Kevin Jonas Reminds Us Bonding Doesn't Always Come Easy For Dads
Kevin Jonas admits it took time to bond with his daughter
Moms carry their babies in their bodies, as a literal part of their bodies, for nine months. Then many of them feed those babies via their bodies for months and even years after their born. I even read somewhere once that it takes a few months after their born for babies to realize that they and Mommy aren’t the same person. Needless to say, that biological closeness can’t help but forge a pretty intense bond. It’s a beautiful thing.
It’s not the same for dads.
Despite the role that dads play in the parenting process having grown, and continuing to grow consistently over the past few decades, there are some things that fathers can’t do. Like carry a baby to term, and give birth, and breastfeed. Those biological limitations can sometimes have psychological ramifications. Even for a Jonas brother.
Kevin Jonas of the Jonas Brothers (you know you used to love them – I have literally never even heard a song) was faced with one of those ramifications when his first child was born.
In an article on The Huffington Post, the former boy band superstar (I’ll allow it?), admitted that he didn’t immediately bond with his daughter.
“Don’t be surprised if you don’t connect as a father right away. That’s the one thing…No one ever talked to me about it,” he says.
It’s true. Guys don’t have the benefit of the nine-month on-ramp that new moms experience. There are no physical or physiological changes that occur when a man is expecting a child, unless you count sympathy weight gains. For many men, the prospect of becoming a parent doesn’t actually get real until the kid is real. Sometimes it can take some time to get used to things, and to feel a connection that mothers have had since conception. (Which isn’t to say that all mothers feel that immediate bond; it can be tough for women too.)
It doesn’t help that babies aren’t exactly the life of the party. They don’t do much at the start besides shit, sleep, and scream, and the dreams many dads have – of playing catch with their son, or taking their little girl to a daddy/daughter dance – take a while to manifest. Some new fathers need an adjustment period, and that’s okay. The bond will come.
Kevin Jonas isn’t the only new dad who found himself needing a little time before warming up to the person who was going to dominate his life for the rest of it, and there’s nothing wrong with that. He eventually came around (“I’m in such a good place with her. It’s so amazing,” he says), most of us do. I just hope he doesn’t write a song about it.
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