Kim Kardashian Took Literally Everyone Down In Her 'SNL' Monologue

by Kristina Johnson

Things might be a little awkward at the next family gathering

That chorus of haters that had so much to say when Kim Kardashian was announced as the host of Saturday Night Live? Kim heard them loud and clear, as evidenced by her jaw-dropping opening monologue. Kim brought the house down as she roasted just about every member of her famous family, herself included, in the 4-minute clip.

Kim started off with a crack about how shocked she was to be asked to host. “I was like, ‘Why? I haven’t had a movie premiere in a really long time,'” a subtle reference to the um… intimate home video that helped make Kardashian a household name. “I mean actually, I only had that one movie come out and no one told me it was even premiering. It must have slipped my mom’s mind.” Shots. Fired.

“I’m excited to be here tonight to show you that I’m so much more than just a pretty face. And good hair, and great make up. And amazing boobs. And a perfect butt!” she joked. “Basically, I’m just so much more than that reference photo my sister’s showed their plastic surgeons.” It’s at this point viewers probably started asking themselves OMG, Did she really just say that? She did, and she wasn’t done yet.

“The one thing I’m really proud of is that no one could ever call me a gold digger,” she joked. “Honestly, I’m not even sure how you become one. So I asked my mom’s boyfriend Corey.” Ooooof! Kris Jenner may be the most famous momager of all-time, but it looks like she didn’t have much sway in the SNL writer’s room.

“A real passion of mine is getting wrongly accused people out of jail,” Kim said — which is true. The influencer has been studying to become a lawyer, and famously worked with President Trump to free several women from prison. “I think I’m following in my father’s footsteps,” Kim deadpanned, saying she remembered the late Robert Kardashian introducing her to her first black person. “Want to take a stab in the dark at who it was?” Kim then lets off a string of O.J. Simpson jokes — basically every topic her family has ever been mocked in regard to, she touched on it.

Kim also joked about all the K names in the family, and credited (kredited?) her mom with having the foresight not to name any of her siblings Karen — given the connotations it carries now. “I don’t know how she saw that one coming and not Caitlyn.”

And of course, Kim couldn’t end the monologue without some comments on her estranged rapper hubby, Kanye West, which were a perfect mix of sweet and schadenfreude. She hailed Kanye as the best rapper of all-time, “a talented, legit genius who gave me four incredible kids.” And then came the zinger: “So when I divorced him, you have to know it came down to just one thing: his personality.” Wow.

Leading up to her hosting debut, Kardashian chronicled her intense preparations for the gig, including at least one 20-hour day on set filming and rehearsing. Seems like the hard work paid off. Kim, you did amazing, sweetie!