Is A Getaway With Your Partner The Answer To Your Relationship Rut?
It could be the romantic reboot you need — or the final straw.
Maybe a little weekend at the beach, with a nice dinner and drinks Saturday night? Or what if we got a cabin in the mountains for a few days, just to unplug and really reset? If you’ve ever wondered about booking a trip to rekindle the spark in your relationship, well, you’re not alone.
But traveling isn’t always seamless, and in fact, it’s kind of a breeding ground for conflict. So, we asked couples therapists whether taking a trip when your marriage is struggling is a good idea, or if it might be a disaster waiting to happen. (If it’s a fight you want, it’d be cheaper to stay home and just, I dunno, build a piece of IKEA furniture together real quick.)
What Travel Can Do for a Relationship
To decide if buying the tickets and booking the room is really the best idea, you have to consider what’s ailing your marriage right now. Let’s say you’re just feeling like roommates lately and missing that romantic connection.
“There are so many things that pull our attention in our daily life — work, kids, home responsibilities, chores, friends, hobbies, TV, social media — that it's easy for our relationships to take a back seat. Getting away from all the other responsibilities can give our relationships an opportunity to be a priority again. Time away often helps remind us what we like about each other, or even that we do actually like spending time together. The novelty of new experiences in a new place can increase bonding and also add a little romantic spark back into our relationships,” says Rebecca Williams, LMFT, a couples therapist at Inland Empire Couples Counseling.
Just keep in mind that one trip is not a magic solution to bring you two back together. You’re going to have to be intentional about it. “Know that there will still be work on and away from the trip for both participants. Make sure the trip includes activities you both enjoy and opportunities for connection. If the meh stems from deeper issues, though, travel alone won’t solve them,” says Ross Kellogg, LMFT.
When Travel Might Make Things Worse
On the other hand, if you’re using a vacation to avoid addressing a problem in your relationship, it’s not the right move, Williams says. The same goes for traveling if financial strain is affecting your relationship, if one partner doesn’t want to travel, or if there are unaddressed trust or infidelity issues. This is because the potential stress from planning and spending money can amplify those issues, Kellogg says, while also reducing your ability to have alone time or take space when you need it.
What if you’ve been arguing more than usual lately, but you’re not totally sure what the reason is? You’ll need to use your discernment here and really think about it.
“If the bickering is minor and situational, a change of scenery could help reset the dynamic. But if it’s constant or rooted in unresolved conflict, travel might add stress and make things worse,” Kellogg says.
“If you've been bickering a lot, time away together might be just what you need to infuse some positivity back into the relationship. The good feelings from your trip will carry over when you get back home, and you might actually fight less after,” says Williams. “But if you and your partner are overrun with negativity to the point that you can't or don't enjoy time together, a simple vacation won't solve that. You'd be better off getting into couples therapy or using your time away for a couples therapy retreat to work on your relationship.”
TL;DR: Be Honest About Your Why
In short, just be real with yourself. Are you booking this trip to bring a little novelty back to your marriage and have a new experience together? Or, are you trying to use it as a Band-Aid for a bigger issue?
