Even If I Don't Show, PLEASE Keep Inviting Me

by Stacy Bressler
Originally Published: 
Tetra Images - Jamie Grill/Getty

I know, I know. I’ve missed out on a lot of invitations and attempts to hang out.

I might have seemed distant, or maybe even not interested.

But here’s the thing: I want to want to go. But something is holding me back, and I am working on that.

I am in the trenches – maybe it’s the birth control that has thrown me completely off balance. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep that leaves me with zero patience or energy to do things out of my norm. Perhaps it’s the lack of “me time” and I don’t feel like I could possibly be of good company if I can’t even take care of myself first.

I am almost always upset with myself for not just getting dressed and going. If I were to explain to anyone else that I want to go, and it makes me down when I DO NOT GO… well, their solution would be to just do it!

But with all the factors of being a mom, sometimes you just don’t have it in you at that point.

And I want other moms to know that’s okay – because I also feel that way.

You know how it goes – you get the text, the Facebook invite, and you’re having a good day so you respond.

The day comes?

It’s a bad one – there is something that you can’t put your finger on that just seems to hold you back. You look outside at all the other people doing fun stuff with their kids, and then you see your kids watching TV by themselves. There’s a feeling in your chest, a nagging thought in your head that you can’t describe but feels like quicksand consuming you if you dare try to do anything.

And it hits you. Not today.

So you make some excuse for why you can’t go (because who wants to discuss depression or anxiety in a casual conversation about why they can’t go to some event) and go through the rest of your day feeling guilty for not going to said event.

But you know what is nice?

Saying something to me after the fact. Something so that I know I haven’t ruined a relationship with my issues. Something to let me know you’re still there. “Hey! Missed ya today. We’ll catch you next time!”

“We’re having another little get together at the end of the month. Hope to see ya then!”

“I have some leftover food from the party that we saved – would love to drop them by and say hi!”

For someone who has anxiety or depression, a simple one-sentence text can be very reassuring.

And if I miss multiple?

Ask how I’m doing!

I might never bring up what’s going on because I don’t want to unload on you. Or I might feel like I’m getting too personal and you’ll think I’m weird.

But we need to be more open with mental health issues, and often one of the best ways to get me to talk is to simply ask.

Someone showing concern about my absence can be seriously life changing.

Please don’t assume that if I don’t come that it has anything to do with you.

Even if we haven’t met up in months, don’t forget about me – keep asking.

This article was originally published on