Before I had my daughter, I scoured parenting books for all the dos and don’ts I needed to know. I learned the precise way to swaddle, the importance of introducing carrot baby food before blueberry baby food, and where to buy the best car seat.
Now that I’m a mom of a teen, I thought I’d do a public service and offer advice on what parents really need to know right now: how to teach kids to properly use technology. Because the rules have changed! Here, then, is my take on what we used to say to our children before technology invaded their lives, and the lessons we now have to impart.
Before: Don’t run with scissors!
Now: Don’t run with my iPad!
Before: Turn down that loud rock and roll!
Now: Take out those earbuds!
Before: Answer me when I call your name from downstairs!
Now: Answer me when I text you!
Before: Watch where you’re walking!
Now: Don’t click on that ad!
Before: Be sure to comb your hair before your class picture!
Now: Don’t post embarrassing pictures of yourself on Instagram. And don’t post any pictures of your mom before she’s had coffee!
Before: Turn off the television when you leave the room!
Now: Unplug the charger when you’re finished with it. And put it back where it belongs!
Before: If you eat all your dinner, you can stay outside for two hours.
Now: Go outside and play!
Before: No elbows on the kitchen table.
Now: No cell phones at the table.
Before: Be choosey about whom you become friends with.
Now: Please “friend” me on your Facebook page.
Before: Look at me when I’m talking to you!
Now: Look at me when I’m talking to you!
So there you have it. I’d share more secrets, but I’m getting a text.