I’m not afraid to say it out loud: oral sex is my fav. I think most people agree — after all, we can pleasure ourselves with our hands and use a vibrator, but giving yourself oral? Now, that would be a trick to write home about. Also, you should probably start teaching online classes.
I don’t think I’m alone in this. Blow job coupons are the hottest Father’s Day and birthday gifts for a reason, know what I’m sayin’?
Also, since only about 20% of people with vaginas can climax through intercourse alone, many of us like some variety when it comes to clitoral stimulation.
So, since we all love a good wine me, dine me, sixty-nine me, why not take it up a notch?
Scary Mommy talked to some experts via email who gave us tips on how you can win the oral olympics and get the same mind blowing pleasure in return.
You are welcome.
Who wants more orgasms? Everyone! But let’s face it: Unless you are the receiver and lying comfortably atop a fluffy comforter with your neck supported just so, weighless and waiting to be taken to O-Town, oral sex isn’t the most comfortable sex act.
Kate W, Co-Founder of pleasurebetter.com — a site aimed at helping people embrace and enjoy their sexuality — says you shouldn’t try and rush the act. Climaxing from oral sex can take a while, so it’s best to carve out some time and make sure everyone is comfy.
Honestly, the traditional oral position puts strain on the giving partner’s neck and doesn’t allow all-access to the receiving partner’s vulva.
Kate suggests “elevating the receiving partner’s hips with a couple pillows. Or have the giving partner kneeling off the edge of the bed. If the receiving partner has a vulva, they can scoot to the edge of the bed and put their legs over the giving partner’s shoulders.”
If everyone is comfortable, this will relieve the strain in the neck for the giver and take the pressure off the receiver to hurry up and finish, says Kate.
Kate also offers a very important tip — and as a person with a clitoris, I fully support this and would like to have bumper stickers made: “One thing people often forget to try is sucking on the clit. Imagine a blow job with only licking and no sucking — seems a little strange! Having your partner place their lips over your entire clit and gently sucking can feel amazing and lead to better orgasms from oral.”
Can I get an amen?
Emily Brooks is a Sex and Relationship Coach from Beyond Ages who says a little show and tell goes a long way. “Don’t be afraid to SHOW your partner where your clitoris is and TELL them how you like to be touched there. A surprising number of people are completely clueless when it comes to female anatomy and what to do with it,” says Brooks.
And make sure you aren’t giving them orders — that’s not going to work as well as telling them in a kind way what fills your doughnut.
Brooks also says to get excited when something excites you. There’s nothing like showing your partner that what they are doing is a turn-on and taking you to pleasure land. “When you feel like your partner is doing you a favor instead or performing a chore it can really dampen the excitement and pleasure. If you’re not a big fan of performing oral sex yourself, focus on the joy and excitement you get from pleasing your partner instead,” says Brooks.
Um, yeah, oral sex is a fucking delight and no one wants to feel like they are in the middle of chemistry class with heavy eyelids waiting for it to be over.
Remember your partner cannot read your mind (especially while they are down there). Brooks says, “If you are uncomfortable, tell them and switch positions. If you don’t speak up, they will believe you enjoyed it more than you did.”
If you want to talk to your partner about their oral performance, it can be a tricky subject. Kate says it’s important to avoid accusatory “you” statements, as that can lead to hurt feelings.
And there’s no need to wait to have this talk. Kate recommends having them as early as possible to avoid getting into good habits around your sexual desires. I mean, I’d rather have my partner tell me straight away he doesn’t like his balls touched while getting a blow job rather than wasting precious years of my life exerting that kind of energy.
No one wants to work harder than they have to, but we also want our partners to feel fulfilled and have a great oral experience so we will get it in return, right?
If you’re feeling shy and not sure how to bring these methods of honoring your special place to your partner, send this to them right now. If you don’t think they’ll read it, print it out and stick under their pillow, or on the fridge.
Because honestly, if you can take something amazing and make it even better, why wouldn’t you?