It’s Time (To End The Mommy Wars)

You have, by now, probably seen Time Magazine’s latest cover.

I posted it on my Facebook page and took a shower. When I came back, I read through the comments. Comments like this:

” I am offended by this cover because not all women can breast feed and formula is the only option”

“I’m thinking there are a lot of moms that feel guilty about not giving their baby’s breast milk from reading these posts and this silly picture.”

“Formula feeding IS harmful for babies. Breast is best.”

“Unbelievable. SOME of us did not have another choice. Let’s add one more load of guilt on women who constantly worry that their every decision is damaging their children.”

“So, I’m a bad mom because I work? Thought I liked you, Scary Mommy. Unfollowing now.”.

You know how it sucks to tell a joke and then have to explain the punchline? Um, yeah.

For the record, I am a working mom. I formula fed all of my kids and my boys are circumcised. If a cover like that were actually published, (which, given the fact that half of the people thought it was real, doesn’t seem all that far-fetched,) I would be the ultimate failure of a mother. I thought that was clear.

The original Time cover is absurd and does little other than pit mother against mother over the most personal of choices. No, even if I could, I would not breastfeed my almost four year old. Most mothers wouldn’t. But, that’s not the point. The point is that we should not allow a magazine to divide us like this. Time knew exactly the effect this cover would have on the nation and it succeeded beautifully. News shows are all over it, Twitter is abuzz and it’s the top story in every paper. Mothers verses mothers, once again. Well played, Time, this will surely be one of the best selling issues of the year.

So, how about instead of allowing this to ignite the Mommy Wars, we fight back? Let’s not divide ourselves. Let’s not criticize one another’s choices and let’s not allow ourselves to feel like failures. Haven’t we had enough? They can publish whatever stories and covers they want, but we don’t need to buy into it. We can win this one.

I think it’s Time.

About the writer

@scarymommy

In addition to being the founder of all things Scary Mommy, Jill is also the New York Times bestselling author of Simon and Schuster’s Confessions of A Scary Mommy and Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies)

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Danielle 3 years ago

I feel that, bottom line, how a mother decides to feed her baby is her choice. As long as the child is being nourished, it is not for anyone else to comment on.

Danielle 3 years ago

Thank you for demonstrating for everyone an example of “Judgmental Mommy” and her take on this topic.

Alinka @ Baby Web 3 years ago

Looks like the “divide and conquer” strategy works every time. Good job Time! Love your satiric response Scary Mommy!

Rebecca Schorr 3 years ago

Amen.

Learning about other parenting practices can expose us to all the options available. Civil discourse is key. How someone else decides to rear her children does not affect my kids. How I respond to someone else surely does. I want my kids to learn how to respect ideas and beliefs that differ from their own. And that’s something they are going to learn by watching me.

The Anecdotal Baby 3 years ago

Lindsay! I love it. Perfectly said.

Lindsay 3 years ago

Couple things: My Mom, a great lady, gave me a quality piece of advice once and it is this: F*** ’em if they can’t take a joke. Yay Mom!

Secondly, I feel it’s only “mommy wars” if you allow yourself to be bothered by the opinions of others (who, let’s face it, sometimes don’t really know what they’re talking about). I don’t feel the need to justify myself to others regarding my parenting choices. I would NEVER be so arrogant as to assume my way is the only/best way. My way is just what works for me, and if it’s not working for me, I call up my girls and ask them what works for them. It doesn’t matter HOW you feed your kid, it matters THAT you feed your kid. That’s all that needs said on this topic.

It’s a shame that judging one another has become par for the course instead of celebrating our diversity – I bet we could learn a lot from each other. And in the end, you can’t change how people think/act/feel, you can only change your reaction to their thoughts/actions/feelings. And my reaction is f*** ’em. You’re damn right I’m mother enough, Time Magazine, and I’m woman enough to not spend my hard earned money on your stupid, inflammatory, attention grabbing magazine!

Erica 3 years ago

What bothers me most about this cover is the smugness of the woman. Self-righteousness is one of the worst qualities a person can have and this woman appears to be swimming in it. Also, the kid looks completely terrified and confused.

To me this cover says, “I am and will always be a better mother than you, even if it’s at the expense of my child’s comfort.”

KeAnne 3 years ago

I cannot believe people took your cover seriously. Really? Get a sense of humor! Loved it.

tracy@sellabitmum 3 years ago

Jill, how dare you tell jokes? I mean like what if we don’t all get it? I love you. Thatisall. xoxo

Kisha 3 years ago

Even my own mother called me me to talk about this times cover. Sheesh. Only patriarchy benefits when smart, loving, creative and capable women have to not only prove that they are mother enough but hat to go around defending their “brand” of parenting.

Give the mommy wars a break, there’s stuff I’d much rather be doing.

Aimee 3 years ago

Bahahaha sorry but LOL

The Bearded Iris 3 years ago

Holy CRAP. I cannot BELIEVE there are people who took your (hilarious) mock cover seriously. People need to lighten the fuck up.

stylisticallystella 3 years ago

When we start to fight with one another, we should stop and remember the moment our husband, partner, mother, nurse wheeled us out of the hospital with a newborn snuggly wrapped in our arms. Who among us didn’t think “HOLY SHIT! They’re just going to let me leave with this little person? How do I know what I’m doing!!”

Sweety Darlin 3 years ago

WOW I had not seen the Time cover, which is absurd, and I didn’t see the post which is obviously a complete joke, but the responses you received are why women have such issues with each other. What happened to grains of salt? Why do we teach our kids tolerance, and not practice it ourselves.

I don’t agree with gay marriage either, but that too is a PERSONAL opinion. If you want that lifestyle that is your business I think it is wrong, but that also doesn’t make me wrong.

I am really tired of the fighting that occurs between women. Makes me want to go into the backyard and just duke it out like moms tell their fighting siblings. Maybe then we can get it out of our systems and go on about supporting each other. Differences is what makes us stronger!

Canergie Saunder 3 years ago

Oh man! I really love the cover photo. Mommy’s are really doing a great job and they deserve to be applauded for that. Thank you mommies.

Jaci 3 years ago

Jennifer, I agree with you that the “Mommy Wars” are more of a healthy debate than a huge problem. I absolutely agree that the best outcome of all this back biting and mothers shouting at each other online would be BETTER MATERNITY LEAVE.

I don’t think that screaming, “Damn it, we’re all great no matter what we do!” is a real answer, and it certainly isn’t banding us together. To me, it comes across as more PC white noise.

Lollie – The Fortuitous Housewife 3 years ago

Loved the mock cover! In the midst of all the ballyhoo, a little scary comic relief was just what we needed!

I thought about writing a post ’bout this “perfectl-timed” Time issue – let’s throw some gasoline on the mommy debate, who’s better, which way is better, blah, blah, blah – but I decided not to add another hit on the Google search result for Time and opted for the more traditional Mother’s Day post instead.

Happy Mother’s Day y’all – you are all AWESOME!

Liz @ The Six Year Itch 3 years ago

I swore off play dates years ago; they were epic torture. If another mother judges you at a play date, playground, school, bus stop, wherever, you’re better off not knowing them. And especially not caring. It’s not you, it’s them. They were jerks before they became mothers.

The Anecdotal Baby 3 years ago

“The mommy wars are bullshit and don’t exist.” Have you ever been to a play date? There are moms out there that will say “Oh you don’t …?” or “You do that? Well, I do ….” and are very judgmental if you’re not in there “camp”. It’s hard to “move on” when there are some women who’d rather rally against anyone that doesn’t share their viewpoint.

The Flying Chalupa 3 years ago

Loved your mock cover, Jill, and this post is why I read you. To cut to the heart of an issue with, um, well…heart. And generosity of spirit.

To be honest, I’m tired. I think most mothers are tired. Bone-tired. I mean, who the hell even has the energy to get their panties in a wad on this one? LET IT BE. LOVE IS LOVE.

The Anecdotal Baby 3 years ago

I discussed this in my second blog post on this issue. The picture elicited emotion, the title pitted opposing parenting philosophies against one another, and though I’ve yet to read the article, you are correct that extended breast feeding is only one small aspect of Attachment Parenting. There were problems all around with this Time issue.

Sharyn 3 years ago

You’re right, it wasn’t “[my] fault,” it was my *choice.* You obviously think your way is the right way or you wouldn’t do what you do. That’s great. But did you ever consider that your way is the right way for YOU and may not be the right way for everyone else?

Sharyn 3 years ago

Thank you. Well said.

Carolyn 3 years ago

I LOVE that line!

Carolyn 3 years ago

I’ve had the same thing implied, but not said so directly. One “friend” said to me shortly before I went back to work after 11mths of Mat leave (I’m so glad I live in Canada) “I realize some women have to work, but why would you have children if you didn’t want to spend every moment with them”…. She runs a home day care and would NEVER tell her customers that!

Carolyn 3 years ago

Monika, THANK YOU! That is so well put!
As long as you keep your child safe and are trying to do a good job, then who cares which choice you make. Thank goodness we live in a world where we CAN chose!

The Anecdotal Baby 3 years ago

Amanda, childless or child abundant, every one has opinions. And I can’t tell you how many childless women I’ve met that have an opinion on child rearing. I have met women with and without children having opinions on whether flying with an infant is okay, how children should behave in restaurants, what parenting philosophies are best, etc… I don’t think Joey is implying anything about non-moms. In fact, to me, she is commenting about the cattiness that seems innate in many women, not all, but many.

Carrie 3 years ago

So here is my thought-through response to this post. Unfortunately, TIME managed to alienate both advocates and opponents of attachment parenting. Here’s my post in response to what TIME has posted: http://huppiemama.com/?p=1884

cheesehead4ever 3 years ago

I guess my main question since I first saw the cover of Time magazine was, “If this woman has been breastfeeding this child for almost 4 years, and her oldest for the same length of time, why aren’t her boobs halfway down to her stomach?”

Amanda 3 years ago

Don’t you think that’s a little offensive to the childfree, such as myself? I do not have children but I don’t think moms should be in constant competition with each other. Most childfree people are able to have an objective view of the “mommy wars” and see it for the ridiculousness it is. You are implying that all non-moms are out to get moms.

The Anecdotal Baby 3 years ago

Well said, Monika. We are all in this mothering thing and all of us, no matter our parenting ideals, are out to do the best we can for our children… whatever that looks like. Besides our children are individuals we should treat them as such. What works for one individual does not work for all.

Scary Mommy, I think this was the topic of the week! I’m enraged over media in general, and Time just rose to the top of my list. Enough is enough.

Dani 3 years ago

Why didn’t you use MY kid on the cover drinking poison? Damn it. Also, I thought I was the only person who wrote about this cover. Double damn it.

Ally 3 years ago

My thoughts exactly! My very first impression was that this cover (the real one) was done for one purpose only – to ignite controversy. And they succeeded brilliantly. Because so many people buy into the media shock hype and don’t stop to ask themselves what the big picture purpose is (ahem – it’s to sell magazines in case you still don’t get it). Either fight back (step 1: don’t buy it. step 2: don’t let it draw you into debate. step 3: tell Time their tactic is NOT okay). Or walk away, people. Walk away.

Marie 3 years ago

God bless you, Julie. After reading through all the comments, yours is by far my favorite. Thanks for the refreshing response. You are awesome. I’ll be checking out your blog.

-MM

dtt 3 years ago

Everybody has the right to be the best parent and kind of parent they want to be. As long as they are not abusing their children. What is right for one may not be right for another. But the USA is built on the bill of rights. People need to reread them. We all have the rights to freedoms. But I will not buy a time magazine any time in the future, not because of this lady on the cover with her adorable child and her choice to breast feed for so long. But because by doing such a controversial photo of it is dividing us (women) again over something that is a personal choice. I say unite and boycot time warner.

Melissa 3 years ago

AMEN!!!!! xoxo

Sarah Eder 3 years ago

I love you, you rock and you are dead on! Thank you, I’m sharing your message as much as I can, time to get over the judgement and celebrate each other! xxx

Autherine 3 years ago

Most mother ARE great mothers, making great choices for our children! Believe it!

Morgan 3 years ago

While i’m all for whatever you feel is best for your child, (formula feeding,sleep training, I won’t say circumcision because I DO think that is a human rights issues). I don’t think it’s fare to be throwing out things like ” I would not breastfeed my almost four year old. Most mothers wouldn’t.” Unless you know it to be fact. The world is larger then what goes on in the United States and North America. Open up yours eyes please!

absence of alternatives 3 years ago

FWIW, I laughed when I saw the witty cover you created and felt grateful that you said what I thought when I saw the “real” Time cover: “What do they mean ‘Are you mom enough?’ Are you saying that this whole thing is somehow a competition?!” Sigh. I have refrained from commenting on this whole thing and was relieved when you and others did. So thank you! And… it always astounds me when people don’t get sarcasm esp. when it is so obvious…

The Mommy Psychologist 3 years ago

I think it’s hilarious that you had to explain this.

Jennifer Zajac 3 years ago

It’s not like at almost four that any kid who still breastfeeds is dependent on his mother’s milk. He eats three meals a day, plus snacks and maybe nurses once at the end of the day, where another child might have a glass of milk. It’s not like he is not being exclusively breastfed at that age.

Chris @ CleverFather 3 years ago

I’ve always figured that breast IS better. But you know what? My wife had supply issues with both of our daughters so they were mainly given formula. Who cares?

Does the fact that someone chooses formula over nursing have any effect in my life what so ever? Nope! Feed your babies pepsi… doesn’t matter to me.

Do what works best for you!

CSmith 3 years ago

It must be all that healthy breastmilk, lol.

CSmith 3 years ago

I’m sorry you had to explain your joke, I thought it was really funny;) I probably won’t read the Time article just because I think the cover is tacky. I don’t really care how anyone choses to feed their child but I don’t want to see anyone’s boobs hanging out. I do think it is terrible that some mothers are so insecure that they feel like they have to be better than someone. I breastfed 5 of my 7 babies, two of them past 2 years old, I would never use cloth diapers, I believe in co-sleeping and baby-wearing, I let my kids eat snack cakes for breakfast, I homeschool, I let several of my kids have a pacifier for a ridiculous length of time, I didn’t circumcise but did vaccinate. I’m a mixed up mess, I don’t think I should be judging anyone;)

Demoman 3 years ago

all i can think to say is… “SHARE”. sorry, im bad, send me to your room.

JD @ Honest Mom 3 years ago

@Brittany – that’s EXACTLY what my husband and I were just talking about. Neither of us has an issue with AP or not AP (we do not practice AP) – but both of us worry about how that very public picture will haunt that little boy in the future. I think it was a poor choice of the mother to allow TIME to use that as their cover shot – if she actually had a say in it.

Jenn 3 years ago

If it helps any, I thought your mock cover was brilliant. And I thought it was pretty obvious that it was a joke too. Of course, I am viewing it from the point of view of someone who doesn’t take sides, so I have no personal feelings attached to those statements. But I imagine that, for the moms who have actually been attacked for how they’ve chosen to parent and feel like failures because of their inability to breastfeed or stay at home, those statements churn up a lot of hurt feelings. That doesn’t mean that you should apologize for your joke or present your views differently…in fact, I think that these ladies’ reactions reveal exactly how much women have been hurt by others’ criticism, and really…that proves your point! When we can’t even JOKE about motherhood without people taking it personally, it’s a sign that something is wrong with how we relate to each other as women in general.
As for your main point…I couldn’t agree with you more…let’s support each other. We’re ALL moms, and one type is not “better” than another. We all have struggles, and there’s so much that goes into raising a child–it’s a shame that women zero in on just a couple of visible factors like breastfeeding or staying at home and turn those into their whole argument for whether a woman is doing the right thing. So much goes on in a mother-child relationship that outsiders don’t see…we have no right to judge others based on just a couple of publicly visible choices. In fact, we really have no right to judge others at all. We’re all trying to do the best we can for our children. No one is taking the “easy road” here, whether they breastfeed, bottle feed, stay at home or work full time, it’s difficult ANY way you do it. We all struggle; we are all doing the best we can…which is why it’s so hurtful when others criticize. Kudos to you for pointing this out and speaking out to unite us!
I’m giving you a cyber high-five, girlfriend!

Liz Knapp 3 years ago

Maybe if you don’t want to divide mothers you should not use phrases like “most mothers wouldn’t”

Jane Quick 3 years ago

I saw a very interesting documentary the other night about US media and how it portrays women, among other things it talked about how the media (run mainly by men) pits women against each other to further their own misogynistic agenda. Go to
http://www.missrepresentation.org/ for more information on the doco and the movement.

Denise 3 years ago

I was surprised people didn’t realize yours was a joke but I guess with just outrageous real stuff like this out there, it probably could have been real.

erika 3 years ago

I JUST wrote a post about this very thing:

Well said- love the cover you made1 :-)

Cat 3 years ago

Yes! I have been both a working and stay at home mom and both types are STILL MOMS!!! We rock. Let’s stick together.

Diane Anderson 3 years ago

I love it! I love how you managed to turn this botched issue into something creative enough to get women thinking. Out of 6 children I was only able to BF one. Three of them I worked and three of them I am a SAHM. Who cares what you do anymore? It’s either a personal decision or one made out necessity. In the end, your children are healthy and have their parents to love them. Isn’t that what really counts?

Amy at Best Baby Strollers 3 years ago

Hear, hear, Monica (raising a glass to you and Jill both). I vote for moving beyond labels, too. Love your children. That’s all that matters. :)

Missy 3 years ago

BRAVO!!! I wish more mothers would stop pitting themselves against each other. We all are free to make our own choices that works best for our family.

Janalyn 3 years ago

I agree with you that we shouldn’t tear each other down over this, but I do think our emotional response to this issue could be better directed in trying to make the US a more mother-friendly place, whether that mom is breastfeeding a toddler or not.

Jeni Kramer 3 years ago

The thing that kills me about this whole debate is that there are so many children out there that are neglected, abused or otherwise deprived of the love and nurturing they deserve. Why on earth are we turning on mothers who are going to great lengths to give their children what they believe to be the highest standard of care? Does the notion of nursing a four year old seem a bit odd to me? Sure. But if you’re busting your ass (boobs?) trying to do what you feel is right for your child – more power to you, mama! Breastfeed that lil’ nipper until he’s 30. As long as everyone is safe and happy, who the hell cares?

Stacie 3 years ago

I’m not a mom yet, that’s still a few years away, but I started following this blog after reading an article in the Baltimore Sun. I decided to share this post on my facebook page just to see if/how people would react. Thanks, as always, for the insight and the laugh.

Laura 3 years ago

She is obviously a petite woman. I’m tall and a three year old looks like a toddler, not a stocky kid, when I hold them.

Kristen Mae 3 years ago

Say it, sista! I was feeling EXACTLY what you describe – suffocated by pretentious bullcrap – so I started writing… and it ended up being a blog… (see link) I think you’ll be able to relate to the title post… :)

Hope 3 years ago

I completly agree with the point you are making. I think the cover of TIME is disgusting and I have not read the article so I do not know what it says. Personlly, yes I do think it is a mothers choice to BF & for how long. BUT, at a certain age I think getting the milk from the breast is more for mom than child. If you are that amazing of a mom to continue to give your child BM after they grow teeth, you are stronger than me. I think what the issue that needs to be discussed is not the benefits of BM but the psycological damage that is created when BF your child after a certain age. I mean come on 4? Ive even seen a woman on TV that was defending BFing her 6 & 8 yr old sons. There is a fine line between being a nurturing mother & a creepy one when it comes to this. If you want to give your child breast milk at 4,5,6 ect…Pump & Cup!!!!

Kristen Mae 3 years ago

Love this. I saw your fake ‘Time’ cover floating about Facebook and thought it was real! (It was too tiny for me to see the awesome satirical print) – I thought ‘Time’ was publishing two at once trying to juxtapose both sides of the debate! Ha!

Sunshine 3 years ago

This is quite an interesting post. I think your idea is great and I find it actually amusing. Being a mother is really not an easy job and I think it is really time to end the mommy wars. Breastfeeding is a very big case today in being a mom. What could be a good thing that a mom can do if she is incapable of doing this? Anyway, thanks for sharing this article by the way!

Cassie 3 years ago

First of all, I’m shocked that people truly thought that the cover you created was real. Don’t they know you at all!?! Second, I wrote a blog about this cover too. There are two types of parents: ones that second guess every decision they make, and ones that think that they do everything right. Why can’t we all share in these feelings a bit. There are times to learn and there are times to be confident in your choices. If we all followed this philosophy, we could help/support one another instead of tearing each other down!

GunDiva 3 years ago

Amen!

Jaime 3 years ago

I don’t have a problem with your opinion! We’re all entitled to our own opinions! I have a problem with you pretending you’re not criticizing anyone for their parenting choices, when you are! In fact you’re being down right nasty with your words! These “Mommy Wars” people are talking about, happen because of the exact things that you are saying/writing! Because you feel the need to pass judgement on a woman, a mom, who you truly know nothing about!

Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) 3 years ago

Amen, Jill. It’s a ploy to sell magazines, that’s what it is. Sensationalism. And we’re best to stand tall together and weather the storm. And perhaps tell them off for divisive journalism.

Holly 3 years ago

News flash! Annoucing you are offended is basically telling the world you are incapable of controlling your emotions and so everyone else should do it for you. Or you can deal with it by making a funny as hell parody causing the witless to think it is real & humorless to just be themselves make comments that are funny in their own sad way.
What is this about a “Mommy War”? I must have been off not giving a fuck about anyone elses opinion of what I do with a smile on my face. I don’t see any proof of a draft, so they must be taking volunteers. Have fun with that one, I’m not interested. You do have my condolences on being manipulated into fighting, but maybe you’ll develope a backbone and not feel the need to defend your choices to every twit take questions them. Good luck!
And to those twits who feel the need to comment with the idea of telling people how they feel others need to raise their children, don’t cry when someone tells you to go swallow a knife. This is the realm of the Scary Mommies, the douchey busy-bodies blog is way down the road, just keep walking…

Shiftless Mommie 3 years ago

I’m not surprised people didn’t see your image was a joke. We become so brittle as a gender whenever breastfeeding is mentioned. I’m not sure whether it is the judgment level and corresponding defensiveness or that we have been told the stakes are so high, when they probably aren’t. Neither problem will be easier to solve.

For what it’s worth, I got the joke. Sucks to have to explain it though.

Elaine 3 years ago

I honestly cannot BELIEVE people did not know you were being sarcastic.

And I’m having a hard time believing that the boy on the cover of that magazine is only 3 (I read that is how old he is). His 4th birthday must be like the day after they took this picture. He’s taller than my 5 year old. But that’s really not the point is it? I’m just sayin’.

I agree with you COMPLETELY, let this bring us together, not divide us. We are all in the same boat, dammit!! Just trying to raise our kids!!!

Patricia 3 years ago

Well said Shannon. I like the ” I breastfed my 4 kids until they were 4, am using clothes diapers, I homeschooled, but I am not judging.” Sure you’re not… Not directly.. Anyway, this cover is FABULOUS!!!!! Thanks!

Kay 3 years ago

well said. I actually did breastfeed both of my children until they were around 4 – frankly, there was no master granola crunchy plan involved, it just turned out that’s the way things went. I am also a stay at home mom for which I’ve taken a HUGE amount of criticism for….I used to HATE ‘mother’s groups’ because of the shocking amount of competition and criticism about individual choices. I’m raising my boys the best way I know how and I always assume that everyone else is doing their best too….can’t we PLEASE resurrect some semblance of a sisterhood?! The kids’ would be better off for it I swear!

Matt 3 years ago

Hi my wife was unable to breast feed our first son because her milk did not come in. This was 2 and a half years ago. The pressure that the hospital put on us to breast feed and not use a bottle or formula, had us up all hours, trying to feed my son a few precious drops of breast milk that we were able to pump. We had to provide formula also just to keep his weight from dropping more. To make a long story short one night when my wife was in tears and on her way to depression because she couldn’t provide enough breast milk and i was sitting in the living room just as upset about feeding my son through a 10cc seringe with a silicone tub attached to it. I snapped and grabbed a bottle filled it the deadly sustance known as “Baby Formula” and fed my son proper style for the first time in his young life against the recomendations of doctors. And guess what the unthinkable happened!!! HE SURVIVED!!!!! And not only that, us giving the finger to all the pressure being placed on parents and especially new moms. Our son started sleeping through the night and being happy durring the day instead of screaming constantly because he was hungry. Bottom line if you can breast feed awsome but if you are like many women who simply have no milk it is ok to feed your baby formula and not to mention it is probably less harmful than the emotional stress of always being hungry and the stress that my wife and i went through.

jmohojo 3 years ago

It’s what women do… they find a way, to compare and try to be better than other women. It’s nature, I think. Insecurity. It’s why I can’t look at Pinterest or read crafty mom blogs… the way some moms pretend to have 96 hours in a day to do 57 organic things is pretty stupid. I refuse to let them try to make me feel inferior or not good enough. Women compare jobs, husbands, children, and every single choice they make with other women in hopes of secretly feeling significant and superior. Just as they compare their outer beauty with other women and strive to look “hot” as long as possible. I think it’s all the same game they play. I say THEY but I probably do it too.

Jennifer 3 years ago

I thought your satirical take on the original Time cover was brilliant. As usual, there are plenty that do not have the intellectual capacity to appreciate anything that is a little bit left of center. Keep on rockin’, Jill.

Mommymiddleton 3 years ago

I haven’t read any other comments, so not sure if this has been brought up yet or not. What about the choice to use milk nurses? In the older days that was all they had to resort to. It was the only second option for mothers who could not provide their own. My grandmother had a milk nurse for my dad. I know for a fact there are milk nurses to this day, You just have to ask your hospital, or do some research online. There are orginizations of women who dedicate their time, and effort to provide healthy breast milk solely for this reason alone. It should be more of a trend these days, but who’s to blame but the good ol convenience of a grocery store. Hoping this can be the resort for every mother who can’t breast feed themselves in the future. :)

Christie Zukor 3 years ago

Great post. People are far too serious! Love your blog!

Lindsey 3 years ago

And you are obviously looking for a fight… My blog is MY place to say whatever the hell I want. I dont write for anyone but myself. You are right, I DO NOT agree with attachment parenting, but its *not my place to tell anyone how to parent.* But interestingly enough, I dont think all of you women would be getting so defensive if you didn’t have insecurities about it. And find someone else to fight with, because I’m done with talking to you.

Angela Jett 3 years ago

What I neglected to say, is I could have just as easily been sitting here having breastfed my child, and being upset because of the disparaging remarks, and criticism from the other side. Either way I would still be defensive over whatever my decision was being dissected by someone who should mind their own business.

Pamela 3 years ago

There really is no way you can force a child to nurse.

Megan 3 years ago

Amen! When I saw your version posted last night on Facebook I laughed my ass off, so much so that my husband came into the office to see what was going on. The woman who commented saying she thought she liked you? Did she really? That comment tells me she doesn’t get you. Her loss.

Time’s timing of this shouldn’t be missed either – right before Mother’s Day. Let’s divide all the moms and get them arguing right before they celebrate being moms. Geez. I’m curious about the article, but refuse to buy it. Maybe I’ll go to the bookstore, read the article and then reshelve the magazine.

Angela Jett 3 years ago

No I’m not. If you will read my post, and my reply to Sara, I quoted what, I have heard phrased myself from the formula side, the only thing I did not do is put it in quotation marks, and call it a quote. The “tit” comment yes was mine. If you find it offensive so be it, it was not intended to be so, you have the right to see it as such, which is what I have been saying with every post and reply. You have the right to your opinion.
I am not judging you or what you choose to do. I simply stated the issue I had, and my experience. I don’t have any experience from the other side, so as I said I stated MY experience. Not one time have I ever said which side I agree with, and I really don’t have an opinion on the issue, I just assume that all mothers do what they see to be best for their child, that’s what I did. Their choice their business.
I did what I had to do to make sure my child was well cared for and fed well. Given the right circumstances I may have breastfed my children as well. But I could not and did not, so therefore, that’s how I fed my child. My way. If I could have breastfed my child that would have been my way.
If my post sounds anything, you could call it defensive, because that is exactly what I have had to do is defend what was seen as a bad decision. I should not now or then have to defend what I did for the well being of my child, which was the only choice I had at the time, no more than those who choose to breastfeed.
Just because I defend myself from someone who believes they know whats best for my child better than I do does not make me judgemental. It just makes me mad because its none of their business.

Kelly W 3 years ago

My first thought was: damn, that’s the biggest toddler I’ve ever seen!

Seriously, when do we stop killing each other over “to bf or not to bf”?? We’ve only got one shot at this life…let’s not spend it on stupid crap like this!

By Word of Mouth Musings 3 years ago

OMgawsh girl, I never judge and I never fight – each to his own. I homeschool, I am a liberal, my husband is an atheist, my youngest is adopted and African American, I am a Brit living in the States – for derision – trust me I have heard them all. My point here was A. people jumped on the bandwagon and thought that Jill was really posting her idea of a cover and B. that my kids saw him as a big kid, and since they are at the eww, who would kiss a boy, and eww, who would ever have sex, and eww what is that young boy doing – it opened the door to a talk. Because that is what we do over here in my house – we discuss things – open minded, never judging and being accepting of all things. Read my blog – I am not judgemental – ever.

By Word of Mouth Musings 3 years ago

My girls are 10 and 14, for them looking at a young boy, not a baby, in a very staged photo was an eww … and that is exactly what Time was going for. In our household, it brought about a conversation about countries where young children are dependent on nursing for nutrition for as many years as their mothers can possibly produce it for them. By being open with my children, they understood the value of nursing and also the shock value of the media – there is teaching in all things.

Kristie 3 years ago

You’re completely right. I never even stopped to think what us mommies could accomplish if we weren’t busy fighting each other nonsense.

Jen 3 years ago

I am truly sorry for the experience you had with your pediatrician. That must have been incredibly frustrating to have someone who you trust and go to for advice and support offer you judgment and criticism.

However, you are judging – I agree with Sara – many of the phrases you used are extremely judgmental. I don’t put a “tit” in my kid’s mouth; I breastfeed. One description sounds like I am placing a sexual organ designed only for men into my unsuspecting child’s mouth; the other describes a natural and normal way to feed my infant.

Shannon 3 years ago

I’m reading a book right now called The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Undermines All Women. The book is fantastic and addresses not only the “mommy wars” but the way that media (i.e. Time magazine!), celebrities (“You can lose all your pregnancy weight in just SIX DAYS, like me!”), family and friends, etc. shape our views of motherhood. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is interested in discovering the “root” causes of why we think the way we do (and changing the way we think!) as well as a generalized history of motherhood (attachment parenting is NOT a new trend…in fact, it is the oldest form of “parenting” that we know of).

The sad thing is how many people have commented, agreeing that we need to END the wars, and then proceeded to make judgment calls or stereotype an entire “group” of mothers who do things differently. They don’t even realize they are doing it!

onSAnity 3 years ago

love your take on it. will share (although it does annoy me that the photo will go on my timeline, was trying to avoid that)….

Tanya 3 years ago

Well said Arnebya!

Jessica 3 years ago

Well said! I’ve always had the thinking that I’m going to do it my way! So what! On what all these baby magazines say…I can feed my baby solids as soon as I think he is ready! Breast feeding didn’t work that great for me…he’s as healthy as can be, so the formula must have worked just fine! If I ask for advice, then you can give it to me, otherwise I don’t what to hear about it!

Denise Malloy 3 years ago

We all have to make choices as mothers – what works best for you might not work for me. But we really should support one another’s decisions, not criticize. There is no one best way to parent – we all do the best we can. That should be good enough.

Gina 3 years ago

But you see, I think that allowing that picture, which will haunt that poor child for years, to appear probably IS neglect.

Yes. THIS

Michele 3 years ago

The thing that made me mad about the time cover is that the title says “Are you mom enough?” Does that mean that they think we that didn’t breast feed are not mom enough? That breast feeding moms are better? Rediculous!

Just Jennifer 3 years ago

People need to remember their senses of humor. You help us with that, for crying out loud! No one should have been offended by your fake cover. People need to think before they comment.

Kim 3 years ago

So stupid. If another day goes by and my kids haven’t mutinied and I haven’t eaten one of them then I call the day a success. I dont have time nor enough sleep to engage in mama drama. I get enough drama at home thanks.

Angela Jett 3 years ago

That’s exactly what I would say. I have been willing to take the slack for my decisions from people who quite frankly had no background on why I chose to make the decisions I did. I didn’t breastfeed my children due to the fact I had massive lumps in my breast that were thought to be cancerous. No one asked me why, they just passed judgement on me for what they considered to be a bad choice.
Everyone has to take some type of criticism for the choices they make. If that mother chooses to put herself and her child out there like that, she deserves every bit of criticism that we all know she will get. That is the world we live in. There is no way she agreed to go on the cover of that magazine and did not know what people would say. Especially when you make the obvious distinction of “are you mom enough?”, she separated herself from the other side.
If a formula feeding mother made that same choice she deserves every bit of criticism we know she will get from those who think formula is the devil.
I have not made any judgements whatsoever. I simply said whatever choice you make you should have thick enough skin to accept the “slack” for the choice especially if you are willing to publicly display it.
Where you determined I had made some kind of judgement or even voiced my opinion from either side, I’m not sure. I never said who was right or who was wrong. I gave my experience from my side.
Some people not matter which side of the argument you are on, believe that it is their right to rub their opinion in your nose, and try to make you see why you are wrong and they are right. Do I think that’s okay? Do I like it? No but that’s the way it is. Don’t do it if you don’t want someone to give their opinion on it.

Joey 3 years ago

Ahh, my bad. I’m so out of touch. Still, it’s interesting to see that the people in charge of instigating such divisiveness in this case are women. I have done a little snooping around and I don’t think either of them are moms (although I could be wrong as shown above)…that should tell you something right there!

Jaime 3 years ago

Also I don’t think you can compare eating to defecating! Seriously?!
And your blog posts are EXTREMELY judgemental and filled with criticisim. So don’t even attempt to say that “I’m not up for criticizing how ANYONE chooses to parent. ” Because that is exactly what you’re up for!

Terri B 3 years ago

It’s 5:00 somewhere and it’s Friday. Let’s get the party…um, I mean strategy session started!

Elizabeth Newlin 3 years ago

I so agree. My biggest problem with the ‘attachment parenters’ is their tendency to judge other mothers. Ladies, the war is not among us. We should all be teaming up. The war is clearly against our children and husbands. They’re the real problems. We should only be having strategy meetings over cocktails.

Jaime 3 years ago

Lindsey you said this:
“I actually had someone UNFRIEND me last night because of my opinions on attachment parenting. She obviously is “very attached” to her children (and I mean that in the literal sense). However, I’m not up for criticizing how ANYONE chooses to parent.”

Sounds to me like you surely must have criticized attachment parenting! It also seems like you are criticizing this mom on the cover. So I have a hard time believing that you’re not up for criticizing how anyone chooses to parent!

And for the record I have bottle and breastfed both my children. I just really have a hard time dealing with the “oh so now us formula feeding mom’s are horrible huh?” and the “I’m better than you because I breastfed” BOTH are in the wrong! Both are equally hyprocritcal with their How dare you criticize me, all the while they’re criticizing the other! Sad!

Jaime 3 years ago

Sooooooo if that were a mom on the cover bottle feeding her baby, you’d say that she should be willing to take the slack for it?
No matter how you flip your coin………you’re being judgemental towards another mom…….this mom on the cover! The exact thing you’re saying others shouldn’t be!

Andie @ multiplemama 3 years ago

I’m going to keep this short because I think by participating we are buying into their frenzy. So I choose to ignore it. I won’t post tweet or comment on it at all. War over.

Terri B 3 years ago

You know, my friends and I never got into the mommy wars. Why does the media have to make it seem like it’s all that we women are capable of doing? I don’t sit around and ponder which of my friends nurse or bottle feed. Damn it! I have clothes in the dryer to fold, tea on the stove that’s about to boil over, a litter box to scoop, two kids arguing over who gets to ride the scooter next, dinner to start, homework to check, and a dog dying to go pee. Like I have time to worry about the whole breastfeeding debate! Do what you want. I don’t have time to worry about anyone else but me and what my family does!!

Kristi 3 years ago

Jaime, you seem to be in the minority of women who didn’t get the difference and the sameness in both covers. The minority fuels this fire.

Sarah Anderson 3 years ago

I haven’t read the article. Even after breastfeeding five babies, I don’t care if others breastfeed or not. I also use cloth diapers, but I know it’s not for everyone. For me it’s financially motivated, for others it’s an unspoken contest to see who’s crunchier. Excuse me while I go put my baby in a sling and tour our local co-op just so I can reinstate my Good Mommy Membership.

Paddy Bone 3 years ago

Thank you for articulating so beautifully what so many of us are thinking on the subject. Bravo, Lady!

Christina Rodriguez 3 years ago

You meant it as a joke. i thought it was funny because that is exactly the way the woman from WIC tried to make me feel when I was in the hospital after my third child. I called the nurse to come escort her out of the room and told her if she came back I would lay there and scream until she left. Some people choose whether or not they breastfeed and some don’t have that choice. Leave us ALL alone!

Jen 3 years ago

Snort.

Motherhood on the Rocks 3 years ago

Amen, sister!

Kelly 3 years ago

Now, what would have been really eye-catching is if the headline read “Are you Dad Enough?”

I really am sick of all the breast vs bottle. Cloth vs disp…there are BIGGER issues in the world than this stupid debate.

We are ALL MOM ENOUGH.

Jennifer Zajac 3 years ago

Has anyone considered that the “mommy wars” are already raging and Time is just covering that fact, and in fact are not to BLAME for these so-called mommy wars. I think anyone calling it a mommy war just gives more fuel to the fire, which is actually a healthy and ongoing debate, that NEEDS to happen. Attachment parenting IS a reaction to the overmedicalized hospital birth and detachment parenting techniques that are for the most part the mainstream. Some people are not even aware of the existence of the AP movement, and the message needs to get out there so families actually do know about their options. If you were a hard-working mom who had to use formula and put your kids in daycare at an early age and then sleep-trained them, that is not necessarily your fault. You did what you had to do. In many instances, you did what your doctor told you to do. Why waste time feeling guilty about it? Maybe you didn’t know any better. When you know better, you do better, beginning at whatever point in your child’s life you figured it out. Positive discipline, a part of attachment parenting, can be applied to any child at any point in their lives. The sooner the better. In Norway, women are given up to two years of maternity leave to bond with their children. I’m not going to deny that I am really excited about all this debate about feminism and motherhood and how attachment parenting fits in. What if it actually led to something productive like longer parental leave closer to that of other countries where citizens get up to two years to bond with their little ones as opposed to six measly weeks here in the USA (yes I consider Germany or Norway’s systems to be more sophisticated).

Tammi 3 years ago

The war against breastfeeding not breastfeeding is ridiculous. I did try to breastfeed both of my kids. The first would not because the HOSPITAL gave her a bottle without talking to me & the second my milk dried up within 1 month on its own. My kids were given formula from the start. They are not less intelligent. My 8 year old is in 3rd grade doing 4th & 5th grade math & science. My 13 year old is so talented in music it is amazing (not just me saying so either). Neither of them were hurt by formula and would not be better off it they had only breast milk. They are rarely sick, active & healthy kids.
Stop making women feel like failures because they do not breastfeed their child until they are able to ask for it. It is not about the pain it causes, not about loosing weight after childbirth…it is about being a good mom. Even though I did not breastfeed either of my children does NOT mean I would not die for them in a heartbeat.

Another Lisa 3 years ago

Heather, certainly the debate was already on in the 70’s & 80’s but the internet has just heated things up. It wasn’t as easy to criticize other moms back then b/c you couldn’t just jump anonymously on a computer and bash away. Now you can sit down at your monitor anytime and see a gazillion people judging you and your choices and it’s really disconcerting!

Joanna 3 years ago

Ouch can’t believe someone said that to you! I have felt that implied but never actually stated. I am sorry she said that.

Helen Carroll 3 years ago

Before formula milk was developed in the 1930s (a derivative of evaporated milk), which went on to become something closer to what we know now in the 1950s, women who couldn’t feed their children for MEDICAL reasons (quite rare) employed a wet nurse (basically a woman who had recently given birth or was still breastfeeding). What do people think happened throughout history before this if they had problems feeding….? Women generally had no choice, they persevered or their child failed to thrive. Many mothers I know have either not bothered, said ”My boobs are for my husband” (a terrible reflection on today’s over sexualised society) or tried for a couple of days (not enough) and then gave up without a fight. The same mums say “I’d die for my kids!” but they won’t put up with a little pain in order to give their babies THE BEST start in life????

Not breastfeeding is now an acceptable choice for all women, though I did breastfeed my two children and am glad I did, they’re rarely ill and I lost my baby weight within 8 weeks of each child being born. RESULT! I think there needs to be more education and help for all women to try breastfeeding at least for the first couple of months!

Toni 3 years ago

Thank you Jill! and I totally get you! I agree-we need to stop the wedges that are being driven between women in all areas…whether it’s mothering, our size, our looks whatever…why do other women need to criticize ? When I sat crying on the bed because I had no milk and my newborn couldn’t latch on, my sister, who breast fed all four of her children took my son and told me to just give him a bottle..with formula. Period. She never criticized me, or berated me..because she loves me and accepts my choices..that’s what true unconditional love is about..and we should have it for all women, who are our sisters.

Vickie Saenz-Brown 3 years ago

Truth! So many bought into Time’s purpose of the cover. So very silly. We must stand together as mothers against those that try to divide.

I appreciated both of your posts on this subject.
Keep up the good work. People need to get a sense of humor and not take things so very personally.

Diana 3 years ago

OH PLEASE!!! Get over it!!! I thought it was funny, I also breastfed one of my children til he was 4 because it was like a whoopy blanket to him, not because I could or couldn’t….You live in a world where people are different…Your gonna see many different things living in the United States…if it really bothers you then maybe this country ain’t for you……

hannah francis 3 years ago

Damn mummy wars-frankly fed up of the media and women using them to divide and conquer.All the way through I have “failed”-c sections,only breastfeeding for a short time,going to work and my kids going to day care,my son not having a sibling until he was 7 blah blah blah;oh and now my friends are now starting to have kids (I had my first at 24);they’re all now parenting gurus raising uber children and judging how I raised my 2 who are now 15 and 8 !I am immensely happy that they have all found love and experiencing the joy of parenthood;but people whatever floats your boat-stop trying to tip mine over!

Practical Parenting 3 years ago

People have been so abuzz over the photo, which I totally get. But it’s the captions that are the worst part, in my opinion. No I wouldn’t breast feed a four year old either, but if I did practice attachment parenting and I did pose for such a picture, the words “why attachment parenting has some mother’s going to extremes” would piss me off. Also…the defiant looks on their faces? Most importantly, that poor kid has to live with that for the rest of his life! Holy crap! Sign him up for therapy now! We have to think about how our choices affect our kids long term.

Arnebya 3 years ago

But you know, Nicole, I don’t think I’d want my kids’ reaction to be eeww because nursing, even at three or beyond shouldn’t be looked at as nasty or wrong, just…different. But at the same time, Time purposely put him on a chair to make him seem bigger, purposely had him look to the camera. It’s all so painfully staged and purposely argument inciting. I want to say to Time: So what he’s 3 and still nursing? I don’t give a shit. Him folded up in her lap in a rocking chair in his room wouldn’t have had the same dramatic effect, so of course you went for shock.

Angela Jett 3 years ago

No I don’t see it. I’m not passing judgement at all I am simply using the same language as is used when describing the people who choose to embrace that opinion and live that lifestyle. I said point blank I have no problem with it. They have a right to their opinion and I never said that I would agree or disagree. Had I had the opportunity I might have chosen to not vaccinate or breast feed but it did not work that way for me. I guess you would have appreciated it more had I referred to myself in a way that would describe me as the other set has described me, when I more than once had to sit through a breastfeeding mom giving me all her opinions on why I was doing my child a disservice, and let’s not forget about my fellow homeschooling mothers who were just appalled at my vaccinating my child.
I’m not pretending anything. I do not stand in judgement of anyone for their choices where their children are concerned. I spoke the way I did to prove the point that I have been on the other side and still hold no judgement. Everyone can’t say that right?

Aubrey Anne 3 years ago

amen, Scary Mommy. A-M-E-N.

Stephanie 3 years ago

Here, here!! This Mommy Wars crap is ridiculous, but I imagine it makes some a lot of money. Sometimes it discourages me how small-minded people can be, and that society’s number one goal, at this point in time, is to enable and encourage people to rip each other to shreds. I say it all the time: That movie? Idiocracy? It’s going to happen if people continue being so ignorant and myopic. Argh. So frustrating!

AmandaAbsolutely 3 years ago

Thanks! I have been waiting decades for a chance to use it appropriately. LOL

Shana 3 years ago

I’m a mom of four daughters, ages 15 months to 22 years old. I’m a RN, but now full-time SAHM. I breastfed all my girls, still nursing the youngest. We also co-sleep in a King size bed. Do I care if other moms do as I do???!! NOPE!!! As long as they love their children and do the best they can for them, who am I to cram my way down their throats?? Our way works for us, their way works for them. End of story. If women would band together and support each other, there wouldn’t be these stupid “mommy wars”!!! If we would stop this stupid in-fighting, could you imagine how powerful we would become???!!! We could take over the world ladies!! BWAAAHHHHAAAA

Lisa 3 years ago

I was wondering the same thing. From the introduction it sounds more like it’s about attachment parenting. I haven’t read it though.

Tanya 3 years ago

lol

Kathy V. 3 years ago

Well done. I’m royally sick of ‘the mommy wars’. And I thought your make-believe cover was hilarious and on-point — if people don’t have a sense of humor, or are too wrapped up in their own angst to recognize a joke, then you don’t need them. Rock on, lady.

Joanna 3 years ago

So, I am kind of new to this mothering business. My daugther is almost 18 months old, and I started following mommy blogs about a year ago. I had never heard of these so-called Mommy Wars until recently, and suddenly now it’s EVERYWHERE. I just don’t get it at all. I work out of the home full-time and use daycare. My sister stays home with five kids. My sister in law stays home with two kids. My other sister in law works part-time out of the home, and her mother or my brother watches the kids during that time. We are all mothers who work hard and care deeply about our children. We never judge each other, and would never even consider THINKING the things about each other that I have read on the internet. In fact, I sometimes think these Mommy Wars are internet/media based, since I have never seen them in real life, in my family or amongst my friends.

As far as that Time cover goes – it seriously outrages me how the magazine (and the mom/model featured) have exloited a beautiful thing that is NOBODY’S business. I breastfed my daugther for 13 months – hardly extended breastfeeding. But, I am not against mothers making the decision to continue with it for longer. Most moms who do, do it only in the mornings and/or evenings – and it’s nothing like the picture. Worse has been what I have read online in comments sections – so many people accuse this woman of doing this for sexual pleasure! I mean, areyouf*ck!ngkiddingme???!!! That someone would even think that is sick. But, the worst of all to me, is that this private thing between mother and child, is now online. This kid’s name is out there. Forever, when you google his name, this picture will come up. So, more than anything, I just believe this was not thought through. Yes, I agree with breastfeeding, and showing the public that it is okay. But not at the expense of your child.

Oh, my one last final vent about this – the fact that the TV news BLURRED OUT the picture. As if there was anything to hide. Honestly, I am irritated about this for so many reasons, but the biggest one is – I don’t see how this helps breastfeeding. It only seems to hurt it.

Krysten 3 years ago

Wow, I don’t even know you and I caught the joke right away.

I’m not a mom yet. But I had a breast reduction at 19 and was told I may not be able to breast feed – and I won’t find out if I can or can’t until I have a baby. I’d be a little mad, though, if I can’t and other people judged me without even know the situation.

This is yet another thing that people judge each other about and it’s just ridiculous. People need to stay out of other people’s business.

Tanya Doyle 3 years ago

lol, I liked that.

Tanya Doyle 3 years ago

This is one topic whose intensity continues to amaze me. I don’t get it. While research shows breast is best, it’s not like formula is creating 3rd eyes. Why do people get so heated over this?

I think a more interesting debate would be about the effect a highly publicized and sensationalized image like this will have on that little 3 year old…

Helen 3 years ago

Sorry, Jill. I thought it was a joke, laughed, wrote a comment, then looked at it again and deleted part of the FB post as I saw it almost immediately after the near verbal riot on the site broke out over the other one. That and some of the truly offensive comments…from men…on the FB post I was reading of the “real” Time cover. I’ve read Time since highschool though more so now when a cover peaked my interest. I’ve lot all respect for th magazine over this cover.

I breast fed, as much as I was able, but I, too, “poisoned” my baby with formula. And you know what? I got the healthiest kid on the block! Cheers to formula!

Alison@Mama Wants This 3 years ago

I’m sick of the ‘Mommy Wars’. We have enough to worry about – like parenting our children.

Well said, Jill, well said.

Overworked Supermom 3 years ago

Absolutely agree! Mommies, unite! Don’t let this divide us. We each have our own way of parenting, and we need to keep it that way. Don’t judge others… what works for one, may not work for another.

AmandaAbsolutely 3 years ago

My Granddaddy used to say “LIFE is for people who can’t read and TIME is for people who can’t think.”. Guess not much has changed since his time. LOL

Kathy Kramer 3 years ago

Like I said in my Facebook post yesterday, we should be more worried about children whose mothers or fathers abuse or neglect them than whether they are breast or bottle fed. I’m so tired of this divide and conquer BS. If you work, you’re a bad mother. If you stay home, you’re a bad mother. If you feed them this, you’re a bad mother. If you hover, you’re a bad mother. If you don’t hover, you’re a bad mother.

This needs to stop.

Katie 3 years ago

um yes…there it was…that sound? the dynamite going BOOM!

Lori 3 years ago

Every family is different and every family should make parenting choices based on what is best for their families. I know people who did extended breastfeeding and their kids are perfectly fine. Their kids are now 14 and 17. Guess what? They did stop nursing. They don’t have to leave baseball practice to nurse. I know a mom who went back to work after 2 weeks and she was formula feeding her baby. Her daughter is fine. Very well adjusted. It seems like in the US they want to pit breastfeeding moms vs. formula feeding moms and stay-at-home moms vs. working moms, and moms who chose “Natural” childbirth vs. moms who had epidurals, when instead they should be uplifting and supporting moms who are taking care of their children and being good role models for them. But I guess that doesn’t sell magazines so they have to resort to these kinds of tactics. Parenting is the hardest job you can have and you have to make your choices based on what is best for your family….and all moms who are raising their kids are working moms.

Sarah 3 years ago

I completely agree with Lindsay. The controversy is not about whether you should or should not breastfeed and for how long. The issue is that this cover implies that one is not “mom enough” should they choose not to breastfeed. It implies that someone that is not breastfeeding is less of a mom. Who are we (or TIME) to judge what makes someone “mom enough”? I think Jill’s whole point is that, as women and mothers, we should support each other, not judge each other. I’ve only been a mom for a short time (8 months), but in that time other women have made me feel very supported at times, but also very hurt. How many times has someone implied (or flat out said) your kid is doing things slower, eating something too unhealthy/not organic/store bought, wearing something to cold/itchy/cheap/expensive, the list goes on and on. This cover, particularly the title, fuels the fire. We should support each other in this journey, not judge each other and try to compete for who is “mom enough.”

Dr. G 3 years ago

They’re using mom guilt AND sexual uptightness to sell issues. Great call!

shauna 3 years ago

Brilliant…. It is absolutely a personal choice… My 3 kids are smart healthy and genetically neurotic.. and all bottle fed, by choice. This is my response. You do not have to necessarily agree with my parenting decisions, as I do not have to with yours, however are your kids happy and taken care of then KUDOS to you as a mom.

Evin Cooper 3 years ago

I really think that the only mommy wars are the ones the media creates. We have to stop taking their bait. They are master baiters! (I had to.)

Nikki {The Guilty Parent} 3 years ago

You know, I posted about this last night too but I opted to try and stay away from the Mommy Wars and went beyond the cover and the title to see if I could read the article (I couldn’t. You either have to be a subscriber online or just special. I’ll wait for it to hit the news stands). However, I got enough from what I could read & the video behind the article to know that the cover and title did exactly that I thought it was doing and that was shocking us – trying to get a rise where there shouldn’t be one. It’s more about Dr. Sears, AP itself, and the history of it and why Dr. Sears developed it. It’s all built around the 20th anniversary of his book (or so the video leads you to think)… and you know what? That’s great. AP was the future of parenting as a way to do it better than our parents and their parents did. Ultimately my take away is that it’s about trusting our instincts when we parent and doing what we feel is right. It’s just sad and depressing that people couldn’t see beyond the cover nor bothered to look beyond the cover (or your faux cover for that matter!).

Sara 3 years ago

Absolutely!! This is actually my biggest issue with the whole stupid thing. If they weren’t looking to be divisive and stir up a bunch of “mommy wars” junk, then they wouldn’t have used the title, “Are You Mom Enough?!” Seriously, mom enough to breastfeed? Mom enough to breastfeed my 4 year old? WHAT?!
I would find the whole thing WAY less offensive and obnoxious had they actually used a title about the article.

Lindsey 3 years ago

The only difference between the woman on the cover of TIME and the rest of us is that she put herself out on public display like that, which is going to solicit criticism. I was quietly bottle feeding in the privacy of my home!

Ali 3 years ago

If it makes you feel any better I saw it, said “WTF?” and then actually used my BRAIN and realized it was just a joke. And a pretty good one. Frankly, I don’t get the whole Mommy Fight thing. I don’t feel pitted against any other mom. I do the best I can do and will never give my kids less than that. I don’t concern myself with what anyone else thinks.

Bryna 3 years ago

I think she was using a play on “Amen.” I don’t think she said anything about men.

Liz 3 years ago

People thought your cover was real? Oh my. I guess you’re just too damn good at Photoshop. 😉

Tarina 3 years ago

pretty sure that was her point :) that TIME really screwed the pooch with this article/cover.

Gina 3 years ago

Thank you. Parenting is at best an adventure and at worst a minefield. I challenge any mom out there to say that she knows the right decision every time, all the time. We are all mostly groping our way to bring our children into adulthood. I remember being in the hospital 15 years ago this very week and being made to feel less than a “good” mother for having no desire to try to breastfeed my son and opting for formula…and here we are still trying to force that divisiveness. It’s your child and your choice, and we are all just trying, really, to do the best that we can.

Tarina 3 years ago

How do people not realize when you are being overly facetious about something (sarcastic, making fun of, pointing out its ridiculousness for those who don’t talk like my freakin mom taught me to!) I am going to assume that someone shared your post, and some new person who had never seen/heard of your blog clicked over and got all huffy not knowing anything at all about the personality of the blogger… Or… or they just didn’t get it for what it was, and that’s really too bad for them.
I saw the cover you made, then *GASP* actually read the rest of the post…. and even if I was offended at the start (i wasnt… but IF i had been..) It is so clearly explained that you made it up as a “WTF TIME!?” post.
urrrgh urgh urgh @ people. That is all. Now, I am off to duct tape my children to their bedroom walls so I can take a shower. Don’t tell.

Regina 3 years ago

I agree, we should unite versus tear each side down. I think if you can’t respect each other’s choices, it’s a lot easier. When you sway to one side, you are narrowing your view. Not everyone can or should be like the next mom.

Kim B 3 years ago

Thank you…I understood where you were coming from exactly! So tired of everyone finding fault in everyone else’s choices and getting into everyone else’s business. If we could all just support each other, what a different and happier place this would be. Instead, we have to make ourselves feel better by putting someone else down. Isn’t that a bullying tactic? Respect…we all need to remember that.

sandee 3 years ago

I am not offended by how mom’s feed their kids I am offended by public displays of naked breasts

Kate in Ohio 3 years ago

Amen! This is exactly what I have been saying for years. It is none of my business how you choose to raise your children, just as it is none of your business what I choose for mine. I know what is best for my family, and nobody knows my children like I do. I think I am more informed to make this decision than anyone else.

Women, stop being your own worse enemies. We need to stick together, not rip others down!

Jennifer 3 years ago

How about, “Attachment Parenting, is it right for you?” instead of a direct challenge statement?

Melissa 3 years ago

Hear!!! Hear!!!! Thank you for this!!!

Suzana 3 years ago

For the record, I knew your mock-up was fake, and I wasn’t offended by YOU at all! I appreciate the post and my comment was only directed at the judging mothers that make us formula feeders feel inadequate. I love your site and I love your messaging. Keep up the good work!

Liz @ The Six Year Itch 3 years ago

I completely got the joke!

The mommy wars are bullshit and don’t exist. Let’s move on.

No campaigns. No blog posts. No tweets. Silence IS powerful.

Melanie 3 years ago

Agreed! There’s not need to judge each other on choices like breast feeding or formula. I breastfed my son, but weaned him onto formula at 10 months because he started pulling at my shirt when he was hungry. That was a personal choice. And nutritionally speaking a child does not require breast milk/formula for nutritional value after 12 months because they’re getting those nutrients from their food. TIME just wanted to get a rise out of everyone on both sides of the fence.

Jennifer 3 years ago

Exactly! Didn’t we all just go through this a few weeks ago. Just be the best mother you can be and let everyone else do the same. This job is too hard to not support one another regardless of the choices we make.

becca bryant 3 years ago

Jill, you are an absolutely brilliant woman! You never cease to amaze me. Thank you for speaking out about what “should” be right. Not every mom chooses to or is capable of breastfeeding. This does not make a mom good or bad! Btw, I love your book…it rocks!
Becca

Chacoy 3 years ago

I knew it was a sarcastic faux Time cover and laughed out loud about it!
The thing is all of US moms need to STOP second guessing how we parent, whether we breast fed, formula fed, work outside the home or are stay at home moms!
We all know that being a mom is the hardest job in the world- and yet we let others get us in an uproar over their opinion or parenting style.
Stop letting people make you feel as though you made a wrong decision, that your less of a mom and start ignoring it and be the best mom your children know, have and love……YOU!!!!

Chasity 3 years ago

If a woman cannot produce milk, that’s not saying she isn’t woman enough. With my son, I ran out of milk when he was 3 weeks old. With my daughter, my milk didn’t come IN until she was 4 weeks old. So, I had to go to formula. But saying a woman isn’t woman enough even if she doesn’t CHOSE to breastfeed vs. formula that’s HER right as a mom. Neither is better, after the 1st 3 weeks of what I call ‘super milk’ is gone. For the media to pick apart a woman like this is complete BS. That picture scared me. When a child has all their baby teeth and TALKING, ah, cut the cord, Lady. You don’t continue to breast feed when they old enough & should be potty trained, binky and blankies need to be gone. Remember in the movie Grown Ups? Ridiculous. And, then moms & dad’s have to sugar coat to our kids who aren’t breast feeding at 4/5 yrs old WHY that mother is. What, are you gonna send breast milk to school in your kids sippy cup? or strawed cup?! I read some of the comments before I’m making mine, and it’s fine if y’all wanna be pissy with me for my comment. I won’t argue, everyone is entitled to their own opinions, with myself and my friends, it’s a debate, then ya move on. Kinda like talking politics…

Dawn 3 years ago

How about…

“Are you Mom enough to do what you think is best despite the controversy and taboos surrounding it?”

“Are you Mom enough to stand by your decisions?”

All I’m saying is that instead of jumping right to the judgmental interpretations, we should consider the fact that this story/cover is about extended breastfeeding, and nothing else?

Valerie 3 years ago

It may have generated interest, but did it generate sales? Did subscriptions cancel or renew? I doubt someone said, great cover, I will subscribe, but I do think that someone was so pissed about it they canceled their subscription. People may be talking about it, but who is actually buying it?

Lori 3 years ago

Anyone that saw your mock-up magazine cover and thought that you WEREN’T being sarcastic hasn’t really been following you at all.

Joey 3 years ago

Publisher of Time Magazine: Kim Kelleher
CEO of Time, Inc.: Laura Lang

Both women NOT men.

noni 3 years ago

haha your ending line is awesome!

i agree with you, it was not about the idea of breastfeeding my 3 to 4 yo that disturbs me. but the cover, and the title which unbelievably judging and provocative :(

Becca 3 years ago

Agreed!

Jules 3 years ago

The picture may not be divisive…..just controversial…..but the title CERTAINLY is. And I think it’s interesting that almost no one has brought up that the article (from the cover, not that I’ve read this issue) is about Attachment Parenting, of which extended breast feeding is only a small part.

Heather B from SC 3 years ago

parenting choices weren’t in question in the seventies and eighties? In whose world? My mom chose to be a SAHM during a time when all her college friends thought that was giving your life away wasting your talents…and I had several friends who thought the same when I married and began having children. Thank goodness that’s become a little more of a “you have a choice to make, we’re fought for the right for you to HAVE a choice, but you get to make it” sort of sitch in the last decade… but yeah, human nature doesn’t change. And we still hear both issues continually rehashed in all the “parenting mags” and everyplace every single year… same war, different battle. Ask Anne Romney :-)

Stephanie 3 years ago

I love the pun at the end. Hilarious.

Misty 3 years ago

I had no idea about the Time Magazine Cover, or the mommy wars?! But Im betting that the prostar that decided that picture was going on the cover just got a BIG FAT BONUS!! It was generated to create interest. Guess what ladies they succeeded. Everyone is talking about it. It has pissed people off!! Marketing Project = Officially SUCCESSFUL! There goal is to report on things and sell magazines. Most of us have not seen a child that old breastfeeding, therefore it sells. Shock value. Who cares what other people do. If your kids are happy and thriving why waste your time thinking about who thinks you suck.

PS. Happy Mamas Day ladies :)

Sara 3 years ago

This remark is just dripping with judgement. “Conspiracy toting mom who doesn’t get my children vaccinated,” “walking around with a baby swaddled to your boob at all times”– Can you hear yourselves people? THIS is the nasty judgement that Scary Mom is talking about here. You ARE judging when you talk like that, please don’t pretend you’re not.

Erika 3 years ago

I saw the cover yesterday and was appalled at it. Not because of what it showed, although I personally find it weird (but to each his own), but because Time would choose to publish something like this.

I am of the mentality that every mother should raise their child/children as they see fit, as long as they are not intentionally harming them. I breastfeed my first daughter but was unable to do so with my second one due to medical reasons. While I did not like the thought of giving her formula it was the best choice for her. As mothers, isn’t that our job? To ensure the safety and welfare of our children?

How about as mothers we just stick together??

btw love your faux cover…. well played!

Erin 3 years ago

Exactly Buffy–I’ve many problems with the cover(although breastfeeding a 3 year old ISN’T one of them), but this isn’t depicting a mother simply breastfeeding her son, “minding their own business”–this is her, breastfeeding him, while they both stare directly at YOU, with the aforementioned question in large bold print.

Valerie 3 years ago

The most disturbing thing about the Time Magazine cover is how it was obtained. I do magazine cover shoots. It isn’t over in an hour. It takes a lot of time and a lot of shots. He looks bored and annoyed as if he was forced to this for a while just to get the “perfect” shot.

Buffy 3 years ago

I have seen less criticism about the mother choosing to nurse her child at that age, and more about the title “Are you mom enough?” MOST (not all) of the criticism is about the way this is being portrayed, not so much about nursing an older child.

Angela Jett 3 years ago

Jaime,
While I agree I see the “irony” and if you read my post, you will see that I don’t have any problem with a woman breastfeeding or not. I did not breastfeed, partly due to a medical issue the first time and with my second child by choice. But while I agree with their right, any mother who has a 4 year old hanging off her tit, has set herself and that child up for a bit of ridicule. The term “titty baby” that I have heard used frequently here in the South comes to mind. I find that a mother feeding her baby the dreaded formula from a bottle is a lot less intrusive than a mother with a 4 year old hanging off of her while we are sitting in the play place at Chic fil A. And yes I have seen this in public. Do what you want, but if you aren’t willing to take the slack for it, then do it in private and be happy with the choice you made.

Caroline 3 years ago

Well said and done!!! It’s so ridiculous that other mothers think they have the god given right to judge another’s parenting skills just because they gave birth!!!! Freedom of choice all the way!!

Carolyn 3 years ago

Well said.

Buffy 3 years ago

I would also like to add, that if you didn’t get the point Jill was trying to make with the fake cover, this website might not be for you, and that’s ok. She has a certain sense of humor that some people just don’t get. And then she took the time to clarify HOW it was a joke. I think that should count for something. To say she is causing more division is like saying she is lying in this post.

Alexis 3 years ago

The Time cover is so clearly designed to instigate controversy that it’s almost laughable. When I saw it my first thought was, “I must blog about this!” But then I reconsidered as I realized that somebody realized that breastfeeding older kids (especially in this ludicrous way – seriously? step ladder?) was simply chosen to whip us all into a blogging, tweeting, media frenzy. Good for Time, right?

Good for you for taking a poke at the ridiculousness of this cover. Poop on Time for trying to manipulate us. And too bad people can’t take a joke.

Carpool Goddess 3 years ago

I loved your faux cover! I can’t believe anyone wouldn’t see it was a joke.

Rebeccah 3 years ago

Oh, and when the punch line of a VERY OBVIOUS JOKE has to be explained, there really is just no hope. Good grief.

Rebeccah 3 years ago

By keeping women stirred up and quarreling with each other, we are kept from being a consolidated block, and therefore not a truly effective threat to changing the status quo. Think about it – when was the last time you heard of the Daddy Wars? I didn’t think so. It just needs to quit. When we stop letting false issues be issues and stop worrying about what other people are doing, we’ll all be a lot better off. It’s just not my business how long you nurse your kid, or if you formula feed or if you hang upside from the ceiling and pretend to be a bat. Be good to your children and be nice to each other – the end.

Mark 3 years ago

Thank God I don’t participate in the Mommy Wars. Too much blood shed for me. Although I do enjoying watching it sometimes. It’s cheap entertainment!
Your Friend, m.

Jaime 3 years ago

Lindsey,

I agree that no one should tell you what to do with your breasts based on their viewpoint! That being said, many are criticizing what the mom on the cover is choosing to do with HER breasts based on THEIR viewpoint! See the irony here?

Shannon 3 years ago

I’m not a Mom. I made a conscious decision to not have children. My life, my body, my uterus, enough said, and I’m always fascinated by the so-called “Mom Wars.” Y’all have it hard. Day in, day out, it never stops, you’re on call 24/7, even when you’re sick, on vacation, at work or asleep.

Why do you keep judging each other?

Parenting, being a Mom, raising children isn’t an exact science. Outside of some egregious and criminal behaviors, almost anythings goes when raising children, there isn’t a right/wrong or best/worst, it’s a continuum of traditions, skills, beliefs, practices and instincts that get y’all through the journey.

Again I ask, why do y’all keep judging each other?

Marinka 3 years ago

People thought your cover was REAL? OMG.

Ashley 3 years ago

I like your cover! No person is perfect and I think parents do the best they can every day. Formula or breast, as long as your kid isn’t hungry should it really matter?

Julie 3 years ago

I am with you 100%. Parenting is SO HARD all by itself, without any other outside opinions involved. We leave the hospital with a stack of diapers and a green paci and are just expected to go out into the world and raise the next generation, without a flippin’ clue how to do it. So we (I’m making a hopeful generalization) do our best to make the best choices with what is available for our babies. And then some mom down the street comes over and tells us we’re doing it all wrong, and we’re ruining our children.

“I’m sorry, did YOU get a textbook when you left the hospital? Cause I sure as hell didn’t.”

*sigh* Sadly this isn’t the only area where we attack each other and push our belief systems on others, judging them as failures when they don’t accept or choose a different route. It happens all day, every day. Religion, sexual preference, the types of food in our pantry, where we buy our clothes, how we choose to educate our kids. . . It’s insane, and it feels hopeless to me, and I know I’m guilty of some of it as well. I am a straight, (somewhat liberal) Christian, organic-when-I-can-afford-it-ramen-when-I-can’t-eating mom who breast AND formula fed my kids, who will NEVER home school or let my kids share the bed with me, and I buy my clothes where ever they are the cheapest, even though it kills me to know that the conditions those clothes were made in were probably abusive and horrific. I’m also a SAHM but I can be very selfish with my time and push my kids away so that I can get my own stuff done.

None of those choices make me a bad or a good mom. I feed and clothe and teach my kids the best I can, and maybe someone else’s best is different than mine. Yay for them (and for the record, homeschooling my kids would be the WORST for them. The absolute worst.)! I don’t love my kids any less, I don’t desire for them to be any less wonderful b/c I have to make different choices than someone else. I love them with every fiber of my being even if sometimes I’d like to just run away and hide for a few days.

I believe that the majority of us are doing the best we can, and I applaud us all for our efforts! I love ScaryMommy because she tells it like it is, and helps other moms realize that it’s okay to be realistic about our lives. Parenting SUCKS sometimes. We love our kids, but they’re not always fun to live with. Stepford can suck it, I’ve been in my PJ’s since Wednesday.

I’m just rambling now because I don’t know how to end this comment. I guess I’m just saying, I’m with you ScaryMommy. I get it, I feel ya and I want things to be different.

I’m just not optimistic that they will be.

Buffy 3 years ago

Uh, yeah the original cover DOES belittle mother’s who don’t breastfeed. “ARE YOU MOM ENOUGH?” How else can that be interpreted?

Kristi 3 years ago

Jill, again, you rock the house. TIME didn’t have to post the cover for it to be offensive. The title alone did that. I knew your cover was pure satire but held a strong message. To each mom to know best for their child and stop the stone throwing!!
Let’s go back and smoke and drink while pregnant like in the 50’s because with all this “not mom enough” bullshit, that’s where we are headed.

Nadia 3 years ago

Thank you for this!
I think that far too many mothers feel like failures because of the choices they make with respect to their children. Far too many are made to feel guilty and inadequate, or even selfish. Those that make “socially-accepted” choices and act feel superior to others are probably themselves full of insecurities… Mommies, we are in this together! The judging must end! We fight to end bullying in our children’s schools, so let’s lead by example and stop bullying each other.

Jaime 3 years ago

I completely agree with Dawn!! Your mock cover did nothing to help unite mothers………instead it helped further divide! Nothing in that article said formula was the devil or mothers who used formula didn’t care for their children! Way to fuel the Mommy Wars!

Lindsey 3 years ago

Couldn’t have said it better: “I’m not some conspiracy toting mom, who doesn’t get my children vaccinated, and thinks that you are less a person because you are walking around with a baby swaddled to your boob at all times, but I salute your right to be such, and I don’t judge you in the least.”
AMEN.

Kerri Kasper 3 years ago

Being a mom is hard enough without criticizing how other moms may do it or don’t do it compared to ourselves. It frightens me a bit that it was not more obvious that your faux TIME ad was just that. Lighten up people!! Gotta run, I need to make sure my formula fed kid has enough sense to get ready for school….

Guerrilla Mom 3 years ago

Well said. The people at Time behind that cover are a bunch of assholes. “Happy Mother’s Day, ladies! Now tear each other apart!” That cover of yours was hilarious, and obviously done in jest. If someone is humorless enough not to understand that… not your problem.
The “Mommy Wars” are ridiculous. To each her own. Not everyone is going to agree. Not everyone is going to like each other choices- I’m okay with that.

Lindsey 3 years ago

I personally found the “are you mom enough??” tagline offensive, it absolutely impies a put down to mothers who don’t breastfeed. I LAUGHED very loud at Jill’s parody, especially because I’ve HAD breastfeeding mothers send me articles about how dangerous formula is. Great, breast IS best, but not all women can produce milk… wouldn’t you rather a healthy happy FED baby than a nutrient deprived one? I dont get it. Everyone needs to just do what is best for their children and not pass judgement on others.

Shanna 3 years ago

You rock at life Jill!

Angela Jett 3 years ago

From a mom whose 20 yo daughter and 17 yo son are thriving young adults, barely been sick a day, without ever having the first tit in their mouth, I think it’s all bogus bs. I’m not some conspiracy toting mom, who doesn’t get my children vaccinated, and thinks that you are less a person because you are walking around with a baby swaddled to your boob at all times, but I salute your right to be such, and I don’t judge you in the least. But I didn’t appreciate it when my first pediatrician, had me so afraid to even give my baby a drink of water, or feed her cereal with her formula when she was literally starving to death, all the while looking down on me for not being able to breastfeed and I don’t appreciate being told I’m a bad mother for it either. For the record this same pediatrician when my daughter was 1 year old, pulled out a growth chart and proceeding to pat himself on the back for convincing me to follow his instruction of a liquid formula only diet until she was 1 yo, because ” look at how she compares to the growth chart here. She is on perfect track”. Guess he would have been pissed if I had said, well that’s what happen when you give them a little water and cereal to keep them from starving.
Please…you raise your kids your way and I’ll raise mine, my way, and we can agree to disagree.

Lindsey 3 years ago

BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!

Lindsey 3 years ago

I actually had someone UNFRIEND me last night because of my opinions on attachment parenting. She obviously is “very attached” to her children (and I mean that in the literal sense). However, I’m not up for criticizing how ANYONE chooses to parent. My daughter was formula fed and I was a stay at home mom when she was an infant. I just wasnt comfortable breast feeding, and I dont think anyone has the right to tell me what I can and cannot do with my breasts based on their viewpoint. Nor do I have that luxury to criticize someone else. I think its really f*cking sad that as women we cant respect each other’s differences, and we just tear each other down because we feel so superior in our own parenting styles. If our kids are safe, loved, and well taken care of, then the rest is moot.

Sili 3 years ago

Clapping hands with standing ovation! YES! YES! YES! Can we get a pledge going? Because it’s needed. I keep telling people you CANNOT sit here and not want me to judge what you are doing as a parent AND talk shit about what I’m doing in that role.

Let’s drop it! I want a t-shirt. I may ask my brother to design it. It’ll have a breast with an arm and a formula bottle with an arm. They’ll be holding hands. Underneath it’ll say: can’t we all just get along?!

Krista 3 years ago

It’s so transparent what Time is doing, generating controversy just to sell magazines in a fledgling industry. I get that it’s strategy, but it sucks.

Leigh 3 years ago

I’m actually taking your “cover” as the topic of my blog today. I loved your cover; I found it very funny. WE all take mothering too seriously…… Like gay marraige, a women breastfeeding her child isn’t hurting anyone. Let’s focus on more serious issues, like getting rid of cellulite. and hairy nipples. cheers. Have a great weekend.

Kristin @ What She Said 3 years ago

My feelings exactly. In fact, I was just formulating my own post about this very topic. Somehow I have a feeling we’ll be hearing a lot of similar sentiments in the coming week as women and mothers begin to process their own emotions surrounding that ridiculous cover.

Well played, TIME. Well played.

Danielle Rush 3 years ago

There is more judgement among mothers than there is at the 4-H beef show. I never realized it until I had children of my own. My job is the one with health insurance, so after 8 weeks, I went back to work. A mother I thought was my friend told me I should not have had children if I was going to pay strangers to raise them for me. I have made it my rule that I am not going to judge another mother’s parenting decision unless it is illegal, immoral, or dangerous to the child. Otherwise, none of my business.

Theresa 3 years ago

I breastfed my son, but had to supplement with formula because I could not produce enough milk. So I have been on both sides, I guess you could say. In the end it came down to feeding my child and having him grow and be healthy. At the same time when does it go from being about the health of the child to a mother’s desire to keep her child dependent upon her? When is the transition from us giving them healthy nourishment to teaching them how to pick and eat healthy? I want the best for my child and will do everything I can to protect him. But my selfish wants go out the window when it comes to his need to learn and grow. We can’t keep them small forever even though we would really want to at times.

Amber 3 years ago

Hey – wait!

I loved *your* cover AND I loved the *Time* cover. There are two sides to every story and I don’t at all think Time pitted one against the other — we do that to ourselves.

We choose to get defensive and attack one another versus using this opportunity to inform and support one another.

I think that is the bigger issue. It’s not the Time cover that did it. Just like it isn’t your cover that did it.

I bottle fed my first daughter and I am breastfeeding my second. I planned to stop at one year old, but she is still going at just 14 months and I don’t have the heart to force her to stop breastfeeding. I’m currently getting questioned left and right – uh, isn’t she too old for this?

I’m looking forward to reading the Time article.

And I’ll be back to read more of you too, Jill. 😉

xo,
Amber

Milica 3 years ago

I never saw the cover as dividing women, I saw it a very creepy image given the strange facial expressions and bizarre posing.

Roxanne Aquino 3 years ago

I posted my piece about that awful cover on my website too. I agree you.. the mommy wars should stop. There are no rules. We all can be mom enough.

Melanie 3 years ago

According to Time, I will never be mother enough. And I’m ok with that.

lynn @ Maven of Savin’ 3 years ago

Could not have said it better myself!!!!

Alexis 3 years ago

weird. I laughed out loud when I saw your post last night. How did people miss your OBVIOUS joke. I formula fed both babes and honestly braggy breastfeeders get on my every last nerve not because they are feeding their baby, but because they honestly believe they are martyrs and MORE of a mom then me. I’d like not to have this divide between all of us but until doctors and other authorities stop praising these brestfeeders and shrugging off the formula feeders it will not stop. I change the same diapers as all of you. hence…i am therefore mom enough.

come back to chicago will ya jill?
xo
A

Kristin Shaw 3 years ago

Dear Time magazine, are you in need of some attention? Poor, neglected Time needed some sensational journalism to boost sales. Well, guess what? I’m not buying your issue. The whole “Are you mom enough?” headline is insulting, demeaning, and pathetic.
Way to go, Jill – I saw your joke yesterday and thought it was awesomely sarcastic.

Robin | Farewell, Stranger 3 years ago

People thought your spoof was real? Sigh.

I won’t be buying the magazine for a number of reasons. For one, that photo creeps me out and I’ll be glad when it stops showing up everywhere. For another, I have no desire to read what they have to say. I’m just not interested in participating in this debate .

PS Just finished your book. Loved it!

Dawn 3 years ago

Jill, I totally love you, but IMO your parody cover is causing more division. The original cover does not in any way put down or belittle mothers who don’t breastfeed, does it? It seems to have put a lot of people on the defensive right away, simply by talking about it. Nowhere does it say that anyone is less of a mother for not doing it. People are simply assuming it. It is simply calling attention to the issue and controversy surrounding those mothers who choose to do it, much like there is a controversy surrounding those mothers who choose not to breastfeed at all. It doesn’t try to pit one against the other in any way, which seems to be what you are trying to do with your parody. I think you should follow a little of your own advice if you want to reduce the divisiveness!

Kristin 3 years ago

Great job explaining your punch-line. While the reaction is not quite what Jonathan Swift received in his Modest Proposal, it’s good to know that we’re still at the same level of critical thinking in our reactions to satire.

Thanks for posting this so I can just refer people to it on my share of the cover you made!

Jennifer Bowerman 3 years ago

Awesome! Good for you!

Rae 3 years ago

BRAVO! Again, you are amazing!

phoenixjenny 3 years ago

You see, I think it’s no-ones business what anyone else does, so long as its not neglect of course. And off course everyone wants to feel that the chices they have made are right and best, nothing wrong with that, they are of course right and best for you, like mine are right and best for me. The problems start when someone decides their way is right and best for everyone.

But you see, I think that allowing that picture, which will haunt that poor child for years, to appear probably IS neglect.

Karen 3 years ago

I agree. I wasn’t able to breastfeed my children and honestly, I’ve never felt guilty about it. My kids have always been healthy so why should I feel bad? Any decision a mom makes is tough. We have to listen to the advice we tell our kids: believe in yourself. I think it was obvious that your magazine cover was a spoof. And no, I won’t spend money on the real TIME. It’s just a great marketing strategy. And it’s working.

Tanya 3 years ago

I think it’s sad that there are STILL MOMS ON THIS THREAD JUDGING! Way to continue the war. If your kid says “eww” to the Time cover, why not say to your kid, “that kid and his mom are just different than us, what works for us doesn’t work for them and vise versa, and there’s nothing wrong with that.” And just leave it at that. You’re raising stereotypes in your kids that make these mommy wars possible.

Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes 3 years ago

Ah yes, mommy-wars, sadly they have reached our shores too.
So let’s make that movement global shall we.

Chris 3 years ago

Maybe reading Mad Magazine growing up helped me recognize the parody… I thought the mock cover was hySTERical! I recognized my own anger, disgust and exasperation with the continuous war against WOMEN that is being fought on every front: how we look, what we eat, what we do with our days, what we do with our nights, how we engage in romantic relationships, our ability to parent (or choice to not parent)…. every fiber of our being is judged. It’s about time it’s thrown back in the face of male-defined “convention”. Yay you!

Mama Melch 3 years ago

If we’re busy fighting each other, we won’t have time to fight the bigger important battles like maternity/paternity leave without having to use vacation days and affordable quality daycare for ALL for example. I’m not taking the bait either!! Thank you for your snark Scary Mommy.

melissa 3 years ago

Agreed. I’m SO OVER the “mommy wars!!!”

I am surprised people thought your cover was real…

Sue 3 years ago

Thank you! Saw the irony in your Time Cover. This competitive parenting crap doesn’t help anyone! Recently saw a Facebook posting equating circumcision to giving your newborn a nose job. Give me a break!
Such a different time from when I grew up (70s & 80s) when parenting choices weren’t up for debate amongst every and anyone. You did your thing and life went on.
Just have to shake my head. What gives anyone the right to judge someone else.

Vinobaby 3 years ago

I was shocked when I saw this cover yesterday. I couldn’t decide if Time was actually covering a legit issue going on now, the trend (okay, I know that’s word is going too piss people off, but it is a relatively new way of life for many) of attachment parenting, or just a way to sell mags. I suppose I’ll have to read the article to find out. But yes, it’s certainly going to stoke the fires, and I’ve been burned to many times for parenting my child “wrong.” Why get all the tempers flaring?

Brittany {Mommy Words} 3 years ago

I didn’t see your Facebook post but of course it was a joke! So, since I don’t engage in Mommy Wars, let me just say that I know I am not the only one who hopes that little boy is not mocked for that picture in school. Our choices are our own, but a 3 year old does not know what could come of his picture being on the cover of Time Magazine with his mouth on his mothers breast. Kids say mean things and I do think as mothers we try to protect them from situations that might cause pain.

Basak 3 years ago

Amazing conclusion! Thank you…

Lisa 3 years ago

Thank you, thank you. my hub said to me last night “I assume you saw that cover of Time”. And I said “yeah, just another way to get us mommies fighting against one another in the so-called ‘mommy wars’…”
But as you always manage to do, you took my thoughts and made them into a sharp, insightful satire. I love your fake cover and nearly spit out my coffee this morning when I saw it! Bravo!

Rebecca 3 years ago

I’ve had enough, too. Amen!

By Word of Mouth Musings 3 years ago

Sadly, there is always an ‘us and them’ in every.single.thing.
But on this one, even my kids, looked over my shoulder and said .eeww, what is that kid doing? The reaction to your ‘faux ad’ – kinda funny, don’t they know you are ‘Scary’ not ‘Crunchy’ 😉

Jamie 3 years ago

As always, you nailed it! I, too, was shaking my head at some of the FB comments last night. Good grief!

Dana 3 years ago

Well said! It’s a personal choice and as long as you’re taking care of your child who cares how you choose to nourish him/ her.

Elizabeth Flora Ross 3 years ago

I saw the reaction to your photo last night and was amazed. It demonstrated how emotional so many of us are over these issues. Which is EXACTLY what Time was counting on. It pisses me off majorly when the media pulls this s–t. Thank you! I’m with you!

Alicia 3 years ago

THANK YOU!!!! I am so sick of having to watch every little thing that I do now that I am a mommy. Because everyone has an opinion, and they make it known, and they don’t care if I want to hear it or not. Why can’t we as women stand, TOGETHER? And I am sick and tired of the media tearing us down and apart for $$$$. Enough is enough. End rant.

Galit Breen 3 years ago

A-freakin-men.

That is all.

Lisa Leshne 3 years ago

Perfect. My feelings exactly. The TIME cover just pissed me off. I’m sick of the media trying to pit us against each other.

Monika 3 years ago

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! From one of those AP moms that doesn’t give a crap about how your raise your kids as long as you take the best care of them that your can, THANK YOU. We all love our children, and we all want the best for them. Let’s support each other on this journey instead of tearing one another apart.