This 'Fire-Breathing' Dragon Is The Yard Decor 2020 Deserves

Sure, this 69-inch dragon is technically Halloween decor, but it’s 2020; just leave it

If you’re currently in the process of getting new Halloween decor because Halloween is the best day of the entire year, I implore you to consider adding a 69-inch animated dragon to your lawn. It’s a commitment at just under $400, but this year has been garbage and something about it just feels necessary.

According to the description on Home Depot’s website, the dragon will “delight and fright” anyone coming to your house for Trick-or-Treat and the LED-illuminated eyes will scare the crap out of the neighborhood kids — and shows would-be teenaged TP’ers this house is not to be fucked with. What’s more, you can attach a fog machine to it, and it will look like it’s breathing fire, which any dragon worth its weight should do.

The reviews are good with one happy buyer saying, “It was easy to put together, took about an hour. It is very well made and heavy enough not to blow away,” which is good because no one needs a 69-inch fog-breathing dragon coming at them out of nowhere. Not this year.

Unfortunately, you do need to buy the fog machine separately, but it can be used at other times of the year, like for indoor dance parties, impromptu (and very realistic) fire drills for your kids, and anytime the appearance of fog would make your day more interesting.

The dragon also makes not zero, not two, but one spooky sound. Plus, it has a censor, so when someone walks by it, its mouth moves as well, so that’s cool.

Plus, if you are like me and are rewatching the Game of Thrones series for the fourth time (because what else is there to do?), you can really feel like you’re a part of the Targaryens regardless of the time of year.

The box is 33.5″H X 29.5″W x 57″L in case you decide you only want to keep the dragon out for Halloween; and, according to the site, it can be disassembled and put back in the way it came out. The dragon weighs 60 pounds, so you’ll likely need two people to lift it.

I think this decor really speaks to those of us who have completely lost our marbles being quarantined for this long and have zero shits left to give about what anyone may think. It screams, “I have the confidence of a middle-aged woman who has been dealing with an overabundance of family time, and this will buy me at least an hour of ‘me time’ to assemble in the front yard.”

Happy Halloween, y’all.