born at a time when open adoption was not the norm (possibly not even allowed) in my province but my parents reached out to my birth mother and she gladly agreed to meet me and we have kept a relationship ever since. We are not all that close, but she is a wonderful person and I love her for having the strength to give me up. She helped me find my family and giving me up allowed her to find hers as well (she has two wonderful children now).

Jenny Kruschke 6 months ago

Choosing life for your child, and then choosing to provide them with a family and a life that you don’t believe you are able to give them, is so incredibly selfless and courageous. I have the utmost respect and admiration for mothers who make this decision. I imagine a decision like that only be made out of love. God bless you all.

Annie Millwood Vaughan 6 months ago

SO beautiful! I’m an adopted child that found my siblings 3 years ago and found out that my birth mother had passed away 3 years before that. I wish I could have met her to thank her for for giving me a good life with loving and caring parents and to tell her that I loved her. But, I think that she looks down from heaven and is SO happy that myself and my siblings have a beautiful relationship now. She

Kirra Roberts 6 months ago

Your daughter will become one beautiful women with your influence, what you wrote didn’t just bring tears to my eyes you made me sob! Such a beautiful soul you have! Wishing you all the love & happiness in the world

Andrea Hatton 6 months ago

To carry a child you know you cannot not keep is love. It’s not an easy thing to do.

Margaret 6 months ago

This is beautiful. My mother, like you, surrendered a child to adoption and went on to have my siblings and myself. This was a part of who she was, and is a part of who I am as well. Thank you for sharing these tender emotions with us.

Mariana 6 months ago

I cried so much reading this…

Betsy Argentieri 6 months ago

It takes courage to know you can’t give a baby the life it needs, and give it up. That’s no easy decision.

Jaden 6 months ago

Yep, me too. Choking back tears at work. So beautifully stated. Thanks for sharing.

Christina MacDonald Knapp 6 months ago

I thank the women who gave her baby up for adoption, that adopted baby was my best friend for sixty years.

Amanda 6 months ago

This is beautiful. I have had two children after putting up a daughter for adoption. The adoptive mom doesn’t keep in touch with me as much as she promised and it tears me to pieces. I love that little girl so much and can only hope that some day we can have a relationship. I hope that she wants to get to know me instead of hate me.

Amy Carnicom Adkins 6 months ago

27 years later, my heart stops when i chance to see her out and and about. i chose her parents, i watched her grow up from afar… i still see her now and again. she knows who i am ~ we were in touch briefly a few years ago but it was her choice to not keep up communication. it’s a choice i support 100%. she’s a beautiful woman with a beautiful family, and an extra mother who loves her dearly. she has three half-brothers about whom she is aware… and i have a heart overflowing with love for all of my children.

Anne Nicholas 6 months ago

This touched me so much, I want to thank all the birth mom’s for loving your baby enough to allow him/her life in this world, and selflessly allowing another woman to raise him/her. I cannot even imagine the sacrifice you made or how it felt. I am bawling after reading this. I never aborted or gave up a baby myself, but this just helped me understand a different perspective of motherhood…I applaud all of you who did such a loving act.

June Haverfield 6 months ago

EACH PERSON DOES WHAT IS BEST FOR THEM.I COULDNT DO THAT.I WAS IN NEED OF LOVE TO MUCH .I KNEWI HAD 2 SOMEBODYS WHO WOULD LOVE ME AND ME THEM FOR LIFE AND I DO.

Tina Rupert 6 months ago

I’m on the opposite side I am the birth mother and my adopted daughter could not be more loved.. I have 3 kids who are older than her and when she came along I couldn’t handle it. My exhusband and I had just divorced and I wasn’t settled into my new life as a single mom but thanks to a little help from my Aunt I met an amazing couple who I knew would be a perfect for my precious little girl.. Jen went to every appointment with me and was in the delivery room with me. I never for one second doubt my decision to place her with them. Thanks to Facebook I often see her picture and have watched her grow.

Jennifer Lowe-Gruber 6 months ago

I pray that my adopted daughter accepts the news this well when it is time to tell her :)

Tina Rupert 6 months ago

Thanks Jennifer for letting me stay a part of her life.. I love her so much and I know she is happy and healthy with you guys..

Jennifer Lowe-Gruber 6 months ago

You took those beautiful thoughts out of my head. I love you Tina Rupert . The blessing to you gave us filled our home and hearts. You already know i love and admire your strength but it doesn’t hurt to remind you

Linda 6 months ago

As a birth other myself, I felt I could never again have another child. The thoughts of ever meeting my daughter and possibly having to utter the worlds “placed you up for adoption, and raised another” killed me inside. I felt so guilty for even thinking about it. And I carried the love for my first born in my heart, in my thoughts and that I was so scared if I had another child it might destroy the love I hid inside me. That the love I carried in my heart couldn’t be shared with another. I thought of her every day. I wondered if she thought or wondered about me through the years. What did she dress up for on Halloween? What did she wish for on her birthday?what where her dreams? What was her day like at school today? Just as I talked to her at night when I hid her inside my belly as a teen, I “talked” to her every night as I laid in bed. I prayed for her, each and everyday. For her mother and father and for their love. After she turned 16 I wondered if I was driving next to her on the busy freeway, was that her I saw in the crowd? Where our lives passing by one another?
It wasn’t until 19 years after I held my first born in my arms did I finally give my heart a chance to love another child. I was so afraid as my belly grew to let myself love the child inside me. To let my heart heal and my love grow. When my doctor told me they were going to schedule my c-section, I prayed Please don’t pick December 10th… They can’t have the same birthday, I need to keep the 10th for my first born. And 19 years later I walked into the same hospital where I delivered my first born to deliver my second, I cried. Walking inside, my heart broke into a thousand pieces. I was so scared I would walk out of that hospital without a child, as I did before. But my husband kissed me gently and reminded me it would be ok. And as I prepared to let another child into my heart I cried. I sobbed. I didn’t want to give my love to another. I longed for my first. And then I gave birth to my second child. I held her close. She resembled my first child so much. As she grew I wondered, was this what my first daughters laugh sounded like? Was this how she looked when she wakes up? Was this what it was like to see her walk for the first time? Did she cry as loud as my second? Did she like butternut squash too? And so… My heart is fuller then I ever thought it could be. But everyday, I still wonder. I still hold my love for my first. I still hide her in my heart.

TB 6 months ago

I am “both sides” to this issue- so grateful for my birth mom and her selfless sacrifice to make sure I had a stable and loving family. I also know the pain of being in that moment when you realize that you aren’t the best thing for your baby. It’s an emptiness that never goes away, a daily sadness and lingering regret of what could have been, and a hopefulness that one day we could meet. He could see how much I love him and wanted him for myself, but I knew he deserved more. I am grateful for my younger children who have helped me to move on and refocus on the present gifts I have been given.

Michelle Molesky Laskey 6 months ago

Just a beautiful touching story ♡

Adrian Hickenbottom 6 months ago

Great article!

Jill Silvius 6 months ago

You are not alone <3 I am also a birth mother!

Jill Silvius 6 months ago

@Kelly Shumway…as a birth mother that a. already had one child and b. has gone on to have 2 more children: THANK YOU!! Thank you from my aching, crying heart. My (our) daughter will be 11 on May 8th, and every day of those 11 years I ask myself if we made the “right” choice. The answer is YES! In that moment, in that time, at the point we were in our lives…we chose a family that could give our daughter what we were unable to. It is moms like you that make the pain easier to bear. And be able to wake up every day knowing that we did the best for our child <3

Terrie Regina Hawkins 6 months ago

Wow, I’m a new mommy who struggled for 10 yrs to have a baby , thru IVF I now have twins. I never knew what love was until my babies , I would have tried to adopt if it didn’t work out the way it did, I admire the strength and selflessness of a Birth mom. Thank you

Jen Hill Amistadi 6 months ago

Your words just filled my heart. Thank you.

Trina Mascott Donley 6 months ago

So nice to read such honest feelings. More women need to speak their minds and help others who have not

Risa Alvarez 6 months ago

I could’ve written this. I’m a birth mom to one son and a mom mom to a second. 6 years apart (6 years 8 days to exact).

Kerrie Graham 6 months ago

Crying. Beautiful.

Kristina Ennis 6 months ago

Thank you for this beautiful, heartfelt piece. But mostly, thanks to you and all the other brave women worldwide who make the difficult and brave decision to share so precious a gift so that others like myself can be mothers to your children. I will be saving this to share with my own son. Bless you.

Amanda Michelle Stout Dunn 6 months ago

That’s one of the most wonderful things I’ve ever read.

Laura Kelly 6 months ago

Very well said. Kudos to you and her birth mother – you both sound like lovely people!

Kimberly Fryar Piechowiak 6 months ago

Made me cry

Bonnie 6 months ago

This is beautiful and exactly how I felt. Now nearly 23 and 13 years later. Unless you have been through it you just don’t know.

Alana Harrah 6 months ago

Loved this!! Just beautiful!!

Linda 6 months ago

i am a birthmother and your comment touched my heart. Thank you.

Saraliz Jimenez 6 months ago

What a true sacrifice for these moms. This is true love for their kids.

Megan Morgan 6 months ago

You are my story that I want. I am so happy for you that he is such a big part of your life now. I only hope one day Sophia wants to meet me and knows I did it because I love her not because I was afraid.

Holly Fd 6 months ago

Oh my goodness – what a lovely message. Your daughter is very lucky.

Laura 6 months ago

I wish you all the greatest and best. You are a wonderful person for doing what was best and knowing that for the sake of your children. God bless you all.

Sherri Escolopio 6 months ago
Susie Evans 6 months ago

And both sets are “real.” The mom who nurtured you in utero gave you something your other mom couldn’t-and the one who kissed your boo boos gave you something the other couldn’t. I used to be defensive that I was going to be the “real” mom as the one doing the raising. The truth is that my children would not be who they are today without ALL of us. I wish I could know their first parents but they were closed international adoptions. I hope my girl will have that love for their first parents,too!

Angie Heddinger-Slaughter 6 months ago

Beautiful and amazing!

amy 6 months ago

Thank you sooooo much for posting this, six years ago I gave up my newborn daughter to another amazing mother. It was the hardest thing I ever done, now I am sitting here counting down the minutes the seconds where I can hold my son in my arms. The baby I get to go home with who has an a amazing father who didn’t run away.crying so many tears right now.

Tia Sawyer 6 months ago

I’m an adopted child. My birth parents went on to have marriages and children of their own. I’ve never resented that or felt I got the shaft.

Katie Tookie-Tookie 6 months ago

You’re beautiful.

Lauri Goddard Branscum 6 months ago

I am a birth mother with two younger children. This brought fourth so much emotion for me. I don’t think I could have expressed my feelings any better. Thank you for writing this. Someday my hope is my birth son will want to get to know me.

Michelle Eklund 6 months ago

What a wonderful mother you have been already

Fabiola Arauz 6 months ago

So sad, even though I am not in that situation.

Jennifer Heikkila-Inderrieden 6 months ago

My thoughts exactly!!!

Rebecca Louise Herbunot 6 months ago

That’s not true you loved him a lot to decide you wanted more for him.

Heather Hostetter Phillips 6 months ago

God bless all the birth mothers in this world that love their babies so much they give them up for a better life. I tear up everytime I think about your bravery and heartache.

Life With Teens and Other Wild Things 6 months ago

Sometimes, being the very best mama you can be means doing what’s right for your child, even when it destroys you a little inside.

((hugs)) Mama.

Julie Kline Colberg 6 months ago

Adoption is the most unselfish act on this planet. You should be incredible proud of your strength to do that when so many others take an easier route.

Else Cole 6 months ago

I cried so hard, literally word for word what Ive felt, down to having my daughter 6 years after my son. I worried about if I was selfish for having another baby because what if he felt that I loved her more? What if he resents me for keeping her and not him? It’s so hard feeling like a mother for years and not HAVING the baby that makes you one, and years after getting married and going through fertility treatments I NEEDED my own baby to mother. My son is an amazing child and I am so blessed to know him and honored to have been able to hold him for even a little while

Emily Miller Jocham 6 months ago

Thanks to all of you birth mothers who had the courage to nurture that beautiful life to whom you gave a better chance. YOU are the courageous ones, and you are special! And, of course, thanks to all of the adoptive mothers who saw the potential and said “I’ll take it from here.” YOU, too, are special and courageous!

Caroline Noelle Maghanga 6 months ago

To chose to continue carrying a growing life, knowing you can never raise him/her, but have enough love to continue with the pregnancy and then allow another women to love that child too…That takes nerves of steel and a heart of gold

Jillian Dawn 6 months ago

I applaud the women who have the courage to give up their baby in order for them to have a better life. I don’t think anyone should look down upon a woman who could see that she wasn’t yet fit to be a parent. Babies and children deserve the best

Kim Griffin 6 months ago

Probably the best blog I’ve ever read on Scary Mommy.

So beautiful!

Jessica Caldwell 6 months ago

I have lived this article word for word. I have lived all sides of adoption. I am adopted, placed a child and went thru a 2.5 yr adoption process that saw me have to let go of a precious baby girl who called me Mommy. I also have a beautiful son of my own. This spoke to my soul. Adoption isn’t selfish, it is loving someone more than you love yourself and wanting the best and accepting that you might not be the best at that time. Thank you for a beautiful article

Kylie Jackson 6 months ago

I’m a birth mom and Alanda is my adoptive mom. I think of him every second.

Tammy Kleitz Butler 6 months ago

True selflessness.

Colleen 6 months ago

My best friend went through this 13 years ago but she opted for an open adoption. She sees her son a number of times a year and he has known since he was four about his birth mother. But it still broke her heart to let him go to another family.

Sarah Lynne 6 months ago

I placed my first son for adoption 12 years ago, and now have been blessed with a 6 week old son. She beautifully articulated exactly what I’m feeling… and it’s a comfort to know others out there have been where I am now. Thank you so very much for posting!

Jenn Alisero Weber 6 months ago

Beautiful.

Elizabeth O’Keefe 6 months ago

So perfectly written. I am the birth mother of an 18 yr old boy that I held briefly as a teen. Having babies again was such a bittersweet experience. A mother’s heart belongs to every child she has given life to.

Allie Briggs Weston 6 months ago

I am in no way judging other mothers, but I don’t understand this. Everyone has their own limits of what they can deal with. I had my oldest son when I had just turned 19 and was in no way stable. I was encouraged by a hospital social worker to give him to another family. How could I do that? When I looked at him I only felt love and strength. His life encouraged me to change mine in order to better ours together. I respect you other ladies for your bravery, I just didn’t feel it was right for me. But did you really feel that much pain to look at your own child? If you did, I am so, so sorry.
“You came to me through a series of good decisions (or luck, whatever you want to call it), whereas he came to me as a result of a series of ill-advised, juvenile, emotional-but-not-logical decisions.

I loved him with a heart-wrenching, desperate love. When I looked at him, I could not be at peace because my heart was being slowly torn in two–in the most painful way possible. But now, I can look at you, and my heart is resting.”

Katie DeBoer 6 months ago

I’m am so happy to see an article showing the love of a birth mother. I am blessed with two amazing children because of such loving women.

Kim Scofield 6 months ago

Any mom who chooses to complete a pregnancy and give the child a good life when they are not in the position to give that to them is an angel. It is the very definition of selflessness.

Linda Haydell 6 months ago

Every child has the right to a life lived to its full potential, what’s wrong with making sure each child has the chance? God bless the parent who realizes they can not and gives this precious gift to someone better able to.

Stella Nicolaou 6 months ago

To all the birth mothers out there, you are all so brave. It takes a lot of strength and courage to do what you have all done xx

Lisa Anne 6 months ago

I am adopted. I have always been told that I have two sets of loving parents – one that loved me enough to know they weren’t ready, so they gifted me to the second set, who couldn’t birth their own child but very much wanted to share their love. I am grateful and thankful for all my loving parents – birth and adopted!

Alisha Parker 6 months ago

Well that hit me right in the feels.

Donna Arnold 6 months ago

An adoptive mom who feels so much guilt that someone else’s loss led me to happiness. I have two beautiful daughters, adopted as toddlers, and I wish their birth parents could somehow know how loved they are by all who meet them.

Linda 6 months ago

i have felt the same hole in my heart for 20 years. The same love for a beautiful child I placed with loving parents who could provide the support, stability and enviroment I could not at a young age. I held that child safely inside me as an angry situation built around me and the child’s birth father. I knew that a child should not be exposed to that kind of anger and enviroment. So after holding my child, kissing her goodbye I placed her in her parents arms to love, mold and raise in a safe loving home.
Not one day has passed in 20 years that I have not thought of her, prayed for her and her parents. Not one day when I wondered if we were passing each other in traffic. What she was for Halloween, what she wished for on her birthday, and how her day was at school.
I spend years not ever wanting to have a child of my own. Not being ever to think that one day I might have to explain that I placed one for adoption and raised one. That one I lovingly chose to have someone else raise and have another to raise one day. I could bare the thought of ever having to let her down yet again. Though every day my heart aches for her, worried about her and carried her in my heart. In my decisions to one day make her proud. But after 18 years I finally gave my heart a chance to heal. I finally gave myself a chance to have a child to love and raise if God would bless me with one.
And when my child was born, in the same hospital, with even the same nurse as my first child, my heart broke in a two. As if this time it was right. A redo… A second chance to do it right, in the right time. And everyday as j hold my child, I wonder. Is this what she would have looked like sleeping in my arms? Is this what her smile is like? Is this how her laugh sounds? Is this how she grew? And I wonder everyday will she ever know my love was always and still is with her? Though now I share it with another child.

Denise Allen Nowak 6 months ago

I have a COMPLETELY different view….I was given up and adopted when I was 6 weeks old. I have not yet found my birth mom….yet! Unfortunately it was a closed adoption from the 70’s….there hasn’t been a time I haven’t thought about “her” and I’ve had a good life. There has just ALWAYS been missing pieces. The day I had my first born….I finally felt that I had a blood relative. I can appreciate what “she” felt she had to do….for herself and me but I can’t help but miss that bond. To all the adoptive moms out there just a bit of advice….be open and forth coming with your children and above ALL else if some day they want to find “her” support them!!! I know a lot are semi open or open…I know some are still closed. No matter how hard thier story is….it needs to be known. Just my opinion.

Melissa Hall 6 months ago

Beautiful.

Dee Ann Wiley Sikes 6 months ago

As a birth mother who placed my daughter for adoption 24 years ago, the hole in your heart is never filled. I have since married and had 2 more daughters, but my heart will always yearn for my oldest.

Carla 6 months ago

Oh gosh. This made me cry. What an incredible mum you were given to!! xx

Megan Fortin 6 months ago

This was such a beautifully written post. It brought tears to my eyes. My dear friend was a birth mom and I remember the countless emails we shared back and forth about her decision. She had an open adoption and proudly shared pictures of her son and his adoptive parents. In a sad twist of life she was killed in a car accident because the driver in the other car chose to drive drunk. We found out from her sons adoptive mom who had saved the emails of her friends when she would share news of her child. As sad as the loss of her was I will always remember the loving sacrifice she made so her son could have a better life.

Kelly Shumway 6 months ago

I cannot speak for anyone but me… I am an adoptive mother, one of those insanely lucky people in the right place, right time, right birth mom and have raised my beautiful daughter since birth. I don’t know a single soul more loving, more giving, selfless and more unbelievably responsible and brave than my daughter’s birth mom. She will always hold a top spot in my list of people I admire and respect. Her circumstances didn’t make her less of a person or a bad parent it actually made her an amazingly strong one… One that would trust a piece of her soul to another woman that couldn’t bear her own little miracle. The only person in the world that makes me more grateful than my beautiful daughter is the woman that had the faith in me to be the one she trusted to raise her. There is no bigger gift and I will spend my life teaching my daughter just how much she loved her too.

MacKenzie Rhodes 6 months ago

I love this. I am a teen mom, but I could have never given up my daughter. Luckily I was working & was saving up my money to buy a car when we found out we were going to be expecting out little surprise. Instead of buying a car, I used it for everything my daughter needed. My daughter is my whole world & I love her more than anything. Kuddos to all the wonderful birth mothers out there, doing a very unselfish thing for their child & for the other families. ❤️

Katie Marchetti 6 months ago

I have a fifteen year old that I placed with a family that was meant for her. I now have a two year old daughter and have been married to my best friend for a couple years. Every one of us won with the choice. I feel like I am a better mother to my little one now because I made the right choice with the first one. My first daughter is a gift I anticipate to have a relationship later on in life. I have watched her grow through letters and pictures over the years and never once felt any regret. I am proud to be a birth mom and you should be too. I loved this article.

Rashie 6 months ago

Thank you for articulating with such eloquence, what this experience feels like for us as birth mothers. <3

Kelli Wilcockson 6 months ago

I’m adopted, and I promise, he thinks of you every day. And his heart misses yours.

Kelly Shumway 6 months ago

I cannot speak for anyone but me… I am an adoptive mother, one of those insanely lucky people in the right place, right time, right birth mom and have raised my beautiful daughter since birth. I don’t know a single soul more loving, more giving, selfless and more unbelievably responsible and brave than my daughter’s birth mom. She will always hold a top spot in my list of people I admire and respect. Her circumstances didn’t make her less of a person or a bad parent it actually made her an amazingly strong one… One that would trust a piece of her soul to another woman that couldn’t bear her own little miracle. The only person in the world that makes me more grateful than my own little miracle is the woman that had the faith in me to be the one she trusted to raise her. There is no bigger gift and I will spend my life teaching my daughter just how much she loved her too.

Simone Baldwin 6 months ago

Beautiful!

Jen Blanchard 6 months ago

I’ve done this. I placed my daughter with her adoptive family 21 years ago and now have a 16yo and 4yo.

Jess Urban 6 months ago

This is perfect. I have an 11 year old daughter that I placed for adoption and now I have a 14 month old daughter.. redemption being a mother again is perfect.

Joyce Anne 6 months ago

The most precious gift !

Sierra Mariegh 6 months ago

I’m so glad this woman can be so open and honest knowing how many judgmental people there are out in the world nowadays. She gave her first child a start in life that they wouldn’t have had with her at that time and if that isn’t love then I don’t know what is. Too many people look down on mother’s like this. <3

Jennifer Sironen Brown 6 months ago

Beautifully written, so strong, I cannot comprehend what an incredibly difficult decision it must be to make. It is loving your child the best way you can when you aren’t where you can care for them how you want to. Made me cry. Big kudos to birth mommies and all adoptive parents.

Lisa Morgan Echols 6 months ago

Such an incredibly brave choice. Well written and lovely.

Melissa Hill Schumaier 6 months ago

Wow these stories and the strong women behind them. I have no experience with either, but I admire the selfless act these women were able to put the children first and find them homes. I cried reading this touching article.

Katie Vallimont 6 months ago

Wow. This is everything. ❤ I myself placed a son for adoption as a teen and now have 2 boys.

Sophia Emms 6 months ago

I feel very fortunate that my birth mother chose the parents that she did for me. My mum & dad brought me up with the feeling that she must have loved me a lot to make the decision that she did. I will always have respect for her and the choice that she made and for choosing the wonderful parents that she did.

Robyn Goaslind Hopkins 6 months ago

I am an adopted child. I am forever grateful for a birth mother who made the courageous and difficult decision to let another couple raise me and love me. I think about my birth mother and wonder if she would want contact with me. I have wondered what my birth parents look like. I have yet to search. Being that I am 57 years old it may be too late.

Renee McFadden 6 months ago

Courageous share.

Jess Colin-Greene 6 months ago

For all the birth moms on this feed, I am 33-years old and finally found my birth mother after many years of searching. We immediately fell in love, just like I did with my own daughter when she was born, and have developed a beautiful friendship. She has shared with me the journey and struggle of her pregnancy, my birth, and her life at the time. We have experienced profound healing and unconditional love together, and I am so proud that I come from her. Birth mamas, I honor all of you.

Dominique Lee 6 months ago

I can’t even imagine the strength of these women. God bless em!

Carol Gasser Zollinger 6 months ago

I am raising two sons who were born to other women. They have not heard all of their birth stories yet – some things will wait until they are older – but we talk about their birthmoms, and every time, I make sure to point out how much they were loved before we came into their lives. Fully and fiercely and sacrificially loved.

Emily Schlinkman 6 months ago

I myself am a birth mother, I had my birth son when I was 18 and unable to give him the life he deserved.

5 years lately I am blessed to say I am married with a son of my own. And my birth son is a huge part of my life, his parents are MY sons godparents and we see them often as we live in the same are. Our story is something I used to be ashamed to share, as being a birth mother made me feel guilty, and like I had done something wrong, or looked down upon,

I can now look at it as a privilege. And I’m proud to say I’m a birth mother to a really fantastic kid! And a mother to a spectacular little boy

Roxanne Smith 6 months ago

She took the words right out of my mouth

Courtney Whener 6 months ago
Marissa Bamberger 6 months ago

Beautiful! I seriously now need to go wash my face I’m crying so hard.

Sarah Broerman Spears 6 months ago

This was beautifully written. I, too, am a birth mom now with other children of my own. This piece describes my feelings perfectly. Thank you for sharing.

Stacey Barr Ballard 6 months ago

<3

Brittany Cullen Hartley 6 months ago

Don’t read this at your desk at work. Cried the whole way through.

Kirsti Bagley 6 months ago

I’m a birth mom & have never been able to express my emotions so accurately. Thank you.

Lakin Hardison 6 months ago

Thank God for women like this who have clarity about their situation. Thank you for giving these children their best shot in life. I absolutely admire your strength and courage. May the Lord bless you and your children, Mommas.

Kirsti Edwards 6 months ago

Interesting and heartfelt piece. I am coming at this from the other side; i am an adoptive Mum, and know one day I shall be having difficult duscussions witn our son about his birth mother. Things are new and raw for her right now, but I hope one day she will have the grace to feel as the lady in this article does, and feel reassured that we are raising her son with the love and security that she would have loved to, but sadly was unable, to provide.

Sara Howard 6 months ago

This was beautiful, and emotional, and honest. This strong, wonderful mother really opened up and talked about very raw realities and emotions when it comes to what it means to be a birth mother, and also how that decision affects having other children. Thank you for sharing. Love and hugs to you and both of your children.

Cheryl Fleischfresser Miller 6 months ago

I was a child who asked a million questions about everything and I distinctly remember being about eight and being upset because one of my friends told me my real mother didn’t love me and that’s why she gave me away. My Mom told me that I was a very lucky little girl–that my birth mother did love me, she loved me enough to give me the life that she wanted for me, she loved me enough to deny herself and to do something very hard and painful so that I could have a better life.

She also said that there was a reason that the phrase for a child placed for adopted was given up not given away. She said that you give away something you don’t want, something you consider of no value. But something you give up, is something you very much want to keep but you give it to someone else (and here she clasped her hands as though she were holding something and raised them high into the air) for a reason.

She told me that my birth mother had given our family a wonderful gift and had made the greatest sacrifice a mother could make and that she had done it for me. I will never forget her saying those words and I have prayed every night since then, thanking God for her and asking him to bless her life

It would thrill me beyond words to know that my birth mother went on to have other children; and if she did I know she was a wonderful loving mom to her kids. Just like she was to me.

Brooke 6 months ago

Thank you for writing this. Although I have not had similar experiences, I had been told at a young age that I would not be able to have kids and had mentally prepared myself for the opposite end of the spectrum.

The doctors we not correct and I am not a mommy to two wonderful and ornery toddlers, but from a woman who would have become an adoptive mother, thank you for loving your son so much that you made the sacrifice you did.

Tammy Reynolds Walsh 6 months ago

This is beautiful and came at a time when I needed to read this the most. Thank you.