Chatting with Julie Klam

by Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 

Several months ago, New York Times best selling author Julie Klam (Please Excuse My Daughter, You Had Me At Woof, Love At First Bark, Friendkeeping) was kind enough to interview me to help promote Motherhood Comes Naturally. I thanked her for her generous time by… not posting the interview. I’m awesome like that! In a better late than never move, I present to you our exchange. And highly recommend you check out her books. She’s fantastic and also very timely, which I wouldn’t know anything about…

1. In your hilarious new book, the chapters are broken up into lies. I think my favorite was “You Are Your Own Harshest Critic.” Which lie came to you first?

That was probably the easiest one to write. Just last week, Ben told a snot-spewing completely revolting Evan that he was the grossest thing he’d ever seen… And he’s seen mommy NAKED!

It Gets Easier was the lie that started it all. It’s so natural to see a new mom who’s completely overwhelmed and struggling and assure it that things will get better and easier and she won’t always feel like she’s been run over by a truck. But those days of newborns who sleep more than they’re awake and have no demands other than to be cleaned and fed? Those are as easy as it’s ever going to get. Sorry new moms!

2. I loved the list of holidays competing with Mother’s Day. I’m excited to see National Bologna Day was the day before my birthday (Erev Julie’s Birthday). What are your plans for celebrating Hairstyle Appreciation Day?

Living in Baltimore, I think a bouffant is really the only way to go. It’s such an under-celebrated holiday, no? Let’s bring it back. In a big way.

3. You are clearly the most honest mother out there, have you ever had a scary mommy moment that was too “scary” to write about?

I get pretty scary in the book.I think the scariest feeling is that emotion when your child is driving you so crazy that you just want to throw them against the wall. It’s something I never would have been able to understand before becoming a mother: How you can love someone with your whole being and get so incredibly frustrated with them at the same time. I wasn’t sure about including that chapter, but figured if I didn’t address those things… who would?

4. I think one of the nicest moments of motherhood is seeing someone you can really judge. I once saw a mom give her toddler sugar so he’d stay awake through a dinner party. What was a really smug moment for you?

Probably the mom in the grocery store at midnight with the wired child who was sipping on a Coke. Why would a child possibly be awake at that hour? And with a Coke? C’mon. But a few months later, I found myself at a 24 hour pharmacy with my son who had just been discharged from the ER for stomach pains. The pain turned out to be gas and they told us a soda might help calm him stomach. So, there I found myself, with a four year old and a Sprite at 11:30PM. Needless to say, I try really hard not to judge, because I’m quite certain someone is sitting there judging me.

5. I actually think this book makes a really good gift for people who’ve decided not to have children. What responses have you gotten from that sector of the population?

Oh, those folks love me! They look at my books and blog as confirmation that they’ve made the right decision. I also think it’s a great form of birth control. If every teen had access to the book, I’m pretty sure unplanned pregnancies would drop dramatically.

6. Recently my daughter called me the worst mother in the world for not letting her download an app that I’m pretty sure she downloaded before. I always thought of mothers who sell their kids for crack as the worst mothers, but now I don’t know. Who do you think are the worst mothers?

OMG, you’re the worst mother in the world? Because Lily totally told me I was last night for not allowing her to go back to Justice for the third time this month! I think the worst mothers in the kids’ eyes are the best ones: The ones who care that they not look like tramps and their brains don’t turn to mush and they get some — gasp — fresh air once in a while. But I’ve also been told by my children that I “don’t understand ANYTHING,” so what do I know?

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