Why Men Can’t Have Babies

The most obvious reason I can’t give birth is that I don’t have a uterus, vagina, or any of the other parts required to do so. Fallopian tubes, maybe? But, if by some bizarre environmental mishap, I were to grow the proper equipment, I’m fairly certain I could do it—I could definitely push a baby out.

That might sound naive, and I know women take great pride in the strength it requires, but having been an emotional witness to the entire process twice now, it seems that labor is easy compared to pregnancy. And that’s what men could never do: be pregnant. Most of us are good at enduring pain for very short periods; it’s a sprint, and seeing the finish line makes it tolerable. But men simply aren’t wired for a protracted drama of nausea, fatigue, mysterious rashes and emotional instability. We’re good with big muscle groups, but long-term queasiness and sudden weeping? Nope, we’re out.

I know some women love being pregnant, “Oh it’s just the most amazing feeling!” but I’m pretty sure they’re in the minority, and quite possibly full of shit. Real women—those for whom pregnancy is a meandering ride through the Tuscan hills in the back of a poorly ventilated 1980’s station wagon—want the Gaia mothers to eat their tempeh wraps and pipe down.

As I’ve seen it, pregnancy is like having botulism for six months, followed by three months of being fat, wearing elastic, peeing a little in your pants and crying onto a pizza. I rather like pizza and could possibly even handle the tears, but it’s those first six months that only women seem capable of enduring. It’s the innate maternal qualities of patience, hope, and utter resolve that keep the human race from going extinct. The moment a woman becomes pregnant, all the space in her brain containing facts and memory is replaced with emotional strength. I think that’s called, “Mommy Brain”.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below


When my wife was pregnant, she was sick nonstop for five months. I was incredulous. “So wait, you’ve been nauseous and debilitatingly tired for 60 days straight and even after you throw-up you don’t feel better? ” “Yes”, she replied, in that don’t talk about it or I’m gonna ralph on your shoes kind of way.

In my drinking days, if I got the spins, I would simply make myself puke. It almost felt manly—almost. I had the stomach flu twice last year. One of those times, my wife had it too and while I lay in bed barely able to turn my head, it was she who took care of the kids.

Puke.

Unwrap a cheese stick.

Lie down.

Bring husband water.

Roll eyes because husband is such a wuss.

Puke.

Puncture juice box…

Repeat.

I’m not proud of it, but given my inability to finish (or even consciously start) a marathon of malaise, I have little doubt that after 48 hours of pregnancy, I would go to the emergency room convinced I had, not a fetus inside of me, but a steaming orb of Ebola. I might also just give up and jump off a mountain wearing only a faulty hang glider while yelling, “It’s…not…worth…it…”

Clearly, I’m marveled by female fortitude. But don’t get too confident, ladies. Just because I’m slack-jawed by your ability to endure the conditions necessary to cook a human inside your body, doesn’t mean I can’t crush any of you broads in a game of one-on-one basketball (maximum game length = 7 minutes.)

Related post: There Is No WE In Pregnancy

About the writer

Jason is a contributing writer to Parents Magazine, GQ, and Psychology Today. His book, This is Ridiculous. This is Amazing: Parenthood in 71 Lists  is available in bookstores everywhere. Look for two more books from him in 2015: “Must. Push. Buttons.” (Bloomsbury Kids), and a memoir,  entitled, “Rock, Meet Window: a Story of a Father and a Son” (Chronicle Books) He lives in Minneapolis with his wife and two sons and enjoys making them laugh more than anyone else.

From Around the Web

Close

janel 5 months ago

Loved this post I must b like a man though I hated being pregnant I loved the labor though if if could chose if would do labor all over again but never ever b pregnant it sucks

Patrick Reinhard 6 months ago

Yep! A very cute way to give well deserved tribute!! (MOM)

Scott McCallum 6 months ago

The stomach has less nerves than genitals do. It probably did hurt more for him.

Jennifer Cathcart 6 months ago

Praying all goes well for you and you are rocking your sweet baby very soon.

Jennifer Cathcart 6 months ago

Take an effing joke.

itzybellababy 6 months ago

I had a great pregnancy- didn’t puke (ok there was a small amount of bile when a cat had diarrhea one day, but that was a man puker too.) I felt tired but it was manageable. Even the last month was ok- until the 2 days before the baby came…hip pain. I chalk that up to a hockey injury aggravated by the almost 12 pound melon I had in me.And yea- I had that melon in a tub, no meds.

I really felt pretty good most of the time though.

http://www.myitzy.com

Shanon Mills 6 months ago

Good luck and good thoughts!

Stephanie Vergara 6 months ago

“As I’ve seen it, pregnancy is like having botulism for six months, followed by three months of being fat, wearing elastic, peeing a little in your pants and crying onto a pizza.”

Rebecca Campbell 6 months ago

I’m so glad you were able to finally experience it, congratulations :)

Rebecca Campbell 6 months ago

Wow, Natasha, wow. I had an easy pregnancy and birth. In fact, I believe that if everyone had one like mine, we’d all have 10 kids a piece. I’m not a celebrity and I’m not a crazy person who threw up all the time. I didn’t pee my pants and I didn’t feel huge. I didn’t like the “real” comment so much, but yours makes me much angrier. You are worse than a man because you are a women who (I assume)has been through it telling women how to feel or that their feelings are crazy. How dare you?

My big issue with the original post wasn’t so much the word “real”, but his insinuation that if we feel our pregnancies were easy, that we’re basically hippy women. My only real lifestyle change was cutting out drinking alcohol and caffeine. I worked a 12 hour shift 2 days before my daughter was born. Is being pregnancy easy? No. Is it comfortable? No, especially towards the end. Is it worth it? I think we’d all agree: absolutely!

Layla Oates 6 months ago

I was always just a bit pleased at my luck regarding pregnancy. Not offended. There were still, inevitably, sucky parts. Especially in the last 2 weeks of each massive & overdue baby. I like this article it’s basically just telling us he thinks we rock. What’s not to like?

Ashleigh Reisterer 6 months ago

Totally agree with you Shatamara D. Davis, I’m 6mo and am having a pretty easy pregnancy, but being pregnant is awful. I hate it! I wish the stork was real and could just drop my son off.

Ashleigh Reisterer 6 months ago

I’m having an easy pregnancy, knock on wood, but I still hate being pregnant.

Natasha Michelle Schmidt 6 months ago

Wow so many women with no sense of humor or any comprehension abilities whatsoever. I love how so many are offended and calling him names when literally he was giving women compliment after compliment for having the emotional strength and physical strength to go through pregnancy even when it’s super hard and no so easy. Pull the sticks out of your asses.

Natasha Michelle Schmidt 6 months ago

Wow take things a little more personal why don’t you. Fuck. Calm down, he said OR meaning it could be either just a minority feeling OR they are lying. Didn’t say you ARE. And by REAL he meant most every day women not celebrities or the crazies like yourself who actually enjoyed throwing up and peeing their pants and feeling huge. Jesus you are an incredible tense person.

Claire Vit Ar 6 months ago

For me the first 6 months is nothing like the last 3 months. And worst is the last month. Even worst is the last 2 weeks. That’s were I am right now, and let me tell u, I would give birth 9 times over then be pregnant again for 9 months!!!! Also, the joke in my family is that the next baby my husband is carrying.

Mary E. Logothetis 6 months ago

Are you kidding me now they can’t take a running. Nose ?

Shelley Robideau 6 months ago

Poor guy. I hear that ” maximum game length = 7 minutes ” is the national average.

Maggie Wilder 6 months ago

Lol!!

Allyson Levis Szablewski 6 months ago

This is fantastic!

Cindy VanLerberg 6 months ago

My grandmother (1903-1950) said “if men had to have the babies, each family would only have one child.”

Akasha Pearson 6 months ago

We got good men!!! Mine would too!!! Even if He wasn’t conscious enough to remember he would sit up and ask “what’s wrong?” In his sleep when I got up for the 100th time to pee two droplets lol!

Akasha Pearson 6 months ago

I give this dad props!!!! Because I know a lot of women (or girls?) who got cocky “well I gave birth to him/her!!!” When really my husband put up with a lot of shit I don’t remember when I was prego with the second! Loved being prego… Till like he said last 3 months…. Then I would growl at who ever had a small bite of my icecream

Rebecca 6 months ago

Lucky duck! I’m on my second pregnancy and while I was only struck down with morning sickness for 20 weeks each time, the second pregnancy was even worse than the first. This baby’s definitely out to one-up its brother!

Kathi Barfield-Brewer 6 months ago

Glad a man owned up to it. My husband is the biggest baby when he’s sick or slightly injured.

Kim Bridgmon Collins 6 months ago

Cute

Emily 6 months ago

Hahaha!! I agree. I’m over a cold my husband has now caught. He will he act like he’s dying for a week. It will be up to me to take care of the kids and EVERTYTHING. Oh, I’m nursing, working full time, and functioning on minimal sleep. Oh, they’re such wimps.

Becca Hieber 6 months ago

This was amazing! So nice to see the man’s side and know that they at least notice how much pregnancy can suck and admitting that they are wusses… Priceless. This was very entertaining to read.

Christina Romanski Cates 6 months ago

I don’t think men can handle the delivery either…my husband fled the room any chance he could because he could take the pain I was in! Lol

Sarah 6 months ago

I wish my hubby understood this! After our last baby my dear hubbs got a stomach virus. He asked for some sympathy and I started screaming at him. THIS IS HOW I FELT FOR 9 MONTHS!! DID YOU EVER ACT SYMPATHETIC TO ME??? F@&k YOU!! (Etc.) He is a wonderful guy and took it like a champ, even apologizing while clutching his barf bowl. I was hoping he would try harder for our next baby but he still doesn’t get it. It’s like trying to explain color to a dog. I have decided to let it go and then when I can’t, to yell at him until I feel better. Great read!!!

Elise 6 months ago

Yeah, same here. No morning sickness, not even one day of nausea. I had an amazing pregnancy, no pains, lots of energy, etc. The labour on the other hand… Must have been Karma 😉

Shantelle Houston Bagnall 6 months ago

I envy those who had “easy” pregnancies. I might have had another one if I had that

Crystal Allmon

Jenifer Pryor 6 months ago

My husband always says i don’t envy you at all. I’m 28+4 with our first after a long string of losses.

Melisa Hennessy 6 months ago

LOVE THIS!!!!!!

Rachel 6 months ago

From someone who’s done it twice, each pregnancy can be different. My first one, morning sickness from hell… 2nd one? Not even one bout of nausea. I was so thankful…

Rachel 6 months ago

I’ve done both, the fairly easy pregnancy and the one with horrible morning sickness and pain. Even the easy one I was SO ready to be done by the time I hit the 8th month. I just wanted him/her OUT. And out NOW! Upon reflection though, I did enjoy most of it because it gave me my 2 beautiful children. However, covering the front seat of the car in amnionic fluid while screaming at the hubs and simultaneously squeezing his hand to death with each contraction in the middle of morning rush hour traffic…yea, not so much.

Stephanie Lewis 6 months ago

I loved being pregnant. The birthing part? Not at all.

Shandra Swartswalter 6 months ago

My Husband came upon this epiphany recently. He turns around a states. I thought labor was bad but now I realize it’s the easy part! Pregnancy is the hard part. I stated why yes that is very true for me.

Shaunta Keck 6 months ago

My husband was awesome during my pregnancies. If I got sick, he held my hair and rubbed my back. If I was bitchy, he would hand me the keys and tell me to go have “me” time. On the weekends I would literally lay in bed or the couch all weekend because I was exhausted. He took care of the kids and the house. I think he was so good because he could see what I was going through. I don’t think he could handle being pregnant, but I don’t think I would have handled it very well if it wasn’t for him being such a great partner.

Bridget 6 months ago

Just wondering, have you spoken to your mother about her pregnancy? Your grandmothers? I’d hate to think there’s a chance you’re muddying up your wife’s superior genetic pedigree.

Mollie 6 months ago

Wow! I’m impressed. Clearly you are either a robot, or you had a really easy 1st trimester. :) I always say that I could give birth again wayyyyyy more easily than I could cope with 3 months of puking my brains out. 1st tri was 1000x worse than 3rd tri for me, and I had complications and was on bed rest at the very end, so it says a lot!

julia 6 months ago

Two nights ago I had the worst migraine I’ve ever had…sensitivity to light, sound & movement, the whole 9 yards. I’m also 37 weeks pregnant, so of course while dealing with the worst migraine the baby started dancing around (not helping the situation at all). The movement of the baby made me nauseous. This lasted for 7 excruciating hours. This morning my husband tells me he thinks he “caught my migraine.” Seriously? Then he pops a couple of Tylenol, calls in to work & spends most of this morning playing video games…ugh lol

Nicole Alexis Blackman 6 months ago

This is just too awesome. And thank you! Love it!!!

Melissa Hoopman Denson 6 months ago

Not buying the we could do childbirth part. I had two c-sections and got out of bed and resumed my usual duties four short days after they cut my entire abdomen open including muscles and uterus to pull a baby out while my husband laid in bed and pretended he was as exhausted as me. Last May, he had a vasectomy go wrong and got a staff infection. Yep, down there. He ended up having surgery and having a wound vac. Total of two months to get back to normal. Let me tell ya, what a wuss! I was sympathetic for awhile like when he writhed in pain one night and was screaming but after a week or so of him lying in bed after surgery claiming he couldn’t do anything, my sympathy dissipated. Hello! They cut me open from one side to the next. 20 staples, not stitches, staples and I was out of bed in 4 days without any sympathy from him. No sir, I don’t believe ANY man could handle childbirth of any kind. Screw you!

Jessika Garcia 6 months ago

Well lucky me i had the best pregnancy. Got sick like once or twice. Slept like a baby the entire pregnancy. Only felt uncomfortable while i drove. Was not an emotional wreck, honestly i was the happiest pregnant girl you could meet. Didnt have any crazy cravings or mood swings. I napped alot but i obviously didnt mind it. So no, its not a lie or a myth. It does happen and women can actually enjoy pregnancy. Heres hoping my next one is the same though.

Kimberli Sullivan 6 months ago

“Oh it’s just the most amazing feeling!” but I’m pretty sure they’re in the minority, and quite possibly full of shit.”

Yes they are and yes… They are.

Nattie 6 months ago

As a Mom of 3, who threw up for 38 weeks, I appreciate the marathon. I would give birth many times over, with one teeny, tiny stipulation – someone else has to do the 40 weeks :-)

Dina Susanne 6 months ago

One thing that is fucking hillarious when pregnant… Is the last trimester.
No freaking energy, you feel like a barrel on stick feets, all you want to do is eat, sleep repeat. And all of a sudden, the nesting syndrome shows up! So there you are, tierd and feeling lousy while cleaning stuff that realy dont need cleaning..
Seriously, i washed all our windows last week, and they didnt even need a wash before the baby gets here.. Wtf..

Janet Coulombe Abbott 6 months ago

I waited soooo long to have a child…I was 36 when I had my first and only…that I did relish every single second of being pregnant. And having always had weight issues, how happy was I to be unabashed about showing off my belly!! And how grown up it made me being a parent! And how unselfish I became! I loved every second of it! Raising a now five year old boy on a farm and he finds cow poop fascinating…yeah this is the tough part! lol That being said, I thought this article was hilarious and spot on for the most part!

Kerry McAleese 6 months ago

Lol, yup pretty much. Men

Alison Echevarria 6 months ago

I just wish they could understand the sheer exhaustion. I had a great pregnancy, wasn’t sick, or anything like that, just effing exhausted all the time. Exhausted from not doing anything at all, which made him wonder why I was so tired after doing “nothing”… Very frustrating.

Ally Morgan 6 months ago

Eye lash extensions???? Love

Bridget 6 months ago

Gee. Thanks. Glad to know having unpleasant pregnancies makes me a cull.

Bridget 6 months ago

Awwwww! Thank you! :)

Rebecca Harris Emmitte 6 months ago

Every time I moaned,grunted, or huffed my hubby would ask “what’s wrong? “I’m pregnant!” Haha

Ashley Rocheleau 6 months ago

Hahaa that’s good!

Regina Corley 6 months ago

HAHAHA This is fantastic. Puke…unwrap cheese…

Cinnamon Sallee Little 6 months ago

OMG, could you imagine!? Haha!

Melissa Trahan 6 months ago

“Real women?” Yeah, how about “Fuck you.” My pregnancy was miraculously easy. I’m not full of shit, I’m not a liar. Just because it’s a minority experience doesn’t make it any less real, valid, or legitimate.

Cortney Villanueva 6 months ago

Lol

Laura 8 months ago

My poor hubby told me several times through out my pregnancy that if he’d been the one carrying, we’d never have kids!

isis 11 months ago

I love it it’s so true

WNJ 1 year ago

Well, this article is overly broad, makes generalizations that it shouldn’t, is sexist… What else? Simply wrong.

My wife loved being pregnant. She had almost nothing bad during pregnancy and what minor things she did have she has the calmness to deal with easily. For her, carrying the growing fetus inside her was easy. Pushing out the baby at the end was also very easy. Literally 1.5 minutes of labor on the last. A bit longer on the previous ones.

The fact is, some women are built for babies. They have all the right physical and mental facilities. It really is not a hardship for them. They also form strong bonds with a partner who supports them. They’re the ones who used to survive back before modern medicine, back when child birth killed a large percentage of women. We have been working our way through an evolutionary bottleneck as we develop new genetics to better handle pregnancy upright and birthing of large headed babies. As a result there are a lot of women who are failures at it, the culls.

Tori Gascoigne 2 years ago

Hahahaaaa! I laughed out loud reading this. Men are such wusses, even with a simple cold they are dying while we have the same cold and still run the house and wait on their asses!

Kylie Gagen 2 years ago

I enjoyed reading this but whilst I'm sure there was no ill intent, referring to women who dont enjoy pregnancy as "real women" is a little off putting. Based on your article I'm full of shit and not a real woman due to the fact that I'm a woman who loved being pregnant.

Teri 2 years ago

Oh thank your lucky stars. I threw up 10-12 times a day for 23 weeks. I was for sure I had some mysterious alien disease. Also got to know my local ER nurses pretty well having been so many times for being dehydrated. And that’s why I only have 1 kid. Because pregnancy was the Bataan death march for me.

Lisa 2 years ago

I loved your article. Really funny and I agree; men couldn’t handle it. I was only pregnant for 8 weeks before I miscarried, and the last 3 of those weeks were intolerable with many trips to the ER. My skin errupted into what could only be described as the elephant woman and my emotions were all over the place. My husband was great through it all though and took great care of me… I was lucky in that respect. The whole experience was traumatic enough for me to never get pregnant again, despite wanting a family. Instead we got a dog and I am quite happy mothering my Chihuahua “Buttercup”; all 7 lbs of her. She’s just the right size for snuggling and I didn’t have to deliver her!

Kim 2 years ago

Thank you thank you thank you for this. I am currently pregnant with my third child. And I am in the midst of my worst morning sickness yet. And holy heck is it hard. Holy FUCK is it hard. It is relentless and wearisome and not knowing WHEN it will end is completely depressing. So thank you. This made me cry. I am not a wimp. And this is my last baby, dammit.

Carola 2 years ago

I’m pregnant right now, and I hate it. Tomorrow I’m going to the doctor, I want this baby out of me by tomorrow.

heather 3 years ago

dear jason, i love you. 38 weeks and fucking annoyed as shit with vampire baby sucking the life and energy out of me. this nice little post was funny, well-written, and made me very happy. for four minutes. now i’ll go back to wanting to stab baby with grapefruit spoon.

Jenny 3 years ago

For the briefest moment, I thought, “What’s this? Some part of pregnancy is like being in Tuscany??? WHA???” But then I read the sentence again and read it right and laughed because it was bang-on.

Rita 3 years ago

OH my…I have to say I loved being pregnant so I can not relate to your wife….But I do know someone who threw up the whole 9 months and THAT can not be any fun….so I guess it depends on the pregnancy experience…

IN any case I still don´t think even in the best circumstances men could do it ; )

Claudia 3 years ago

I had 2 pragnancies and I do not like to be pregnant or to deliver a baby. But I love having my boys in my arms and feeding them, changing, being a mom. But the nausea, leg cramps, vomit, haviness, mood changing, PPD, contractions, deliver, other moms teling you what to do, nursing crazy women juding you for not producing enough milk… No, I do not like that. But I love my children.

Shannon 3 years ago

Basically, if you got hangovers when you drank, it’s like the worst hangover of your life, but every day for 9 months and you can’t get rid of it by drinking more.

Valentine Friends 3 years ago

I guess I have selected a mind blowing and interesting blog.

Raphaelle 3 years ago

Exactly!!!

Jessie 3 years ago

Yeah I vomited 7 times a day for the first 5 months with my first and then at least once a day up until 5 minutes before he was born. with my second it was the same for the first 5-6 months (7 times a day) and then whenever i got the notion for the last few months. not to mention everything hurts. i hate pregnancy, and you are right birth aint that hard. did it, no pain meds, and it was way easier than pregnancy! also all the women out there that love it, stop rubbing our noses in the dirt, we hate you more for it!

Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes 3 years ago

Recently a dutch television program put a man through the exact same pain as a woman has to endure while in labor. Best.TV.Ever!

Jennifer 3 years ago

This! Exactly! That irrational broad is such a bitch.

tokat emlak arsa isyeri ve satilik kiralik daire 3 years ago

I feel that is one of the such a lot important info for me. And i’m happy studying your article. But should commentary on some common issues, The web site style is ideal, the articles is truly nice : D. Excellent job, cheers

Danielle 3 years ago

I didn’t hate pregnancy but I didn’t love it either. I didn’t have morning sickness so that’s probably why. But I am a pretty bad sick person (I whine and lay on the couch all day) and hate multitasking (feels like I’m running myself ragged), and I’m a bitch when sleep deprived. So my husband knows that if he wants me to stay sane and keep the family together he needs to help as much as possible. And that’s as it should be because this is a partnership that I signed up for. And I don’t need to prove that I’m super woman/mom to anyone!

Tanya 3 years ago

I hated being pregnant! Maybe because my morning sickness lasted all nine months.. uhg.

Dad@Home 3 years ago

All that to say, moms, push your husbands more. Don’t let them wimp out.

Dad@Home 3 years ago

Women rock. Moms rock Speaking as a work-at-home/stay-at-home dad, I can tell you that I’m starting my seventh year of a dizzying blur. Love my kids (6 and 4) but it’s been far harder than anything pregnancy alone could be. I’ve seen and done everything that moms have, post preggers, and felt the dread and exhaustion of trying to remain a professional during my off-kid-duty hours (8P-2A) working like a dog at night, sleeping 4 hours a night merely so I can keep circling the drain and not go down it…

I wish I could tell my own Mom (with these eyes and experiences) just how much everything she did means to me. RIP. Also, I know how much respect I have for my own wife, who also struggled mightily to remain in her professional capacities while on maternity leave.

Never mind the special needs both kids of mine have — one with extreme allergies, the other intensely gifted. It has made the roller coaster ride all the more intense.

Most guys I know look at me like I’m crazy for doing what I do and have done — I wouldn’t trade it for ANYTHING — but honestly, all these macho twerps *couldn’t have handled it!* I’m surprised at the intestinal fortitude I have had during it all. Any post-full-time kids-in-school, full-time-gig will pale in comparison to this. Moms know multitasking stress and insanity under duress. Dads either need to put down the remote and come HELP, 51%, or STFU.

jeannine 3 years ago

Fantastic. Spot on. Hated being preggo and said I would do labor and delivery a hundred times if it weren’t for the whole pregnancy thing. Love the 1980’s station wagon part, that had me in tears.

Shanan 3 years ago

I guess at the end of the day we all have our strengths and weaknesses but WOMEN ROCK!

Mercy 3 years ago

I never enjoyed the pregnancy part – nausea, being fat, chasing a toddler or two, eating all the time. And while my husband will often work through a sickness, when he finally does crash, I’m stuck.
And how many men could deal with recovering from a C-section while caring for a newborn who won’t sleep, a toddler who cries half the night to get out of her crib, and a 3 year old mess-maker? That was my life when my youngest was born and I’m so happy it is over.

Mercy 3 years ago

So true about how our brains work.

Mary 3 years ago

I loved his description of him and his wife with the stomach flu! Exactly right!
By the way I am one of those rare women who loved being pregnant. I was never sick, although I could have done without the constipation. My two problems with it were the constant fear for at least the first twenty weeks (especially during my third pregnancy since i miscarried at 16 weeks with our second) and the month long period after giving birth. Especially since I wasn’t allowed to use tampons.

Stefanie 3 years ago

Most men would spend the last month hooked up in an ICU getting sponge bathed and tube fed with the air conditioning on full time. God knows the population would be a fraction of what it is.

Melissa 3 years ago

You lucky, lucky girl!

Melissa 3 years ago

I enjoyed this post :)

My husband fainted the 2 times he tried to give blood and had a panic attack when he saw the x-ray of his broken hand. I am 100% sure my husband could neither be pregnant OR give birth.

I pretty much hated being pregnant and b/c of that, one kid is all I’m willing to have. But I do take comfort in knowing that the ability to have children went to the sex most capable of handling it :)

Marilyn 3 years ago

Best description I have ever read regarding the woman’s brain. Well, at least it makes sense to me! :-)

Kristen Mae 3 years ago

Funniest thing I’ve read in a while. It was a laugh I needed, especially after my little tongue-in-cheek piece about men and their ‘selfishness’ (it’s not what you’d think, I swear) and a few people thought I was leaving my feminist brethren in the lurch. 😉

Will be following you at Jasongood. =)

Kara 3 years ago

I think you’re right about all those things. I have an inability to stand consistent pain, and my husband has the inability to stand pain that comes and goes. Also, he’s the worst sick person. Plus, most men can’t stand to see women crying. They’re always like, “Oh, they’re doing it again?! Now any chance of … is out!”
For women, it’s interesting being so hormonal. Your brain splits in two at times and one goes, “BUT I HATE THAT YOU PUT SOCKS THERE. I CAN’T STAND IT! YOU MAKE ME SO MAD!” while the other sits, watches, and wonders why such a tiny thing is so infuriating. Really, it’s like the rational and irrational brain have a war in women…

Sarah at Julia’s Child 3 years ago

Awesome post! It’s awesome enough that I now feel kind of ashamed to have been one of those women who never threw up.

Steph 3 years ago

“Steaming orb of Ebola” best line!!

Mama Melch 3 years ago

Spot on! My husband also marveled at my ability to barf and nap during pregnancy, and he is such a sick wussy. Oh well, at least he changes dirty diapers like a champ.

Kim 3 years ago

Best reasoning for Mommy Brain ever.

Woolies 3 years ago

I usually just want to murder my husband when he is sick. If he has the sniffles, he walks around the house all hunched over, moaning, with tissue stuck up his nose. Then he goes to bed for 6 hours. At 11AM. On Christmas. Yes, I might just kill him the next time. Fair Warning.

Julia 3 years ago

I love this and I think he’s right it’s not the labor it’s the pregnancy that men could never endure!!

My Half Assed Life 3 years ago

This is a hilarious tribute to the strength of women! Personally I loved being pregnant, every single minute of it, right up to the last 4 weeks. The last 4 weeks is when you get very afraid that if someone were to poke you in the belly you’d fly away like an overinflated balloon.

anna see 3 years ago

Oh yes, Jason, you called this one right!