The Lactation Hotline Gone Wrong

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It was just a few days after bringing Penelope home from the hospital when I found myself locked in the bathroom at 1:30 in the morning, trying not to wake my husband. I was crying out from the shooting pain while desperately dialing the number on the sheet of paper I was clutching. I knew breastfeeding would be tricky, but felt reassured when the nurse at the hospital told me there was a 24-hour “lactation hotline” for me to use as a resource. I have a pretty high tolerance for pain, and I was at my limit.

Earlier that evening, I screamed so loud while feeding her that my husband got nervous. I considered begging him to run out and get formula, so I could give her something else during the middle-of-the-night feeding other than my poor, beat-up boobs. Instead, I powered through and figured I’d deal with the next feeding later on. Which led me to my 1:30 AM desperate dial.

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Finally, someone picked up.

Strike one: It was a man who answered the phone. A MAN. I considered hanging up, but one glance down at my bleeding, sore nipples and I figured I’d take a shot. I took a deep breath, cleared my throat, and asked to speak with a lactation consultant.

To my dismay, the man flatly explained that the lines were “backed up” and I would surely receive a call back from the lactation consultant in about four hours. FOUR HOURS.

I told him he didn’t understand, that I needed to speak with someone right away, but he assured me that he did in fact understand and would have someone get back to me just as soon as they could. I would have to feed Penelope again before that point, and would just have to suffer through it.

To the men out there, it may be tough to comprehend the predicament I was in. Let me explain it in a way that may help you put yourself in our shoes. Here goes:

Imagine you awaken in the middle of the night. You look down, and notice that your balls are on fire.

Before you have enough time to panic, you hear what appears to sound like a screaming piranha. You realize, to your horror, that the only way to get the piranha to stop screaming is to latch it on to your flaming balls. You are in quite the pickle.

You remember there is a phone number for you to call where you can speak to the only person who could help you put the fire out in your balls and calm the piranha, so, trembling in pain, you dial it. A woman answers.

WOMAN: “Hello, Flaming Balls Hotline! How may I help you?”


WOMAN: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. But our call log is backed up at the moment. I do, however, understand your frustration.”

YOU: “Lady, are you serious?! You don’t even have balls!”

WOMAN: “Yes sir, that’s correct, I do not have balls. But I can assure you that someone with balls will get back to you within the next four hours to help you put that fire out. You just hang tight.”

YOU: “FOUR HOURS!? What do I do in the meantime about the piranha?!”

WOMAN: “Well sir, the piranha needs to eat. Why don’t you go ahead and attach it to your flaming balls, or it will starve. Your call is important to us and will be answered in the order in which it has been received.”

Gents, does this paint a better picture? It’s a beautiful thing, isn’t it?

It was in that moment, after ending the call, that I wanted to light that piece of paper I was desperately clutching just minutes before on fire. I wished that, instead of that number, I had a single number to reach every other woman up at this ungodly hour fighting through this same battle.

I just knew if they too had heard there was a wait time of four hours that our collective energy and fury would bring us all together, a herd of sleep-deprived women to descend upon the office of the lactation hotline. We would bust down that door, nips blazin’, with a crazed look in our eyes and say, “Are you sure you don’t have an earlier opening?!”

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But then I also realized, that maybe they really were that backed up. Maybe they were doing all they could to help other women who, just like myself, were awake, alone, and crying on their bathroom floor right along with their babies. Helping them through this middle-of-the-night feeding that would make or break their commitment to breast feed. We couldn’t bind together like a herd of angry villagers, but knowing they were awake and going through the same thing made me feel just a little less alone.

And it wasn’t this guy’s fault that he accepted the unfortunate position of manning (no pun intended) the lactation hotline.

I do, however, have one request for the lactation hotline managers of the world: I’m all for equality in the workplace, but please, if that ever happens again, have a woman screening calls and delivering wait times. There are just some things that only we know how to say to one another.

And, I promise, I’ll never apply for a job at the “Flaming Balls Hotline.”


Related post: Why Men Can’t Have Babies

About the writer


Alessandra Macaluso is an author, freelance writer, and blogger at She is mom to a 21 month old daughter, a soon-to-arrive little boy, and a 25 pound cat named Marcus who believes he is a dog. You can also follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

From Around the Web


Jamie 1 week ago

I called my lactation hotline at Mt. Sinai hospital in New York city multiple times, left a message and never once got a call back!

Laura 4 months ago

No. No, no, no. It is not NORMAL to have cracked, bleeding nipples, and nipples do not “toughen up” to accomodate breastfeeding. Cracked, bleeding nipples are a result of a shallow latch, oral anomoly or anatomic challenge.
That being said, pain in the first week or two with breastfeeding is a COMMON issue. The key word there is “issue” — indicating it’s a problem and not just par for the course. There are plenty of women who don’t experience pain with breastfeeding. Any women who is experiencing pain with breastfeeding should seek help, just like the author did.

Karin 7 months ago

With my first two I never had really a single problem with nursing. My first I only nursed for six months, I was 18 and that felt like a huge triumph which I think as a teen mother it probably was. My 2nd no real problems either and because I was older and new better he nursed for 2 1/2 years. Then comes along my little guy, who is now 5. I figured it would just go along like the other 2. I knew people who struggled in various ways nursing and I think somewhere in the back of mind I always just thought they didn’t have enough support or were being a little bit whiny, or had a crappy health care providers that worried them with pointless worries and concerns that don’t have anything to do with what nursing is like compared to bottle feeding. Then it happened. While I had leaked with the other two it was never anything major. With this one I was old faithful and the front of my shirt the first few weeks was soaked, I had never used the leek pads, but WIC had kindly provided some, So I stuffed them in and called it good. I changed them regularly, washed them using free of everything extra gentle divergent, everything you are supposed to do, and it was fine until about the 3rd day when my nipples started cracking from all the moisture trapped against them. Before that I would wear a bra but when at home I had a tendency to walk around with nothing on and baby attached as necessarily I never realized how important this was for me. within 24-36 after they began cracking, I was sobbing each time my son had to feed. I had never felt pain like that before, one side was MUCH worse than the other, and my husband (this was our first child together and he had no real Spencerian with someone breastfeeding.) kept telling me just not to put him on that side, I would try and explain that if I did I could compromise my supply and I had to at least some time on that side each feeding, plus pumping. By the time he called his mom for help, I would literally be screaming each time the baby started nursing, by that point I had figured out the culprit and was walking around exclusively bare chested not caring who came by. Thank God my mother in law showed up shortly after her son called armed with all kinds of Lanolin creams and stuff that while not 100% taking the pain away made it bearable as it healed. I can’t imagine what that would have been like for a first time breast feeder. Only my knowledge of what success can look like and having two babies worth of intimate knowledge that continuing breastfeeding was any and every sacrifice kept me going, and even with that with everyone telling to just stop, that it was great for the first two maybe this just wasn’t meant to be, it wasn’t worth it, in 24 hours I probably would have quite. I would have pumped and maybe I would have been able to start once my nipples had healed, I don’t know and I am glad I don’t, I just know that If I had been faced with the same situation and a first baby, there is no way I would have survived, and it makes me sad for all the mom’s who lost faith in themselves, their bodies, and the process over something as simple as not knowing how much breast pads and moisture was going to mess them up. 2 babies with a combines total of 3 years nursing and I had no clue. If I had reached these people I would have hurt someone, again fortunately I knew to call Le Leche League, and they told my husband what to have my mother in law get,

Melanie Kline 7 months ago

Bahahaha love the comparison

Samantha 7 months ago

Yeah, I was told the same thing; “it’s not okay.” So when I finally HAD to give a little formula I thought it was a finite thing…and never tried BF again. Your logic is damning.

Kat Cosgrove 7 months ago

Well I told husband it was like having alligator clips attached to yr balls and being tugged. Hard. Or a rat nawing at them. But sure. On fire works too 😉

Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom 7 months ago

Oh. my. word. Too funny! And yet I was clutching my chest as I read it, all the scarred nipple tissue giving me phantom pain.

This kinda reminds me of the time I couldn’t feed my 3 week old so I went to a La Leche meeting for help and had to sit through 45 minutes of “Toddler breastfeeding: how NOT to wean your toddler” before an expert could help me try to breastfeed my 3-week-old. Good times. NOT.

It’s me 7 months ago

@Steph, I get what you are saying and I don’t think think women who had great experiences should feel like they can’t share their story…. but in the right context. Obviously the context of this article is focusing on the trouble with BFing.

And also, if I’m honest, I heard way too many happy go lucky BF stories in my day that because mine did not match that ideal I thought there certainly was something wrong. Turns out there was a problem but there was literally no support for me. Telling us to keep at it is NOT support when I was in tears and pain. Turns out the issue was with my son and not me at all. He actually did have a problem with tongue thrust and reverse suck that I found out on my own and that no one could (or wanted) to help me with. Apparently this is not a “real” problem and rarely documented in LLL or LC literature so therefore doesn’t exist.

mamaem 7 months ago

This reminds me of the anesthesiologist who told me, mid-contraction at 3:00 am, that I could labor epidural-free for a while if I want to experience “the flavor of labor.” Hey buddy, you do this for several hours and then tell me if it’s more like tasting a delicious meal or being stabbed repeatedly in the gut.

Azure Klein 7 months ago

I think ppl sometime forget what kind of page scary mommy IS.

delina 7 months ago

Yup that’s what I did and I’m still breastfeeding at 2.5 years old!

Jennifer 7 months ago

Of course Julie, if it didn’t happen to you then you can just dismiss it. You are the center of the universe. Anything you can’t relate to doesn’t even exist.

Jennifer 7 months ago

Or, yanno, the first thing we can do for them is to feed them. With formula or whatever. Way to shame others on a board that’s supposed to be supportive.

Beatrice 7 months ago

Two words: nipple shields. Seriously, a lifesaver, I know lactation consulta ts don’t love them but thankfully my mom got them for me in advance (she went through the same thing), they got me through the first few days, allowed my nipples to heal and then I stopped using them. I brestfed both babies a year and a year and a half respectively, no formula ever.
Another option is to pump and give them breast milk in a bottle while the nipples heal.

Scott 7 months ago

We went through a LOT of struggle and misery the first month with our first kid. Ended up with him on forumla – and going straight formula for #2.

Other than the pain of buying the stuff, the kids are perfect, healthy, and pretty far ahead of the curve development wise. In fact, the kiddo that never got breast fed is fatter and healthier than the one who did.

To each their own – parenting is hard enough w/out people tossing out ridiculous claims that something “isn’t ok” when in the vast majority of cases, it is completely ok.

Kelly Suellentrop 7 months ago

So, so hilarious…and only because I have been there. I love your analogy. Great post!

Maria Boz C 7 months ago


Ada Counsman 7 months ago

I am the Breastfeeding Warmline for Holyoke-Chicopee WIC (western MA). We are not affiliated with any hospital, none of them offer 24/7 coverage. I, personally answer calls, even at 3 am. When I’m teaching a Breastfeeding class or am in school myself I can’t answer my phone, but do respond to texts (I tell Moms this), and get back within an hour and a half, usually much less. The classes are in the daytime or the evening.
This is horrible and why we all need much more Breastfeeding/Lactation support in the US.

Kimberly Mallak-Todd 7 months ago

Hang in there! The balls of fire feeling will pass!

Tawnya Rene Hunt 7 months ago

Holy fucking ouch!

Tessa Somich 7 months ago


Kelly Tronnier 7 months ago

Testify, Sister!

Jennifer Blauvelt 7 months ago

I didn’t bother with hotlines. I took to the confessionals on So very comforting to see other Momma’s sharing some of the same emotions I had. Got a lot of great laughs too which also helped. So glad I stumbled upon the site

Kelly Ure Hansen 7 months ago

LOL, the balls on fire hotline!!

Jennilynn F. McFadden 7 months ago

This is probably my favorite post ever.

Shanna Sykes Hill 7 months ago

All of my contemporaries broke down crying over breast feeding at some point in the first month. It’s hard. I called for a lactation consultant early,and it was still hard. I recommend (to anyone that will listen) that everyone take one of those little bottles of formula and a bottle nipple home with them from the hospital for just in case!

LeAnn Nielsen 7 months ago

“Like having your balls on fire and the attaching a piranha to them”. Perfect!

Cyd Melcher 7 months ago

I take responsibility for the fact that we didn’t nurse more than a few days but we were also really failed by nearly every health care provider who should have been helping. My daughter was born four weeks early–so she was little–and it was a very medical birth so we were both pretty drugged up. The lactation consultant at the hospital was on vacation so the maternity nurses tried to advise me in little snippets of time often giving conflicting information (“Always!” “Never!”).. One nurse literally yelled at me that I better get my act together or this baby was going to starve to death. The lactation consultant arrived the day I checked out and rented me a pump, but that was it. When I got home I called the La Leche League and the woman told me that she didn’t make house calls and her advice over the phone was a) delivered in a bored, flat, “you idiot” voice and b) not helpful. I finally gave up and started giving the baby expressed milk half the time and formula the other half of the time. I cannot tell you how relieved we all were.

It’s me 7 months ago

When I called the number given to me it was answered right away but I got lukewarm help. The issue was my baby was lazy and only latched on long enough to get a taste then fell asleep. She never cried or fussed so that wasn’t a problem but she also never ate. even in the hospital they were getting frustrated with me (really, as if I created this issue to annoy them) because even they couldn’t wake her fully for her night feedings.

Well in order to access the situation they recommended I make an appointment with them at $150 per hour. No joke, $150 per hour. And some have the audacity to wonder why every mother doesn’t BF…

Michelle Bates 7 months ago

Been awhile…but i remember! Lol at some point, they get teeth and BITE

Liz Aliaga 7 months ago

Yup, thats how I felt at 3 weeks postpartum. My poor husband didnt know what to do with me. So I called my midwife, left her a vm crying my eyeballs out and she called me minutes later to reassure me that things would turn out just fine an I just needed to make sure the baby was latching properly. The breast shield saved my breastfeeded relationship with my baby. Once you get it right and pass that 3 week mark of hell, its all good.

Alexandra 7 months ago

What an ignorant comment! Women have also been unable to do it for thousands of years, but we no longer have resources like wet nurses to take over. They have even found evidence of “bottle-type” feeding and apparatuses to do so that are thousands of years old. Breastfeeding has been a struggle for as long as we’ve been breastfeeding, we are just lucky that now we have access to clean water and a safe alternative!

I’m a mom of 2 who was able to extended-breastfeed both with very little trouble, and statements like yours make me sick. They are so very uneducated and lacking in empathy. I can’t imagine how they would make someone feel who had serious struggles and for whatever reason couldn’t make it work!

Courtney Whener 7 months ago

Lmao! Awesome post

Edna Schroeder 7 months ago

While pregnant, I rubbed my nipples e dry morning with a towel. This toughened them up, so by the time my baby was born, my nipples could take it. Why don’t doctors tell people this?

Sara Petrick 7 months ago

This is why we need to have support from actual people, not just hotlines.

Rissa MakingitVintage 7 months ago

Went through that with all three kids! The lactationist said I had “short” nipples. -_-

Vanessa Ross 7 months ago

This, too shall pass.
I promise

Jennifer Fisher 7 months ago

This makes me really glad that I didn’t have that problem… It sounds horrible! I do know they make nipple guards for this situation, though

Sara Freund 7 months ago

Let’s all have the mantra of kindergarteners…take care of yourself, mind your own business.
Amy Poehler’s mantra: good for you, not for me.
Feed and bond with the baby…that is all.

Emily Lopez 7 months ago

It gets better!! My 1st baby I only breastfed for 4 weeks, my second I got up to 4 months….but my third I’m still breastfeeding and he’s turning 1 this week! I guess your tata’s get used to it after awhile, I’ve had very little pain with this one!

Stacy LaScola Blais 7 months ago


Ashley Walker 7 months ago

Bahahaha! This is hilarious!!

Diane Neumann 7 months ago

Hahaha. Funny and true!

Ginny Schultz Vandenburg 7 months ago

After-hours switchboard operators aren’t required to be knowledgeable in the field. Their jobs are to take messages and pass them on to the appropriate medical professional. The author even realized that she should give the guy a break, because it’s not his fault the lines were backed up or that he didn’t have breasts. The only people who can really understand what a woman is going through when her breasts are on fire are other women who have gone through it. I know plenty of women who haven’t and therefore have no more of a clue than the poor lactation hotline operator guy. I’m sorry, I can see that I’m in the minority here based on the comments, but I honestly don’t see how being told by a woman that the lines are backed up and you’ll need to leave a message would be any less frustrating than being told by a man. Either way, you’re not getting any immediate help with your burning nipples.

Genyne Malin 7 months ago

I just found this outright hilarious! My boy had a bad latch for a few weeks and I never was able to describe the pain to my hubby. Love it!

Rachel Davis Marshall 7 months ago

Nipple shields… Why are we not told about these before our poor nipples are literally hanging off? Would have saved a lot of unnecessary pain!

Elizabeth Meek Henderson 7 months ago

Any body see a lip tie in that photo?

Erin Linley Skamiera 7 months ago

I had the worst lactation lady at the hospital. I had a trouble with latching on because my nipple wouldnt stay hard and was also slightly inverted and I had extreme pain with the uterine contractions that go with it. This woman comes in and is trying to basically shove my whole boob in the babies mouth,very aggressively.I almost punched her.

Brittany Roia 7 months ago

I did try to breastfeed for 3 months, my supply never was enough for my two babies, I fed them what I made while I made it, and went to formula for the rest.

HeatherC 7 months ago

It is 100% normal to have bleeding and cracked nipples in the first month. Your nipples are toughening up. They do feel like they are on fire. If you didn’t experience this then you are lucky. But don’t scare other women thinking something is wrong with them please when it is entirely ok in the first month. Any time after however, (since they should toughened by now) there shouldn’t be much or any pain involved and definitely no more cracks and bleeding.

Richard Zowaski 7 months ago

I read this article as a man but can empathize completely with her predicament. However, and call me a weirdo for this if you will, but everyone is hung up on the ‘flaming balls hotline’ while I’m more concerned about her poor bleeding nipples and if she got help for them :(

VegGal 7 months ago

I was thinking the same thing. They wonder why so many women give up breastfeeding, but as a society we’ve already given up on them.

Kathleen West Bennett 7 months ago

That made me laugh so hard!

Deirdrah DeanQuinting Racine 7 months ago

Nursed my first for 14 mo, and cried for about 2 of them. Nursed my second for 7 mo and cried all 7 mo. Still nursing my 14 mo old and 3rd baby. Cried the first 5mo and yelped out a few times the last 2 mo (full set of teeth). My kids have a weird tongue problem with their latch. I’ve seen so many LC’s. the females aren’t any help when you are crying on the bathroom floor either.
I loved the flaming balls metaphor! This was fun to read.

Sofia Munday 7 months ago

This article is hilarious and every woman who has experienced the pain she went through knows EXACTLY what she is talking about and how she feels. Those that didn’t, just try to be understanding because you are lucky you didn’t go through it. It ain’t fun!

Erica Mullins Nibblins 7 months ago

“Flaming Balls Hotline” cracked me up!! I’m still laughing!!

Tamarin Cozens 7 months ago

Brilliant, brilliant ❤️

Amy Marie Cook 7 months ago

I have a man lc honestly I will never have a female lc again. He is easily ten times more informative, supportive, and less judgemental then my previous female LC. My first pregnancy my female lc more of just put on tons of pressure to breast feed but gave no information what so ever it ended before it even began. This guy though he discusses everything goes over everything. I have all his numbers so when I have this baby he will come to the hospital himself to help !myself and my husband .

Julia 7 months ago
Sean N Shanna Mabie 7 months ago

While I never had a hotline I could call, I do remember this feeling well. Fortunately, by the time I had my third and forth babies, I was not only a bit better at handling this, but both of my sweet babies were wonderful nursers. A forward tip to those that have not gone through this, take a full six weeks before baby is born to apply nipple cream, liberally, every chance you get. Before baby is born, especially in the shower, pull your breast outward, to the nipples, to help bring your fluid down; this is also imperative to do after your baby is born. If your secretion/ milk is already there for them when they latch on, this helps the process immensely; and ultimately will help you both have a better, more fulfilling nursing experience. For those of you that know me first hand, please call me. I will do everything within my power to help you through this. There is a saying, if you can make it through the first month, you’re golden. It really is true. It is hard, I will not lie. With my first born, for various reasons, I was not able to nurse, with my second, I barely lasted three weeks. With my third, I nursed for 5 months. With my forth (and last,) I nursed for a year. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine I would ever nurse one of my babies for a year; but you will never hear me complain. There is absolutely nothing in the world that can describe or compare to the closeness you feel with your baby while nursing. Our youngest is almost two now (our oldest just turned 15!) I would be lying if I said I do not wish that our youngest still laid with me, simply so I could feel that closeness with her. Even more then that, I wish that I had had the ability to nurse our first, and the patience to nurse our second… You are not alone in this journey, and believe me when I say it is worth it, %1000!! BUT- it is also just as important to note that nursing is not for everyone (as I said, I was not able to nurse my first born, this was due to reasons beyond my control, I also was not able to nurse my second born for more then three weeks; I do not blame myself for this!! His appetite far outweighed my supply- I did what was best for us both and switched him to formula (Nuetramagin in the end.)) if nursing is not something you can do, or simply is not right for your family, do not think for ONE MINUTE that you cannot have the same closeness, the same bond with a child that nurses!! The relationships that I have with my babies (15yo, 11yo, 3yo & almost 2yo,) would never give away which of them nursing worked out for. In the end, it is truly, all about love.

Amy 7 months ago

i so know what she was going through. The second baby was a peace of cake, but my first child…o.m.g. Instead of taking my pain pills the dr gave me on release from the hospital, I would take one before breastfeeding. When those ran out, I would steel myself before she latched on. 80% of the time I would flinch, which would make her jump, and let go-then we started all over. A few times of this before I was finally able to bite my knuckle and close my eyes and just go for it.

So I was advised by a lactation consultant to use a shield-those little nipples that go over yours-and that gave her thrush. After 6 weeks, I pumped for another week or two and supplemented formula before completely switching over.

Baby # 2 was a totally different experience. Had I not had a 20 month to also care for, I could have done it a lot longer. But ended up pumping after 4 weeks and then had to make the formula switch bc I didn’t have enough milk to feed him.

Hang in there if you can-if you can’t, formula was a lifesaver. I will admit I had a hard time with stopping bc I missed that closeness and bonding. Not to mention it was “my” time-I could take my baby from whoever was hogging them and go into a room alone and just enjoy my babies!

Valerie Gauthier 7 months ago

My pump has a closed collection system, no milk touches the unit. EVER.

Stop taking people for dummies.

Ashley Brown 7 months ago

I appreciate the fact that your trying very hard not to generalize but the tone of your arguments is still very general. This is obviously going no where. Im sorry youre limited on where you find comfort and hope you have many female friends amd professional acquaintances

Meredith Murphy 7 months ago

Agree…. NIPPLE SHEILDS! (even though I was told they were not good to use – they were truly a life saver!)

Alyxandra Nicole Vogt 7 months ago

Explain what similar feelings he could’ve possible had that relate to feeling like you’ve failed to do the one job your body is meant to, to feel broken knowing your breasts are bleeding and in severe pain and believing it’s because you don’t know what you’re doing or that you can’t even accomplish what is supposed to come entirely naturally to you. Plenty of people have suffered, but specifics DO matter in a lot of situations. And when that situation is one that includes being stressed and frustrated, the LAST thing you want to hear is someone claiming to understand what you’re feeling when that isn’t even remotely possible.

Cecilia 7 months ago

Such a grat post. I didn’t even have a lactation hotline. My only bf support came in the last few hours before being discharged on a Sunday and was a 15 crash course that covered latching and pumping, much akin to the crash course I got as a teen ager leaning to drive stick shift.

Luanne Ballantyne Genno 7 months ago

thrush is dealt with a simple course of antibiotic btw. and alternating BF for a couple ounces of water either in a bottle or if you are afraid of nipple confusion even a newborn with sip out of a “cap” they do it in the hospital here, even my youngest that would not night feed, the nurses took him after he was hours old, and put him in a swing with ‘sips” of water so that we could both rest.
Again, if the staff is qualified and caring, no mother or babe should suffer with the right knowledge. I am not saying that occasions will never arise that need additional help, I am simply saying that help should never be in the form of hotline to call.

Alyxandra Nicole Vogt 7 months ago

No, but someone capable of experience the emotional side of mothering had a far better chance of understanding my emotional problems than someone who never has been on that side of the fence. Men have emotions too, no shit. But they’re not going to deal with the same issues mentally that women would. Their self consciousness on their penis size is an emotional issue some men deal with but their feelings on that wouldn’t be the exact same as how many women feel about their breast sizes. Especially considering breast sizes can change (either naturally or through assistance) but penis sizes aren’t going to

Hannah Fabiani 7 months ago

Yes pure lanolin cream is the best first time I tried cheap stuff and it made my nipples itch like crazy I hated it. Later out of desperation and after reading about how purity matters, ( something about the process of collecting the lanolin, only the pure stuff has the bad stuff filtered out) the expensive stuff and what a difference! No itching at all and it really helped a lot I too had many many painful times in the two years I nursed. On and off all the way to the end and sometimes biting phases, I literally feel your pain:(. Also if you freeze panty liners and then soak them in a pot of chamomile tea, then freeze them they are very soothing for right after feedings. After soaking in the tea I laid them out on a cookie tray and put that in the freezer, then peeled them off when frozen and stacked them in an ice box. I used so many of them sometimes would just go get another one when the one I just used melted and it helps. Chamomile is great for sore nipples but not cabbage leaves because I learned that cabbage leaves can dry up your milk. I used cabbage leaves when I was weaning though it was perfect no clogged ducts!

Ashley Brown 7 months ago

Getting back to the original topic the writer seems to suggest that no women would be ok with a man saying he understand in this situation. I can look past the genitals and realize that everyone has suffered in one way or another and although he may not understand exactly what shes going through, it is sexist to think he couldnt understand similar feelings.

Luanne Ballantyne Genno 7 months ago

^^you are right^^ and I only offered MY experience which I still stand by education is the key. I did experience thrush as well as blocked milk ducts and horrible drying up like a hot boulder!!!! but I was educated in how to deal with these issues and did not have to resort to a hotline and being put on hold for 4 hours.

Valerie Gauthier 7 months ago

OMG people!

Ashley Brown 7 months ago

I understand what youre saying but why isn’t it possible to feel an emotional connection with just another human being? Why does it have to be so specific? Why do they have to have the chance of experiencing the same issue? You can never truely understand how anyone feels.

Mitchell-Kristyne Fifield 7 months ago

Insurance companies cover pumps now

Melinda George 7 months ago

I was laughing so hard about the flaming balls and screaming pirhana I don’t know how my husband didn’t wake up lol

Allison Perry 7 months ago

That’s am interesting read. I loved the “flaming balls” bit! I agree it does put the woman’s situation in a better perspective for men! Lol

Ashley Brown 7 months ago

What’s sad is youre totally missing my point and becoming so emotionally invested in a debate that you feel the need to use all caps and multiple exclamation points. Ive breast fed. Ive had problems with breast feeding. I had an emergency c section. All of which were very emotional. However, I understand that men have emotions just like women and are capable of understanding pain, frustration, despair. No other person could ever feel exactly as you do.

Alyxandra Nicole Vogt 7 months ago

And when you have a primary care physician, you want it to be someone you’re comfortable with after a while because your PCP is who you turn to first. They should be someone you trust and connect with and not just a blank stranger who has textbook education on medicine. That’s why medical degrees require coursework to help proper bedside manner and emotional patient care. When you call a hotline – often you’re seeking the connection and emotional support far more than JUST the technical knowledge. If all you wanted was technical advice than you could’ve gone onto a Google search

Michelle A. Cropper 7 months ago

Why didn’t the hospital she had her baby at have a lactation consultant she could call? This pregnancy I plan on breastfeeding (I wasn’t able to the first two pregnancies due to complications). The lactation consultant at my hospital is wonderful. She gave me her home phone and cell phone to call her if I had any questions.

Alyxandra Nicole Vogt 7 months ago

Because it helps when someone has a CHANCE of having experienced a similar issue, or at least has a CAPACITY of understanding how you might feel because you’re experiencing that issue. An example I’ve used before it – I could clinically have every level of understanding what it means for a guy to get kicked in the balls. But if a male patient who had testicular trauma came into my office, in his mind, I might be incapable of creating a personal connection with him

Cassandra Julian 7 months ago

Unless it is a hospital grade pump specifically designed for multiple users it will get biological material through the entire system. You cannot clean or replace every part that can be contaminated. Well that’s not true either. You can, if you buy a whole new pump

Amy Hussar 7 months ago

Lactation Nazi’s! Don’t get me wrong I breast feed both of my daughters but NO ONE should make you feel bad or forced to Breastfeed. It’s every woman’s choice for
What is best for her and her baby!

Brian Boerum 7 months ago

Your all ridiculous. I need to go to bed. Argue amoungst yourselves. Nothing will be different in the morning and guys will still answer lactation hotlines. Sleep tight and take care of those nipples. You only have two after all.

Ashley Brown 7 months ago

I know you think im stupid but if you could please enlighten me? Feel free to dumb it down a bit, I might understand better.

Kristen Warfield 7 months ago

Just because that was YOUR experience doesn’t mean it’s everyone else’s. Good for you but I guess you never experienced the horror of thrush. I did and had the help of three lactation consultants that tried but couldn’t cure it. All the education in the world won’t stop it from happening.

Heather Russo 7 months ago

Totally side with the guys in this one, that’s exactly what I was thinking as I read this. Funny how men don’t sit around bitching and whining when they have problems after a vasectomy and all they get are women to talk to…

All I’m saying is that the shoe could very easily be put on the other foot.

Secondly, if the woman in the article had called hours before that since she knew she was having issues breastfeeding she could have gotten a response in time. But no, seems much more logical to insist that someone be waiting by the phone at the exact moment she felt good and ready to call.

Alyxandra Nicole Vogt 7 months ago

If I called a breastfeeding hotline for the first time then I’d be confused as to why a man was answering the phone too. It’s not like he’s ever breastfed before so all he could do for me is explain things clinically and offer textbook solutions which I could’ve googled for myself. I wouldn’t feel like he could give me any PERSONAL advice or comfort

Ashley Brown 7 months ago

Other posts aside, the comment directly above stated that people feel awkward talking to someone of the opposite sex. Both are strangers. Why is it awkward? Why do you have to have the same parts to not feel awkward?

Courtney Lynn Richie 7 months ago

No everyone cannot breastfeed, I am one of them. I tried and tried… I drank so much water I was gonna float away, Various supplements, pumping, pumping and more pumping, power pumping… NOTHING!

Evie 7 months ago

Oh, the memories!! Just reading this made my nipples hurt! Breast feeding was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done! I called a La Leche hotline, and the woman was not very helpful. She was very judge-y and made me feel worse when I was going through something similar as the author of the article.

Alyxandra Nicole Vogt 7 months ago

She never asked for advice!!!! The guy was answering the phone to give out a goddamn wait time!!! The article DID relate to a comfort thing!!! There was zero about him being capable of offering her advice, but his capacity to understand her feelings of urgency and to be capable of offering her a better, caring response than just repeating “I understand” and “there’s a 4 hour wait” !!

Brian Boerum 7 months ago

Also I didn’t bash anyone I simply expressed my feelings that it felt sexist to me. Maybe it was the fact that she capitalized “A MAN” answered the phone. As in how dare he!!

Alyxandra Nicole Vogt 7 months ago

Ashley the fact that you DONT understand the emotional point that I’m discussing is sad to me. It was irrelevant that she may have had a yeast infection before. Yeast infections are more common in females – and it’s a side effect that is mentioned to them more often than men. When I actually came in and talked with my doctor, she didn’t even need to look at my vagina before saying that it sounded like a yeast infection caused by the antibiotics. Her first and only question before that conclusion was “have you been on any antibiotics recently?” And both the nurse and doctor were capable of realizing why a 16 year old girl, who is likely already uncomfortable with her own vagina as is, wouldn’t be prepared to discuss her vagina with total strangers. Apparently the male nurse didn’t have that understanding, and apparently (despite the fact that he should’ve had the same training as the female nurse) he didn’t think to automatically ask if I had been on a prescription for the thing that is one of the highest ranked causes of yeast infections in women. And perhaps the fact that he’s never had a vagina of his own to be uncomfortable with is why he clearly had zero understanding of why a terrified 16 year old wasn’t comfortable probing around her swollen vagina for a strange guy on the phone. If he did understand that, he would’ve been patient with me and calming instead of acting frustrated and annoyed

Courtney Lynn Richie 7 months ago
Roxanne Smith 7 months ago

I know you’re following the other post. If you can’t get it from several people’s explanations then there is no point

Danielle Fritz 7 months ago

Lol this made me laugh so hard. Good for you for trying so hard and putting your baby’s needs before your own! Totally feel your pain (literally) but it gets easier and was well worth sticking with!

Brian Boerum 7 months ago

Alyxandra Nicole Vogt having a real understanding has no bearing at all! If you know how to fix a broken arm, you know how to freaking fix a broken arm. Guy or girl it doesn’t make a fricken difference. It’s a comfort thing ladies and I get that. But the article doesn’t relate to a comfort thing. It’s simply an argument over whether a guy is capable of offering advice! She turned it into a sexist thing.

Kristen Warfield 7 months ago

Agree 100%!!!!!

Roxanne Smith 7 months ago

And because you really don’t seem to understand I actually really like my gyno. Who is male. But I’m not about to bash someone for being sexist just because they don’t share my preference

Ashley Brown 7 months ago

How is it not?

Alyxandra Nicole Vogt 7 months ago

Brian – you repeatedly ignore the fact that nobody is saying that men aren’t capable of being KNOWLEDGABLE on the subject. But having textbook knowledge is far different than having a REAL understanding of it.

Brian, I hope you never enter any psychology based field because you clearly have no understanding of the type of emotional support that hotlines are supposed to give. It’s the same reason why a woman’s abuse hotline wouldn’t often hire a male operator.

Roxanne Smith 7 months ago

You’re missing the point Brian. Its not about competency. Its about an emotional connection that at that exact moment in time that she desperately needed and there was a better chance of getting it from a woman than a guy. She was in extreme distress and you calling her sexist for it is just absurd.

Luanne Ballantyne Genno 7 months ago

your milk will not “come in’ untill baby has suckled for a day or two. this is the reason most newbies loose a few ounces. they are only getting the clear fluid that is filled with Mom’s antibodies. when the milk comes in, your breasts will become hot, swollen and tender…. hot showers, light massage, and frequent feedings or pump to express the milk our help so much. If you don’t like the pumps, I just hand expressed into sterile bottles and put them in the fridge for hubby to feed a little.
nipple guards helped a few friend but I just used a very gentle soap and a Vaseline OFTEN….. open air and saline soaks when I could.
Thro away your bras and let em air out.

If you do not want to BF, the staff can give you meds to “dry ” your milk….. on the opposite, a morning beer does sometimes help the “let down”

Ashley Brown 7 months ago

Sounds to me like youre talking about education… yes that woman might have had a yeast infection before but if she hadn’t she may have asked the same questions.

Brian Boerum 7 months ago

Goodnight ladies…. Thanks for the few who see it my way. I hope none of you ever run into a situation that you would have no choice but to see a male dr for your female problems just to feel more “comfortable”. It could cost you more than just your pride.

Pia Goemans 7 months ago

Well unfortunately my eldest rejected my milk so I didn’t have a choice about my breastfeeding her. Sadly women are made to feel so bad about themselves if they don’t do what is expected regardless of why they can’t or won’t. At the end of the day we should have support regardless of what the choice is – we all want what is best for our children.

Alyxandra Nicole Vogt 7 months ago

I would rather it have been a female nurse who wouldn’t have to ask as many probing questions or not understand exactly why I needed to be reassured to even be capable of answering. I’m sure he’s felt those things. But he’s not capable of understanding how scary it might be for a 16 year old who knows absolutely zero about yeast infections to be thinking her vagina lips were going to explode at any moment. I was scared to touch them or even put on underwear for fear of it irritating them more and the guy is sitting there trying to ask me to inspect them and look for any signs of physical trauma that could’ve caused it or to describe the exact color and firmness level they were. -.- I was in no way comfortable discussing my vagina with a random guy at the age of 16. When I asked politely to speak to a FEMALE staff member, he got huffy and pushy and when I demanded a female staff member he cut me off mid request and I sat on silent hold for 15 minutes – terrified and crying – until a female nurse came on the phone and immediately when I described the pain and the general look of what I was seeing she said it was likely a yeast infection that just irritated my labia. She was comforting, reassuring, explained that antibiotics can often cause that side effect and asked if I’d been on any recently. She talked me calmly into putting on bottoms and explained that they were irritated and not likely swollen in any dangerous (meaning poppable) manner. Talking with a female was far more comforting when discussing such intimate issues than I could’ve felt talking to a guy, much less talking to a guy who was so clearly lacking in empathy or a sense of properly comforting a patient

Roxanne Smith 7 months ago

Its not about shame!

Tiffany Thompson 7 months ago

I will try that Kazia! And yes my first was formula. Second to 14 months. My goal is to try for 12 months again. It’s hard, I hate being so exhausted, but I will try for my own goals! My poor boobs though ha!

Brian Boerum 7 months ago

I come off no more sexist than the person who wrote this article. If I called a mechanic and a woman answered should I be offended and hang up because she’s a woman and has no idea what’s happening under my hood? Or should I take her for her word and her job and explain my issues? Can a woman be a plumber? Or should we leave that to men too? Tons of men are gynos… Does that make them less equipped to diagnose a woman??? Ridiculous….

Ashley Brown 7 months ago

Other than the pain what hasn’t he experienced?

Courtney Madson 7 months ago

I wish I had know about lactation classes before I had her so I would know what to expect once we were at the hospital. Like is there anything we can do pre-delivery to help our milk come in? Things like hat.

Emilee Mullen 7 months ago

The SNS! Amber I tried the supplement tube for a few weeks too. It was TERRIBLE. My husband had to wake up with me to help use it and my daughter screamed the whole time. I also tried using a shield, feeding her from a syringe while I held her up to a boob….everything. When I see women say that if you don’t exclusively breast feed it’s because you’re selfish or didn’t try hard/long/smart enough it makes me want to scream.

Luanne Ballantyne Genno 7 months ago

Melissa Ericksen thats what I am talking about. education needs to be readily available and not thru a hotline. There is no excuse for a new born and Mom to be discharged with out available help…. I still cannot wrap my head around a hotline!!! That poor woman!!! whether it be video, LC, nurses or RNA, whoever….. there HAS to be contact. GOOGLE, ONLINE support groups are the best as I found out in my BC journey. Its more often likely to get human answers from the ones who have been there as apposed to the medical terminology.

My point is all this was that the poor new mom that suffered and so must have her infant, for no reason. Education has to be brought to everyone prior to discharge.

Roxanne Smith 7 months ago

Hey you deserve the best dad and husband award. Even though you have seen it and been there you have never truly experienced it. So I’m sorry that us feeling like your statement of you understand falls a little short of what seems like you could ever truly understand hurts your feelings and comes off as sexist

Kathleen Titus-Savelle 7 months ago

Don’t hate me, but I think it make sense for them to have a man do this particular job. If a woman were to take these calls, she would be asked questions and be expected to commiserate with these poor women. But, if a man says that the lines are busy and a professional will get back to you, there is nothing left to be said and he can let the next person know how long it will be before she can be helped.
However, I did enjoy the article immensely :)

Heather Paish 7 months ago


Amber Giles 7 months ago

I tried for 8 weeks. I didn’t even produce colostrum when she was born. It took us 4 days in the hospital to figure out why she hated my nipples and why she was loosing so much weight. I tried everything from drinking 240oz of water a day, eating tuns of healthy food, lactation cookies, lactation specialist, reglan, pumping every 2hrs after putting baby up to it and feeding through a supplement tube on my nipple, 8 weeks of basically trying so hard and crying cause my mom said she could do it and don’t know why I can’t and that I shouldn’t have any reason not to. 4 months later I still feel bad I couldn’t and my mom still brings it up.

Alyxandra Nicole Vogt 7 months ago

Brian – you did not experience any of the same emotional/mental moments that your wife likely did. Literally everything you did on your side of it was a secondary experience, and any knowledge you got from the things you did to help was strictly educational. You understand what you’ve seen that a woman has to deal with but there is literally no complete way for you to truly understand what your wife went through during labor, or what she went through every time she had to breastfeed, or while she healed from giving birth…..clinically understanding what’s going on is not in any way the same thing as actually being capable of having a relatable understanding

Valerie Gauthier 7 months ago

I dont know what insurance company youre talking about but like i said, my pump works great!

I bought brand new parts for it so the machine is the only thing that’s actually second hand. Anyways, whatever

Ashley Brown 7 months ago

Yes the man has never had his vagina hurt. But im sure hes felt embarrassed and scared amd in pain. Would you rather it have been a 16 yr old female nurse with a yeast infection?

Courtney Madson 7 months ago

Exactly! My sister had no trouble BF all 5 of her kids, while I couldn’t even BF my first and only. My supply was dwindling despite pumping every two hours, and massaging to get the milk to let down. I dried up, probably due to stress. My mom had a stroke, my marriage ended, I was house hopping for a few months. Baby girl was perfectly fine with formula though, and she is a very happy and healthy five year old today! If you can’t do it, don’t stress about it because it is going to be ok.

Lynn Bradway 7 months ago

Other than some minor soreness, breastfeeding went fine for me. But I’ll join the mob storming the call center if you need me…

Kazia Guy 7 months ago

Have you tried pure lanolin cream??

Luanne Ballantyne Genno 7 months ago

but with education and help you did it Alynne Turner you did it!!

Valerie Gauthier 7 months ago

Take it or leave it Erin Bean

I was just saying what works for me. Its a comment section, i left a comment.

Whats wrong with second hand pump? You can buy all new parts and you save lots of money.

Liz VanGalder Steimer 7 months ago

Don’t get a second hand pump, call your insurance company and get a brand new one for free!

Melissa Ericksen 7 months ago

I never saw a lactation consultant, but my midwife and the hospital midwives were all very focused on helping you to breast feed and when my midwife visited me at home after the birth she always asked how I was doing breastfeeding. If I had ever had any problems I know she would have been happy for me to call her any time.

Gina Roberge 7 months ago

Happy mom equals happy baby period. If you can’t or don’t want to breastfeed then don’t. I gave my daughter the boob for a few days after birth and then switched to formula. Happy mom happy baby. On point with everything. Formula isn’t the enemy. Mom’s losing their shit out of frustration/pain/depression and being dumped on anyway is

Kazia Guy 7 months ago

Lol that’s hilarious and so true!!

Alicia Lucero 7 months ago

Worst feeling EVET!!!

Valerie Gauthier 7 months ago

Yes! Exactly! I feel society is pressuring moms way too much. My comment was making reference to the nipple pain thats all, to which pumping is a good solution in my opinion. Unfortunately, milk supply is a different issue. For me pumping was a quick way to establish supply since i have twins. But like you said, If there is no milk, there is no milk.

Like i said, baby needs to eat, lets drop the stress and pressure and feed out babies the best we can with what we have.

Ashley Brown 7 months ago

Its awkward for them because of articles like this. Society is good at shaming people into not wanting to expose their bodies to people of the opposite sex in a non sexual manner. I understand what shes getting at but its a sexist society that makes people think that you have to be exactly alike to show sympathy. She would never know if the woman that answered the phone had been in that situation. I could never understand the pain my aunt went through when she got breast cancer. Just like my husbands best friend could never understand the pain he went through having a bladder tumor removed through his penis. Boobs are boobs and a penis is a penis?

Alyxandra Nicole Vogt 7 months ago

There’s no guarantee that the person has had that issue before – but when I’m in pain for a female issue and being told by a female “I understand” it feels a hell of a lot more comforting than for someone with balls to claim to understand how I feel. Good example: when I was 16 I got a yeast infection from antibiotics. Never had one before. Was home alone, went to shower and found my outer labia were so swollen that they were angry, red, in severe pain and I was almost worried they were going to pop. I was scared, unsure of what was wrong and ridiculously embarrassed to talk to ANYONE about it much less the MALE nurse who answered the phone and asked me to explain the issue to him. I explained that I was scared and embarrassed and that it was an issue with my “lower area lips” ((I was 16, cut me slack on that)) and he told me “I understand” and I immediately felt even more uncomfortable because my first thought was “well I don’t think you have a vagina…and you’re not a 16 year old girl, so I can’t imagine you actually understand how terrifying & awkward this moment is for me”

Erin Bean 7 months ago

Crappy advice. Never buy a second hand pump. And pumping is incredibly hard work. Breastfeeding os was easier and less time consuming. Plus no pump parts and bottles to wash. I have nothing against pumping exclusively if need-be, just saying that your “advice” is a bit off.

Brian Boerum 7 months ago

My wife is 120 lbs and has had a 9 lb and a 10lb baby all natural. Both born at home. I have a pretty decent idea of the things that she has gone through since I helped deliver them both. I played dr for both my kids and my wife during and after the birth. Monitoring temps, heart rate, bleeding etc. amber I may not have experienced the pain but everything else that comes along with it I have dealt with. So yeah, I totally understand what woman goes through, it’s not about “boys”…

April Tucker 7 months ago

Try reading this out loud to your husband! I was laughing so hard I could barelynget the words out. A nice break from 38 week pregnancy miserableness.

julie 7 months ago

This problem is due to bad nursing instructions on breastfeeding in hospitals. I breastfed 7 kids and never had sore burning nipples , if you are taught the correct way in the beginning this shouldn’t happen. Its quite clear the baby isn’t latched on correctly for that to happen.

Ashley Brown 7 months ago

And either way there is no guarantee the woman you talk to has had your issue. If shes never had that issue then isn’t it the same as a man that has never had your issue?

Kristine Perham 7 months ago

It’s great that it’s working for you. But if you don’t have supply, you don’t have supply. Period. No amount of pumping or feeding changed it for me and the lactation experts and other support people I had left me feeling like I just didn’t try hard enough. I wish I had known then what I know now so I could have let myself off the hook sooner without hating myself for months to come for failing my baby. It was the worst time of my life when all I had wished was to be bonding with my new baby.

Emilee Mullen 7 months ago

What she said!

Mike Blank 7 months ago

You aren’t the only one thinking this, Brian. BTW Amber you’re wrong – while nursing might be a woman’s issue, this article isn’t about nursing, it’s about “how dare they hire a man for this job”. But I realize it’s completely kosher to be sexist towards men in today’s world, so it what it is.

Alynne Turner 7 months ago

With my first, I had the nurse in charge give my son formula behind my back because I was apparently “starving him.” He was only a couple hours old at that point.
Also said that I look like just another one of those neglectful teen moms.
I had to use a nipple shield and syringe feed through that just to get him to breastfeed, with extensive sessions with the LC.

Emilee Mullen 7 months ago

For some mothers they’ve been told since the day they got pregnant “breast is best!” to the point where they feel like doing anything else is akin to giving up on what’s best for her baby. No matter the psychological or physiological toll it’s taking on her.

Alyxandra Nicole Vogt 7 months ago

Many men don’t mind talking to a female doctor/nurse about their penis related issues but they will often admit that it is awkward. If you’re looking for emotional support (which a lot of women are when they call those hotlines) then feeling awkward discussing things with a person isn’t going to be comforting. Additionally, when you’re in severe pain in a gender specific area and are being told you’ll have to wait FOUR HOURS to be helped and a person of the opposite gender is saying “I understand, but…” Your first thought is usually “NO! YOU DONT UNDERSTAND! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IM GOING THROUGH BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO POSSIBLE WAY OF EVER EXPERIENCING IT!”

Amanda Kurland 7 months ago

I had crazy pain with my first one, saw 6 (no joke) specialists, but never really got our team feed to not hurt. Second kid hurt, bled, first two weeks, went to yet ANOTHER lactation specialist and it was smooth sailing after that! (Did use shields until scabs healed.) I guess my point it a mixture of “don’t give up” and “don’t guilt yourself if you have to give up”. My first kid was just never going to get it.

Heather Paish 7 months ago

For some mothers that’s not what they want. I think we need a 1-10 scale how important is breastfeeding to you. 3, alrighty then, 9 that’s a different conversation.

Mary 7 months ago

It is certainly ok to give a bottle of formula to a baby while trying to figure out how to breastfeed. My daughter was fed by my husband first as she wouldn’t latch on in the hospital. I pumped and pumped and we finger drop fed her and gave her three more bottles of formula before i got to see a lactation consultant. (i also made sure to pump when we gave the bottle to make sure i was “demanding” milk. The LC was amazing and I am still nursing my daughter at 19 months. I had an oversupply and donated 5000 ounces of milk to other mamas and their babies.

My point is that it’s different for everyone, but mama’s should know that it is ok to use formula. It’s not evil and can help your piece of mind in knowing your baby is getting food, until you get to that lactation consultant.

Alyxandra Nicole Vogt 7 months ago

Not incompetent – but the reality is that no, a man couldn’t understand what a woman goes through emotionally or the physical pain they would feel because they’ve never experienced either. Just like while I could theoretically have a textbook understanding of the mechanics and bodily reactions of being kicked in the balls that doesn’t mean I UNDERSTAND how it feels to be kicked in the balls. You can go to a female doctor all you like for male issues, but even you admitted that it’s uncomfortable and when you’re looking for emotional support for that issue then that discomfort isn’t going to help you. Especially when there’s no possible way that the female doctor could truly understand how you feel in that moment of going through your male specific issue.

Emilee Mullen 7 months ago

^Heather my point is, why isn’t that support sometimes as simple as, “you’re exhausted and baby’s hungry, it’s ok to give a bottle of formula.”

MyLove M. Barnett 7 months ago

If knowledge is power, I sense a weakness in the force with this statement “If you want to breastfeed bad enough you can.” Not only is that factually incorrect for a large number of women, it is also ignorant and insensitive. “Women have been doing it for thousands of years, but whatever.” And there have been wet nurses for the same number of years, because NOT ALL WOMEN ARE PHYSICALLY ABLE TO BREASTFEED. Whatever choices you’ve made, whatever accomplishments you’ve had, with your feeding choices, more power to you. But don’t deign to speak down to every other woman whose experience is not your own. That is the exact opposite of the support needed for women who struggle with this issue.

Kim Fick 7 months ago

Ha ha ha I’m laughing so hard I’m in tears. What a hilarious view of an awful situation. Thank you!

Roxanne Smith 7 months ago

What she said

Jessica Holden Lauderdale 7 months ago

And no one else try to justify yourself to this woman. Her opinions mean zilch.

Heather Paish 7 months ago

Hi Emily yes I am serious. It’s a shame that we have the “flaming balls hotline” instead of a knowledgeable IBCLC on call for every post pardom mother who wants to breastfeed. #notsuchamoronafterall #supportwomen #feedwithoutfear

Amber Lucy Harris 7 months ago

Give me a fricken break, Brian. Way to turn what IS a woman’s issue into something about boys. No, sorry, but you’ve never had bleeding nipples– I delivered an 11 pound baby alla natural, and seriously– the bleeding nips and clogged ducts hurt more. This writer is speaking to all of us women out here who have lived this pain and frustration all mixed up with the guilt and need to do what we need to do for the baby. We get through it, but it IS hard. And if it hurts your feelings that she thought a man didn’t quite get it– get over yourself.

Jessica Holden Lauderdale 7 months ago

Yes Emile! Jess, you’re not superior. You’re the best mom for YOUR children. But you have ZERO clue what it’s like to be someone else. You don’t know what’s best for another. So, knock your crap off, and go do something useful with your time instead of bashing on total strangers who have nothing to do with you.

Branda Nelson 7 months ago

Oh heck no. Poor woman. :-(

Debbie Fehr 7 months ago


Mazziel Landaverde 7 months ago

The more support and info you have the better breastfeeding goes. I went thru the same but refused to quit. I started pumping and after 2 months I tripled my supply, I also found supplements to boost my supply. If you try, you will produce, and any breastmilk is better than none. In very few cases woman can’t but usually it’s that they don’t put the effort it requires. Do what’s best for you

Roxanne Smith 7 months ago

I didn’t say all but it is common

Kelsey Ema Habbershon 7 months ago

I feel for this woman. I currently breastfeed and the hospital I delivered at was supposedly very pro BF. However, they offered no help, really. Someone came in periodically to shove my baby’s head on my breast while he screamed. The “lactation consultant” was a joke. I cried almost daily the first 3 weeks. Turns out my son had a tongue and lip tie. As a society we push “Breast is best” but we don’t offer any help for moms. You get kicked out of the hospital with a brand new life you have to take care of 48hrs later with some well wishes.

Danielle Victoria 7 months ago

It was mandatory in my hospital to watch a 45 minute video on BF prior is discharge, i even got quizzed

Ashley Brown 7 months ago

There is generalizing again. “Ask men why they prefer to talk to other men about penis problems” not all men prefer to talk to other men about penis problems.

Christie Jackson 7 months ago

Yes! This was me 2 days ago. I loved sharing w my husband the metaphor of the screaming piranha lol.

Emilee Mullen 7 months ago

Jess, infant mortality was high for thousands of years too. There is anthropological evidence that women nursed other women’s babies in several cultures, are you so intent on refusing to believe that some women (for whatever reason) can’t do it? Your singular experience doesn’t make you an expert on anyone else’s situation. Besides,what’s it to you what we feed our babies?!

Sarah Day 7 months ago

I’d rather talk to a man any day. The women LCs I encountered were not the best!!

Alyxandra Nicole Vogt 7 months ago

@Kathryn Macaluso Right…so it’s never the fault of lactation consultant lines being busy. It’s solely ill prepared parents to blame for any issues or discomfort one may feel while breast feeding. My god I hope you’re not employed as a consultant because you sound like you’d be absolutely useless to help anyone do anything besides feel worse then they already would.

Melissa Bennett 7 months ago

^^ exactly! It’s moment to moment, day to day in those first moments and days.

Brian Boerum 7 months ago

It may be a personal preferrence ladies but that’s not what this article talks about at all. It talks about how a man is basically incompetent to understand what a woman goes through. I have gone to a female dr for man issues before and although it’s a bit uncomfortable it makes no difference to me if they are trained to handle it. That’s all I’m saying.

Meaghan Oldershaw 7 months ago

I had severe complications after a normal vaginal birth. I tried everything afterwards to get my milk going, sadly it never came. I felt disappointed and judged. My MIL was/is a Laleche League supporter…made things so difficult.

Maverick Mac Webb 7 months ago

Does that mean men shouldn’t deliver babies? They don’t have vaginas..

Emilee Mullen 7 months ago

Emily I went to 4 different consultants and also got conflicting advice every time!

Jess Harder 7 months ago

Yeah, ok. Women have been doing it for thousands of years, but whatever.

Ashley Brown 7 months ago

So its ok to just assume that because the consultant is a woman she has breastfed and knows all about your problem?… because every woman breastfeeding consultant has children, has breastfed, and has had every issue with breastfeeding?

Sarah Day 7 months ago

My LC kept saying, “I BFd all my kids 18 months.”

I’m thinking woman I’m trying to get through this day without having a nervous breakdown my baby is starving and only drops are coming out!! Ugh!! Never again will I go 8 weeks in agony.

Linda Smith 7 months ago

Oh my word – calm down ladies! It’s satire about breastfeeding! It’s not meant to be a discussion on the pros or cons of breastfeeding – or sexist for heaven’s sake – it’s funny! I laughed so hard I cried – it was hysterical. Don’t take everything so seriously – there are WAY too many things mamas already have to worry about – don’t try to find a deeper meaning in a piece of satire!

Emily Gabriel 7 months ago

I finally decided that me and him crying constantly at every feeding and in between was not worth it. I went to the dr several times a week because of his low weight and no support. Contacted numerous lactation consultants and got different advice every time and it was just too much. My child is happy and healthy and never been sick v my friends who breastfeed and have a sick baby twice a month.

Roxanne Smith 7 months ago

Ask men why they prefer to talk to other men about penis problems. I wouldn’t be offended at all. All the medical knowledge in the world can’t possibly make up for the fact that I don’t have a penis and can’t fully truly relate

Emilee Mullen 7 months ago

We need to support each other no matter how our babies get fed. It’s not a choice for everyone!

Luanne Ballantyne Genno 7 months ago

Sandra Hernandez Ortega that is just sad of your medical system. I learned so much thru those classes. 4 babies over 11 years and things do actually change, I guess in Canada with a health care system that is provided for us we have opportunities for help and assistance that are just not elsewhere.

Karen Wilson, yes in my province, local hospital, you have to preregister, and in order to be able to birth at that hospital you HAVE to take at least 2/3 of the prenatal classes or you have to go to a different hospital and go thru ER to birth.

Roni Alexander 7 months ago

Oh. My. Gosh. This was the funniest thing I’ve read on scary mommy. Not because she was in turmoil or had a bad experience, but chose to write about it with HUMOR!! What a bunch of “oh my gosh, I have to find SOMETHING to be offended about” fun haters commenting. It’s humor. Get over yourselves. Breast feed or don’t. She chose to, and it hurt. She didn’t find help in the moments of hurt. She wrote a funny story about it. Now you can laugh. Or don’t. But holy cow, it’s not the end of the world.

Tiffany Thompson 7 months ago

Yeah it’s soooooo fun.

Hayley Crabtree 7 months ago

Oh gotcha!! Poor mama!

Michele Laur 7 months ago

Sorry Jess. Not everyone can breast feed. I took the course. I rented the pump. I saw the LC – who was worthless and rude to me because I was not making enough milk. I called afterwards because I was still having trouble. Called the i gynecologist- gave me a script to help produce breast milk. I went to cincinnati children’s and saw a doctor who specializes in lactation. She ran some tests. Had me breast feed. Checked my history. She said sorry honey – this is never going to happen – side effect ( rare one) of a personal medical condition. So yea Jess I still get to comment even though I didn’t breastfeed. Wasn’t my choice. Take the blinders off woman.

Alyxandra Nicole Vogt 7 months ago

I had a lot of moms trying to make me feel like I was a bad mother for not breastfeeding. I didn’t produce enough, and I didn’t even expect my son so I had no preparation to even have healthy milk for him to drink. Not to mention the fact that his tongue tie made him incapable of latching onto my breast even if I was able to breastfeed. He needed special, longer bottle nipples even to latch onto. So many moms acted like I just chose not to breastfeed and made me feel like I was failing as a mom, which I already felt enough on my own with him being my first and me being so unprepared…

Paul Jones 7 months ago


Melissa Bennett 7 months ago

To those who scream sexist, I would be caught off guard by a man answering calls on a breastfeeding call center. Men can’t breastfeed! Nothing sexist about that. Having a husband who knows a vast amount of knowledge is not the same as actual experience. Especially with something like breastfeeding.

Hayley Crabtree 7 months ago

In no other culture is breastfeeding such a big friggen deal. Baby is born, mom nurses. Not drinking enough water is the number 1 reason I find with low milk supplies. (Some moms are just naturally low producers). In 3rd world countries where water isn’t clean or available, baby would die. And they do! It’s tragic.

Emily how fortunate are we to have formula as a backup?! I am a breastfeeding advocate as a future pediatrician but man, if we didn’t have formula… Our infant mortality rate would be sky high.

Karen Wilson 7 months ago

Not mandatory for classes

Ashley Brown 7 months ago

Ive talked to plenty of other men for “lady” problems… I dont understand why random “chick” is so much better than random “dude” people are people.

Emilee Mullen 7 months ago

Jess statements like the one you made, which I heard from several women while having a VERY difficult time with my supply really made me feel like shit. The gallons of water, the fenugreek, the damn lactation cookies, the constant pumping, NONE of that helped. I cried every feeding for the greater part of a month because women like you had convinced women like me that it’s our fault and we’re just not trying hard enough. Think about that next time you make these silly claims.

Melissa Bennett 7 months ago

With my first I was in labor for 17 hours and I was so exhausted that I couldn’t really focus on anything. A woman from the LA Leche League came to “help” me bf the next morning. I was struggling to find a hold that was comfortable (I couldn’t master any of them), she wasn’t latching properly, and I just flat out didn’t know what I was doing. The lady chastised me, harshly. And told me until I needed “to put forth more effort”. I broke down sobbing. My husband was speechless. Luckily, my mom was there and she told the lady to leave. Thankfully a very kind nurse came on duty and helped me. I still never got the hang of it and would cry out in pain not only when she latched on, but for the entire time. We switched to formula after a few weeks. Fast forward to my second child, I took the lessons the kind nurse told me and used them. Never had a latching problem or any pain.

Tiffany Thompson 7 months ago

Oh last time with my son, it hurt too. I have a painful letdown that feels like boiling water is coming out. And it’s really she’s just chomping and pulling

Ashley Brown 7 months ago

She also said if it ever happens again dont have a man issuing wait times. She generalized a lot and used language to suggest that that job wasn’t fit for a man… I dont know how that wouldnt be sexist

Amy 7 months ago

seriously laughed out loud! So funny.

Luanne Ballantyne Genno 7 months ago

Lexie Hess that is awesome!!! you go girl!!!

Emily Ann Pons-Stone 7 months ago

Amen Hayley! I meant the heather closer to the top. I just read another woman’s comment that said “if you want to breastfeed bad enough, you will!” Well no duh but what if you don’t produce enough? You HAVE to supplement. I just get so heated. I made it 7 weeks and then DRIED UP as in NO leakage, NO engourging, NOTHING.

Sandra Hernandez Ortega 7 months ago

Mandatory to take prenatal classes?? I’ve had 3 kids and never been to a prenatal class and have never been required to or even suggested!

Roxanne Smith 7 months ago

And you know your husband so of course talking to him is logical. But a stranger who you have never met and have no clue how helpful he could really be about a unique intimate female issue? I don’t blame her at all for preferring at that moment in time to wanting to talk to a female vs some random dude answering a phone

Leslie Lewis 7 months ago

When my oldest hit her 3 week growth spurt, she screemed if not attached for 18 hours. Her dad came home from work and the baby and I were both crying. I explained the day I had to him. He calmly took the baby. He went to the kitchen and made her a 2 ounce bottle. Baby and I passed out for a few hours, woke up to feed her again, and all was fine. Sometimes you just need a calmer person in that moment to take charge. Even if you plan on just breastfeeding, have some formula in the house in case $^it hits the fan.

Hayley Crabtree 7 months ago

Tiffany, does your daughter have a tongue tie? Have you seen a lactation consultant? Nursing should NOT hurt if it’s done properly.

Melinda Stephan Larson 7 months ago

Such a judgmental statement, Jess Harder. I wanted to breastfeed both of my children very badly, but was unable to for a multitude of reasons. My milk did not come in for 10 days with my son. 10 DAYS! AND IT DRIED UP ON ITS OWN AT THREE MONTHS. And the medicine I needed to save my life made my milk intolerable to my daughter. So don’t be quick to say everyone can do it if they want it badly enough.

Jessica Holden Lauderdale 7 months ago

I think if you have a healthy child, you are allowed to feel a sense of accomplishment, whether you breast fed or bottle fed.

Lexie Hess 7 months ago

I had a stubborn baby that didn’t nurse the first day and a half cause she didn’t want to open her mouth! The nurses didn’t know how to help me and the lc was off! I did eventually see her and nursed for 9 months! I think there should be more information and help for those moms that want it! I’m currently going back to school to become an lc!!! I’m so excited about it

Emily Ann Pons-Stone 7 months ago

Emilee, I took it and they didn’t warn me and I went NUTS. Sadly, I dried up after that!!

Shari Mayer Campagna 7 months ago

I once called the Medela hotline for help with my breast pump. Not only did a man (with a foreign accent) answer, in order to troubleshoot I had to pump while on the phone with him, as he talked me through various “solutions.”

Hayley Crabtree 7 months ago

Emily I believe Heather was referring to the woman in the post. Clearly she didn’t have enough support because she ended up with bloody nipples. The goal now in every hospital (in Seattle) is that moms can independently breastfed their baby and the in hospital lactation consultants ensure a good latch. Some moms just can’t breastfeed. Our culture is falling apart. We are so fortunate enough to have an infant alternative, although not ideal, it is LIFE SAVING.

Ann Colburn 7 months ago


Jessica Holden Lauderdale 7 months ago

Wow.. So we have resorted to name calling?
You’re women. Act like it! Woman up and stop taking everything a total stranger says so close to heart. If you have a healthy child( as much as you can help it) you’re doing just fine. Don’t defend yourself. And don’t assume that what works for someone will work for another.

Roxanne Smith 7 months ago

I wasn’t saying its bad to talk to a man. I was just saying don’t condemn it as sexist just because at that moment she wanted a female

Sasha Branham 7 months ago

There isn’t always the support you need. A lactation of ‘many years’, as I was told, came to my home to help me w my son. After over an hour and s half of him red faced and screaming with no luck, she tells me “oh he’s gonna be a tough kid to deal with, what a temper”! Telling this to a first time mom no less. Heartbroken isn’t the word. I eventually went to formula bc getting pre eclampsia then a magnesium drip(which I wS told there’s no link, but I don’t believe it), my milk was all if a sudden gone! The pressure is there. I never see anything praising formula fed, but yet feelings of being a failure. I’m expecting my second son. I plan to bf, but if not. U know what, that’s ok!

Jess Harder 7 months ago

Also,I have a confidence that I never had before. BECAUSE I trooped through it, I know what I’m capable of mentally and physically. I’ll be that much more equipped for the next babe.

Emilee Mullen 7 months ago

Emily Reglan was a last resort but I decided against it when my OB told me it has been known to cause psychotic breaks. I was on the verge of one already, I didn’t need any help. I smelled like maple syrup all the time, I drank water, Gatorade, ate lactation cookies… Why someone at some point just didn’t say, “look, it’s ok if it doesn’t work, it’s not your fault” – it would have meant so much to me.

Jill Nicholls Barber 7 months ago

I thought this article was hysterical, so thanks for sharing it!

Misty Rodems 7 months ago

That accurately describes the pain. Whoever said a proper latch doesn’t hurt is full of it. It HURTS for the first few weeks. Luckily my piranha has been tamed into a goldfish and the fire is out! 10 months into my year long minimal goal!! This article made me laugh till tears! Thanks!

Emily Ann Pons-Stone 7 months ago

Is that heather paish girl serious….? Ummm I took Reglan and turned bat shit CRAZY AND was allergic to it just to SEE if I could boost my supply for my son. Too bad I didn’t have more support to achieve my goals. #moron

Valerie Gauthier 7 months ago

Pumping ladies! Thats the secret! Baby gets the goodies and you get the rest. Still a commitment but less than having a baby constantly latched at your boobs. And it doesnt hurt as much. And my babies were always able to switch from breasts to bottle and vice versa so i can still breast feed when convenient. For me the trick is to get them used to using lots of different nipple shapes so they adapt easily.

Best thing ever- buy a second hand electric double pump. With this i was able to produce enough milk for my twins in no time. I also have formula, which i use in moderation when need be. No biggie there. No need to stress, baby needs to eat, feed him!

Im no expert but thats only what works for us.


Lauren Kemp Orr 7 months ago

Hahaha!! That is the worst. I hated thinking about the next feeding…fire nipples it was. So awful!

Jess Harder 7 months ago

If you want to breastfeed bad enough you can. It’s a choice.
Women complain about not making enough so they quit. Stress, and hydration are the two most important factors to manage while maintaining a milk supply. I was determined. There simply wasn’t any other feeding option for my son, so I educated myself WHILE PREGNANT.
Knowledge is power!

Valerie Gauthier 7 months ago

God the analogy is soo funny!

Angie Lopez 7 months ago

Piranha indeed! Although the crying at night and all the suffering were totally worth it! The LC was only helpful in person in my case, we had to visit twice to learn how to latch on properly but we got through it and by my second baby we had no issues!

Hayley Eggers 7 months ago

Nipple shields are amazing for times like this !

Jessie Read Bouclier 7 months ago

Lactation consultant at the hospital saved my life. I had to go through two and ask again, I I was already in pain in the hospital and I knew if that was the case I wouldn’t do it. Ultimately, I got great advice, nipple shields, and they saved my nipples,boobs and breastfeeding.

Jamie Allison 7 months ago

Laughed so hard I cried! Been there, done that., these ladies are for show. Sadly hospitals are greatly understaffed and the la leche league is volunteer based organization it is impossible to get real, timely help.

Luanne Ballantyne Genno 7 months ago

gotta blame your hospital for releasing you and not giving you advice. I’m sorry, I nursed 4 kids all up to 8 months. I know the pain you describe but the nurses in the ward told me how to deal, what to do and the best “remedies” prior to release. I understand the to BF or not to is a choice/ ability/ belief however if you choose to BF and the staffing at your hospital know this, information (not a hotline number) should be given. I NEVER had cracked, bleeding, on fire nipples because I was taught how to manage BF ailments before I was discharged!!!

Shannon Rae-Dufour 7 months ago

When i get to the bleeding bruised nipples i buy a sheild and start supplementing with formula. Its a mental struggle!

Jenna Struzik 7 months ago


Sydney Schultz 7 months ago

I couldn’t produce enough with my son so the pain was unbearable especially after he split my nipples biting trying to get more the Dr said I should take a breast feeding class cause I must just be doing it wrong :/

Tiffany Thompson 7 months ago

She did describe the pain accurately. As I sit here feeding my daughter now, my poor nips are purple with bruises from her twisting her head and chomping and I want to give up. But I will keep trudging on. I was, however, hoping there was more to the story :(

Emilee Mullen 7 months ago

What horrible culture have we created that women feel pressure to breast feed at all costs. Formula isn’t poison and substituting it every now and then to give yourself a moment to heal temporarily isn’t the worst thing that could happen. Breaking down crying every feeding probably is, however. I know because it happened to me (not from pain, but from feeling like a failure. )

Cynthia Jaffre Buckley 7 months ago


Renee Haney King 7 months ago

I would have hung up immediately! And called my ob or my pediatrician! Lol

Laura Duffey 7 months ago

That describes my January and February 2012 pretty spot-on! We got through it though.

Shannon Belcher 7 months ago

The best lactation consultant I ever had was a man. Although this guy doesn’t sound very helpful 😉

Anna Rodke 7 months ago

I was kind of hoping this would be someone getting horrible advice from a lactation hotline, like the time some woman told me to push solids and give my baby formula before hanging up on me

Momarch Steph 11 months ago

HAHA!!!! Great picture you painted for the men! HI-larious! :-)

fakemartinisandfailure 1 year ago

I can totally understand where you are coming from, My LO is 9 months old now and I remember one time when she was only a few days old. My husband is active duty military, and he had to go into work in the morning. I was running on fumes and my daughter was screaming her little head off. I had ran through the list (wet/hungry/uncomfortable/tired) several times to no avail. finally at 1 in the morning I had put her down in the crib (still screaming mind you) and sat on the bed and starting bawling my eyes out asking for his help. Bless him he got up and what do you know he got her to calm down and go to sleep. hugs for you mama and keep up the good work :)

fakemartinisandfailure 1 year ago

Why is it not okay? I understand where you are coming from but in her situation, she may have been having a serious issue, such as mastitis or another infection. Nursing may help in some situations but the ammout of pain that she was going through is NOT normal. Nursing in the first few weeks of life can be an uphill battle but the level of pain should not be tear inducing excruciating. If she was bleeding then taking a break for her own health’s sake is not the wrong thing to do. I had to in my case and My daughter still managed to figure out how to latch. I pumped which helped keep my supply up. Giving a bottle is not a failure. Going to formula is not a failure. Supllementing with formula is not a failure. A failure is not taking care of yourself or your child. A failure is sacrificing your health or your child’s health due to some sort of pride/stigma. The mommy wars is such a stupid thing.

Ali Mac 1 year ago

Dr. Goldfinger, where were you when I needed you?!? Ha! All joking aside, thank you for your comment. I had no idea. I wish someone told me that these hotlines were no good and that I had other resources. Unfortunately I thought what the hospital told me would be what was best (and clearly we can all see how that went – HAHA). I’m totally going to download LatchME and tell all my friends about it. Like ASAP. Thank you. (And thanks for rolling with me with this piece ;))

Ali Mac 1 year ago

Kris you bring up a great point. “Trust your instincts” is spot on. I have lots of close girlfriends were were at that point and went the formula route and just like you said – they were able to relax and actually E N J O Y this process. We are fortunate we are raising babies in a time where formula is an option. I felt like I knew, for me, that this was the “darkness before the dawn” which is the reason I kept going and it just so happened I was right. But I don’t knock anyone for going with formula. We have to keep our sanity and keep us and our babies healthy! Thanks for the comment!

Ali Mac 1 year ago

You had your village!! That’s great. I didn’t have anyone super close to me that had gone through this before (both my mom and my husband’s mom formula fed), and most of my friends either formula fed or were dealing with the same issues as me at the same time. Wish I called LLL but I just didn’t know. Support is everything!!!

Ali Mac 1 year ago

Beverly – I actually asked a lactation consultant about that when I was 8 months pregnant and taking her class. She laughed at me and said “No honey, that won’t make a difference.” She made me feel so stupid about it so I didn’t do it – and clearly I regretted that decision!! Wish I would have asked for a few more opinions before taking her word.

Ani 1 year ago

I have to admit that in our country (which is in Europe) we have midwifes. For exactly these kinds of emergencies as well. Especially for the weeks right after giving birth. Don’t you? They will come and help you – also in the middle of the night – it’s their job …..

Jasbir @jasbeeray 1 year ago

I would have felt the same way if I heard a man answering my desperate call. We may be in different parts of the world but its amazing how we moms are experiencing the same issues.

Steph 1 year ago

But what if those moms are being honest about not having trouble? I think it’s important to know that every breastfeeding experience is different! Every mom who wants to breastfeed should be aware of potential problems that she might face, but that those problems aren’t guaranteed to happen either. I don’t think it’s helpful to pretend that breastfeeding always comes naturally, but I also think it does us all a disservice to act like it’s always a horrible experience!

Jonathan 1 year ago

As a male pediatrician who specializes in breastfeeding support, I fully understand your frustration. Great piece! But hotlines are for dinosaurs. Even mommy dinosaurs. There’s now an app for this! It’s called latchME. Forget the hotline. In the middle of the night, any woman can connect to thousands of women around the world for support. Download latchME today and join the discussion, known as latchCHAT, to see what we mean.

It was developed for women just like you…by a man! :)

Happy world breastfeeding week!

-Dr. Goldfinger

Tasha 1 year ago

Been breastfeeding 2 babies for the last 2 years while my husband works to support us, so I know the feeling if dealing with the pain and exhaustion as quietly as possible. I was almost in tears reading the beginning, because, yeah, I’ve been there. Then, I was introduced to the Flaming Balls Hotline, which created the new dilemma: trying not to wake my husband because I’m laughing so hard I’m shaking the bed! Lol!

Seriously, though. Investigate breastfeeding support groups in your area. They are usually hosted by a lactation consultant or two, and the group can be SUCH a great resource. I probably wouldn’t have been able to breastfeed my first baby at all if I hadn’t joined that group, but because of their help, I didn’t have to stem my strong desire to breastfeed my baby and have the life changing closeness and feelings of love and caring emanating from my heart and enveloping my baby in a protective cacoon. Breastfeeding is AWESOME! It’s worth fighting through the tough stuff, and it does get much easier over time. Most times, sore, cracked, bleeding nipples, if not caused by thrush, mastitis of some kind, or a blocked duct, are due to a bad latch. The tip of your nipple needs to be at the back of your baby’s throat. When I first got it right, I felt like I was jamming half my boob down her throat, and it took me many more times to keep getting it right, because you go from OMFG it hurts to OMG it hurts, and you also have to train your baby how to latch properly. If you know what you’re doing, it’s easy to train your baby. If it’s your first time, and your nipples are bleeding, find help from anyone you can! The first month or so is the worst, even worse than when you do get a blocked duct, or when your baby gets teeth (at which point, it’s ok to make the pirhana analogy because it’ll be kind of true; if baby bites, break the suction with your pinky at the corner of their mouth and set ‘er down on the ground by herself, but do your best not to react outwardly to being bitten or they’ll do it just to see that reaction again). We may sound like crazy people as we extol the beautiful wonders of breastfeeding, and go on and on about how you just have to get through the pain, but it’s one of those things you simply have to experience yourself if you’re going to know how truly fulfilling and marvelous it is.

NoAdditives 1 year ago

My husband doesn’t wake me up when he has insomnia, why should I wake him up when I’m dealing with something difficult?

NoAdditives 1 year ago

It’s absolutely ok for a mom to do what she needs to do to feed her baby and maintain her own sanity, especially when there is no immediate support or help. Yes, it may be a slippery slope, but saying it isn’t ok shames mothers who only try to do their best. Mothers who try so hard only to fail (for countless reasons) and who end up crying years later because they wished it would have worked, because every time they read/hear words like yours they feel immense guilt. Because no matter how healthy, intelligent, happy, and wonderful their children may be, they missed out on a big experience of motherhood. They failed. There is no winning when the option is being judged for giving formula or recoiling in fear at the murderous, stabbing pain that will accompany latching a baby to your breast.

NoAdditives 1 year ago

Me too. With my first, I didn’t know about lactation consultants or where to find them. My mom was no help (she now claims she felt like I didn’t want her help-don’t even get me started…). I didn’t know what to do. My son was too hungry and I made the “mistake” of giving him a bottle of formula and after that he refused to nurse. He was drinking 6oz at a time (yes, really) and I had a toddler to take care of, so he ended up on formula just like his sister, though I did briefly try pumping. My third had an over active tongue thrust reflex that the lactation consultant refused to acknowledge, claiming I just need to keep trying, which only ended with us both crying hysterically. I pumped for 7 months and thanks to a generous oversupply, she got breastmilk for a year. My fourth had a mild posterior tongue tie that I didn’t feel comfortable clipping, so I pumped for her as well. She didn’t get as much milk as her sister because I was pumping 60oz a day by the end of the second week, and our deep freezer was filled within 4 months. I have regrets about how it all worked out. I feel like maybe if I had been able to get help with my first I would have been able to make it work with the rest. But they’re happy, healthy, and very smart, so I guess it’s ok.

Kris Pavek 1 year ago

My husband could tell which breast my son was feeding from by my scream at latch on. I had very successfully fed three other children. The pain and tears led to tension which led to less milk which led to a desperate baby. I trusted my instincts and bought formula. For the first time in two weeks, I was able to hold and feed my son with joy. I gave him a bottle every night for a week, we both slept well and relaxed. I was then able to exclusively breastfeed for the next nine months. Trust your instincts.

Gen 1 year ago

Ok, not Ok, that is the debate, isn’t it? I was there with my firstborn and I can totally relate to this situation. Cracked, bleeding nipples is no joke. Ultimately, we do what’s best for our baby’s and our health – which may mean giving the baby a bottle at 2 am because you just can’t handle the pain any longer. No shame in that. I swear if it weren’t for the wonderful women in the La Leche League group (and some specially medicated nipple cream) I would never have been able to breastfeed my first child. I’m all for breastfeeding, but seriously, there’s no “bonding” when you’re both screaming in frustration – and pain.

Robin Faehnle 1 year ago

This is so true. I’m so glad I had so much support from my family and friends. My MIL and sis in law Hannah watched me breast feed with each baby to re-teach me how to do it properly. Each baby WAS different and I felt like I had no clue what I was doing each time. Craziness but SO WORTH THE PAIN in the beginning.

Ali Mac 1 year ago

Agreed!! And the worst part: he couldn’t even actually help me! Grrrrrrr…..

Ali Mac 1 year ago

HAHA Katherine! I was trying to let him sleep for a little bit because we were both sleep-deprived at that point, and he had taken a few shifts. But I totally should have grabbed the nipple-pinchers 😉

Ali Mac 1 year ago

OUCH Rula!! I felt like that too, with the blood she was ingesting – yikes. The nurses reassured me that wasn’t an issue (for her, at least – HA!) but it didn’t make things any easier! Thank you :)

Ali Mac 1 year ago

Thank you for all of your info, Brigitte – I wish I wasn’t so out of sorts and actually thought of LLL! You described it perfectly, all of the factors that add up to make things more difficult.

Ali Mac 1 year ago

Cara, thank you! I wish I knew about you when I was going through this! Good to know. And you are right, definitely not always like this. We are still going strong now and she just turned one. SHortly after the “flaming balls” scenario I got better, she got better, and it has been (fairly) smooth sailing :)

Ali Mac 1 year ago

Christy – DAMN! You are my hero.

Ali Mac 1 year ago

You are not alone! How can that word not come to mind?! 😉

Ali Mac 1 year ago

Paul, you are so sweet – thanks for keeping a sense of humor with me on this! Sounds like your wife is a lucky lady!

Ali Mac 1 year ago

Nicole, major kudos to you for sticking with it after that! Man, there was so much I felt like I wish they had told me…then again, maybe it would have sent me running for the hills…who knows 😉

Ali Mac 1 year ago

Ha ha thank you Brianna!

Ali Mac 1 year ago

Brandy, I can relate! My daughter is one year now. And it’s as if she knew I wrote this because suddenly with her teeth coming in….yep. OUCH. I’m not as bad as I was when I wrote this (nowhere near, thankfully), but back to being sensitive again. I should have seen this coming. LOL.

Ali Mac 1 year ago

Awesome Teresa, I hope he enjoys it! Thanks for sharing :)

Ali Mac 1 year ago

I wish I knew to call the first! I was desperate and delirious…need to put that on my speed dial! And PS – I love that you have nursing experience and this made you crack up!

Ali Mac 1 year ago

Palmer – I can’t even imagine! OUCH! I’m cringing as I’m reading your comment! That sounds about right! :)

Lana 1 year ago

It’s not okay because the first 40 days suck and it’s painful and it’s a lot of work but it’s this first something that we need to do for them. All about supply and demand – once you introduce the bottle it’s a slippery slope – you body adjusts and you lose your supply. I applaud the dedication. Way to go, don’t give up, only gets better from there.

June Sheppard 1 year ago

So Hilarious but could happen!

Magda Weydt 1 year ago


January Bennett 1 year ago

I ended up formula feeding, which I do not feel guilty about. No one in my family has breast fed. No one could have helped me. I tried at the hospital, but the nurses were incompetent and either couldn’t or wouldn’t help me. He just wouldn’t latch. I gave birth on a Wednesday, was released on Saturday, and their ONLY lactation consultant was on vacation until the next Friday. At that point, I just gave up.

Kathren Elainadel Mahan Tyus 1 year ago

See, I’m the mean wife that will reach over and pinch his nipples out of frustration. I can’t sleep because the baby made my nipples bleed, you won’t sleep because I will make your nipples bleed.

Rula 1 year ago

Great article and by the way, I really really feel with you as I had the same problem – bleeding, cracking and basically so much pain that I was literally sobbing on some nights…not to mention that I started considering the fact that my baby was getting blood in her mouth half the time instead of milk! Needless to say I eventually figured out that she wasn’t latching on properly, but it took my N’s almost breaking off before I finally figured it out haha

Ashley Coffey 1 year ago

I guess I don’t get it because I didn’t breastfeed. But yeah, I can totally see a groggy and useless dad actually adding to the stress instead of helping with it.

Brigitte 1 year ago

Laughed so hard!!! Thank you for sharing. As a breastfeeding mom I know it’s not easy, even if it’s not your first child. When it’s the middle of the night, you’re sleep deprived, your babe is screaming and you have no idea what’s wrong, you’ve tried everything you can think of and then some, you really want to talk to a women. One who has actually breastfeed and can help you figure this out.

Please don’t forget about the La Leche League!!! They are wonderful. I have turned to the for help many times over the course of breastfeeding. They are available 24/7 as well. Here’s the link to help you find the La Leche League number in your area (International as well) or meetings to attend ( If you are unable to find a Group or Leader near you, 24-hour breastfeeding help is available toll-free in the US from the LLL Breastfeeding Helpline-US at 877-4-LALECHE (877-452-5324).

I hope this helps to know there’s more than one place to turn for help.

Sharon Monheim Yager 1 year ago


Cara 1 year ago

Breastfeeding can be absolutely blissful, but there are challenges. Next time if anyone needs help go to the Breastfeeding USA website. There are volunteers who are on call 24/7 – like me! We even make home visits for free. There are other great organizations like us too! Breastfeeding isn’t always like this particular story and when it is there are solutions.

Christy Crotser 1 year ago

I told my husband that it would feel, for men, like having severe road rash -blood, scraped off skin and all- on your junk, and then have someone attempting to give you a bj… He visibly cringed. Needless to say, nursing my first was horrible. I didn’t have support, but I made it two weeks before I truly couldn’t do it any more. I had fissures around my nipples, blisters, pus, blood, mastitis, and oversupply -plus a baby who was born small because of a cord problem, had a small mouth, and tongue and lip tie. It was hell.
Second was so much better. Until she got teeth (shredded my nipples around the base causing deep fissures) and we both got a thrush infection. That lasted 8 damn months.

Paul 1 year ago

All you women are amazing. No matter your situation you found a way to endure it. My wife and I have six children and she breast fed them all. I watched her go through this and felt so bad for her. Thanks for your sacrifices.

Dusti Beebe 1 year ago

Im glad I’m not the only one to call my brand new baby a piranha!

Nicole Mentch 1 year ago

Due to fever during/after birth, we both ended up on antibiotics. Little did I know that they can cause thrush. For the first month, bf felt like someone was running a razor blade around my nipple with each suckle. But I persevered and thanks to gentian violet, bf became a wonderful thing. Glad I stuck with it! But man, it was a trial!

Sally Jensen 1 year ago

Love it!

Brianna Madsen 1 year ago

Best post ever

Brandy P 1 year ago

Yes on the Lansinoh! I remember the scabs on my nipples the first couple weeks even with a proper latch. I actually have a scar on one from it. It was torture, but it was so worth it in the end. I breastfed 2 for 2 years each and wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Lisa Brown 1 year ago

I’m 20 years past the nursing days and this made me crack up. Hysterical. Oh, and LLL and it’s 800-LA-LECHE toll free number should have been the first call!

Caitlin Schall Eby 1 year ago

This is most excellent. A great laugh!!!

Teresa Ricciuti 1 year ago

Mine are small and my boy has a super small latch. Something we struggled with, but doing great now. His latch looks small like this too.

Teresa Ricciuti 1 year ago

Flaming balls!!! I sent this to my hubby to read! Hilarious 😀

Tanya Cox Durham 1 year ago

And that’s another reason why I didn’t breast feed. But I truly admire the moms who fought through the pain … many did it more than once.

Palmer Turlington 1 year ago

I feel your pain, while never having had to breast feed anything I on more than one occasion when I was a kid caught my winkie in my zipper while zipping my pants up. It feels much like the “balls on fire” part of this story, I was frozen in pain and knew the only way to stop the pain was to unzip my pants which would hurt just as bad going down as it did coming up. At that moment I sincerely wished I was a girl and not a boy.

Megan Bankard Sullivan 1 year ago

Not to give TMI, but some women’s areolas are larger than others and they can’t fit the whole thing in their mouth. I’m sure the baby is latched fine.

Megan Bankard Sullivan 1 year ago

HA HA! But seriously, this pretty much sums it up.

Jessica Beauchamp 1 year ago

Funny article! I like the mention of the piranha to the flaming balls. LOL. YouTube videos were really helpful when I had my struggles with my baby. I never found bf to be the worst pain ever honestly, but a plugged duct now that’s a different story. I had my husband with me helping right along and we honestly couldn’t have it done it without the help of YouTube videos.

Ali Mac 1 year ago

Hey Diana, where the heck were you when this was happening?! Ha! 😉 Some great info here. I had luck using Earth Mama Angel Baby’s nipple butter after rinsing my nips with baby soap and water and allowing to air dry. Two days of that ritual and we were smooth sailing. I just wish someone freaking TOLD me ahead of time! Great tip!

Ali Mac 1 year ago

Faith – ouch…can’t even imagine. You’re right, always funnier in hindsight – I was not laughing when this happened! I hope all is well with you and your little girl.

Ali Mac 1 year ago

Amen to that, Erin!

Faith Ranae Richie 1 year ago

too funny! my lactation consultant was a man! I was rather surprised, he said a lot of women question him about his profession…gee I wonder why???

Ali Mac 1 year ago

LMAO Jenn! :)

Ali Mac 1 year ago

I’m glad it got better for you!

Ali Mac 1 year ago

Yes! Some of the nurses told me she was latched correctly, and that I should feel no pain. Then I had one midwife at the hospital that admitted there was a period of time where our nipples needed to ‘toughen up’ until it didn’t hurt anymore. I WISH someone would have told me my poor nips would be headed to boot camp – at least I would have been better prepared on what to expect!

Ali Mac 1 year ago

I was wondering if people would think this was me! Ha! If I had any decent ones, I would have passed them over to share. Oh wait – I was too busy tending to my bloody nips. HA! 😉

Mary Schneider 1 year ago

My babies latched just fine, and both looked like that when they nursed.

Mary Schneider 1 year ago

lmao nicely played.

Marnie Chan Demeterio 1 year ago

Nursing sucks…hehe hehe…

Mary Ellen Guadagno 1 year ago

Please it’s not just men that lack sensitivity. My noobs didn’t produce & baby hysterical. Nurse at 2am says keep at it. WTF do you think I’m doing? It’ll get better. How do you know? Liar it never did!

Diana 1 year ago

Moms, please pass this on!

My single best discovery after three babies: Dr. Jack Newman’s APNO. It stands for All Purpose Nipple Ointment.

Follow this link and print!

It’s a special nipple cream that helps to heal and stop pain. I suffered for two months with my first, consulting everyone I could find, until a phone nurse told me about this compound.

You have to print the link and bring it to your doctor. She can use it to write a prescription , because it’s a compound. Only some pharmacies have all the stuff so you can ask which to go to.

This stuff is like gold. It’s completely safe for baby to lick, but within a day or two of applying it after you finish nursing, you will feel way less sore.

Nurses will tell you that if breastfeeding hurts, the baby isn’t latching right. While this is sometimes true, regardless of the latch, many people find the first month or so very painful, cuz you aren’t used to it!

You aren’t alone- don’t give up on nursing though until you try the APNO. Within a week of using it after every time you nurse, you will feel 99% better. This stuff changed my world and helped me to avoid that kind of pain with my second and third babies.

Good luck!

Jill Smokler, AKA Scary Mommy 1 year ago

If anyone wants to volunteer some breastfeeding shots so I don’t need to choose from crappy stock, have at it. :)

Barbara Ann Voelker 1 year ago

This was sooo funny. I actually laughed out loud.

Ruth Irvine 1 year ago

Jennifer Rice I couldn’t agree more :) I woke our stone deaf 16 year old border collie up with my laughing at the mental image, no mean feat!

Charles Conrad 1 year ago

There are some things that even the most supportive husbands can’t do.

Bea Harris 1 year ago

these are stock photos. on every post. this isn’t the blogger or her child.

Faith Simar Kimbler 1 year ago

It’s funny now, but when it’s happening not so much. I still have scars on the tips of my nipples from when my now 10 yr old struggled to breastfeed. (This is after successfully breastfeeding her brother for 21 months) Turns out she has articulation problems, learning disability, etc. Makes a lot more sense now.

Heather Gall Brown 1 year ago

h i l l a r i o u s !

Cynthia Cutrell Wright 1 year ago

This was so funny!!! Thanks for the laugh!

Ali Mac 1 year ago

Summer, I finally did get help but it was from someone who was not a lactation consultant – but I didn’t care, I was thankful for the help! It was a pediatric nurse. She told me to pour lukewarm water mixed with a few drops of mild baby soap over my nipples throughout the day and to let them air dry, followed up with a nipple butter. It WORKED!! Had to stay topless in the house for a few days but we got through it, smooth sailing after that. My daughter just turned a year old and we’re still going strong! :) Thank you for asking!!

Nichola Zaffino 1 year ago

I left all my details to help other ladies in the UK as I’ve had 7 children and breastfed the lot. When I had my first I had no clue apart from I wanted to feed him myself. He wasn’t settled and a woman who worked there (not a nurse) grabbed my boob and tried to shove it in his mouth, she was horrible. She even said if he didn’t feed they would have to do it intravenously just to scare me. As it turned out he just had wind and was grumpy but all the books said breastfed babies hardly have any, they do when they’re getting loads of air going in when a first time mum doesn’t really know what she’s doing.

Samantha Kerkstra 1 year ago

flaming balls hotline & piranha had burst into laughter…such a good analogy!

Beverly Brainerd Fuller 1 year ago

I had nine children,and I nurse all of them for 10mos.But my first Dr was very smart and he told me at 8mos to start putting Masse Cream on my nipples to toughen them up also to pull on nipple if they are inverted. And it works no sore nipples.

Vickie Bandalan 1 year ago


Kathie Johnson Walker 1 year ago

Young mothers would do well to realize that just because a woman is no longer lactating doesn’t mean they no longer know how to breastfeed. Call your mother, your aunt, your sister, your best friend. Breastfeeding isn’t a concept that’s new to the 21st century and you don’t need to feel alone. Many mothers have gone before you. It’s unfortunate that we no longer have our support circles.

Erin 1 year ago

Ha ha, this article is great and I don’t even have kids! It’s refreshing to see a site about motherhood that isn’t all blowing sunshine up people’s asses about have great it all is. 😛 I totally reserve the right to go the formula route if breast feeding isn’t working out well . . .

Summer 1 year ago

not sure what happened but I wasnt finished wth my prev comment?!^^
Anywho.. when I was trying to breastfeed them my nipples got sore and kind of like raw (i guess is how youd describe it?) but they never bled, and I actually didnt even know that was a possibility!?
Im glad you wrote this so other women who may be going through it know theyre not alone!
But to the author- Did you ever get a call back from someone and is everything ok now?

Summer 1 year ago

Oh my goodness! Bless your heart! (and your nipples!)
I tried breastfeeding both my kids and it just never happened

Alessandra Macaluso 1 year ago

I had to get a C-section, and while the recovery of that was no picnic, I felt like I was taking the Motrin more for my sore nips!

Alessandra Macaluso 1 year ago

HAHA the nurse at the hospital told me the same thing!!

Alessandra Macaluso 1 year ago

Rebekah Lynard Cox – sorry for the cliffhanger!! It was a combo of a bad latch and my daughter not staying latched (she would pull off and on repeatedly during a single feeding which would hurt it even more). A half a jar of nipple butter later, combined with being topless around my house for a few days, fixed the issue!! I didn’t have anything against formula either, I totally agree – it was just a personal preference.

Alessandra Macaluso 1 year ago

Totally!! I actually got the help I needed from someone who was NOT a lactation consultant. Thank god for the ‘virtual villagers’!

Alessandra Macaluso 1 year ago

In his defense, it was totally my call to try not to wake him – we were taking shifts, and the both of us were sleep-deprived! He was (and is) a great sport about the whole thing! :)

Zara Bächli 1 year ago

Can we have pictures of breast feeding where the baby is going to latch on? Where the mother is nursing in public and isn’t ‘secluded’? Can we see nipples that are not sexualized? Please?!

Darcy Perdu (So Then Stories) 1 year ago

Bwahaha! Flaming Balls Hotline! Such a funny analogy! Love it!

Danielle Bennett 1 year ago

I remember searching for a way to contact a person. Somehow, I got a live chat. Some of the best advice I ever got was to hand express, especially when engorged.

When I had my second, I had no problems… that I didn’t immediately take to the LCs at her NICU. Many awkward meetings, but I got all the info I needed.

Sara Petrick 1 year ago

Women need better postnatal support. Hotlines are not enough. Ladies: help those new mommies!

Dorothy Kelly 1 year ago

Mine second latched correctly for the 5 weeks I tolerated breast feeding, through two lactation consultant visits, nipple shields, and tears. Stopping breast feeding and starting formula was the best thing that ever happened for my relationship with my second child.

Lori Stover 1 year ago

I did not have bleeding nipples or much pain, but I am super sympathetic of those that do. I had a great support system in place and the absolute God send of a nurse to start with who spent hours making sure I knew how to get baby latched on well. Another nurse sat huffing in the corner telling us that we needed to just give up and give the baby a bottle before the baby starved. He wasn’t sucking and my nipples were flat. I’m so glad she was not the only one there or I might have caved. Edith just kept saying we have lots of options before we give up. She was precious and because of her I learned that almost every obstacle can be overcome.

Lori Stover 1 year ago

I thought the same thing. She wouldn’t have pain and bleeding nipples if baby was latched on. Let’s have good pictures for Breastfeeding to start with!

Cheri Goodman 1 year ago

Brings back memories for me. I breast fed all four of mine, and there were a couple of times I called the hotline and got voicemail. It was frustrating, but I did eventually get a call back and they helped. It comes with the territory.

Beth Bryant Kidwell 1 year ago

I wish that women would stop feeling guilted into breast feeding. Sometimes it just does not work out.

Megan Yancer Haertel 1 year ago

I had to sleep on the couch for the first year because my husband did not want to get woken up

Teri Arends 1 year ago

So funny! And yet true.

Shannon Potts 1 year ago

I used Medela soothing pads..and they saved me! :)

Julie Sull Han 1 year ago

This made me lol!

Polly Williamson 1 year ago

I’ll never forget my son telling my daughter-in-law with her first baby, “I don’t why you’re tired. You just sit in the recliner and nurse all day!” Bet he won’t forget either!!

Jen Aldrovandi 1 year ago

It’s never as easy as they make it seem. It’s sad when women just give up I think. Nothing worth doing is ever easy!

Heather Reid 1 year ago

This is funny. I love the flaming balls! I avoided having any problems by getting an appointment (free) with a lactation consultant when my first was 4 days old. I made the appointment the day I got home so I had to only wait 2 days to actually sit down with a pro and LEARN. It hurt sometimes but then I would go back over in my head what I learned knowing my technique was wrong. Didn’t take long to get the swing of things. I highly recommend getting help and learning from a pro (whether that be a BF mother of La Leche Legue).

Jen 1 year ago

Flaming balls & pirahnas! Oh that is soooo fantastic!!! I laughed so hard at that description!! & I totally understand the pain of nursing. My first baby was super painful to nurse. I wanted to smack my husband when he told me it “couldn’t hurt that bad”!

Jennifer Rice 1 year ago

If tears aren’t stream down your face when you get to ” Hello Flaming Ball hotline ” your not human.

Nicole Francisca 1 year ago

The only advice I was given, was that I just had to cope with the pain, because the breasts need to be emptied, to prevent you from getting a breast infection. Ow, and it couldn’t hurt to take an aspirine… Or two…..or a whole box 😛

Jessie Hudson 1 year ago

Yes, my second latched perfect the first time and that first week was still rough!

Jessie Hudson 1 year ago

I agree! My hubby was right there with me while I struggled! He helped hold the baby and my breast while we were figuring it all out!

Yvette Forsythe 1 year ago

Yep, just looked them up and Lansinoh is still making them. I absolutely loved them! I even went and got a second set to use. I would keep one set in the fridge and switch them out as needed. Such a life saver!

Jessie Hudson 1 year ago

Thank you! yes! I hated hearing oh it was so easy for me! And I too love to help any new moms even if itis just to listen and they vet about how tired they are! We have all been there!

Nina Peretto 1 year ago

Does anyone else find it sad that a “lactation hotline” is what women have as an option in support of breast feeding a child. It’s a reflection of our society that women don’t have more mothers ..sisters aunts friends whoever right there to support them and help them gain confidence, breast feeding is no walk in the park

Yvette Forsythe 1 year ago

I honestly don’t remember who made them. I found them a few years ago in Walgreens, but I believe a different company makes them now and call them something different. I think it may be Madela that makes them now.

Brittney Holland 1 year ago

By Lansinoh?

Josie Szoldra 1 year ago

Best Monday laugh I’ve had in awhile!

Jülie Rhiannön Burtøn 1 year ago

I cried the first time I gave my baby formula. I felt like I was giving him mcdonalds. And yeah screw the nursing in the bathroom so as not to wake dad. I did just that, now I look back and think he should have suffered right along with me.

Ps Jay Vitulski this reminded me of you.

Elizabeth Althoff Williams 1 year ago

I’ve always enjoyed reading Scary Mommy blog posts. And now, with the addition of a surprise third child, I enjoy them even more.

Yvette Forsythe 1 year ago

I never called the number I was given, but I was given great tips from the lactation consultant at the hospital after my son was born. The lanolin cream didn’t work for me, but I was given Soothies pads. Those things were amazing!!!! I recommend them to new mothers who are having a hard time with breastfeeding.

NaDeana Norris 1 year ago

Hilarious. But. There are plenty of men that are amazing at providing support for BF women in many capacities. Complete gender stereotyping. JACK NEWMAN. Enough said.

Olivia Aronson 1 year ago

There are plenty of females that wouldn’t be cut out for this job either!

Whitney 1 year ago

Awww…This is very funny! I loved the balls on fire!!! It also makes me oh so sad! Honestly, if ANYONE needed help with breastfeeding I would be more than willing to take a call at 1am from them! :) (Its not like I would be asleep anyway!) Can I sign up to help? That is also why I am happy to live in a facebook world! Those online support groups are SOOOO Helpful! TONS of people post as soon as you ask a question or beg for help!

Rebekah Lynard Cox 1 year ago

I want to know what the problem was, and why she was having so much pain. Damn cliffhangers! On another note, formula doesn’t kill babies. It’s sad that moms feel like they should deal with such tremendous difficulties or the baby will starve.

Hsiuwen Jao-Torres 1 year ago

Oh my gravy this is funny! It also brought back memories. What in the world would they have a man doing call screening? Any new mother who is exhausted and high on hormones would NEVER want to talk to a strange man for nursing issues

Jay Trudgen 1 year ago

I called the flaming balls hot line once, they didn’t have ball counselors available so they offered me a constipation counselor instead.

Lisa Lewis 1 year ago

She hit the nail on the head. Memories!!!

Jen Folkes 1 year ago

That is like the day I walked into Victoria secrets and the salesMAN asked if he could help me find anything.

Ashley Coffey 1 year ago

Yeah, I don’t get the not wanting to wake the dad up thing. Why should he get to sleep peacefully when you’re in misery?? It’s his child too.

Rhonda Thiessen 1 year ago

The moms who come on here that say they had no problems are no help, brutal honesty is what other moms need to hear. I had three babies, nursed them all and each one nursed differently. Sore bleeding nipples were constant at the beginning, lanolin was my magic cure, slathered that stuff on and it helped so much. The pain kept me humble, I’ll never forget it and I’ll be as helpful as I can to new moms. You guys are rock stars, never forget it

Jennifer Sinclair 1 year ago


Yvonne 1 year ago

A man answering that hotline, is like a mechanic that doesn’t own a car! Lansinoh Lanolin was my miracle ointment that I would suggest to anyone that was just starting breastfeeding. I would give it as a gift to new mother’s planning on breastfeeding.

Katherine Blanchette 1 year ago

I called the hotline I was given, bawling my eyes out – voicemail. They eventually called me back only to tell me maybe I should supplement until I could figure it out :( I was devastated. Then I turned to a page hosted by a local business and got the most amazing advice and support from other moms. We’re 10 weeks in and going strong! It really does take a village – even if the villagers are virtual.

Xanne B Del 1 year ago

Oh Lordy!!

Mandy Engelbrecht 1 year ago

oh my living, I know what she was going through & THANK GOD for a breast pump or I might have left home, sans baby… That is how he had breast milk for the first 5 or 6 months of his life!

Rebecca Greene 1 year ago

OMG so funny. Thanks. Had major pain issues at first with my second which luckily receded just as I was hallucinating visions of formula. No problems after the first 2 weeks.

Kristine Ramirez 1 year ago

Haha so much yes to this. My nipples were blistered and bleeding and the response I got from the lady at the hotline was the blood won’t hurt the baby! Wtf

Jackie Keltner 1 year ago

I would’ve started looking up other hotlines online. I had a similar problem but I hung up as soon as a man answered and offered a sample of formula for my feeding before they actually opened the doors to come in with problems

Daniela Donelson 1 year ago

Werid …I never had a problem GUESS I got lucky 😉 only time I felt sore as when I was engorged …

Jen Welte 1 year ago

Hilarious. My first call was to La Leche League. The leader’s house was literally on fire and she still took the time to talk to me. Gina Gerboth – I love ya!

Mary Schneider 1 year ago

Not always true… Mine had no trouble latching, but I got sore at the beginning too.

Daniela Donelson 1 year ago

that’s why it’s so important to get them to LATCH right….

patti 1 year ago

I almost just wet my self reading this! Hilarious and oooooh so true!

Jennifer Raith 1 year ago

I used to refer to my daughter as “razor gums,” because it hurt so bad in the beginning.

Dorothy Kelly 1 year ago

Why do all these pics of breast feeding have a baby with JUST the tip of the nip in his mouth? No wonder she’s in pain.

Stacey Remolde Fonash 1 year ago

It’s so annoying, they give you this number at the class and at the hospital and I remember getting a 24 hour call back time the one time I used it… I know there’s probably not many people staffing that number, and they are probably also volunteers; but is exactly what’s wrong with this country!

Jayme Cherubini Nelson 1 year ago

This is hysterical and true. Bless her for not wanting to wake her man up. When I found myself in that position at the exact time of night with our three-day old, I went ahead and cried right in front of him while he was trying to sleep so he could share my pained misery!

Stacy Hebein 1 year ago

Dying!!! I almost choked on my corn flakes! Sooo true!!

Jaye Fisher 1 year ago

OMG. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, so I’m doing both.

Mary Schneider 1 year ago

Perfect. LOL!
Sad tho, that she didn’t know it’s perfectly ok to “break the commitment” to breastfeeding in that situation and offer the baby a bottle until her nipples had a chance to heal. :( Sometimes nursing sucks but it shouldn’t be torture.

Jenny Martinez 1 year ago

This brought tears to my eyes because when I was going through this I had no one to call.

Jennifer McCormick Jeffries 1 year ago

Literally made me LOL!!