Aimee Song Opens Up About Mom Guilt For Video Series 'Matrescence'

Anthropologists have a word for the often-radical shift into motherhood: “matrescence.” This chapter of intense change is one — as many new moms can attest — of physical and emotional transformation, and can also be, quite truthfully, very hard.

In a new interview series, made in partnership with Perelel, fashion influencer and new mom Aimee Song — who welcomed son Teo Felix with partner Jacopo Moschin in February — sits down with reproductive psychiatrist and Perelel founding advisor Sarah Oreck to pull back the curtain on the realities of the postpartum experience.

Each video explores the nuances of the fourth trimester that moms, moms-to-be, and women hoping to be on the path to motherhood can relate to. Song and Oreck honestly discuss societal pressures on women and comparison culture, hormonal and body changes, self-identity after motherhood, and how to care for your mental health as a new mom.

Below, Scary Mommy chats with Song about topics in Episode 3 of Matrescence, titled “Mom Guilt.”

Scary Mommy: Mom guilt is real. You want to have time to yourself or just go out for a coffee, but when you leave your child you automatically feel crippled by guilt and FOMO, if you will. Did you experience this yet?

Aimee Song: Everybody goes through mom guilt. If you work, stay home, have a nanny, are single parents, whatever the circumstance, there is still a universal phenomenon we all feel of mom guilt, or not being enough.

Something I spoke with Dr. Oreck about is that this stems from holding ourselves up to an ideal of what motherhood or parenthood is. The solution is really about being softer on ourselves and showing ourselves more kindness. You just have to be a good enough parent to help your child become a good person. Even though I have help now, because I work from home, I feel like I need to tend to him and be as present as possible which makes it hard to work at times, so I feel both the mom guilt, and the guilt of not working hard enough.

SM: Daycare, nanny, stay-at-home mom — what is your childcare situation? Nevertheless it’s hard, expensive and overwhelming. (Guilt comes back into play here, too.)

AS: During the first two months, my boyfriend and I did everything alone. We did have someone who helped us with meals but when it came to Teo, it was just us. At month three, we hired a baby nurse but lost her to a celebrity after three weeks so it became just us again which was very hard. Now we have a day time nanny five days a week, but whether you have help or are doing it solo, it can get overwhelming no matter the circumstance.

We also put so much pressure on ourselves. In my own experience in balancing this all with “mom guilt,” I am still reminding myself that I need to ask for help when I need it.

SM: It is so important to carve out time for yourself and your partner. And having a support system allows you that space. What’s your support system like and how have they helped you?

AS: Right now, my boyfriend’s mom is staying with us from Italy as both of us had to leave for Paris for work. It’s honestly life changing to have Teo’s grandma. Jacopo and I have been able to do date nights even if our date night conversation is all about Teo. I also have an incredible sister who comes almost on a daily basis to help out around the house.

Watch another episode of Matrescence next week on Scary Mommy.

Quotes have been lightly edited and condensed for clarity.