Growing up in the ‘90s, the idea of carrot sticks as an actual snack was pretty laughable. Why eat a grape when you can have a Minute Maid frozen juice bar that tastes like a grape and is shaped like a triangle? Why leave your house for a cheeseburger when you can microwave one and call it magic instead? Drink water? Pfft, as if, that’s a job for Crystal Pepsi.
Do you have the nostalgia feels right now? Of course you do! Let’s snack our way through some of the greatest hits of the ‘90s that we’d never feed our kids now, but absolutely loved then.
1. Shark Bites
With its ambiguous fruit juice flavor, the real star of Shark Bites fruit snacks was the chance to get your hands on a Great White and be the envy of your lunch table for a solid 15 minutes. This is what kids today call “social currency.”
The basic kids had the spreadable cheese with the red plank. The rock stars had Dunk-a-Roos and would, on a very rare occasion, have mercy on your soul and share one cookie with one chocolate dunk. No double-dipping ‘cause YUCK.
3. Trix Yogurt
Downright silly, Trix Yogurt was like cotton candy in yogurt form. Not only did it keep the breakfast vibes going all day, you could also pop one in the freezer and kick back after a long day playing outside with a frozen one.
Before energy drinks became a thing of now, Jolt had us roaring to go into the wee hours hopped up on sugar and cola, ready to take on the world.
5. MicroMagic Hamburgers
The ‘90s took fast food and supercharged it via microwave. Sure, it was kinda edible, but “magic” was in the title and we didn’t have to leave the house for our cheeseburger fix. Not to mention you could also make fries and, defying all sense, a milkshake via the MicroMagic line of science food.
6. Magic Middles
Wait, what, chocolate chip cookies AND fudge in the middle? The ‘90s were a decadent snack decade to the thrill of dentists everywhere.
Squeezeit had character names for their sugary liquid drink like “Rockin’ Red Puncher” and “Mean Green Puncher.” Are you noticing a pattern here? It’s like Squeezeit had a chip on its shoulder. Probably because Kool-Aid Bursts were the clear winner of the twist cap generation.
8. Minute Maid Juice Bars
Why were these called bars if they were, in fact, triangles? Truly an unsolved mystery for Robert Stack to figure out. But they were delicious and served in the cafeteria line as a fruit. There were no rules in the ‘90s!
9. Ecto Cooler
Ecto Cooler had everything going for it that a kid in the ‘90s, okay, any kid really, would think is cool: neon green (slime appeal), pop culture reference point (Ghostbusters), portable box with straw and sugar. Our kids make slime, and we drank it.
10. Orbitz Drink
I don’t even know where to start with Orbitz. Yes, a beloved ‘90s favorite, but it always seemed to me like if you wanted to drink floaters, you didn’t need to pay for them.
11. Doritos 3D
The ‘90s was dead set on pregnant Doritos as a thing it tried to make happen while not realizing Bugles already existed and were way cooler because “witch fingers.”
12. Life Savers Holes
I really believe Life Savers Holes only existed to disappoint you on Christmas morning. They were stocking-stuffer filler that usually came in a box that looked like a book and would sit, untouched, for an eternity until you threw them out.
13. WWF Ice Cream Bars
Be still, our childhood hearts. What wasn’t more ‘90s than having your favorite wrestler on an ice cream bar? From Ultimate Warrior to Hulk Hogan, Macho Man and Bret Hart, you could leg drop AND get your ice cream fix. What a time to be alive.
14. Prizes IN Your Cereal Box
We’ve saved the best for last. Nothing made your heart beat faster, your day better, your life more worth living than a plastic toy inside your box of cereal. The cereal was beside the point, the milk a distant memory. You absolutely had to get your hands on whatever that box was offering so help your parents if they didn’t shell out the couple of bucks to make it happen.
Kroger Family of Stores knows the ‘90s were filled with totally awesome snacks, like, for reals. But now that you’re an adult with children of your own, healthy snacks are something you want to provide for your kids. Kroger’s Simple Truth line of products offers veggie chips, gluten-free animal crackers, and organic white cheddar popcorn for all the families of former ‘90s kids who are doing things just a little bit different now.
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