20 Reasons Why I Like My Boss WAY Better Than My Toddler

by Tove Stakkestad
Originally Published: 

I recently came home from a long day at the office. Regardless of how much you love your job, being a working mother is hard. As with anything hard in life, we have to find some positive attributes to make the situation more tolerable. So… here are 20 reasons why I like my boss at the office WAY better than my boss at home:

1. My boss does not want to sit on my lap when I use the toilet.

2. My boss does not wipe his snot on my clothes.

3. When I start to do paperwork, my boss does not come running in a box of crayons insisting that he wants to ‘work’ too.

4. Lunch time is actually a relaxing experience because my boss does not spit food and keeps his grubby hands off my plate.

5. I do not have to bear hug my boss when he has a tantrum, nor do I have to sing “The Wheels on the Bus” 50 times in a row to calm him.

6. I am able to get work done at the office, because my boss does not incessantly beg to watch YouTube as soon as I sit down in front of my computer.

7. I actually get paid by my boss, where as my toddler never ever gives me anything. In fact, everything he sees is “MINE!”

8. The afternoons are always so much calmer at the office, since my boss never fights naps.

9. The office is also a safer place to spend the day since my boss does not bite, pinch or kick.

10. My boss does not insist on running around in his underwear and a cape. (Thank God.)

11. My boss never announces his farts or burps before they happen, and his bodily functions are certainly never followed by huge belly laughs.

12. I rarely have to remind my boss to use his indoor voice.

13. My toddler must be completely nude to use the bathroom. My boss doesn’t seem to have the same issue. (Thank God, again.)

14. Our office is surrounded by tall hedges and flowerbeds and from what I can tell, my boss do not feel the need to “water” them. My toddler, on the other hand, thinks it’s his social obligation to “sprinkle” on all living plants.

15. Getting in the car with my boss to head to an appointment is easy. He can even buckle his own seatbelt. It would be easier to strap a slippery, wet salmon in a carseat than my toddler.

16. My boss does not hide behind my legs when we meet new clients. In fact, we seem to avoid the weird “peeking out between your legs” game all together.

17. It is incredible how I can go a whole day at the office without anyone telling me that their butt itches. That never happens at home.

18. My boss never stomps his foot and says “NO! Me DO!”, he doesn’t insist on doing everything himself. (Although, on second thought – that might be refreshing once in a while.)

19. Surprisingly enough, my boss can put his shoes on the right feet – on the first try, or at least I assume it only took him one try.

20. After nine years of working for the same people, I can safely say that I have yet to hear a high pitched, semi-desperate very urgent call for help like the one I hear at home all the time. Never once have I heard “All done, come and wiiiiipe me!” I think that’s a sign that I have made it in Corporate America.

Related post: Three Year Olds Are The Same as Asshole Bosses

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