You Know You're Pregnant When…

by Kate Casey
Originally Published: 

You know you’re pregnant when…

1. You ask your husband at least three times a day if you are getting too fat.

2. You consider punching your husband when he suggests you might be getting too fat.

3. You arrive at work to be pulled aside by your secretary, who tells you that your shoes don’t match.

4. You start checking out strollers on the street like you used to check out hot guys.

5. You add “pregnancy” and “normal?” to everything you Google.

6. You become obsessed with the color of your discharge.

7. You make spaghetti at 8 a.m.

8. You wonder if Dunkin’ Donuts has a membership program.

9. You get up to pee, and you already did.

10. You save your best outfit/undies for OB appointment day.

11. You know where every bathroom is, anywhere you’ve ever been.

12. You are completely fine wearing flip-flops anywhere and everywhere—including client meetings and church.

13. You’re in the shower, look down, and can’t see your vagina. Then you need to get out of said shower to look in a mirror to confirm it’s still there.

14. You have to slowly lower your boobs out of your bra because they are so tender.

15. Your dog is looking at you like he’s thinking, “Wow, you’ve let yourself go.”

16. If another person tells you to “get your sleep now,” you will surely clock them in the face.

17. You would rather sleep than have sex or eat.

18. You request a recliner to replace your office chair.

19. You struggle to stay awake and your husband doesn’t care.

20. You don’t want to have sex because your anatomy is so swollen.

21. You actually beg your husband for sex because you desperately hope it will send you into labor, and then apologize to him because you just made him have sex with a whale.

Related post: 5 Pregnancy Milestones (You Won’t Find In Books)

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