This Lactose Intolerant Man’s Starbucks Rant Is Going Insanely Viral

by Christina Marfice
Originally Published: 
Image via Ben Pruchnie/Getty Images

A lactose intolerant man put Starbucks on blast… while sitting on the toilet

All of us who are lactose intolerant know the struggle of taking our milk aversions to a coffee shop. One man lived our worst nightmare, and posted about it in a Facebook rant that’s gone viral, thanks to all the lactose intolerant folks who can seriously relate.

New Yorker Demit Strato claims he stopped at Starbucks on his way to work to get his usual order: a Venti iced coffee with soy. Only, he says, the barista didn’t make his drink with soy milk. Instead, he got a coffee with regular milk, and described the chaos that ensued in a pooh-poohing post to Starbucks’ Facebook page.

“This is the second time I ordered a Venti Iced Coffee with Soy Milk this month where the Soy Milk request was ignored and regular milk was instead used,” Strato writes. “I’ve pooped 11 times since the A.M. My bottom hurts from all the wiping. Do you think I enjoy soy milk? Does anyone enjoy soy milk? Really? I don’t order soy milk because I’m bored and want my drink order to sound fancy. I order soy milk so that my bottom doesn’t blast fire for 4 hours. I’m not a Charmander. Thank you for listening to my rant.”

And the kicker? At the end of his post, he adds, “P.S. I’m writing this from the comfort OF MY TOILET.”

Not everyone who’s lactose intolerant has a reaction to milk as extreme as Strato’s, but a venti iced coffee would contain enough milk to cause some pretty serious discomfort for any of the 12 percent or so of Americans who can’t digest lactose. A lot of them commented on Strato’s post to commiserate with his ordeal.

“This actually isn’t all that funny,” one writes. “As someone who also has a severe lactose allergy (not an intolerance, but an allergy) this is not a good thing.”

Another chimes in, “As humorous as this is written, the point is people should get what they ordered no matter what the barista thinks the reason is. I have food allergies, as does my infant daughter that I still breastfeed and have to be careful about what I order. If it gets screwed up it could mean hours of agony for one or both of us or worse. It’s not funny, it could be serious as far as the consequences go. Just give people what they order even if you think they’re being obnoxious.”

Strato tells the Huffington Post that Starbucks reached out to him and promised to “have a training about dietary needs and lactose intolerance.” Still, he’s not sure that will help.

“If you read the comments [in the Facebook post], baristas said they don’t really take it serious[ly],” Strato says. “And many people complained that their baristas also very often give them regular milk.”

Here’s hoping Strato’s post convinces those baristas to start taking soy requests seriously, because spending all day on the toilet is definitely not as hilarious as it sounds.

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