I Cannot Be a Mom Today

mom

“I cannot be a mom today,”

Said little Lauren (also known as LBK).

“Fiona’s crying, Liv won’t pee,

Dylan’s temperature is one-oh-three.

The house is a mess, the laundry’s piled high,

My baby has a twitch in her left eye!

I spend so much time at the kitchen sink,

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It’s no wonder I’ve been driven to drink.

The dog is barking, the kids won’t sleep,

I’m trying hard not to weep.

I buy groceries, make dinner, and then,

The next day, I have to do it again!

It seems all I do is wipe noses and butts,

Kiss boo-boos, and put band-aids on cuts.

The baby is attached to my boobs,

I wonder why I didn’t tie my tubes.

My kids are annoying, my husband is rude,

This should clearly explain my bad attitude.

I used to have friends, I used to have a life,

Now I’m just some little kids’ mom and a big kid’s wife.

I have five pounds I just can’t lose,

I think I’ve paid my baby-weight dues.

I have a million pacifiers but can’t find even one,

It’s too bad I don’t think hide-and-seek is any fun.

I spend all my money on diapers and wipes,

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I believe I’ve more than earned my Mommy stripes.

I haven’t slept soundly in at least six years,

But I guess that puts me on par with my peers.

I haven’t showered and – what?

What’s that you say?

You say the babysitter’s on her way?

Oh how I will miss these faces while I’m away!”

 

{Illustration and inspiration via Shel Silverstein’s Sick.}

About the writer

Lauren Rauseo is a work-from-home mom to Dylan, Liv and Fiona. Her favorite things are Starbucks, manicures, wine and yoga, and after realizing that none of those involve her children, she’d guiltily like to add to the list: going for walks with the kids to collect “treasures” and singing in the car. Now that she’s done birthing her own brood, she has moved on to sharing her enthusiasm for natural birth with others through her book, Natural Birth for the Mainstream Mama: A practical guide to achieving a drug-free birth in a hospital setting, available on Amazon. You can follow Lauren at on Facebook.

From Around the Web

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Tani 9 months ago

One can tell a well educated person wrote this. Love Shel Silverstein’s work
And this poem is an excellent knockoff

S-me S-me 9 months ago

I know, right? Or perhaps they can’t relate even a little because they’re wealthy enough to have a babysitter.

Sarah Cook 9 months ago

Cute.

Mary Gerard Hudson Brayden 9 months ago

Love this!!! Puts a big smile on my face!

Dana Weatherly 9 months ago

Haha! Very good

Robin Aupperle Parsons 9 months ago

Loved the original poem growing up…but this may have surpassed it 😉

Joelle Bourdage Johnson 9 months ago

Amen!!

Rissa 9 months ago

Want this on a poster! :)

Rachel Margaret Shively 9 months ago

Some days I wake up feeling like this. Like overwhelmed and not wanting to get out of bed. Why can’t I just have one day off, like my husband does twice a week?

LilttleAng 9 months ago

This is me…

Hope Borseth 9 months ago

Not a fan. I’m exhausted as a mother and there are definitely days, like today, when I wish I didn’t have to get out of bed, but I hate how it refers to the husband as a big kid. I married a partner, not a child. He’s a grown man who can do things on his own without being nagged or supervised.

Liberty Long 9 months ago

Love this and that last line absolute truth!

Pagani Plush 9 months ago

Too cute! And true!

Ivana 9 months ago

Been there, still wiping.
It is gonna pass.
Great song!!!

Ansley Wilson 9 months ago

I remember this poem… I cannot go to school today said little Peggy Ann mcay.. I have the measles and the mumps….lol I love shel Silverstein!!!

Angela Thibodeaux 9 months ago

Love!!

Jenny Evans 9 months ago

That’s so funny, as I was reading I thought “Wow, this sounds so Shel Silverstein-esque!” We love his books!

April Howard 9 months ago

I love it!!!!!!

Lola Barber 9 months ago

Perfect

Jessica Ramirez 9 months ago

True.

Angela Parramore Snyder 9 months ago

sounds like the other one you used to say all the time. and so true.

MJ Terry 9 months ago

If Shel Silverstein had been a mom. Love it!

Mandi Terhune Headley 9 months ago

Love this!! Every once in awhile, I tell my husband that I need a timeout. :)

Leahkim McConnell Cherrington 9 months ago

So cute :)

Patricia Sibr Kuchy 9 months ago

Oh so true!

April Doiron 9 months ago

I think many people on here have never read Shel Silverstein poems lol. This is an hilarious re-do of his poem “Sick” which I always loved as a kid. This is too funny, thanks Laren for this, made my morning 😉

Annie Graul 9 months ago

Brilliant

Natalie Liles 9 months ago

Love Shell Silverstine, thus loved this too. And can relate feeling this way at times. And just like at the end of this poem, when I do get a break I miss them. And they come up in conversation over dinner, when dinner out with the hubs is to be about us.

Rachel Stapleton 9 months ago

Very cute!

Helen Russo 9 months ago

Have you SEEN the the NyQuil commercial about the DAD calling in sick to his kid? What an f’ing joke!

Cathy Aiken 9 months ago

Funny…and true.

Shanna McMillan 9 months ago

Ha ha. I love shel Silverstein. This is too funny.

Joe Medler 9 months ago

This is pretty spot on. Sometimes the endless challenges can overtake the larger experience. As a parent I’m forever building the museum of my early family, preserving those moments that will be the highlights of my life. If I didn’t the overwhelming nature of it would cause me to crumble http://developingdad.com/2014/11/06/museum-pieces/

Beth Tamagni Fraunfelter 9 months ago

Right on!

Brian Dougherty 9 months ago

Absolutely

Sarah Beth 9 months ago

I literally never get “a babysitter” and I can count on one hand how often a grandparent cared for my kids in my absense, and it was for mere hours.
Parenthood brings out the best and worst of us. Letting our own children know that we are human and things are tricky sometimes is a strength, not a weakness. I am honest with my babies, always. I mean potty training, attempting routines, tantrums.. These arent easy. However, I wouldnt change it for anything.
Not. One. Thing.
My children are the best versions of myself and I love them for it. Every day.

Monica Tutko 9 months ago

Hilarious, love it!

Brooke Welty 9 months ago

That’s exactly how I feel today. I. Cannot. Be. A. Mom. Today.

Amy Davis 9 months ago

I feel like this some days, but most days I enjoy every moment with 4 year old girl and 2 year old boy. I spend most of my time at work, so when I get off, I can’t wait to see them. Do I wish for “me time?” Absolutely…and I get it sometimes, but I’ve just faced the reality that I am a mom and this is what I do. I don’t go out and party like I use to and I’m okay with that. I’ve lived that life and now it’s this life. You mature and grow up, that’s the way it is. The kids are quite the handful sometimes and yes, it can get very overwhelming, but constantly practicing patience is a MUST,…also, I try putting myself in their shoes. I’ve found that..sure, they enjoy toys, cartoons, etc…..but if you lay down in the middle of the floor….just watch them circle around you. I’ve found that all they truly want…is your attention…& your love (hugs & kisses). Thats it. That’s what really matters most to them. And that…doesn’t take a lot of effort. 😉 God bless ALL the moms (and dads) out there. I can definitely relate to it all. A big hug to all of you. Keep up the good work!! You’re doing a great thing.

Heidi Hoas Long 9 months ago

Yep!

Erin Tengdahl 9 months ago

Oh god it’s my life! Love it

Rose Marie Bogaard 9 months ago

I’ve definitely wanted to hide in my bed, under the covers, with the door locked at times. But two of the 4 are smart and big enough to open the door and they find me. LoL.

Sarah Brown 9 months ago

Maaaaybe she’s referring to further children that are still possible! There, problem solved! I thought the poem was cute and funny. As for the Newton tragedy, May those babies shine down on their mommies and daddies today and everyday. RIP!

Catie Doris Madden 9 months ago

Sums me up! Love this!

Shannon King Gomez 9 months ago

P.s. having said that, the Newtown tragedy makes me hold my little just a bit closer every day, not just today… Even when he’s making me want to run away.

Michelle Leu 9 months ago

Love!

Shannon King Gomez 9 months ago

Oh my, some of these comments are taking things a little far. This is really funny, and any mom who SAYS she can’t relate even SOMETIMES is either lying or on something. And I for one would like very much to know what that something is so I may join you in your bliss! :)

Elizabeth Gramm Brown 9 months ago

I don’t think she is regretting having children whatsoever. I think it’s a funny spoof about how overwhelming motherhood can be sometimes . I think ALL mothers can relate to that on some level.

Melanie Hendrickson 9 months ago

So cute and very true. :-)

Leslie Weber Mahler 9 months ago

It’s a joke…any mother who doesn’t get stressed out at times is a liar!!! I love this❤️

Dani Mae Heights 9 months ago

Pretty much spot on. Except we don’t have a baby sitter and I never get a break… I’ve been on 24/7 baby duty for the past 16 months and yet to have a break.

I might go insane soon.

Kimberly Philbin 9 months ago

I needed this- nice to know I’m not alone. I love my kids- but sometimes I wonder why they love me.

Olinka Greenhill 9 months ago

Sums it up!

Angeline Moore 9 months ago

Omg parody of one of my very favorite poems. She nailed it!!!!!!

Brenda Applequist 9 months ago

First of all I love Shel Silverstein. Second- This made me so happy today!

Shawna Lee Zollner 9 months ago

I don’t like this one. “Why didn’t I tie my tubes?”? Calling the kids annoying and complaining about all the beautiful things we get to do like kissing boo-boos and treating temperatures… I love making dinner and doing all the mundane mommy things. Never REGRET having your children. They are a blessing and should be treated that way.

Jennifer Olijar 9 months ago

I needed the laugh with the rough start we’ve had this morning! :)

Amy Hollis Kantz 9 months ago

Love it!!

Tiggy Brown 11 months ago

Very appropriate as I am sat in a tiny bed with a wee monkey refusing to sleep!, & I’ve a mountain of work to do for the morning! Xx

Amanda Marie Bazer 11 months ago

This is my life…

Brenda Rose Rebbec 11 months ago

I like to run around screaming “WHO ARE THESE SMALL PEOPLE AND WHY ARE THEY CALLING ME MOM???” It helps to bring on a good laugh and make me feel better!

Tamilyn White 11 months ago

I love this

Julie O Halloran 11 months ago

This feels so true for me today!

Jill Alyse Davis 11 months ago

So good.

Martha Butz 11 months ago

this is cute but also so true!!!

Merlin 11 months ago

Great!

Katherine 11 months ago

Ha! That’s great!

Donna B. 11 months ago

ALMOST as good as the one written to the tune of Green Eggs & Ham called AWAKE TRAINING and/or AN ODE TO MY BABY WHO WILL NOT FUCKING SLEEP written by Tammy at http://www.junecleaverish.com

Lisa Morgan Echols 11 months ago

Awesome! Love Shel Silverstein!

Marci MacGregor Cacoilo 11 months ago

Ur getting old & forgetting a lot. Time to reserve u a spot in bayville manor!! Ha

Marci MacGregor Cacoilo 11 months ago

I did not.

Francie Herzig Gray 11 months ago

So true!!!

Heather Yvette 11 months ago

I totally read this with Shel’s falsetto voice in my head. Lol

Devin Sampson Petrey 11 months ago

Sick is one of our favorites! What a fun spin on an old favorite!

Celina Mohar 11 months ago

Love it! <3

Jennifer Mayer 11 months ago

Tru dat!

Tonya Zulewski 11 months ago

I love this!!!!! Exactly my life

Diana 11 months ago

Did you peek into my life this week?? Love it!

Barb Carmen McDevitt 11 months ago

Perfect!!

Laurissa Rasmussen 11 months ago

All I did was read the title and I knew it was inspired by Shel Silverstein.

Keisha Eggers 11 months ago

The struggle is real…….

Mark Schmitt 11 months ago

I get to be one tomorrow!! YAY

Laurie Boustany 11 months ago

Hee hee. It’s a universal experience.

Megan Daher Ventresca 11 months ago

Only you could know!

Courtney Hopkins Mullaney 11 months ago

Absolutely genius. Love Shel Silverstein!

Andi Piscatella 11 months ago

Excellent!

Jennifer Ann 11 months ago

Oh cute!

Hannah Fabiani 11 months ago

::standing ovation::

April Jones 11 months ago

Love Shell. Oh and this :)

Elizabeth Mau Healey 11 months ago

What is this babysitter thing you are talking about…..do they sit on the baby…lol

Jody 11 months ago

Just 5 pounds? Aargh!

Alicia Maiani Matlock 11 months ago

Love this!

Rene’ Schneider Flynn 11 months ago

My favorite poem from my childhood!

Alyssa Crowe 11 months ago

Awesome….my kids and I love Shel Silverstein

Jessica Rice 11 months ago

So cute

Natalia 1 year ago

Brilliant!!

Rebecca Caldwell Wallace 1 year ago

Brilliant!

Ann von Linden 1 year ago

I’d like to read, or write, a version of this for moms of teens!

Katie | The Surly Housewife 1 year ago

love this! adorable, fun, and so awesome!!

Kim Aveson 1 year ago

Love this.so true, I misses mine too. Lol

Laura Avendano-Stoecker 1 year ago

Simply adorable

Shirley Cencula 1 year ago

I always said I was going to change my name

Niff Dee Davlop 1 year ago

me too! Love it! Love this. x

Lucy Cocks 1 year ago

.lol this poem could have been written fir my 5 year old who has ‘wobbley toes and scratchy ears’ as we speak!

Leanne Pantoliano 1 year ago

“I cannot go to school today” was by far my favorite poem as a kid. That was applicable then and this is perfect now! Love it.

Marne Helgesen 1 year ago

Cute

Rebecca Larson Allen 1 year ago

I love “sick” it was my favorite when I was younger! But I might have to say I love this more!! :)

Genie Clement 1 year ago

I’m so sorry…but…LOL! This part will pass and you will wish for this “part” of being a mom…you won’t even remember how hard it was…but, yes it is hard in the moment…I send hugs!

Heather 1 year ago

Pretty sure we could be best friends, get out of my head.

Jennie Cannon 1 year ago

How funny

Savi 1 year ago

Somehow this made me cry…yup, I’m pregnant.

Gretchen Gaborik 1 year ago

Love this, great adaptation! I am a performing arts teacher, and have used “Sick” many times with my younger students. One of my favorite poems :)

Hannah Fabiani 1 year ago

Sick
by Shel Silverstein
“I cannot go to school today,”
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.

“I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.

My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I’m going blind in my right eye.

My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I’ve counted sixteen chicken pox

And there’s one more–that’s seventeen,
And don’t you think my face looks green?

My leg is cut–my eyes are blue–
It might be instamatic flu.

I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I’m sure that my left leg is broke–

My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button’s caving in,

My back is wrenched, my ankle’s sprained,
My ‘pendix pains each time it rains.

My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
I have a sliver in my thumb.

My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.

My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.

My elbow’s bent, my spine ain’t straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.

My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.

I have a hangnail, and my heart is–what?
What’s that? What’s that you say?
You say today is. . .Saturday?
G’bye, I’m going out to play!”

Hannah Fabiani 1 year ago

Reminds me of a Shel Silverstein poem :)

Daphne Thomasse 1 year ago

Stop acting like kids then 😉

Jamilyn Chassie Barnett 1 year ago

Super cute. Sooooo true. Lol

Lauren Michelle Harris 1 year ago

Sick was my favorite poem growing up! And now that she is an overworked mom named Lauren I like it all that much more :)

Catey Carmody 1 year ago

Omg this is perfect….

Kristi Larson 1 year ago

Cute!

Brooke Meredith Webb 1 year ago

Love! “Sick” was my favorite poem growing up.

Kristen Mae of Abandoning Pretense 1 year ago

Oh yeah. You totally NAILED. IT. =)

Erin Marks-Sullivan 1 year ago

Shel Silverstein is my favorite!! This is great!!!

Brittney Nesch Bourgeois 1 year ago

This is me every night before and after bedtime haha! Dying for my LO to finally go to bed and then looking at his pictures and talking about him nonstop with my husband once he’s asleep:-)

Peter Leslie Foxall 1 year ago

I can think of one or two Moms who would identity with this.

Nikki Olympia Prenoveau 1 year ago

Love love love! Sick is one of my favorite Silverstein poems. And in a SAHM so yeah, I get it. :)

Margaret Ross-Yagoda 1 year ago

I used to hide in bed when the girls were in high school and beating each other with hair dryers!

Bonnie McLaughlin 1 year ago

Already one of those days ;(

Corrine Jacob 1 year ago

I wish I could like this more than once! Lol

Sarah Grimm 1 year ago

This was my favorite poem from that book! I also have a little Fiona :-)

lsg1378 1 year ago

<3 this! So true. Some days you don't think you can do it anymore … but we always seem to!

Heather Christensen 1 year ago

LOL

April Louise McDonald 1 year ago

I love this!!! So true!!

Jamie Krug 1 year ago

LOVE love love this!!!

Tara 1 year ago

I already love Shel Silverstein, and this is just about perfect! Definitely a poem he would’ve easily written himself :)

Nancy Shiffberg 1 year ago

My life in a nutshell lol

Casey Biellier 1 year ago

To this day, I STILL quote the original of this poem as I’m on my way out the door… I <3 Shel Silverstein!

Kimberly Beckstedt Lawson 1 year ago

Yes Perfect!

Naya Weber 1 year ago

I love this! “Sick” is one of my favorite poems. I’ve had it memorized since the second grade!!

Rachel Buell 1 year ago

Perfect!

Laurin Mayer 1 year ago

Love love love

Stacy Carson 1 year ago

Love it.

Nina Orion 1 year ago

This is the best! The original is one of my most favoritest shel Silverstein poems. I have it memorized!

Tiffany Oberholtzer 1 year ago

Excellent! !

Suki Day Wellen 1 year ago

Love it!